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Poem I wrote new yrs eve about benzo withdrawal.


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Right now, you feel like your emotions are a rollercoaster

but in accuallity its your mind trying to get better

as in time, it will

gotta be proud to have made it one whole yr without a pill

the road is tough, and still a lot of time to recover

from the pills the fucking doctor put you on

when you were only 16

you may get mad, or sad,

and not know why

and they had you believen you will

be on them the rest for the rest of your life

but you really don't

as all its really doing

is making you a lot worst in the end

nearly every morning you wake up

gaging over the toilet

as you feel sicker than a dog

it may discorage you,

but in time that too will get better

just keep your head up

and never look down

you've made it past

the worst part

in your road to recovery

from those fucking pills

 

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Thanks :)

 

I tryed to think of hows its been soo far with being off and what I felt like, because of what those doctors did.

 

I thought when I first started them, that it would make my life easier, as I wasn't worried about everything, but in the end it made me worse. and now I feel like I'm climbing back up the ladder, of the dark hole (the pills), that the doctors (who are supposta make u better) put u in.

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Thanks :)

 

I tryed to think of hows its been soo far with being off and what I felt like, because of what those doctors did.

 

I thought when I first started them, that it would make my life easier, as I wasn't worried about everything, but in the end it made me worse. and now I feel like I'm climbing back up the ladder, of the dark hole (the pills), that the doctors (who are supposta make u better) put u in.

 

that's the seductive nature of benzos. Like any drug, or alcohol, it makes you feel so good. Gives you a wonderful sense of wellbeing, that everythings gonna be ok. Only problem, it doesn't last. Then it turns on you, and starts CAUSING the exact problems that you took it for in the first place. I'm sorry you had to go thru that at such a young age. But it also helped you learn a valuable lesson that you can take with you thru the rest of your life. You can't find peace in a pill bottle. (Or any other addictive substance!)

You'll find it within yourself. Make that your goal in life. :)

Linda 

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Thanks :)

 

I tryed to think of hows its been soo far with being off and what I felt like, because of what those doctors did.

 

I thought when I first started them, that it would make my life easier, as I wasn't worried about everything, but in the end it made me worse. and now I feel like I'm climbing back up the ladder, of the dark hole (the pills), that the doctors (who are supposta make u better) put u in.

 

that's the seductive nature of benzos. Like any drug, or alcohol, it makes you feel so good. Gives you a wonderful sense of wellbeing, that everythings gonna be ok. Only problem, it doesn't last. Then it turns on you, and starts CAUSING the exact problems that you took it for in the first place. I'm sorry you had to go thru that at such a young age. But it also helped you learn a valuable lesson that you can take with you thru the rest of your life. You can't find peace in a pill bottle. (Or any other addictive substance!)

You'll find it within yourself. Make that your goal in life. :)

Linda 

 

Yup all of that is true!!! And yes I did learn a valuable lesson with this. After a yr of being on them, I had soo much trouble holding down a job, as my body movements started to slow WAY down, because of those pills, and my mind, it was like I would get myself confused on the best way to problem solve, with even simple tasks like making 20 salads, within 2 hrs. was like impossible. Everyone kept telling me I'm SOOO lazy and don't wanna work, but it wasn't that, I wanted to work, and do well, but the pills wouldn't let me, they fogged my mind up too much, and slowed my body movements way down.  I'm starting to do better with not moving so slow, or with using my mind on tasks.

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well that is a start - i want to work to - but i am just so very imperfect.

 

I find myself, when I feel like I'm not perfect at something I give up. I have to learn to not do that, and accept that mistakes happen, and thats just part of learning new things.

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i'm in counseling for that - it is a communication thing - both internal and external.

 

I'm trying to work on it without counseling, by trying to remind myself, and that no one is perfect.

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