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Success! And things that helped me along the way


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Whew. I feel like I'm finally out of the woods long enough to write a success story (or at least a finally feeling much better story). I'll try to make it useful though, by sharing the things that helped me the most.

 

___

 

First a quick, boring rundown of my benzo history: About 10 years ago, doctor perscribed me 0.25mg xanax to help with minor panic attacks. You know the rest from there - insane difficulty getting off, switching to valium, which was somewhat easier to get off, maybe? But it still sucks.

 

I got off first about five years ago, but hit an extremely rough patch and made the mistake of going back on for five more years. I finally got off, for good, this January. I am estatic to be free.

 

I was never on a large amount (5mg valium max), but I was on it for a very long time, and was kindled, so "hell" doesn't begin to describe my taper. Even with a jewler's scale and a microtaper, it still took four very painful months to get off, and about four more to feel 80% recovered (where I am now).

 

Here are the things that have helped me the most:

 

 

___

 

 

**1 - Acceptance**

 

I know, you've heard this one a million times. I always kind of glossed over when someone brought this up as well. "I already know about that, I'm doing it already, it's not enough, etc!" and that all might be true, but...

 

I've tried *everything*. I've tried literally hundreds of different approaches for managing panic attacks, and every other symptom under the sun, that I've been able to find. Just to give a minor minor overview of some of them:

 

* Stopping to meditate every time I felt panic

* Hyper-focusing on the symptoms in order to become used to them

* Focusing on my muscle tension, trying to consciously release it when feeling anxious or sick

* Trying to ignore the symptoms (would work if it were possible!)

* Trying to make the panic worse, in a paradoxical approach (this has a time and place, good to prove that panic isn't dangerous, but only for that)

* etc. etc. etc.

 

It drove me insane. Why wouldn't anything work to releive symptoms, even a little bit?

 

The answer is simple. If you see panic as a danger, you panic more. You get into a feedback loop of panic where every symptom triggers two more, until your body and mind is entirely dominated by fear -  fear as extreme as fear can get.

 

I would take every approach I heard about, and go "maybe this will make my anxiety go away!".

 

Instead, by accepting whatever feelings I'm currently feeling, I stop the feedback loop. I literally say "yes, this is fine" in my mind and try to carry on with whatever I'd be doing if I weren't feeling like shit. It's tough, but it's still far easier than trying to play a futile game of whack-a-mole with body sensations.

 

Once I started approaching symptoms in this way, they rapidly diminished. Over days, over hours. Just "yes, this is fine". I'm freaking out about my heart rate again? "Sure, this is fine, what productive thing can I still do while I'm doing this?"

 

It's not so much about what acceptance does, but what it gets me to stop doing. When I'm not trying to manage the symptoms, I stop focusing on them, stop worrying about them. Stop feeding the feedback.

 

I feel more relaxed now than I have in years. A month ago I was convinced that I'd never feel relaxed again.

 

___

 

**2 - Exercise**

 

Another cliche.

 

But, take a look at this:

 

The author of this post took thousands of different reviews of various different nootropics and suppliments. Weightlifting and cardio beat 'em all. You want a magic suppliment? You want your brain to recover faster? Exercise is it.

 

Every night I do this:

plus 10-20 minutes on my elliptical. Plus a 20 minute walking commute to work. I sleep like a rock.

 

___

 

**3 - Suppliments**

 

Some suppliments are useful. I take magnesium glycinate, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. The only other suppliments I've found to help are agmatine and NAC. I don't take them often, only as needed, and not anymore, but they did seem to take the edge off when my panic and muscle tension were at their worst. They were a bit inconsistant, though, but they do help control glutamate (the stress neurotransmitter). I think they're something you'd have to try and see if they work.

 

Sometimes, in the worst moments, just taking *something* that helps a little and waiting for it to work will get you over the worst hump.

___

 

**4 - Frame Switching**

 

 

Stress pulls me into a very specific frame of mind. "I'm in danger, I need to fix this, everything is terrible, ahhh!" It's a frame of mind that guarentees the panic will sustain itself. 

