I feel like my life is over.

3 months ago I stopped taking Clonazepam and I'm still really struggling.

 

I noticed my symptoms starting to change 2 weeks ago.

Right now I believe I'm dealing with heavy dp/dr, depression, crying spells, weird head sensations, intense cognitive decline, rapid daily mood swings, lack of rationale/reasoning, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, health anxiety, weird/negative thoughts, looping thoughts, confusion and OCD (which I didn't have prior) with some intrusive thoughts, although they aren't as constant/loud as they used to be.

 

This is all I think about.. I feel like I've completely lost who I was. I'm also convinced I'm going to die, that I've caused permanent brain damage and I'm retarded or slowly getting there. The cognitive decline that I've noticed seems to be getting worse by the day, and my rationale and reasoning is deteriorating. I struggle to hold/follow conversations. I find myself struggling to do the simplest of tasks, and I've found it rather difficult to do the things that I used to enjoy - I just get frustrated so easily. All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. I no longer feel better in the evenings, I dread waking up.

 

Certain symptoms have gotten better and others have disappeared, but the rapid cognitive decline, loss of reasoning/rational, dp/dr and fear of dying/retardation/brain damage are debilitating. It takes everything in me to convince myself that I don't need to go to the ER daily.

 

I'm only 25 years old.. I'm terrified that things are going to get worse and I've completely ruined my life.

I'm very sorry to hear about your experiences, with rapid withdrawal.  I went off Clonazepam rapidly in Dec. 2017 and for about six to eight months, I felt the same way but the terrible symptoms began to subside, little by little.  It's a process, but according to everything I've read and heard, recovery is extremely likely for almost everybody. 

 

Benzo post-withdrawal tells you LIES: That you are doomed, that you are permanently damaged, your depression and anxiety is real, that you will never feel good about anything again, and perhaps that you are brain-damaged - and these are all nothing but LIES.  It is a temporary chemical imbalance, which is not well understood, but it passes for most sufferers. I suggest not assigning levels of discomfort to it or keeping track of your symptoms, etc.  Just let it do what it is going to do and try not to stop it because this only makes it worse.

 

I went to OCD Groups, 12 Step meetings, etc. and none of this helped.  I took herbs, all sorts of internet cures, etc, to little or no avail.  The only thing that really helped was CBT therapy, and focusing my energy on other things when needed. I used adult coloring books, crossword puzzles, etc. when I had symptoms that included the inability to sleep, calm down, center my mind, etc. 

 

There have been many members here who were on these drugs, in some cases massive doses, for 20, 30, even 40 or more years before stopping, and they recovered. 

 

I actually believe that I feel and think better now, than before I ever touched this drug. I have been symptom-free, and back to normal for a few years. 

 

Good luck, just try to remember that you are recovering and even if you do not notice it, it's happening.  Best of luck, and I am sure that you will be fine.

At 3 months out you're still in the very early stages of withdrawal.  This process takes much longer than anyone wants it to.  I think just about every single member has felt the deep worry that they'll never get better and never feel like themselves again.  I know I did.  Fear itself is a major symptom in withdrawal because benzos worked on our brains at the deep level of the fear center.  As we heal our brains have to rebuild and repair - as the brain heals we often feel every kind of fear imaginable.  Your brain is healing.  It will take time but the fear will fade away.  This is a miserable process but the brain really does know how to heal.  You will get through this.

This is so hard to read because it feels like I wrote it. What I can say is you are not alone and you will heal in time. What I worry about is your jump was too soon and you didn’t have enough time to adjust to not having much benzo in the body. That can cause your WD to be much worse. This happened to me when I CT’d clonazepam. I had to be put on Ativan some months later and then tapered correctly from that. So far, life is so much better and I am now on a super low dose. Maybe this could be an option for you?

 

Just know that you are not going to die. I went to the ER like 10 times before they figured out what was wrong. Your tissues are not damaged. Rather, your nerves still don’t remember how to process everything on their own without the benzo. That’s why they are causing you so much grief. You can do this. We know you can.

Im so sorry. I feel the exact same way. My life is pretty over. I really screwed my self by ever taking this medicine. Wished I would have known before hand.

This is so hard to read because it feels like I wrote it. What I can say is you are not alone and you will heal in time. What I worry about is your jump was too soon and you didn’t have enough time to adjust to not having much benzo in the body. That can cause your WD to be much worse. This happened to me when I CT’d clonazepam. I had to be put on Ativan some months later and then tapered correctly from that. So far, life is so much better and I am now on a super low dose. Maybe this could be an option for you?

 

Just know that you are not going to die. I went to the ER like 10 times before they figured out what was wrong. Your tissues are not damaged. Rather, your nerves still don’t remember how to process everything on their own without the benzo. That’s why they are causing you so much grief. You can do this. We know you can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So are you finding the low dose is helping you stabilise after the CT?

This is so hard to read because it feels like I wrote it. What I can say is you are not alone and you will heal in time. What I worry about is your jump was too soon and you didn’t have enough time to adjust to not having much benzo in the body. That can cause your WD to be much worse. This happened to me when I CT’d clonazepam. I had to be put on Ativan some months later and then tapered correctly from that. So far, life is so much better and I am now on a super low dose. Maybe this could be an option for you?

