Blackouts?

Does anyone experience some kind of blackouts instead of sleep? I might have been awake and not remember it or in some kind of weird light sleep but apparently at 1 am I was talking about my symptoms out loud in my room like explaining them to someone but I have no recollection of it at all. My dad finds it a good sign because he thinks that means I was sleeping but I find it incredibly scary...

Hi coco! Yes I've had some very strange sleeps!! A couple of weeks ago for around a week, I would be laid there for hours with my eyes closed but my eyeballs were still wide open.  Now to me! I'd have said, I had not had even a wink of sleep! But then, I'd remember a dream!! But I was totally unaware that I'd even slept. It was very strange and very scary. I was also going immediately in to REM sleep just before that too! With some very scary nightmares. I've seen quite a few people mention the half asleep half wake thing. It's like you don't even know if you're asleep or awake. Very very strange!

Both of you are such an inspiration...the way you are sharing and supportive as you are moving through this.  To me, it is really amazing and it warms my heart.  Both Dido and Cocodot.  You're both such sweet souls.

 

I can't have naps...I do sleep at night for as long as my body allows.  But, naps...they are naps from hell.  Not even a nap...just like you say...I know I'm not asleep, but the sh*t popping into my mind is relentless.  It actually feels as though I step into another 'life'...faces popping in mid-sentence as if I were a part of it just before I 'landed' in that space.  Like a movie screen in my mind's eye playing scenes super fast.  Of course with this is a feeling of terror and creepiness.  So, I don't even try anymore.

 

I am so tired right now...I have to force myself to stay awake.  I'm way too afraid to lie my body down.  As soon as my body relaxes even a bit, I get rushes of cortisol and adrenaline.  So, I push through the tiredness.  I remember someone saying that the body needs rest when it needs it, so even if it's a toxic nap, better to take it.  But, if I do that, it sets off my NS and I end up in a wave for hours.

 

THAT is why there are times that I post a lot...that and during an intense AKA episode.

 

I think that during chemical affected/WD sleep states, we have to literally expect anything.  Nothing is off limits.  The unconscious is given free reign during that time under the influence and also within a body that is terribly sleep deprived.  No different, to me, than taking acid or something similar.  Yes...I did that in my younger days.  What the brain is capable of is limitless...which can be kinda scary during these times.  But, harmless.

 

Warmly,

F   

I love how you express yourself, Faith. I'm so sorry you're still feeling so bad today my friend x x Me too.  During the night was horrid. I got a total of one hour sleep again. Woke up in panic. Had to eat something. Ended up dozing back to sleep for 3 hours!!! When I woke up my head symptoms were almost unbearable. I felt tortured!! The pressure the fuzzing the buzzing the disorientation!! It terrifies me when it's so intense on waking!!

 

I totally get it Faith. Naps from hell. They certainly are!! I've made a thread for people to list their head symptoms. I'm always disheartened to see so many active members going through the same thing but yet so few replies. If any at all. Even on the forum I feel so alone. 

 

I hope you get some relief today, Faith my good friend.

 

Lots of Love being sent to you x x x x

You're sweet, Faith 

Dido, I think many people read and get encouragement from posts but just don't contribute as much. That's okay. Keep reaching out!

As much as I hate to see others suffering coco, and I do. I'm a very sensitive soul, I also feel so reassured to know others have the same symptoms,  but it makes feel so alone with so few replies 

Dido,

 

I have had threads with minimal replies.  And, I have seen many others, often in great panic, with few replies.  I really believe it boils down to how much a person feels they can contribute often.  For example...for me. I will be able to scan posts, but I may not be in a place to invest my energy to reply.  And, when I force things, I pay a price.  Then...often, the thread moves down and is kind of lost in amongst many others.

 

I see that there are days when it is very active on here...other days, very quiet.  Sometimes, people are just so focused on just getting through their moments, that they will come on here to distract but just not be able to contribute.  I do understand how frustrating it can feel, and how it can make you feel very alone and almost like an anomaly...but, you are not.  Some topics seem to be ones that are more 'mainstream symptom oriented'...that is all.

 

As I said before...we are all so different.  And, some of us have symptoms that not many others do.  I have a vocal tic that happens when I experience AKA.  I've read about one person having this, but I have not heard of another since.  I felt afraid.  Now, I have just accepted that this is how my brain is responding.  It still freaks me out now and again....I won't lie.  But, I'm not going to find someone to chat with about it, and this I now know.

 

So, chin up my friend.  Your head is taking the brunt of things right now...going to work at sorting itself out up there.

 

Warmly,

F

I understand that. I get envious by people healed already or off already or being able to taper more smoothly or at least being informed or at least having had some benefit of this or at least having taken it longer or for serious reasons or being older or on lower dose (like you haha). So that also makes me feel so lonely. I was disrespected and not desperate for sleep but I listened to my therapist even though I specifically stated what I was not comfortable with to three different wrong sources and I took it without googling first, and then I felt weird but continued to take it for some more days regardless. My friends found decent therapists/doctors or were smart enough not to go ask therapists/doctors, so that makes it tough because this happening where I live is rare and especially the way it happened. And no one understand how it feels except a bunch of (mostly way older) strangers on the internet. But then again many seem to be better off or had serious reasons to take it or on lower doses or z drugs for sleep instead of rivotril etc. So then I feel lonely again too.

Also, searching for symptoms among older posts can help too.

Thank you both so much for your lengthy replies. I feel that way now. I've read everything you've both written and don't even know what to say. My mind at this moment just feels scrambled. Damn I hate these head sensations.  :( :(

Thank you both so much for your lengthy replies. I feel that way now. I've read everything you've both written and don't even know what to say. My mind at this moment just feels scrambled. Damn I hate these head sensations.  :( :(

 

That is a good example of being over-stimulated from all of the interaction.  It can take its toll on us.  Maybe time for a break for a while?

 

Much Love,

F

Not sure what it's time for Faith, but it's time for something. Ya know, I love painting '' art'' I used to be excited to get up in the mornings to paint a landscape or wildlife. I was practicing doing beach landscapes with the waves and wash coming in. I love it but it's gone. I have lost interest and my passion. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I'm sure most going through this nightmare can relate 

I can relate! Although I never had one passion, besides connecting with people and in depth conversations about the meaning of life but I cannot do that anymore.

 

My boyfriend recently said "the meaning of life is to live well" and I guess he is right and I just never realized but kinda cruel to realize now that living well is impossible and before meds summer 2022 I was living very well indeed.

 

I do like the idea of art therapy. I have tried already a bit myself. I think, Dido, if you can muster it, you should paint anyway. Regardless of the lack of joy. It will come again. Just try to do the things you used to like.

It's so sad coco, isn't it. I grieve for everyone of us. So so sad.      Bless ya, Coco. 

I hope to see one of your paintings, Dido! The nicest one would be new 

Ha! OK coco. That made me smile haha I unfortunately don't have it in me,