Just want to get back my life again, please help

Dear everyone,

 

I need help and support. Recently, after all that I have been through (you can read my experience here http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=272512.0), I am still struggling to find some normalcy. I am scheduled to begin work in a new city (which is not too far away from where I live), but everything is stressing me out. I wonder if I would adapt to my new surrounding (planning on moving to a new apartment), my medical expenses are piling up, I am still sensitive to sound/noise and sleep is not stable yet. I don't really know where my life is heading to. I wake up in the morning to find myself pondering on these issues. I have been brave and tried swimming through the tides of turmoil for the past 1 year, but something has to change. Please help....

 

MM

Congratulations. You were able to get a new job while going thru this. That is an amazing feat that you should be proud of. The only advice that I can give is to try to not stress about it. But that is hollow advice that is easier said than done. I am actually envious of you. You got a new job while I am struggling to hold on to the Job that I have had for 16 years. Anxiety is a bitch and I never had it until I stupidly took and withdrew from xanax. Now I am anxious 24/7.

You're coping with major stressors while going through the horrors of withdrawal.  Despair is so normal in withdrawal it's practically another withdrawal symptom.  I think one of the most powerful tools for coping is to give yourself a giant infusion of encouragement and hope by diving into Success Stories When I was in the hellish thick of withdrawal Success Stories were the brightest beacon of hope.  This and the kind support of BB kept me afloat.

 

You will get through this.  I can tell by the strength I see in your post that you will keep moving forward through each hour and through each day.  And all the while your brain will be healing and rebuilding, cell by cell, and you will be moving closer to recovery. 

I appreciated reading this.  The "cell by cell" part helped.  I have not initiated a path to withdrawing from my clonazepam at this point.  I don't know yet if I will do so.  It has been 17 years at 1.5 mg and I am ill with autoimmune disease and don't know if I can tolerate the withdrawal.  This forum has been honest and raw, but has actually scared me to death.  It seems even AFTER the two-3 years of hell of taper, you find yourself at the end of it not knowing who you are?  Anxious, debilitated.  Am I correct in this?  Does anyone see the sunshine or smell the flowers after their withdrawal is complete?  Is there wellness to be had?  I would love to have a taper schedule for liquid clonazepam coming off of 1.5 mg in case I decide to do this and I have read the Ashton manual but am still very lost on how to initiate this process.  At this point..... I may decrease to 1 mg and hold.  I am 58, battling my health, and quality of life has to matter.  I am tolerant to my 1.5 mg and have some effects from that for certain, but nothing that you all experience.  I imagine if I stay on the 1 mg I am safe from seizure, hallucainations, etc.  I will just feel the anxiety, etc.  Thank you and I do wish you ALL success.

I appreciated reading this.  The "cell by cell" part helped.  I have not initiated a path to withdrawing from my clonazepam at this point.  I don't know yet if I will do so.  It has been 17 years at 1.5 mg and I am ill with autoimmune disease and don't know if I can tolerate the withdrawal.  This forum has been honest and raw, but has actually scared me to death.  It seems even AFTER the two-3 years of hell of taper, you find yourself at the end of it not knowing who you are?  Anxious, debilitated.  Am I correct in this? Does anyone see the sunshine or smell the flowers after their withdrawal is complete?  Is there wellness to be had? I would love to have a taper schedule for liquid clonazepam coming off of 1.5 mg in case I decide to do this and I have read the Ashton manual but am still very lost on how to initiate this process. At this point..... I may decrease to 1 mg and hold.  I am 58, battling my health, and quality of life has to matter.  I am tolerant to my 1.5 mg and have some effects from that for certain, but nothing that you all experience.  I imagine if I stay on the 1 mg I am safe from seizure, hallucainations, etc.  I will just feel the anxiety, etc.  Thank you and I do wish you ALL success.

 

If you read Success Stories you'll see many, many accounts by members who left the darkness of benzo withdrawal behind them and stepped into the sunshine.

For input on a liquid clonazepam taper I encourage your to post a questions on the Titration board : http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=164.0

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks so much for your support. I begin work in January and I am on a sabbatical for the 2 months. I am just worried about my ability to work and function. I am barely keeping afloat and success stories help have lifted my mood a little. I keep reading them everyday. I really don't know where I get the strength to keep going forwards despite everything. I'm telling myself the same message of "not trying to stress over it", I keep reminding myself that this is temporary everyday. Yes, "cell by cell" recovery is tough, I wish it was easy but it is not. I am going towards a liquid titration and stabilize myself on my current dose.

 

MM

An update guys. Today as I was driving to the city, I felt alright in the beginning and then slowly I had this peculiar chest pressure sensation. I wasn't particularly anxious or anything, but it just appeared out of nowhere.

 

Once I was in the city, I felt it was so overwhelming and chaotic. Everything seemed too much for me to bear. I had to rush home. Moreover, I developed some kind of noise sensitivity for the past 10 months. I just can't tolerate traffic sound for some reason.

 

I wonder if anyone experienced the same thing? Thanks.

 

MM

 

 

Your CNS is on high alert - you're dealing with a lot of new stimuli and stress.  I can only imagine how overstimulated and overwhelmed you felt driving into the city - that can be unnerving under the best of circumstances. 

I had hyperacusis in withdrawal - I was very sensitive to a range of sounds, and found a lot of noises unbearable and painfully loud.It seemed like everyone around me was shouting even though I knew they weren't.  I'm wondering if it would be worth it for you to noise filtering earplugs like these? https://www.amazon.com/Loop-Experience-Noise-Reduction-Plugs/dp/B08T6HGDXR/ref=sr_1_5_mod_primary_new?crid=YU7VAEJZJCGQ&keywords=noise+filtering+ear+plugs&qid=1667741550&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sprefix=noise+filt%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-5

Hi Brighterday,

 

Thanks for the recommendation on the noise cancelling ear plugs, certainly look into it. Yes, you are right; my experience in the city was outright unnerving to say the least. I just can't wrap my head around how only 10 months of benzos could completely wreck my system. I just can't believe it, sounds almost impossible to me.

 

MM

I know what you mean - it does seem inconceivable - it's truly unbelievable how much havoc these drugs create in our lives.  But although I know it feels like they've wrecked your system, they haven't.  Our brains know how to heal from this and they do. 

I keep wondering why I am on these other medications (Lexapro and Lyrica) and how I can be completely free of them. I know they do help, I know I am being impatient trying to get well and eager to be off benzos, but I sometimes wonder what I need to do with my life in order to get back on track. There are too many stressors in my life and I can hardly handle all of them. It's a miracle that I held out that long (1 year).

 

Right now, I believe I should put on hold all other major stressors (moving out to the city, accepting a permanent job in the city and relationship issues). I get random chest aches and that cripples confidence at times. My intuition says find peace in whatever way you can, even if it takes a year or two. I don't want to make any rash decisions, but it has been a year and I personally feel something decisive needs to be done.

 

I want to know if others have been in my situation, feeling so trapped and what they did to find some reprieve. Thanks everyone.

 

MM

I also would like to know. I have so many stressors. Work, kids etc. I used to be able to handle all of this and now I cant. But I really have no choice.