Benzo free after 1 year and 9 month taper!!

Last night I took my last dose of Klonopin!! I'm so freaking excited (although feel exhausted, hard to think, pacing, shaking a bit, anxious, but I'll take it!)

 

I’ll share a snippet of what I posted on social media, trying to spread awareness of this horrible drug and the issues benzos can cause. I thought this group might appreciate this more than my friends and family, as no one understands this like you all do.

 

Today is a key milestone for me. I’ve been tapering a benzodiazepine for 1 year and 9 months, and last night I took my last dose (at 0.002mg). Yes, that is how long it has taken me to safely get off a medication I took as prescribed for less than 4 months (originally less than 6 weeks but I was unable to do the ‘standard’ rapid taper off successfully, and in turn, kept getting put on more meds and told to stay on my benzo). No this is not addiction - that is a totally different challenge. This is dependence, where my brain could not function normally without taking this painfully slow; my GABA receptors have been damaged and my brain out of synch. My symptoms have been debilitating and shaken me to my core. I’ve had horrible, terrifying panic attacks that sent me to the hospital, crippling anxiety where I feel like my nervous system is on fire, insomnia, inability to focus, exhaustion, dizziness, shaking, tinnitus, full body aches, stomach aches, crazy sneezing attacks, the list goes on.

 

And this taper and benzo brain injury has happened during one of the most intensely crazy times in my and my family’s lives. Like they say ‘when it rains it pours’... well the last few years it’s been a monsoon. Here’s a glimpse at the past few years highlights (outside of the insane macro environment of this time period):

 

- 6 deaths in our family, including the devastating loss of my father in law, who passed last month.

250+ Dr. appointments in 2 years. Many for me, some for my husband who had his own health challenges during this time. But most are for my daughter, who is struggling more and more with emotional regulation, impulse control and anxiety. It’s heartbreaking.

- 4 separate diagnoses for my daughter… each one noting the previous diagnosis wasn’t right. We are still on the journey to determine what is happening and how we can best support her.

- 3 school suspensions - just in the last 2 months - due to my daughters inability to regulate herself in school.

- 1,270,000 tantrums - some are me… most are my daughter, a few are my husband and son

- 3 tongue surgeries (going the hippy route to improve breathing)

- $20k+ in just out of pocket medical expenses in 2022 (not to mention the ongoing fights with insurance to get any money back)

- 130+ days of contractors in our house in the last year, some for things we planned for, many for things we did not… all of which have been exhausting

- 1 very difficult (emotionally and financially) lawsuit (which I can’t give more details due to a confidentiality agreement at settlement)

 

I haven’t taken a sip of alcohol in over 2 years, solely because alcohol affects these same brain receptors and could throw me back into acute withdrawal and panic, and as much as I like my wine, it isn’t worth it for a second. And I likely can’t drink for a year or two after getting off, as my brain receptors still have a lot of healing to do. Even with all these precautions, this has been a wild ride, forcing me to take two leaves from work, endless amounts of doctor appointments/therapy/self care, not able to get off the couch at times, not able to think straight for months on end, multiple nights of crawling into bed with my children to just hold them to calm my nervous system, and constantly obsessing over the speed with which I have been tapering (its a symptom based taper, so you speed up and slow down based on how you are feeling, but cuts in dose can take days or weeks to hit so it’s very difficult to ‘get right’)

 

No this doesn’t happen to everyone, and mental health meds have their place and work very well for some people. I, by no means, am saying mental health meds are all bad. But with benzos, as many as 40% of people have withdrawal problems, some for years and years after they get off them, and there needs to be more awareness of this. For me, it took finding a forum (YAY BENZO BUDDIES HERE!) of hundreds of thousands of people going through the symptoms I was going through. The forum helped me realize I wasn’t crazy, it wasn’t a huge surge of new underlying crippling anxiety and I didn’t need more and more drugs (like my psychiatrist at the time thought I did)

 

For the record, I ‘primed the pump’, so to speak, for years. I took Ambien for 10 years. I was very strict about only taking a few a month, and I ensured I never took more than a few days at a time, until 2020 hit. Suddenly in Sept 2020, I couldn’t sleep AT ALL. DAYS of no sleep made me feel crazy. So out of desperation, I took Ambien for a month straight, trying to find any therapy or ways to sleep without meds. After a few weeks I had to double it, and a few weeks later I still couldn’t sleep even on 10mg of Ambien. My (then) Dr. told me to stop Ambien, without tapering, and it wouldn’t be an issue. And once I stopped, all hell broke loose, I ended up in the hospital with severe panic attacks and anxiety that I wouldn’t  wish on anyone.

