Symptoms so far 😔😔😔 this is ridiculous

These are the symptoms I've had so far. Keep in mind this is a list collected of the course of 8 years. I've only been tapering, followed by prematurely jumping and going C/T due to paradoxical effects everytime I'd take my dose,for a good year and half. This is the list I've started documenting keep In mind I know these are benzo related because I've gone into debt pretty badly having each and every symptoms as they came along, tested multiple times. They got better when I'd take my benzo dosage until they got worse and worse. I was on Ativan 2mg,taken as needed and only given 15 tablets monthly. Eventually I ran into tolerance, tolerance withdrawal and needed more of the drug. I was running out midway every month for 7 years, eventually my body in guessing took this as a cold turkey withdrawal and reinstatement (Kindling) for 7ish years without me realizing it. I'm doing much better, the entries towards the body are current as I kept everything organized and as close to when they happened as possible.

 

Also Benzodiazepines was the only medication I was on. I don't drink ( I never had a addiction issue or anything like that I just didn't like the buzz feeling or being drunk), don't smoke cigarettes nor weed, no illegal and narctoci usage ever. No poly intoxication at all. This was straight benzodiazepine as needed only.

 

1 - Loss of hair (regrew)/ hair texture changes like cotton candy texture hair and thinning

 

2 - short term memory issue, I remember there was a entire week where I couldn't Remeber my own age for the life of me

 

3 - unexplained Ear infections

 

4- Skin issues, pimples, flushing easily and at random moments for no reason, rashes, skin looks older look and pimples

 

5 - Benzo flu w/ nausea

 

6 - Tinnitus and visual disturbances like hearing my name when no one called me

 

7 - Jerking in sleep and random neck tics

 

8 - Blood pressure issues both decreased and increased

 

9 - Rapid heart beat, heart palpitations lasting days to sometimes weeks, chest pressure like a band was squeezing my chest

 

10 - Body Temperature imbalances

 

11 - Exteme sweating

 

12 - Convulsion and two seizures

 

13 - Chills and cold sweats

 

14 - Chemical sensativity to damn near everything for a while including my normal medications

 

15 - Food sensativities

 

16 - Dental illness, loss of teeth

 

17 - afraid to drive

 

18 - afraid to be looked at, keep in mind I never had social anxiety issues before I hit tolerance.

 

19 - random tremors/shaking for no reason

 

20 - either difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep or fear to go to sleep. Again never had insomnia issues until tolerance.

 

21 - Drowsiness like I took a antihistamine or something just out of the blue

 

22 - extreme dry mouth and metal taste

 

23 - nightmares and paralysis and this old woman looking at me in the corner and I couldn't move

 

24 - Paradoxical effects and adverse effects to the Ativan, I'd take a dosage when suppose to when tapering and in 5-10 minutes I'd have these sensations of being out of body or extremely lightweight with my head feeling like it was too heavy, weighed down

 

25 - Depression. At the worst I'd lock myself in my bedroom for weeks

 

26 - suicidal ideology and this over whelming urge to harm myself which still freaks me out. I can't explain how it felt it really scared me.

 

27 - over whelming fear of leaving the house (there's a word for this)

 

28 - social anxiety (never had it before tolerance)

 

29 - dimmed/heightened emotional status

 

30 - increased anger and easily frustrated

 

31 - Apathy (feeling no emtions, a shell of who I was void of characteristics and personality trades

 

32 - feelings of doom/dread

 

33 - increase in underlying conditions

 

34 - Dizzy/lightheadedness/heavy headed, if I'm in a car I'd get these weird and uncomfortable sensations of feeling wobbly and like I was spin and leaning over while the car was moving (I'm in the passenger seat I'd never endanger another person)

 

35 - Cognitive impairment and fog, forming thoughts and ideas felt like I had a mental block. Like getting to a conclusive thought was like moving in extremely thick liquid...the further I went the thicker my mentality got

 

36 - difficulty speaking, pronouncing words, difficultly finding the right word, constructing sentences and executing sentences

 

37 - Inability to form thoughts or visualize what would be a good word for this opening. I use to be cleaver and sharp

 

38 - Heightened anxiety/

Anxiety conditions I've never had such as health anxiety, OCDP, Catastrophizing,overthinking intrusive thoughts and chemical embalanced/induced anxiety where cooking could send me into a alerming state of being

 

39 - Feeling wobbly and off balance especially wheil lying down

 

40 - sensation of being drunk when I wasn't

 

41 - Sensation of extreme weakness in over all body, wobbly legs, couldn't lift arms

 

42 - Sensation of weakness not able to leave my bed

 

43 - Akathisia three times.

