On Klonopin for 14 years, since 15 yo. + polydrugged. Finished tapering, protracted symptoms.

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for all the information and support. This site, along with some other sources, has really helped me understand lots of crucial things about my life and health.

--- SHORT VERSION ---

I am a 31 year old woman, off Klonopin for 15 months, which I was on for 14 years, since I was only 15 years old. The maximum dose I was ever on was 1 mg. I tapered from 0,5 mg in 4 months, finishing on November 2021. Along with the Klonopin I was put on a variety of antidepressants and other psychiatric drugs. For the last 8 years I took 25 mg of Lamictal along with the Klonopin. After finishing tapering the Klonopin I tapered the Lamictal in 11 months, finishing in November 2022. Since quitting the Klonopin I am struggling a lot with insomnia, cognitive impairment and IBS-like symptoms.

--- LONG VERSION ---

Doctors started prescribing me Clonazepam for insomnia when I was 15 years old. I come from a very dysfunctional family. My parents abused me psychologically, telling me I was 'shit', 'garbage' and 'shouldn't have been born' since I was 8 years old. In addition, they abused me physically, made fun of me, put me down and blamed me for every problem. This resulted in me as a teenager having very low self-esteem and generally not enjoying life, always feeling like I was worse than everyone else. At 15 I was also under some stress because of school and extracurriculars, and then suddenly I couldn't sleep for three weeks. I had not had insomnia before.

That was when my parents called a psychiatrist and he gave me Clonazepam. After that I was supossed to go see a psychiatrist for a follow-up, which I did. She continued prescribing it. For months, and then years. A few months after I started taking Clonazepam she diagnosed me with depression and started prescribing antidepressants along with the Clonazepam.

Years went by, I kept being under treatment with psychiatrists. My depression didn't seem to be getting better. Everyone treated it like an underlying issue, without pointing to my family situation and childhood trauma. So my doctor tried other options, changing drugs abruptly without ever telling me about withdrawal or tapering. Even the Clonazepam was taken off abruptly some times. When sudden changes on my medication were made, I experienced psychological symptoms and insomnia, which at the time were misinterpreted by everyone as me being really depressed and needing even more medication.

I always took my dose exactly as prescribed by doctors and trusted them. They never informed me that Clonazepam was only supposed to be taken for a few weeks. Only my second psychiatrist (who I started seeing after being prescribed Clonazepam for 5 years) started telling me about tolerance, but very mildly, in a way that didn't make me worry. He continued prescribing it and if I kept trusting doctors I would have been on it forever.

Over the years between 16 and 23 years old I was on and off many different psychiatric drugs, including Clonazepam, Fluoxetine, Desvenlafaxine, Zolpidem, Amytriptiline, Bupropion clorhydrate, Escitalopram, Olanzapine, Asenapine. Those drugs were put on and taken off me abruptly without any warning about withdrawal. My diagnose was always "depression".

Then when I was 23 or 24 they put me on Lamotrigine 25 mg along with the Clonazepam. By the way, the Clonazepam dose kept increasing, reaching 1 mg when I was 26.

Over all these years my sleep and my cognition worsened, I felt tired and sick all the time, and I had a low fever very frequently. It was only at 29 years old (year 2021) thanks to information that I stumbled upon online that I realised that it was the psychiatric drugs that were harming me. At that time I was taking 0.5 mg, which I tapered from in 4 months, which I now believe was too fast. Then I tapered the Lamictal in 11 months.

Since quitting Klonopin, everything fell apart. The first two weeks I had tremors, palpitations and paranoia. Then I had terrible insomnia, which I still have. My cognition worsened to the point that I can't participate in conversations or play games. I quit studying. Also, 7 months after quitting Klonopin, while tapering the Lamictal, I started having horrible IBS like symptoms. My ability to sleep returned partially, but my IBS symptoms keep me awake most nights. I recently quit my job, hoping that being stress-free will help me recover somewhat.

--- GOODBYE ---

So anyway, that is my story. I'm sorry that it's not very uplifting and that it's not very well written (English is not my native language).

I really want to connect to people that can understand what this is like, so that we can support each other. I wish you all recovery and wellbeing.

Hello Samantha Jones, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I’m so very sorry to hear about the trauma you’ve endured at the hands of your parents and the medical community but I can see you’ve taken your life back and are working towards recovery.  I know it doesn’t feel that way now but you’re benzo free and while it takes too long to recover, we can.

We understand what you’re going through, we call pretty much anything to do with the digestive system benzo belly, it’s our catch all for the misery we experience.

I’ll provide some links to help you navigate the forum but we’re glad you’re here.

Pamster

Ashton Manual symptom list

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

Hi Pamster!

Thank you so much for reading my introduction and for your kind words. See you around! 

Hi Rebecca,

Thank you for reading my introduction and for the encouragement! You too are very brave and I'm glad to read in your signature that you are healing. We can do this!

See you around here,

Samantha