 

It was then I saw a psychiatrist who put me on Klonopin to ‘reset my nervous system’ and to take 0.5mg ‘day and night, regardless of how I felt’ for 3-5 weeks. I started CBT-i at the same time, which was a very intense sleep training and therapy where I was intentionally sleep restricted, couldn’t use any electronic devices for 3+ hours before bed, and recorded every moment of my sleep in a log for months on end. I tried to use benzos as a ‘bridge’ while I worked on better sleep habits in therapy. But alas, I couldn’t get off the Klonopin without going back to the acute panic and terror I had when I got off Ambien cold turkey. Little did I know this was all withdrawal, until I found that forum, understood Ambien is essentially a ‘baby benzo’ that affects the exact same receptors, found a new Dr. who specializes in getting people off benzos, and have since slowly tapered and charted every 2-5% cut I took from my med… which leads up to this incredible day where I am finally DONE. And I’m sleeping. Albeit some issues at times, my anxiety is high at times, I still have trouble focusing and thinking straight, I’m exhausted, and my nervous system is constantly out of whack. But I’m here. I did it. I defeated my biggest enemy yet, and I will only grow stronger from here.

 

I have learned so much about myself, I have learned to accept anxiety and learn from it vs. fight and fear it. I have learned to stop, truly pause, and rest. Which for someone who historically has found my personal value in what I achieve and get done, has been a long road. But I am a better ‘me’ now, and I am continuing to work on myself, my mental health, my mind-body connection, and where I put my attention.

 

This journey doesn't end when you get off (As YOU ALL NOW BEST!) Many people have horrible symptoms for weeks or months after, even with a slow taper. Some have symptoms for 5-10+ years and may never fully recover. But this HUGE chapter is done. And I, for one, am incredibly proud to be where I’m at today.

 

I am so grateful for all the love and support from this forum and the help you all have provided me along the way. This is a difficult road, but we are DOING IT and we are HEALING! Keep spreading the good word, supporting the community and fighting on. WE GOT THIS!

 

I’ve been waiting for this post, KlonopinQuitterinCO.  Congratulations and well done!

Way to go! :thumbsup:

Congrats KQ you're FREE!!

Congratulations! I hope recovery is smooth sailing!

Congratulations.  You truly are doing great.  Awesome perspective.  Thank you!

Awesome awesome job!!! Our stories are so similar in ways, you give me hope I can make this last bit down!! Been a long journey for you and your family and I’m sorry there have been a lot of challenges for you as a mom on top of your benzo hell. You made it to your finish line of the poison and I wish you great healing and a path that leads to what’s helpful for your daughter!!! Hopeful that answer comes soon and y’all have a 2023 that brings only much needed good things!!!

 

Congrats again on getting off the K! And for spreading the word about it, awareness would have def saved many people on here had the info been out there!

Thanks so much everyone!! Fri (Wed was my last dose) was pretty rough, and surprisingly since usually it was 3 days after a cut I felt it the most. But the last few days I barely had a drop of the liquid so must have been feeling it from Mon or Tues. I could barely move on Fri, was super anxious and achy, and I sat and cried for awhile, which I think I needed more than I thought.

 

Last two days I’ve been really exhausted still but been able to get out and go places, then I crash when I get home on the couch. But hoping things get better and better from here! Fingers crossed!

 

So grateful for everyone’s support on here!

Wooooooohoooo! Wow. So proud of you and right there with you at 6 days off Klonopin. So far I felt a lot the whole night around 30 hours after stopping. I could not sleep and was burning up, sweating, hot flashes, etc. Now I have symptoms all the time (like usual) but what's bothering me most I'd say is brain shaking when I go to sleep and almost like everything is vibrating visually during the night. It's really hard to explain; like an internal brain tremor. I am quite sensitive to sounds right now and then the other 50 symptoms are just the standard taper symptoms. How messed up does that sound, ha. Ughhhh. Wishing us both so much success!