 

By "The Frame", I'm referring to my current thoughts, my current feelings, the assumptions behind them, everything I'm currently aware of, and crucially, everything I'm *not* currently aware of. It's a very tangable thing, it almost has a specific tone to it. We're always in one frame of mind or another. Becoming aware of what frame of mind you're currently in is massively useful for life in general.

 

David Foster Wallace has an incredible speech all about this:

 

Again, accepting it is crucial. "I'm in a frame of panic right now. Alright, this is fine."

 

Don't fight agains the frame. Instead, look for ways to shift yourself out of it. Becoming immersed in a podcast, or a video game, are the most useful ones for me: a heart palpatation seems dangerous in the frame of "I'm going to die!", but it's irrelevant in the frame of "I need to save Princess Peach from Bowser!"

 

This isn't distraction, you're not trying to shut out the panic. You're consciouslly allowing yourself to leave your current frame of mind, in which panic is relevant, into a frame of mind where it's not so relevant. You might still feel awful, but you're no longer making it worse by letting it be the center of your frame.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

___

 

 

*5 - Various other resources*

 

 

Your Third and Final Wish (https://thirdandfinalwish.com/) - This is the wildest resource on this list. It provides a radically new perspective on handling and understanding not just emotional problems, but human dysfunction in general. You're going to read it, go "who is this guy to think he has human nature figured out?", or "this is absolutely nuts", or "this is extremely disturbing." All that's true. And yet I'd never before read a book where basically every page led to a massive shift in my worldview. I'll let this one speak for itself.

 

DARE App (https://www.dareresponse.com/) - This guy's good. This is all about handling panic attacks through acceptance. My issue is that when I first tried listening to it, I was trying to "run towards" the anxiety so hard in the hope that it would eventually stop. That's a mistake - just do it enough to prove that it's not dangerous, and then focus on acceptance and engaging in other activities.

 

The defiance of despair - When everything looks bleak, terrible, hopeless, and you can **still** say "fuck you" to despair, then you've won. Your victory is guarenteed. If despair can't hold you back, what can?

 

This is a skill to be developed, not just a mindset to take on. I can think of no better place to develop this skill than during benzo withdrawal. If you develop the ability to say "no" to despair now, when it's at its worst, then you will truely come out of all this stronger than you came in. When it seems most irrational to hope, that's when hope is needed. Prove to yourself that you can always say "no" to despair, and you'll never forget that possibility.

 

___

I know this is tough. I got though the worst of it, and I didn't think I would. I'm in no way stronger than you. I just hope I've learned some things that will make your journey easier.

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One month ago u felt u can't relax, and now u stopped focusing on symptoms and u feel relaxed. That's so nice to hear!

Did u heal 1 month ago or previously?

What symptoms u faced?

Did u experience severe emotional blunting or insomnia? If yes, for how long?

How did ur healing progressed each year?

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One month ago u felt u can't relax, and now u stopped focusing on symptoms and u feel relaxed. That's so nice to hear!

Did u heal 1 month ago or previously?

What symptoms u faced?

Did u experience severe emotional blunting or insomnia? If yes, for how long?

How did ur healing progressed each year?

 

I'd say I healed about 3 weeks to a month ago.

 

Every symptom under the sun lol. Mostly panic attacks, muscle tension, emotional blunting, but it's getting less and less

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Thank you so much for sharing your story and what helped you. I've already started reading/listening to them and they are part of my toolbox. I love and need positive stories and positive ways to cope and change how I perceive the world around me! Exactly what I needed at the exact moment I needed it.
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Hi Beendownthisroadbefore!

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

We're so glad you've joined our community and it's good to see you've made your way to the Success Stories! Any time you're comfortable please feel free to start your own thread and tell us a little bit about your own journey - what benzo you are/were on, your symptoms etc. We'd love to find out how we can support you.

 

If you are still tapering you can post here: Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

If you have completed your taper you can post here: Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

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Violalee....

