Polydrugged and almost giving up. I need motivation or ideas of solutions.

[[Buddie]]

I am almost giving up and raising diazepam until I feel fine and raise if necessary, keeping this strategy for life. I am not sure enduring what I am going through is worth, and I am losing precious experiences of the rest of my youth because all of this.

Let me give some context: I have pre existing OCD (since teenager) that got more severe with time before the benzos. I consider it severe now bringing me a lot of analysis paralysis situations... and it gets exacerbated with each diazepam cut. I am on 100mg of Luvox which is sub-optimal for OCD. I would like to max out the dose but sertraline almost surely caused my tinnitus and when I tried raising the Luvox dose the tinnitus spiked so I gave up and I am scared with the antidepressants route.

I am far from jumping as you can see in my signature and I am suffering with 5% cuts. It's been years. Sensory overload, exacerbated OCD and tinnitus are my worst symptoms. I am tired of all the suffering, feels like I am only surviving, and I am frustrated that I don't feel I am being a good son to my parents. I make them suffer when they see me low, I don't want this.

To make things even more complicated, pregabalin was added to the equation when seeking normalcy. I got some that lasted a bit and now I am stuck with another drug that I will probably need to taper. I don't even know which drug to taper first: pregabalin or diazepam? Can pregabalin hinder the diazepam recovery?

I don't know when I am going to die, but I know that I had a more liveable life when I was on higher doses. My father uses diazepam for a decade or more and it's doing fine. I am so tired of all this. I don't want to use these drugs but I am barely living to be honest. Is it the moment to raise diazepam until finding myself stable and then holding, trying to work out how to deal with my OCD? And how should I taper pregabalin? Can I do 25mg cuts? I am tired of these slow tapering policies: I am already suffering with 5% cuts that if you do the math it will take years to quit only a drug and I am already having a really hard time with my OCD. Then I think: all the tapering time, all the post tapering time, the odds of PAWS, success stories that tells that years have passed but doesn't feel 100%. Is this all worth it?

If you have any advice or strategy to suggest besides slow taper, I really want to know. I am up to travel overseas to solve this. I am open to consider experimental treatments and expensive stuff. I just want to live a normal life walking with a smile and also making my loved parents smiling when looking at me.

[[Buddie]]

I can see you’re suffering and feeling defeated, I don’t blame you.  Can you tell us why you decided to come off of the diazepam in the first place?

[[Buddie]]

Gosh, I relate. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for the question. I am following this thread for member advice. I am now having difficulty tapering a med that was given to "help me" during benzo withdrawal. I now have to taper as well, and 1-2 percent cuts are beyond difficult. And it will take me months to get to zero from 34mg at that rate, and I am already having difficulty functioning, so I am definitely interested in what other members say. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired too.

[[Buddie]]

I can see you’re suffering and feeling defeated, I don’t blame you.  Can you tell us why you decided to come off of the diazepam in the first place?

Sure... it all started with alprazolam being taken with Prozac to deal with the huge anxiety the medication caused me. I then got hooked to the benzo when I noticed, and I noticed too late that the high blood pressure and the agoraphobia I was feeling was from its tolerance. I then discovered the Ashton Manual and tried cross-tapering. I am not sure if I made the best decision as things got really tough when I swapped the benzos, but to be fair I also decreased them quite fast.

My main reason for quitting them is that so I can avoid dementia and to be able to drink without worries soon and, after that, taper the antidepressant. I want to be med free and experience my pure self but now I wonder if that is utopic desire given all the suffering I am going through. I want my baseline back, but I need quality of life and I want to be happy and make my parents happy.

[[Buddie]]

Gosh, I relate. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for the question. I am following this thread for member advice. I am now having difficulty tapering a med that was given to "help me" during benzo withdrawal. I now have to taper as well, and 1-2 percent cuts are beyond difficult. And it will take me months to get to zero from 34mg at that rate, and I am already having difficulty functioning, so I am definitely interested in what other members say. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired too.

I appreciate the empathy and I hope we get through this. I can't accept that I am 34yo and the idea that the next years will be more difficult than what I am going. I mean.. years. But I hope I find some solutions. May we all find solutions.

