Zero sleep, depressed, scared, sad

So I just started the taper on Sunday.  Felt ok for 2 days and yesterday it got me.  So lethargic all day and zero sleep last night.  Is this the pattern after cuts??  Will I just stop sleeping altogether?  For the last 6 months I’ve been dealing with such horrible insomnia.  Never more than 5-6 a night and those are few.  I guess every time I make a cut it’s back to zero nights.  I don’t know if I can handle this.  My husband is so frustrated with me.. says I need to get out of my head.  Im scared for my life and for my marriage. I keep reading sleep deprecation won’t kill me but it sure feels like it is.  How do we survive this???

You just have to keep going one day at a time. I'm almost 11 months off and I still only get 4 or 5 crappy hours of sleep. I did have a night 3 nights ago that I slept for 6.5 hours straight it was wonderful but now back to crap.

Hi Wanttosleep,

 

I was prescibed Flurazepam for sleep. Opposed to Xamax it is the Benzo with the longest half-life of them all. They stopped working after a while, but I started my withdrawal I couldn't imagine I would barely sleep.

 

Anyways my advice is 1) stabilize on a dose 2) Use an antihistamine and 3) Melatonine.

 

Ashton mentions using antihistamine if sleep is really a problem (and I was like A PROBLEM? IT IS THE PROBLEM!).

 

Naf1983

 

So I just started the taper on Sunday.  Felt ok for 2 days and yesterday it got me.  So lethargic all day and zero sleep last night.  Is this the pattern after cuts??  Will I just stop sleeping altogether?  For the last 6 months I’ve been dealing with such horrible insomnia.  Never more than 5-6 a night and those are few.  I guess every time I make a cut it’s back to zero nights.  I don’t know if I can handle this.  My husband is so frustrated with me.. says I need to get out of my head.  Im scared for my life and for my marriage. I keep reading sleep deprecation won’t kill me but it sure feels like it is.  How do we survive this???

You are so right about that..  sleep IS the problem.  I took trazodone last night and Praise Sweet Jesus I slept 6 or 6-1/2 hours.  Deciding what to do tonight..  hope you have a good one.

 

I'm so sorry Wantstosleep - this aspect of benzo withdrawl was by far my worst issue.  It took at least a year for good sleep to return for me.  I finally resorted to a low dose of Trazodone at bedtime which helped break the insomnia cycle for me.  I've had sleep problems my whole life so it wasn't surprising that insomnia was my bugaboo.

 

You may have already read this but I must have read it a dozen times and found it reassuring:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=235100.0

Thanks did the kind words.  I took trazodone the last couple of nights. 6 hours one night which was wonderful and zero last night.  I just don’t know how I will make it with no sleep.  Trazodone isn’t reliable all the time and makes me so groggy with blurred vision the next.  Did it work for you consistently?  And did you continue to cut even if you weren’t sleeping?

Wantstosleep,

You asked how we get through this. There is no trick, we simply do because what choice do we have? I would not let myself worry too much about your husband's reaction since you have enough on your plate to deal with. When in withdrawal and sleep deprived, we tend to think the worst about every situation and dump a ton of stress on ourselves. It is just a part of the whole nasty experience. He is probably just as scared and frustrated as you. As long as you stick to the plan and keep working to get off the benzo each bad night will bring you closer to healing.

Hey aloha,

Did you have or do you still have sleep anxiety. Sometimes I think my brain may healed because most of my other symptoms are gone except for the horrible anxiety. Which I believe is centered around this sleep issue. How did you overcome this? I cant enjoy the day or night because all I can think about is how tired I am and then worry if I will sleep tonight. I cant stop it. Do you have any tricks or tips that you used.

Thanks did the kind words.  I took trazodone the last couple of nights. 6 hours one night which was wonderful and zero last night.  I just don’t know how I will make it with no sleep.  Trazodone isn’t reliable all the time and makes me so groggy with blurred vision the next.  Did it work for you consistently?  And did you continue to cut even if you weren’t sleeping?

 

Are you still taking the 2.5mg alprazolam that you reinstated in August?  It looks like you updosed as well then and you still have insomnia?

Hey aloha,

Did you have or do you still have sleep anxiety. Sometimes I think my brain may healed because most of my other symptoms are gone except for the horrible anxiety. Which I believe is centered around this sleep issue. How did you overcome this? I cant enjoy the day or night because all I can think about is how tired I am and then worry if I will sleep tonight. I cant stop it. Do you have any tricks or tips that you used.

 

Hi Xray,

Yes, I still get sleep anxiety when I am in one of my frequent periods of bad sleep. Sometimes I think that it is PTSD from my severe withdrawal experience, but I also think that since I am able to get good sleeps, I know how much better the next day is because of them and I just want the next day to be good. After a couple of goods nights the anxiety starts to go away, until the next time.