 

Just know that you are not going to die. I went to the ER like 10 times before they figured out what was wrong. Your tissues are not damaged. Rather, your nerves still don’t remember how to process everything on their own without the benzo. That’s why they are causing you so much grief. You can do this. We know you can.

 

 

What were your symptoms after you CT'd?

When I first reinstated, I was on .5 Ativan 3 times a day. This got rid of the real bad CT symptoms like loose stool, weight loss, inability to stay still (I was standing all day), I was hungry again, heart was finally under control, bp went down, then I could sleep for about 4 hours a night. My level of fear also went down.

 

When I hit tolerance on temazepam, that’s when I couldn’t sit down, I thought I was going to die, scared my heart was dying, thought I had cancer, my back was in such pain, my throat was closing, chest hurt, I was shaking all the time, obsessing over every single feeling I had, never sleeping, it was a fucking nightmare. I never knew I was on benzos or what they could do ;_; I just wanted to fix my sleep schedule and she gave me a benzo 🤷‍♂️

 

Hope I answered some questions.

Oops! Sorry I left this out: yes, my current dose is just fine. No bad symptoms at all. All I seem to get now is strange sensations on my skin, mostly on my face. Feels like bugs are on me lol Sometimes my throat gets tight as well. Other times I feel super down or melancholy, but it lasts for like 2 minutes. I can also feel fear if my heart skips around, but I get over it pretty fast (only because of therapy 🤷‍♂️). The last symptom I get and it’s rare is waking up at night with anxiety. It used to wake me up and keep me up, but now it wakes me up, pisses me off for 30 seconds, and I drift back to sleep.

When you reinstated how long did it take you to feel like you were stabilising a bit. I just feel my life is over at moment , last 4 weeks got new symptoms which are beyond bearable, so am sort trying it. So hard as the GP who made me CT falsified her notes, to make it appear I had already done a taper so no one will help me or give me any zopiclone. So having get it elsewhere . I originally was on half a tablet that I cut to a 1/4 last couple years on it, Only on day 6, but up and down, day 1 lit improvement, and day 4 but rest crap, just wondering if realistically need give it couple weeks. Not asking for medical advice just what your experience was .Just so hard in UK when have no choice of doctors or psychiatrists , and refuse to give you any sort benzos or z drugs, all will give you in anti psychotics or AD that I can’t take, Just don’t know whether I’m doing right thing. I was fine on zopiclone never had cravings always worked, never needed to increase  the dose all time was on it.

I wish I was brave enough. to try. I hate this drug and the impossible position it has put me in. I cant survive the way I am going but the only option is to take a chance that may very well make everything worse. I just cant believe at almost a year out I am still in this position. I slept 2 miserable hours last night and everything hurts today. Everytime I tell myself that today is the day I am going to feel better but it never happens. I actually think that my life is over now just like the OP. I am still alive but I am not living.

Leann, I would give it a few months for sure. Typically things start to show some improvement.

So roughly how long would you take it before deciding has/ hasn’t worked, maybe month if see no difference?

Personally, I would go 4 months not on anything first. After that, I am unsure when it comes to reinstatement 🤷‍♂️ my severe symptoms went away pretty fast. You really need to find a psychiatrist or doctor that can follow you through this though. Along with a therapist. You shouldn’t do it alone.

Gone 28 months not taking anything, am starting to think it’s permanent  brain damage, don’t buy  into everybody heals anymore.It’s different system in the UK, you don’t have choice here who you see, it. seems benzos and sleeping pills are freely available in US , the rules changed here they won’t give them to you , only then small amount. Dud have call with psych, gave me 10x 5mg diazapam that was it no more. Saw a private psych horrendously expensive he put me on really  high dose duloxetine had me bouncing off ceiling. Don’t have a choice but go it alone. Had 43 months trying get some help only thing will give is AD’s tried 4 different ones all had adverse reaction.  Then found out the GP who made me go CT, falsified her notes said I’d  tapered, so no one will give me any more.  Be grateful you don’t live here!

Personally, I would go 4 months not on anything first. After that, I am unsure when it comes to reinstatement 🤷‍♂️ my severe symptoms went away pretty fast. You really need to find a psychiatrist or doctor that can follow you through this though. Along with a therapist. You shouldn’t do it alone.

 

hey bur, Do you remember what sort of symptoms you were having while you stabilized on your reinstatement.

Personally, I would go 4 months not on anything first. After that, I am unsure when it comes to reinstatement 🤷‍♂️ my severe symptoms went away pretty fast. You really need to find a psychiatrist or doctor that can follow you through this though. Along with a therapist. You shouldn’t do it alone.

 

 

 

 

So how long roughly dud you start to taper down after reinstating? Ideally you should do with a doctor, but my surgery lied about what she did, so no one will help me, just get told I shouldn’t go back on it. They haven’t a clue anyway, trying make me take anti psychotics. I’ve only been back on zopiclone just over week, bit up and down, but still really upset they are all covering up what she did won’t believe me.  I had no idea last time so when briefly tried cutting back stopped days which now realuse caused interdose withdrawal. So will do very slowly

I started tapper about 6 or 8 weeks after reinstatement.

You're still early off after 9 years of use,  it will get better.