"Your Third and Final Wish"...as a suggested reference towards healing is blowing my mind.  I'm just into chapter six so I am just getting into it.

It might be the most exciting and relevant thing I've read in quite some time...

I'll report in later about how it relates to healing from benzos, but just wanted to tell you thank you, thank you...... :smitten:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Violalee....

"Your Third and Final Wish"...as a suggested reference towards healing is blowing my mind.  I'm just into chapter six so I am just getting into it.

It might be the most exciting and relevant thing I've read in quite some time...

I'll report in later about how it relates to healing from benzos, but just wanted to tell you thank you, thank you...... :smitten:

 

I'm glad you checked it out!

 

I'm almost afraid to recommend that one, because I usually end up hyping it so much, which scares people away. It's so deep and insightful - I've talked to the author a bit, very passionate dude, but super approachable too. He really dedicated his life to putting this stuff together - he's working on a new version now.

 

In terms of benzo withdrawal, it won't do anything for the physical symptoms (of course). But it makes it extremely obvious what the mental stuff is doing.

 

I can feel now how the anxiety narrows my comprehension. All the worries portray themselves as certainty true - because if they seem certain, they can cause a reaction in your body, which makes you take them more seriously, at which point your identity becomes wrapped up in them, and all those processes the book talks about happen.

 

Recognizing thoughts as parasitic instead of logical allows you to approach them in a different way. Instead of trying to fight them by proving them wrong, you can instead try to prove them suspect. "What is this thought process doing? Is it really as certain as it seems? Does it exist for any other reason besides stoking this reaction in me?" Sometimes you'll even find that they are flattering you in really creepy ways, like "I'm going to defeat this anxiety and be awesome!"

 

But anxiety lies to portray itself as being about something external: "I'm having a heart attack!" "Everything is going to be awful!". It tries to get us to solve fake problems. But if you can see how those thoughts only exist to provoke a reaction in you, your mind will pretty quickly stop being fooled by them.

 

More than that though, the book gave me hope. At the end he talks about how to discover insights like he does. It's weirdly straightforward, and it means there's no situation that can really cause me to despair again - I know I can always find a way out.

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Whew. I feel like I'm finally out of the woods long enough to write a success story (or at least a finally feeling much better story). I'll try to make it useful though, by sharing the things that helped me the most.

 

___

 

First a quick, boring rundown of my benzo history: About 10 years ago, doctor perscribed me 0.25mg xanax to help with minor panic attacks. You know the rest from there - insane difficulty getting off, switching to valium, which was somewhat easier to get off, maybe? But it still sucks.

 

I got off first about five years ago, but hit an extremely rough patch and made the mistake of going back on for five more years. I finally got off, for good, this January. I am estatic to be free.

 

I was never on a large amount (5mg valium max), but I was on it for a very long time, and was kindled, so "hell" doesn't begin to describe my taper. Even with a jewler's scale and a microtaper, it still took four very painful months to get off, and about four more to feel 80% recovered (where I am now).

 

Here are the things that have helped me the most:

 

 

___

 

 

**1 - Acceptance**

 

I know, you've heard this one a million times. I always kind of glossed over when someone brought this up as well. "I already know about that, I'm doing it already, it's not enough, etc!" and that all might be true, but...

 

I've tried *everything*. I've tried literally hundreds of different approaches for managing panic attacks, and every other symptom under the sun, that I've been able to find. Just to give a minor minor overview of some of them:

 

* Stopping to meditate every time I felt panic

* Hyper-focusing on the symptoms in order to become used to them

* Focusing on my muscle tension, trying to consciously release it when feeling anxious or sick

* Trying to ignore the symptoms (would work if it were possible!)

* Trying to make the panic worse, in a paradoxical approach (this has a time and place, good to prove that panic isn't dangerous, but only for that)

* etc. etc. etc.

 

It drove me insane. Why wouldn't anything work to releive symptoms, even a little bit?