 

44 - Aches and pains in weird places for no reason

 

45 - Tightness in head

 

46 - Depersonalization/derealizarion

 

47 - Adrenaline rushes

 

48 - Sensation of extremely weighed down or the opposite of feeling floaty

 

49 - Sensation of falling within my mind, and when lying down I felt like there was no bed beneath me like was just sinking

 

50 - Sensation of room expanding and Hallways gaining length

 

51 - sensations of visual environment staying still while I move/walk as if my visual environment did not move to meet my perception

 

52 - Hellucinations such as seen shadow people, tasting what I haven't had in years and food not tasting the same

 

53 - Sensation of brain feeling heavy/weighed down

 

54 - Blurred vision

 

55- Light sensitivity, got so bad all I could do for 5 months was sit in a dark room with a blue towel over my eyes

 

56 - Seeing yellow or blue spots

 

57- Dim vision

 

58 - Visual snow

 

59 - Flickering vision

 

60 - Visual auras

 

61 - sensation of Eyes feeling weird

 

62 - Seeing flashing lights when eyes closed with patterns and sensations of vertigo when eyes are closed

 

63 -Vivid vision

 

64 - Uncontrollable visual focus like I'd be locked onto a object at a frightening degree of focus with zoom inhanced

 

65 - Sensation of extreme dryness in skin or the opisite, like my skin is extremely flaky or sand like in texture

 

66 - Sensation of skin being pulled apart or crawling

 

67 - Face dropping especially my eye

 

68 - Sensation of burning in cheeks, skin around eyes and burnt lips or the oppisite of numbness in my cheeks and lips but normally on my left side but it could switch sides

 

69 - Sensation of brain moving

 

70 - Sensation of a object in throat

 

71 - Sensation of choking

 

72 - Air Hunger especially when laying down

 

73 - Tics in neck or involuntary movements

 

74 - Extreme chest pain and squeezing

 

75 - Sensation of numbness in left arm and pecs

 

76 - Fingertip pain and numbness

 

77 - sensation of palms feeling like sandpaper

 

78 - inner shakiness in hands, arm and neck without producing shaking exteriorly

 

79 - Sensation of extreme tightness in left arm (Tri/Bicep) and wrists

 

80 - Sensation of electric shocks in wrists, elbows and muscles

 

81 - Weird to painful nerve pain

 

82 - Abdominal pains/sensations not on skin but inside include:

83 - 1) pinching in intestinal                      track that moves

84 - 2) swelling and inflammation

85 - 3) burning sensations to verious degrees, from sensations of a sun burn to being branded in areas such as stomach, liver, kidneys and lower abdominal in pubic hair area

86 - 4) extreme iching inside, lower abdominal and penis

87 - 5) back pain I never had before

88 - 6) Pelvic pain

89 - 7) stabbing sensations all over abdomin

90 - electric shocks in intestinal track.

91 - 9) swollen abdominal section

 

92 - sensation of muscle in leg being pushed down

 

93 - weird rash in legs

 

94 - pain in left foot primary left food but can alternate side to side like most symptoms

 

95) - weakness in left food that would switch sides

 

96) - nail cracking, splitting

 

97) - spider vains in legs

 

98) - sensations of burning, numbness in both feet especially at night

 

99) - sensitivity to heat, I'll get dizzy or feel pins and needles on skin

 

100) sensation of super smooth, almost uncomfortably smooth skin like my poors, oils and any resistance skin on the face should have, completely gone with mild itching or it could go the other way where my skin feels more pounced and rough, like sand

 

101) Eye twitches and burning on chin

 

102) intestinal sandpaper. This one is difficult to explain but it feels like my intestines are sandpaper, very rough and sore.

 

 

103) whenever I get nervous, sometimes excited my body feels extremely weak, my limbs feel like jelly and wobbly, my neck shakes and shivers, my hands shake. This is completely different then what you'd experience in a panic or anxiety attack. I could never explain fully what this feels like

 

104) when I wake up in the morning, my sight needs time to adjust like most people but I see eventhing in micro squares and my eyes feel really weird

 

105) muscles difference, I couldn't stop losing muscle. Theres a word for this. But I eventually got it all back, like the hair loss it took a minute but I got it back and then some.

