Successful Taper

I never knew you are not supposed to take Klonopin for more than three weeks, so I am surprised they give out 30-day prescriptions. It is almost as if addiction, withdrawal, relapse and profit are anticipated. Anyways, I went from taking it every few weeks for panic to every night for insomnia (1mg every few weeks to 2mg nightly). Then, when I tried to quit cold turkey (following a two-week taper), I got zero hours of sleep for 10 out of 14 days and went to the ER twice (fear of psychosis). Once there, they often prescribed Seroquel or Trazodone, but neither worked and my insomnia continued. The truth is, my body needed Klonopin, even though I did not want to admit it. “I have always used them ‘as needed,’” I thought. “I cannot be addicted. If I start taking them every day at the same time, I will become addicted,” I theorized.

So my doctor recommended I go back on Klonopin and reduce my dose by 25% every two weeks and that is what I did (1mg, .75mg, .50mg, .25mg and .125mg for two weeks a piece). I used a pill cutter so my withdrawal symptoms were fairly bad on certain days: wanting to end my life, feelings of hopelessness, extreme rage, and 2 to 5 hours of sleep every night. But since withdrawal seems to happen no matter how you taper, “whatever.”

For me, the two-hour sleep days usually occurred whenever I went down a dose (every two weeks). But there is hope. I eventually thought of trying Just CBD gummies during the last leg of my .125 taper and they helped wean me off for good.

Sorry, I am rambling. There is so much I could say but I am just ready to move on from this horrible drug. I do not even want to talk about it.

I just want to say that if you are losing sleep every night, keep losing it. Keep going about your daily routine every morning. You are not going to die. Keep taking your taper dosage at the same time every day. Eliminate all junk food from your diet. Eliminate all addictions from your daily routine (cigarettes, comfort food, etc.) — this will help keep your brain calm, so it is not as active when it is time for bed.

And just know that you do not see things as they are, you see them as you are.

I have never wanted to end my life before taking Klonopin, never had constant feelings of hopelessness, etc. But that is what it does to you. It is like putting on a pair of sunglasses and seeing the world through a dark tint.

Unfortunately, delusions are just a part of Klonopin for many people.

I used to believe numbers can pre-tell your future and would freak out whenever I saw certain combinations around me.

Klonopin just takes all of your irrational fears, does nothing to resolve them, and amplifies them the moment you build up a tolerance or reduce your dose.

Keep going. Recovery is certain if you refuse to give up. So many days I thought “I am not going to make it.”

P.S. You know who will not give up on you? God. I used to not believe in him but praying nightly gave me the strength to keep going, the wisdom to know what to do next, and ultimately, recovery. Just pray and ask for proof. You will get it. And sleep will come again. Your mind is wrong. You have been wrong before and today is no different.