 

The answer is simple. If you see panic as a danger, you panic more. You get into a feedback loop of panic where every symptom triggers two more, until your body and mind is entirely dominated by fear -  fear as extreme as fear can get.

 

I would take every approach I heard about, and go "maybe this will make my anxiety go away!".

 

Instead, by accepting whatever feelings I'm currently feeling, I stop the feedback loop. I literally say "yes, this is fine" in my mind and try to carry on with whatever I'd be doing if I weren't feeling like shit. It's tough, but it's still far easier than trying to play a futile game of whack-a-mole with body sensations.

 

Once I started approaching symptoms in this way, they rapidly diminished. Over days, over hours. Just "yes, this is fine". I'm freaking out about my heart rate again? "Sure, this is fine, what productive thing can I still do while I'm doing this?"

 

It's not so much about what acceptance does, but what it gets me to stop doing. When I'm not trying to manage the symptoms, I stop focusing on them, stop worrying about them. Stop feeding the feedback.

 

I feel more relaxed now than I have in years. A month ago I was convinced that I'd never feel relaxed again.

 

___

 

**2 - Exercise**

 

Another cliche.

 

But, take a look at this:

 

The author of this post took thousands of different reviews of various different nootropics and suppliments. Weightlifting and cardio beat 'em all. You want a magic suppliment? You want your brain to recover faster? Exercise is it.

 

Every night I do this:

plus 10-20 minutes on my elliptical. Plus a 20 minute walking commute to work. I sleep like a rock.

 

___

 

**3 - Suppliments**

 

Some suppliments are useful. I take magnesium glycinate, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. The only other suppliments I've found to help are agmatine and NAC. I don't take them often, only as needed, and not anymore, but they did seem to take the edge off when my panic and muscle tension were at their worst. They were a bit inconsistant, though, but they do help control glutamate (the stress neurotransmitter). I think they're something you'd have to try and see if they work.

 

Sometimes, in the worst moments, just taking *something* that helps a little and waiting for it to work will get you over the worst hump.

___

 

**4 - Frame Switching**

 

 

Stress pulls me into a very specific frame of mind. "I'm in danger, I need to fix this, everything is terrible, ahhh!" It's a frame of mind that guarentees the panic will sustain itself. 

 

By "The Frame", I'm referring to my current thoughts, my current feelings, the assumptions behind them, everything I'm currently aware of, and crucially, everything I'm *not* currently aware of. It's a very tangable thing, it almost has a specific tone to it. We're always in one frame of mind or another. Becoming aware of what frame of mind you're currently in is massively useful for life in general.

 

David Foster Wallace has an incredible speech all about this:

 

Again, accepting it is crucial. "I'm in a frame of panic right now. Alright, this is fine."

 

Don't fight agains the frame. Instead, look for ways to shift yourself out of it. Becoming immersed in a podcast, or a video game, are the most useful ones for me: a heart palpatation seems dangerous in the frame of "I'm going to die!", but it's irrelevant in the frame of "I need to save Princess Peach from Bowser!"

 

This isn't distraction, you're not trying to shut out the panic. You're consciouslly allowing yourself to leave your current frame of mind, in which panic is relevant, into a frame of mind where it's not so relevant. You might still feel awful, but you're no longer making it worse by letting it be the center of your frame.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

___

 

 

*5 - Various other resources*

 

 

Your Third and Final Wish (https://thirdandfinalwish.com/) - This is the wildest resource on this list. It provides a radically new perspective on handling and understanding not just emotional problems, but human dysfunction in general. You're going to read it, go "who is this guy to think he has human nature figured out?", or "this is absolutely nuts", or "this is extremely disturbing." All that's true. And yet I'd never before read a book where basically every page led to a massive shift in my worldview. I'll let this one speak for itself.

 

DARE App (https://www.dareresponse.com/) - This guy's good. This is all about handling panic attacks through acceptance. My issue is that when I first tried listening to it, I was trying to "run towards" the anxiety so hard in the hope that it would eventually stop. That's a mistake - just do it enough to prove that it's not dangerous, and then focus on acceptance and engaging in other activities.