 

106) Swelling in all areas of the body. Randomly for no reason

 

107) my palms would feel like there was sawdust and extremely dry

 

108) pelvic pain, penile burning, itching and stinging

 

109) sometimes I will think about a symptom I experienced and it'll come back around for a few minutes to a few hours

 

110) Electric painful zaps in intestinal track. (very scary symptom)

 

111) Air Hunger. I'd get air Hunger with arm tightness and numbness primarily my left arm.

 

112) Burning in feet, bottom of feet feel on fire but the worst is my big toe on my left, the middle section feels like it's burnt, little sensation like numbness. Like if you touched a stove, that after effect

 

113) Now my soles of my feet burn, my fingers feel tingling and like they've been pressed against glass... There's a certain rash type of feeling to them but very dull

 

114) scared to be home alone, I'd feel this sense of doom whenever someone was over and said "Alright man I'm heading out", I'd often start crying because my emotional response was so over the top

 

115) breast pain, around the nipple

 

116) Difficulty losing Adrenaline. If I have a panic attack I shake uncontrollably and it takes hours to come back to a normal state even with a lorazepam in my system I still extend the physical symptoms of extreme panic

 

117) Weird and scary vibration/inner movement/shakey and weak sensation in my neck primarily at the back

 

118) feeling like I'm. On the edge of a horrible possible experience. Example would be my eyes,if I'm having visual disturbances I also have this secondary sensation and effect like I'm just on the edge of blindness.

 

119) weird sharp feelings. Example, I had this sharp pain like I was stratched by a cat on my lower abdomin near my pubic hair. But there's no marks or visual marks.

 

120) very intense weaknesses all over the body at complete random to where I had to sit down or lay down

 

121) sensation of choking or my throat around my adams apple, or the corners of my throat were swollen and tightening. Happens randomly but still scary

 

122) worsen of eye disturbances. Things keep getting more intense. It can back off for a week maybe up to three but it seems to come back and hit harder.

 

Again I am doing much now. I only expwrie Ce maybe 5-7 symptoms currently, but only like 4 constantly. The rest went away.

So glad you are down to just a handful!!!

I was going down your list and saying out loud "yep, yep, yes, oh yeah, I remember that one".....to pretty much all of it

It TRULY is ridiculous!!! 

If only that were the list the doctors would give us before prescribing right??!!!

 

Ugh. I was planning on making a similar list to go with my success story I'm working on. Maybe I will cut and paste some of yours 

reading your list was a painful reminder of where i was, now i have like 1 or two symptoms. People DO heal, hold on

 

Offline SouthernBelle08

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Re: Symptoms so far 😔😔😔 this is ridiculous

« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2021, 04:55:04 am »

Quote

So glad you are down to just a handful!!!

I was going down your list and saying out loud "yep, yep, yes, oh yeah, I remember that one".....to pretty much all of it

It TRULY is ridiculous!!!

If only that were the list the doctors would give us before prescribing right??!!!

 

Ugh. I was planning on making a similar list to go with my success story I'm working on. Maybe I will cut and paste some of yours

 

 

By all means Southernbelle08, copy and paste. That was one of the points when I was posting this entire list on Benzo Brain's, was to show others "You cqn have hundreds of damn symptoms". I want people who had more than 10 symptoms to understand that you arnt alone. You arnt crazy.. The symptoms we experience really can go on for miles and miles.... At about symptom 16 I started thinking "There's no way I'm experiencing all these damn symptoms and no one else has experienced all these, maybe I'm not going through withdrawal maybe it's something worse". But nope... After spending thousands of dollars and the symptoms are damn near gone I can easily say it's withdrawal. And they do go away. While in this damn process of recovery it's so easy to trick your self into thinking this isn't benzo related there's no way but... Yeah, you really can be effected to this degree especially when the CNS/PNS is at play, the CNS/PNS alone governs the vestibular system

Neurological system

Musculatory system

integumentary system, skeletal system, muscular system, lymphatic system, respiratory system, digestive system, nervous system, endocrine system, cardiovascular system, urinary system, and reproductive systems. It's so scary... And I bet that's not even all that's effected. Just keep fighting, don't you dare allow this process to break you.

Pinkyandthebrain

Thank you so much for sharing, it's so easy to get lost in this doom, helpless and fearful state of wondering "What the hell is going on?, how is this so damn lengthy?"

Especially when you only see the majorty of people just posting up to 6-7 symptoms that they've experienced meanwhile you are at 120 different symptoms (not dismissing anyone's suffering) I'm just saying it makes you question your self alot... Having so many damn issues. Thank you for posting and giving hope.

Wow, I call this the true master list more complete and explicit than the big books have.

