15y-benzo addict gone to 3x5mg Valium a day feeling in distress

Hello everyone ,

I have been a long term benzo-(ab)user from the age of 16 ( I'm now 35) due to a one time panic attack.

I was prescribed Bromazepam (lexotanil) and was allowed to take it 3 times a day. clueless that I was that I would one day end up in a spiral of abuse I started to take it up to twenty times a day and more ...

I am not proud of it but it is what it is.

Since a year ago I decided it had to stop.  I switched from lexotan to diazepam (5mg) and took it 3 times a day , I had gone trough hell and back and could not even move. Laid in bed all day and night , with or without sleep.

Now it is a year that I am on three dosages of 5 mg valium a day , it feels horrible but I need to hold on that I am able to be free of these drugs.

I just do not know how and I do not understand my body anymore.

a couple of weeks ago they assumed I was autistic , but since I had not been autistic before I took these drugs it seems like a misdiagnosis to me and is to blame to the withrdwawal I am going trough.

symptoms like not being able to stand sound , light , people even ( unable to do groceries etc ) , constant anxiety and lack of sleep.

Therefor I did make the decision I need to push trough , I just do not know how and did not find the courage to lower my dose.

I am kinda on my own because doctors never think about the benzo-withdrawal , I have been diagnosed in the past month with six different diagnoses.

all were wrong.

today I am certain it is rehab.

when I was 15 I had no issues going to the grocerystore , nor with sound and light even when I am HSPerson.

I enjoyed shopping and doing groceries so they are wrong about the diagnosis.

Now I cant even get outside , the withdrawal is horror.

I am on and off the dose of 5 mg three times a day and some days I need to go back to a higher dosage which I find depressing because doctors do not give me any guideline.

I do not feel safe if I lower my dose , it feels like I am going into epileptic stuff...

my body is constantly tensed , as if I do not know anymore how to relax ... is this normal ? is it withdrawal like everyone else has  been trough ?

what would I do ?

start tapering or just cutting the 5 mg a week , and after a week doing the same thing , going trough it alone ? what do you think here ?

ps ; english is not my homelanguage , I did my best , even when  I sound irratic

Hello vickyalmostoffbenzos Welcome to BenzoBuddies! 

I am glad you joined the community.  You are going to be okay, you will come through this. Your English is fine, I am so sorry you’re having a tough time. The symptoms you describe are common in withdrawal.  I couldn’t leave my house (agoraphobia) I had insomnia,my anxiety was extreme.  This forum is a great place for advice and support.  Take your time to browse the boards and post any questions you might have,  our members are very knowledgeable and supportive.

Benzodiazepines should be tapered slowly. The suggested taper rate is 5/10% every 10/14 days.  You can slow it down, depending on how you feel. You will learn more about tapering on our taper plans board. Taper at a rate you feel comfortable with.

If you check out the Ashton Manual, you will find It is a valuable resource for learning about benzos and the effect these drugs have on our body.  You will find a list of possible temporary withdrawal symptoms symptoms 

I'll leave you some links to resources:

The Ashton Manual. 

Planning Your Withdrawal(TaperPlans)

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

If you would like to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

Welcome aboard

Magrita

Hi thank you !

I see I have a long way to go but I look up to those who did it before I even imagined myself quitting the benzodiazepines.

thank you also for the links of value.

I was going to answer to the message that same day but the withdrawal ' caught me off guard' ... I was going trough extreme anxiety again and it feels like it was stable for a few days and just came back. I also started watching some youtube in regard of "relaxing" or at least trying to do so ... " letting go of control" when my body is tensed but so far it does not work for me yet.

I feel neurologically the symptoms have gotten worse and the agoraphobia is also in its worst stage.

we'll get there but I ask myself " whennnnnn"