 

The defiance of despair - When everything looks bleak, terrible, hopeless, and you can **still** say "fuck you" to despair, then you've won. Your victory is guarenteed. If despair can't hold you back, what can?

 

This is a skill to be developed, not just a mindset to take on. I can think of no better place to develop this skill than during benzo withdrawal. If you develop the ability to say "no" to despair now, when it's at its worst, then you will truely come out of all this stronger than you came in. When it seems most irrational to hope, that's when hope is needed. Prove to yourself that you can always say "no" to despair, and you'll never forget that possibility.

 

___

I know this is tough. I got though the worst of it, and I didn't think I would. I'm in no way stronger than you. I just hope I've learned some things that will make your journey easier.

 

Violalee,

 

How are you now?  Are you functional?  Able to enjoy anything?  I'm new to this and going through a wave so looking through success stories. 

 

J

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You took eight months to get to feeling 80 percent better??!! After ten years taking benzos?? That is remarkable.

 

Had you taken any other meds besides benzos?

 

What were your physical symptoms?

 

 

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Whew. I feel like I'm finally out of the woods long enough to write a success story (or at least a finally feeling much better story). I'll try to make it useful though, by sharing the things that helped me the most.

 

___

 

First a quick, boring rundown of my benzo history: About 10 years ago, doctor perscribed me 0.25mg xanax to help with minor panic attacks. You know the rest from there - insane difficulty getting off, switching to valium, which was somewhat easier to get off, maybe? But it still sucks.

 

I got off first about five years ago, but hit an extremely rough patch and made the mistake of going back on for five more years. I finally got off, for good, this January. I am estatic to be free.

 

I was never on a large amount (5mg valium max), but I was on it for a very long time, and was kindled, so "hell" doesn't begin to describe my taper. Even with a jewler's scale and a microtaper, it still took four very painful months to get off, and about four more to feel 80% recovered (where I am now).

 

Here are the things that have helped me the most:

 

 

___

 

 

**1 - Acceptance**

 

I know, you've heard this one a million times. I always kind of glossed over when someone brought this up as well. "I already know about that, I'm doing it already, it's not enough, etc!" and that all might be true, but...

 

I've tried *everything*. I've tried literally hundreds of different approaches for managing panic attacks, and every other symptom under the sun, that I've been able to find. Just to give a minor minor overview of some of them:

 

* Stopping to meditate every time I felt panic

* Hyper-focusing on the symptoms in order to become used to them

* Focusing on my muscle tension, trying to consciously release it when feeling anxious or sick

* Trying to ignore the symptoms (would work if it were possible!)

* Trying to make the panic worse, in a paradoxical approach (this has a time and place, good to prove that panic isn't dangerous, but only for that)

* etc. etc. etc.

 

It drove me insane. Why wouldn't anything work to releive symptoms, even a little bit?

 

The answer is simple. If you see panic as a danger, you panic more. You get into a feedback loop of panic where every symptom triggers two more, until your body and mind is entirely dominated by fear -  fear as extreme as fear can get.

 

I would take every approach I heard about, and go "maybe this will make my anxiety go away!".

 

Instead, by accepting whatever feelings I'm currently feeling, I stop the feedback loop. I literally say "yes, this is fine" in my mind and try to carry on with whatever I'd be doing if I weren't feeling like shit. It's tough, but it's still far easier than trying to play a futile game of whack-a-mole with body sensations.

 

Once I started approaching symptoms in this way, they rapidly diminished. Over days, over hours. Just "yes, this is fine". I'm freaking out about my heart rate again? "Sure, this is fine, what productive thing can I still do while I'm doing this?"

 

It's not so much about what acceptance does, but what it gets me to stop doing. When I'm not trying to manage the symptoms, I stop focusing on them, stop worrying about them. Stop feeding the feedback.

 

I feel more relaxed now than I have in years. A month ago I was convinced that I'd never feel relaxed again.

