Rough day

I'm just having a really rough day. I'm experiencing really bad tremors in my head and legs. On Saturday I celebrated my one year anniversary CT off of Valium. I wasn't even made aware that tapering was an option. I'm tired of fighting every new symptom that comes up. Generally I'm doing better than I was a year ago, but days like this make me regret not doing my due diligence more, and not having doctors familiar with what everyone here goes through day in and day out.

 

I keep wanting to say "I'm done", but I'm not and I feel like at this rate I never will be.

I’m having a rough day too.  I’m so glad you reached out.  You can be so proud that you’ve made it so far and please forgive yourself.  You did nothing wrong.  Many of us are not informed about the dangers of these poisons and how to get off them.  You will get better.  Thinking of you.

I'm really sorry you're struggling. Though I'm certainly no expert, I did a lot of trauma healing in talk therapy over the years (when I thought my problems were purely trauma-based and had nothing to do with a little blue pill I took every night for sleep). I learned a lot about how our bodies store traumatic events and how they can be triggered. A big thing I learned about was "trauma anniversaries" - that our bodies can reconjure fear-based symptoms during the yearly anniversaries of our past traumas. I'm having difficulty wording it because of my benzo brain so the following is copy/pasted from an article:

 

"As with many psychological phenomena the anniversary effect happens for a reason. Research shows that our brains store painful, sad or traumatic memories in an easily accessible way so that we can be reminded of, and warned off, the dangers to protect us from something similar happening again. For example, a driver involved in a car crash will have memories that provide information about what the driver should be afraid of, how she or he should see those situations, and how to feel and what to think in those circumstances. The anniversary of the crash will trigger these memories causing you to, in a way, have to live through some of those difficult and painful experiences and emotions again."

 

https://theawarenesscentre.com/what-is-the-anniversary-effect/

 

I'm wondering if this could be playing into your situation. I'm not sure where you are geographically, but Spring is starting where I live and seasonal changes are usually triggers for me. Maybe your CNS remembers going through CT last year and it's preparing you to survive something dangerous. I feel like I'm going through something similar this week. I tore my meniscus while training Brazillian Jiu Jitsu in March 2022 and for the past few days my anxiety and adrenaline have been through the roof.

 

It sounds a little whacky, I know... but the more I lean into withdrawal, the more I learn ANYTHING can happen. Again, I'm no expert and I'm not sure how credible that article I shared is.... but there is a lot of information on this phenomenon if researching is something that helps you.

 

Hang in there! You've been through a lot, we all have. I'm really sorry you're having a rough day and I hope this helps.

Thanks to both of you for your kind words. I really appreciate them. There are so many wonderful people here. I know we're all going through terrible things and I'm glad we have each other. I can't wait to read about you guys in the Success Stories thread.

 

Thanks again.

Hope you're hanging in there. You are fighting a war, and fighting a war is not easy. If this process were easy then everybody would be doing it. I'm going through the tough times too now. For whatever it is worth to you, I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts.

 

“I was once a fortunate man but at some point fortune abandoned me. But true good fortune is what you make for yourself. Good fortune: good character, good intentions, and good actions.”

 

- Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Thanks, Chunk. Sorry you're having a rough one too. I hope you feel better soon.

 

 

Chunki - Thank you for the Marcus Aurelius quote. It's a good reminder that I've been slacking on my "Daily Stoic" book and I think adding a page to my morning routine will help my mentality. It's such a battle just trying to remain positive. 

 

Tired - Looking forward to reading yours too