Abandoned by Family, Alone in California

Hey all,

I'm 25 years old.

I came out to Malibu, CA from PA to go to a "fancy" "recovery center" that claimed to use the Ashton Method for helping people get off of benzodiazepines.

To make a very long story short, they DO NOT use the Ashton Method. They took me from 120 mg to 23 mg over the course of 3 months. I was only on the 120 mg for about a week or so, with them decreasing my dosage by 10 mg every 5 days after that. What got me out here in the first place though was 2 mg of klonopoin + 10 mg of valium a day over the course of a year + heavy drinking on top of it.

Talked to my doctor today and he essentially called me crazy and tried to reduce my dose from 23-21 mg a day against my will. I hit a massive wave on the Feb 24th when they took me from 25 to 23. As far as I understand it, the Ashton Method is very clear about the taper being PATIENT CONTROLLED. I wish I knew that sooner!

I've been desperately trying to explain the situation to my mom and my dad (they are divorced and have been my biggest two supports). My dad was the one that was covering the cost of this place. I have been desperately trying to educate them about the realities of this illness and how I am being tapered too fast and they are convinced I'm just an addict who doesn't want to get better, which COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

My dad stopped paying for this place, and my mom also decided to cut contact with me, all under the pretense that I'm just some addict and my resistance to these insane doctors who are trying to taper me too fast is part of my "addiction". I am now 2500 miles away from home where I am alone and suffering immensely. I will have to leave this place on April 1st and go move into either an Airbnb or go live with this girl I met on a dating app when I first got out here (who is very nice and understands my situation, I met her once in person and we facetime almost every day).

I have made two appointments with 2 docs I found through the Benzodiazepine Information Coalition, and hopefully they will be able to get my meds sorted.

I am just terrified on having to basically go tough it out in the "real world" right now completely alone and constantly on the verge of panic attacks. I wish going home was an option, but I will just end up back in my mom or dad's house which are EXTREMELY stressful environments. I haven't tried the mirtazepine yet either due to fear of getting dependent on that as well.

I am just so overwhelmed and have no idea how I am going to get through this. I am most concerned about having to go potentially live with this girl and seeing a new doctor, etc, as my social phobia/agoraphobia is horrific. As of April 1st, after I pay this place, I will have $130,000 to work with. I really hope that can buy me enough time to heal in LA.

Just no idea how I am going to make it through this. I feel like I am under an unbelievable amount of stress. I don't know how I am going to conduct my taper alone. They hold my meds for me here and I take them every 3-4 hours.

ANY thoughts or support or suggestions would be so deeply appreciated. I just want to know there is someone out there that can tell me I am not insane and that I can make it through this crazy situation.