 

___

 

**2 - Exercise**

 

Another cliche.

 

But, take a look at this:

 

The author of this post took thousands of different reviews of various different nootropics and suppliments. Weightlifting and cardio beat 'em all. You want a magic suppliment? You want your brain to recover faster? Exercise is it.

 

Every night I do this:

plus 10-20 minutes on my elliptical. Plus a 20 minute walking commute to work. I sleep like a rock.

 

___

 

**3 - Suppliments**

 

Some suppliments are useful. I take magnesium glycinate, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. The only other suppliments I've found to help are agmatine and NAC. I don't take them often, only as needed, and not anymore, but they did seem to take the edge off when my panic and muscle tension were at their worst. They were a bit inconsistant, though, but they do help control glutamate (the stress neurotransmitter). I think they're something you'd have to try and see if they work.

 

Sometimes, in the worst moments, just taking *something* that helps a little and waiting for it to work will get you over the worst hump.

___

 

**4 - Frame Switching**

 

 

Stress pulls me into a very specific frame of mind. "I'm in danger, I need to fix this, everything is terrible, ahhh!" It's a frame of mind that guarentees the panic will sustain itself. 

 

By "The Frame", I'm referring to my current thoughts, my current feelings, the assumptions behind them, everything I'm currently aware of, and crucially, everything I'm *not* currently aware of. It's a very tangable thing, it almost has a specific tone to it. We're always in one frame of mind or another. Becoming aware of what frame of mind you're currently in is massively useful for life in general.

 

David Foster Wallace has an incredible speech all about this:

 

Again, accepting it is crucial. "I'm in a frame of panic right now. Alright, this is fine."

 

Don't fight agains the frame. Instead, look for ways to shift yourself out of it. Becoming immersed in a podcast, or a video game, are the most useful ones for me: a heart palpatation seems dangerous in the frame of "I'm going to die!", but it's irrelevant in the frame of "I need to save Princess Peach from Bowser!"

 

This isn't distraction, you're not trying to shut out the panic. You're consciouslly allowing yourself to leave your current frame of mind, in which panic is relevant, into a frame of mind where it's not so relevant. You might still feel awful, but you're no longer making it worse by letting it be the center of your frame.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

___

 

 

*5 - Various other resources*

 

 

Your Third and Final Wish (https://thirdandfinalwish.com/) - This is the wildest resource on this list. It provides a radically new perspective on handling and understanding not just emotional problems, but human dysfunction in general. You're going to read it, go "who is this guy to think he has human nature figured out?", or "this is absolutely nuts", or "this is extremely disturbing." All that's true. And yet I'd never before read a book where basically every page led to a massive shift in my worldview. I'll let this one speak for itself.

 

DARE App (https://www.dareresponse.com/) - This guy's good. This is all about handling panic attacks through acceptance. My issue is that when I first tried listening to it, I was trying to "run towards" the anxiety so hard in the hope that it would eventually stop. That's a mistake - just do it enough to prove that it's not dangerous, and then focus on acceptance and engaging in other activities.

 

The defiance of despair - When everything looks bleak, terrible, hopeless, and you can **still** say "fuck you" to despair, then you've won. Your victory is guarenteed. If despair can't hold you back, what can?

 

This is a skill to be developed, not just a mindset to take on. I can think of no better place to develop this skill than during benzo withdrawal. If you develop the ability to say "no" to despair now, when it's at its worst, then you will truely come out of all this stronger than you came in. When it seems most irrational to hope, that's when hope is needed. Prove to yourself that you can always say "no" to despair, and you'll never forget that possibility.

 

___

I know this is tough. I got though the worst of it, and I didn't think I would. I'm in no way stronger than you. I just hope I've learned some things that will make your journey easier.

 

Violalee,

 

How are you now?  Are you functional?  Able to enjoy anything?  I'm new to this and going through a wave so looking through success stories. 