 

All of those, I have been living with for 3 yrs since day 1 starting valium!

 

Such a great topic and now hearing others saying they have only a few left is life saving as I'm losing the last hope being so sick and crippled for so long.

 

Thank you and all for chiming in !

 

Will share it with my family, finally a real description of how I lived everyday.

Hi mustang saydie,

 

Forgot to ask, when did you see major improvement? It sounds you were off completely late 2020.

 

Do you still have sensitivity to food and chemicals etc.?

4Mom

Apologizes I still don't know how to direct a response to someone particularly. But yes you are correct I was late 2020,it was October 30st to be exact. October 30th I decided to C/T because I was having paradoxical effects every single dose while practicing Water titration method. Like uncomfortable paradoxical effects like I was floating or my mind felt like it was falling in my head. Scary stuff at every dosage. So I jumped on October 30th into C/T. (worst mistake don't do it if you don't have to).

I felt I turned my corner on March 22nd and I'll never forget that date. Now up until then I was feeling better but for every good day, I'd have four really bad days to the point where I dread having those good days cause I knew what followed. On the 22nd I just woke up on one of those bad days, I believe it was the third of my bad days and I felt my self which I thought there was a mistake or I was dreaming and I'd wake up anytime now into "F**K Town". And that entire day I just dread the part where I'd feel my symptoms come and hit me hard as a punishment of feeling normal. The weeks that followed I finally put two and two together realizing "Wait... Is this that corner everyone talks about?". Sure enough I damn near cut through the vast majorty of my terrible symptoms in a week's time.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a 100%,i have some symptoms come back and hit me but they arnt as intense and they never last longer then a few hours. I do still get new ones like the ones I'm dealing with now but they straighten out quicker then before. I mean look at my symptom track record it speaks for it's themself... Im currently at 122 (I Had to add a few symptoms I'm currently experiencing), along wuth being kindled for 6 years without me knowing what this process was... You'd think I'd never recover right? I've never even heard anyone speak past 15 symptoms let alone 122,and I seem to of recovered in a year and a half so if anything, you take that confusion and use it as strength. You tell you self that no matter how bad you feel you are... You will recover regardless and I get it, it's very hard to get to that mind set when you feel so stuck and trap being physically and mentally harmed... I get it I lve been there. Our bodies recover, if you feed it probably you will recover

Mustang,

 

Thank you for posting this! I am still tapering and I have experienced maybe 5 symptoms but anxiety and severe insomnia are on my list. It's refreshing to know that you DO heal and thank you for pointing that out. Hopefully, if you can move past 100+ symptoms, I can get past 5 or so. my best to you in your continued recovery.

 

  HM

Brilliant list.

 

I have had/have most of that.

 

Can I ask how you got your muscle back?

I am too weak to do much but even when try I simply can’t improve tone.

Also food & chemical reactions etc cause sudden muscle flaccidity as does trying to do much.

 

Did all you joints clunk and grind from jaw to feet and whole spine?

 

Its bizarre how accurate list is, but in my case it was more of tired,anxious,weak and depressed  pick any 2 and ull be right as brains have so little energy early on so that 20 symptoms could been happening trough the day, but as with everything most annoying  is that persists the strongest, luckily most clump together and usually dont last past a week, as in my case most scary symptom up to now is that i managed to pass by 10 years on auto pilot, so a lot of social situations tasks feel foreign to me, once u do em completely free of drugs after a decade passed.

Adjusta

Brilliant list.

 

I have had/have most of that.

 

Can I ask how you got your muscle back?

I am too weak to do much but even when try I simply can’t improve tone.

Also food & chemical reactions etc cause sudden muscle flaccidity as does trying to do much.

 

Did all you joints clunk and grind from jaw to feet and whole spine?

 

Apologize I dknt know how to navigate this site properly, I was told to copy/paste someone else's message so they know you are speaking to them directly, I don't fully know how to do that yet but I'm happy to answer your question

 

I didn't experience any joint issues so I can't touch on that it would be unfair.