Mind sharing what are you tapering from now? I didn't find it in your signature but I am sometimes a slowpoke with all that's going on.

[[Buddie]]

Nad+ supposedly helps a lot of people taper faster ??

[[Buddie]]

Nad+ supposedly helps a lot of people taper faster ??

This is controversial. Does it have association or any suspicion of causing cancer? Does the pills help enough (I ask this because there are no reputable clinics that I know for IV NAD+ where I live)?

Thank you for your post and concern!

[[Buddie]]

I can see you’re suffering and feeling defeated, I don’t blame you.  Can you tell us why you decided to come off of the diazepam in the first place?

Sure... it all started with alprazolam being taken with Prozac to deal with the huge anxiety the medication caused me. I then got hooked to the benzo when I noticed, and I noticed too late that the high blood pressure and the agoraphobia I was feeling was from its tolerance. I then discovered the Ashton Manual and tried cross-tapering. I am not sure if I made the best decision as things got really tough when I swapped the benzos, but to be fair I also decreased them quite fast.

My main reason for quitting them is that so I can avoid dementia and to be able to drink without worries soon and, after that, taper the antidepressant. I want to be med free and experience my pure self but now I wonder if that is utopic desire given all the suffering I am going through. I want my baseline back, but I need quality of life and I want to be happy and make my parents happy.

It looks like your body won’t allow you to continue taking a benzodiazepine, the decision of whether to take the drug or not has already been made for you.  Your only choice is to taper off and recover from your use. 

I’m glad to know you care for your parents and don’t want to be a burden to them but have they shared this with you or is this the drug creating these negative and intrusive thoughts?  I’m a parent and if my child had an injury like you do, I would do everything in my power to help without resentment or judgement.

None of us know how long it will take to recover, yes, the typical is years but as you said, you’re young and that’s on your side.

[[Buddie]]

Nad+ supposedly helps a lot of people taper faster ??

This is controversial. Does it have association or any suspicion of causing cancer? Does the pills help enough (I ask this because there are no reputable clinics that I know for IV NAD+ where I live)?

Thank you for your post and concern!

I did NAD+ to taper off the benzo, and doctors wonder if it was partly what caused the damage. From what I understand, there needs to be more solid scientific research and data for it to be used for benzo withdrawal. I have spoken with a few benzo-wise doctors about this subject. Just do your research. It works for some people and not for others. Same with Flumazenil. No guarantees that it will help, and it could make matters worse. That is the worst part of being in this problem. Everything is experimental because treating withdrawal syndrome needs to be thoroughly studied and understood by the medical community. 

[[Buddie]]

Gosh, I relate. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for the question. I am following this thread for member advice. I am now having difficulty tapering a med that was given to "help me" during benzo withdrawal. I now have to taper as well, and 1-2 percent cuts are beyond difficult. And it will take me months to get to zero from 34mg at that rate, and I am already having difficulty functioning, so I am definitely interested in what other members say. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired too.

I appreciate the empathy and I hope we get through this. I can't accept that I am 34yo and the idea that the next years will be more difficult than what I am going. I mean.. years. But I hope I find some solutions. May we all find solutions.

Mind sharing what are you tapering from now? I didn't find it in your signature but I am sometimes a slowpoke with all that's going on.

Sure, been trying to taper off 34mg of Quetiapine given for sleep by bozo hospital doctors. I was so sleep-deprived I didn't realize what I was taking until it was too late. I haven't put it in my signature because, to tell you the truth, I don't want scary information about it. But I am seriously considering inpatient treatment at this time. It is starting to feel too much to bear doing this at home. And yes, it could take me a year at 1-2 percent of that dose. Every time I dose down, I have sleep disturbances and breakthrough heart palps at night, and with the most recent dose reduction, I developed an inner tremor, making it even more challenging to sleep now. So it's like, how much more can a person take, ya know? First, benzo withdrawal, now this.

Before this, I had ten days of starting to sleep (8-12 hours nightly) and eat well again, so I cannot be on this roller coaster of up and down up and down. It's impossible to function this way at any baseline. Today I am again considering going to a hospital program. Not that I trust those programs, but what else will you do when your suffering is too much to continue to bear? Serious question.