 

J

 

I'm feeling pretty great

Minor waves here and there, but nothing too destabilizing. Yeah I'm able to work almost full time and enjoy plenty of activities - traveling out of the country next week. You'll get there :)

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You took eight months to get to feeling 80 percent better??!! After ten years taking benzos?? That is remarkable.

 

Had you taken any other meds besides benzos?

 

What were your physical symptoms?

 

I started 10 years ago, got off after about 4, but had to reinstate after that and was on for 4ish more. It took about 4 months to feel 80% better actually, but the first three were absolutely hell

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Whew. I feel like I'm finally out of the woods long enough to write a success story (or at least a finally feeling much better story). I'll try to make it useful though, by sharing the things that helped me the most.

 

___

 

First a quick, boring rundown of my benzo history: About 10 years ago, doctor perscribed me 0.25mg xanax to help with minor panic attacks. You know the rest from there - insane difficulty getting off, switching to valium, which was somewhat easier to get off, maybe? But it still sucks.

 

I got off first about five years ago, but hit an extremely rough patch and made the mistake of going back on for five more years. I finally got off, for good, this January. I am estatic to be free.

 

I was never on a large amount (5mg valium max), but I was on it for a very long time, and was kindled, so "hell" doesn't begin to describe my taper. Even with a jewler's scale and a microtaper, it still took four very painful months to get off, and about four more to feel 80% recovered (where I am now).

 

Here are the things that have helped me the most:

 

 

___

 

 

**1 - Acceptance**

 

I know, you've heard this one a million times. I always kind of glossed over when someone brought this up as well. "I already know about that, I'm doing it already, it's not enough, etc!" and that all might be true, but...

 

I've tried *everything*. I've tried literally hundreds of different approaches for managing panic attacks, and every other symptom under the sun, that I've been able to find. Just to give a minor minor overview of some of them:

 

* Stopping to meditate every time I felt panic

* Hyper-focusing on the symptoms in order to become used to them

* Focusing on my muscle tension, trying to consciously release it when feeling anxious or sick

* Trying to ignore the symptoms (would work if it were possible!)

* Trying to make the panic worse, in a paradoxical approach (this has a time and place, good to prove that panic isn't dangerous, but only for that)

* etc. etc. etc.

 

It drove me insane. Why wouldn't anything work to releive symptoms, even a little bit?

 

The answer is simple. If you see panic as a danger, you panic more. You get into a feedback loop of panic where every symptom triggers two more, until your body and mind is entirely dominated by fear -  fear as extreme as fear can get.

 

I would take every approach I heard about, and go "maybe this will make my anxiety go away!".

 

Instead, by accepting whatever feelings I'm currently feeling, I stop the feedback loop. I literally say "yes, this is fine" in my mind and try to carry on with whatever I'd be doing if I weren't feeling like shit. It's tough, but it's still far easier than trying to play a futile game of whack-a-mole with body sensations.

 

Once I started approaching symptoms in this way, they rapidly diminished. Over days, over hours. Just "yes, this is fine". I'm freaking out about my heart rate again? "Sure, this is fine, what productive thing can I still do while I'm doing this?"

 

It's not so much about what acceptance does, but what it gets me to stop doing. When I'm not trying to manage the symptoms, I stop focusing on them, stop worrying about them. Stop feeding the feedback.

 

I feel more relaxed now than I have in years. A month ago I was convinced that I'd never feel relaxed again.

 

___

 

**2 - Exercise**

 

Another cliche.

 

But, take a look at this:

 

The author of this post took thousands of different reviews of various different nootropics and suppliments. Weightlifting and cardio beat 'em all. You want a magic suppliment? You want your brain to recover faster? Exercise is it.

 

Every night I do this:

plus 10-20 minutes on my elliptical. Plus a 20 minute walking commute to work. I sleep like a rock.

 

___

 

**3 - Suppliments**

 

Some suppliments are useful. I take magnesium glycinate, fish oil, and a multivitamin every day. The only other suppliments I've found to help are agmatine and NAC. I don't take them often, only as needed, and not anymore, but they did seem to take the edge off when my panic and muscle tension were at their worst. They were a bit inconsistant, though, but they do help control glutamate (the stress neurotransmitter). I think they're something you'd have to try and see if they work.