 

I don't know if there are any special tricks other than just trying to focus on the rest you are getting while in bed and not the fact that you are not sleeping (because you probably are getting some sleep that you are not aware of). Also trying to keep yourself distracted during the day helps you forget your sleep issue, at least until a bout of fatigue sets in. Sleep anxiety is a vicious circle that keeps feeding itself when you think about it.

Hi Wanttosleep,

 

in my long journey, after tapering dangerously fast, there was a point in time: May 2022, I was still cutting. I just wanted to come off and get my life back...

 

But when I went to see my psychiatrist, I was like: "I want to come off these evil drugs... but am barely sleeping and I am so utterly exhausted... I don't know if I'll survive this.

 

She really took the time and made a plan. Step 1 was to hold for a while. Secondly, there were 3 meds that I could try, in this order: Promethazine, Mirtazepine and Trazodone. I tried all of them -- Mitrazepine messed up my thoughts and Trazodone was horrible to me, so I only tried it once.

 

In June 2022, after holding for 30 days and sticking with Promethazine and Melatonin... I was sleeping, considering, very well! I was in shock: I hadn't slept so well in months! Granted, it wasn't the greatest sleep ever, but so much better.

 

I will never know what it was: the holding or the meds. After June 2022 I felt like I had to cut and ended up in a sleepless prison. I know Ashton mentions sleep and possible aids. I feel like I should be a zen master when it comes to sleep -- I stay calm and can accept a few days of poor sleep. But when you're having weeks of months of very poor sleep -- it's so awful!

 

So to now: I am indefenitly holding on 4mg. Diazepam, taking 0.5mg. Melatonin and 50mg. Promethazine. I've been holding for 30 days and my sleep is so much better.

 

Perhaps this can help you.

Best of luck,

Naf1983

 

Thanks did the kind words.  I took trazodone the last couple of nights. 6 hours one night which was wonderful and zero last night.  I just don’t know how I will make it with no sleep.  Trazodone isn’t reliable all the time and makes me so groggy with blurred vision the next.  Did it work for you consistently?  And did you continue to cut even if you weren’t sleeping?

Thank you for the response.  Long term sleep deprivation is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  I am only familiar with trazodone and not the other two.  By the grace of God trazodone has helped  me twice this week ..  close to 7 hours last night.  I had a lovely day today spent with grandchildren and I am thankful.  Now it’s getting dark and I’m as always anxious about tonight.  It’s very early in the taper for me so I’m just praying for the best.  I’ll talk to my doctor about the other 2 meds if trazodone lets me down.  Blessings to you.

Hi Wanttosleep,

 

I've been there. My answer: getting stable does the trick for me and not to make too large reductions.

 

Your Trazadone isn't helping you sleep? If not, I'd ditch it.

 

Naf1983

 

So I just started the taper on Sunday.  Felt ok for 2 days and yesterday it got me.  So lethargic all day and zero sleep last night.  Is this the pattern after cuts??  Will I just stop sleeping altogether?  For the last 6 months I’ve been dealing with such horrible insomnia.  Never more than 5-6 a night and those are few.  I guess every time I make a cut it’s back to zero nights.  I don’t know if I can handle this.  My husband is so frustrated with me.. says I need to get out of my head.  Im scared for my life and for my marriage. I keep reading sleep deprecation won’t kill me but it sure feels like it is.  How do we survive this???

Hey, this post was written before I started the trazodone.  It has been helping me since I started to taper. I have made two cuts and  stable except that today I have developed a low grade fever.  Negative Covid test today and pray it stays that way.  I’m going to hold until whatever this is passes.  I know trazodone has mixed reviews but as long as it works I will just have to keep on and deal with it later.  I have been having some good days with 5-6 hours sleep and just pray this continues.  And my dark depression is better. Wondering if the trazodone is helping that.  Also.. my PCP who is currently my prescriber has zero knowledge about benzo withdrawal and is trying to enforce unreasonable cuts with no flexibility.  By the grace of God I have an appointment Wednesday with a new psych who is an addiction specialist.  I am praying he will be the right person to assist and make a sensible plan for me.  I talked to him before I went with the wrong guy and I liked him.  Regrettably I chose the other doctor who was on the benzo wise list.  He did me no favors.  Thankful this guy will talk to me again and hopeful.  I need someone to guide me. Taking one day at a time.  Hope you are well.  🙏🏻🙏🏻

Im glad trazadone works for you. I tried that and felt horrible and i didnt sleep. Ive tried it all. Kava, ashwongonda, drinking a ton of alcohol, ambien, ambien XR, Serequol. Nothing works. I just lay there feeling wierd wishing i hadnt taken it cause now im not only dealing with not sleeping but feeling awful too.

 

The only thing that works is for me to meditate, and that only calms me down. Sometimes it helps me to fade away into sleep, but doesnt help with staying asleep.