 

Sometimes, in the worst moments, just taking *something* that helps a little and waiting for it to work will get you over the worst hump.

___

 

**4 - Frame Switching**

 

 

Stress pulls me into a very specific frame of mind. "I'm in danger, I need to fix this, everything is terrible, ahhh!" It's a frame of mind that guarentees the panic will sustain itself. 

 

By "The Frame", I'm referring to my current thoughts, my current feelings, the assumptions behind them, everything I'm currently aware of, and crucially, everything I'm *not* currently aware of. It's a very tangable thing, it almost has a specific tone to it. We're always in one frame of mind or another. Becoming aware of what frame of mind you're currently in is massively useful for life in general.

 

David Foster Wallace has an incredible speech all about this:

 

Again, accepting it is crucial. "I'm in a frame of panic right now. Alright, this is fine."

 

Don't fight agains the frame. Instead, look for ways to shift yourself out of it. Becoming immersed in a podcast, or a video game, are the most useful ones for me: a heart palpatation seems dangerous in the frame of "I'm going to die!", but it's irrelevant in the frame of "I need to save Princess Peach from Bowser!"

 

This isn't distraction, you're not trying to shut out the panic. You're consciouslly allowing yourself to leave your current frame of mind, in which panic is relevant, into a frame of mind where it's not so relevant. You might still feel awful, but you're no longer making it worse by letting it be the center of your frame.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

___

 

 

*5 - Various other resources*

 

 

Your Third and Final Wish (https://thirdandfinalwish.com/) - This is the wildest resource on this list. It provides a radically new perspective on handling and understanding not just emotional problems, but human dysfunction in general. You're going to read it, go "who is this guy to think he has human nature figured out?", or "this is absolutely nuts", or "this is extremely disturbing." All that's true. And yet I'd never before read a book where basically every page led to a massive shift in my worldview. I'll let this one speak for itself.

 

DARE App (https://www.dareresponse.com/) - This guy's good. This is all about handling panic attacks through acceptance. My issue is that when I first tried listening to it, I was trying to "run towards" the anxiety so hard in the hope that it would eventually stop. That's a mistake - just do it enough to prove that it's not dangerous, and then focus on acceptance and engaging in other activities.

 

The defiance of despair - When everything looks bleak, terrible, hopeless, and you can **still** say "fuck you" to despair, then you've won. Your victory is guarenteed. If despair can't hold you back, what can?

 

This is a skill to be developed, not just a mindset to take on. I can think of no better place to develop this skill than during benzo withdrawal. If you develop the ability to say "no" to despair now, when it's at its worst, then you will truely come out of all this stronger than you came in. When it seems most irrational to hope, that's when hope is needed. Prove to yourself that you can always say "no" to despair, and you'll never forget that possibility.

 

___

I know this is tough. I got though the worst of it, and I didn't think I would. I'm in no way stronger than you. I just hope I've learned some things that will make your journey easier.

 

Violalee,

 

How are you now?  Are you functional?  Able to enjoy anything?  I'm new to this and going through a wave so looking through success stories. 

 

J

 

I'm feeling pretty great

Minor waves here and there, but nothing too destabilizing. Yeah I'm able to work almost full time and enjoy plenty of activities - traveling out of the country next week. You'll get there :)

 

Thank you.  I'm feeling quite bleak after 100 days.  I can't sleep and I can see nothing getting better anytime soon.  It's good to see that you came back after so many years to report that you are feeling better.  I've been in this bed scrolling for months hunting for stories like yours trying to gauge where I am at and what I can expect. 

 

I've contemplated reinstating but that seems terrifying.  I jumped off .75mg ativan in 10 days (though I only got up to .75mg for two days). I have to get on zoom calls every day and try to perform at a high level at a very technical job.  It is almost impossible after a couple days of insomnia.  I wonder what's the point if I can't recover.

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