 

The muscle aspect was so frightening, that inability to do basically nothing is scary... However I can say from experience that eventually whatever is eatting your muscle away will fade and finally resolve. Muscle wasting was one of the hard ones for me so I completely understand what head space you must be in... This entire damn process is heartless and inhumane to say the least,ive never even heard of such symptoms a person live through as much as in This process its sicken to be in this position however we are hear, the only good that comes out of this is that we completely recover. I kinda went a little crazy when I had muscle weakness and wasting and I started asking dozens of people about their experience and if they got it back. I haven't met anyone who wasn't doing far better months later with the vast majorty getting their muscle back to where it was (obviously if you're a bodybuilder or something you don't simply return back to that status, you have to recover, gain your baseline muscle back and then put back on the muscle from bodybuilding you lost). But yes you will most certainly get your muscle back there's no doubt in mind. It's like the hair loss, it's frightening in that situation and it makes you believe that this is your new life now. Don't listen to your subconscious it'll drive you nuts. No matter how long it's been since the muscle issues started with you. Just know that there's a end in sight for your suffering where you get your life back from these damn pills

Mustang,

I am experiencing all those symptoms and I’m tapering from Ativan. I question all the time if this really is benzo withdrawal or something else. Everyday is a fight to survive. My symptoms don’t improve with time, I thought they might as I taper.  I don’t know what to do anymore...doesn’t matter if I taper slow or fast or hold I’m so debilitated and scared.

Sorry to be so negative on your thread...

 

Your story is truly inspiring, thank you.  I’m so glad you’ve improved. 🤗

 

This is a very thorough list and I also had most of these symptoms. I am so glad that you are doing better these days and hope that you continue to heal. Thank you writing this!

Great job on the list. I CTed off xanax about 20 yeas ago, had all of those, also had psychosis a lot. AT 6 months I got some quality recovery, but it took about a year and a half to be pretty functional. I could still get triggered and have sxs. I did not even know I was on a benzo, and had no idea why I was insane, but held out. No medical help at all, just gaslit.

 

I got put back on this shit 7 years ago for bad reactions to bad medications, and the xanax has always felt bad. I am at a very high dose, so too dangerous to CT. However, the doses are getting worse, and I am having to cut to a dose that doesn't do much to escape paradox doses.

 

In pretty bad shape.

 

In hindsight, if I had known about benzo wd , I would of tapered off after I became dependent the second time and not let this dependence get as bad as it is now. I just did not know what I was doing.

 

Thanks again!

-Dove

Great job on the list. I CTed off xanax about 20 yeas ago, had all of those, also had psychosis a lot. AT 6 months I got some quality recovery, but it took about a year and a half to be pretty functional. I could still get triggered and have sxs. I did not even know I was on a benzo, and had no idea why I was insane, but held out. No medical help at all, just gaslit.

 

I got put back on this shit 7 years ago for bad reactions to bad medications, and the xanax has always felt bad. I am at a very high dose, so too dangerous to CT. However, the doses are getting worse, and I am having to cut to a dose that doesn't do much to escape paradox doses.

 

In pretty bad shape.

 

In hindsight, if I had known about benzo wd , I would of tapered off after I became dependent the second time and not let this dependence get as bad as it is now. I just did not know what I was doing.

 

Thanks again!

-Dove

 

Hey my benzo friend I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe we can help eachother out especially in waves. Please, PM me whenever.

 

We're you able to fully recover the first time around? Before you were put back on benzos? Because right now the food sensitivity whuch revs up all my symptoms, Visual disturbances, head pressure and sensations are my worst symptoms. The rest does visit me sure but they go away within a day.

 

As for you and your situation don't you worry, Lots of people unfortunately get out back on this toxic only recover a second and third time. Unfortunately many have no idea what they're dealing with the first time around so when a doctor puts them back on a benzo they simply have no idea it was the benzo to begin with.

 

My mom was on these twice. She was given Valium in the 70's when no groups, no information or anything of informative wisdom was around, she thought she went crazy and sadly her family locked her up... Back then, if you were a woman showing distressed mental shifts your family could have you locked up on a psych ward. Unfortunately they abused her which I won't get into all that right now. Anyways her uncle signed her out, she got off all medications and it took her 4 years of feeling crazy and overly stimulated daily with hundreds of symptoms before she was free. In 1992 she had a nervous break down, at this time she didn't know that she was dealing with benzo withdrawal in 1970,she accepted the Xanax and the same thing happened after being on Xanax for 4 years. She had the same symptoms plus..

She finally realized it was the benzos and she recovered  so trust me recovery does come back around

Great job on the list. I CTed off xanax about 20 yeas ago, had all of those, also had psychosis a lot. AT 6 months I got some quality recovery, but it took about a year and a half to be pretty functional. I could still get triggered and have sxs. I did not even know I was on a benzo, and had no idea why I was insane, but held out. No medical help at all, just gaslit.

In pretty bad shape

 

In hindsight, if I had known about benzo wd , I would of tapered off after I became dependent the second time and not let this dependence get as bad as it is now. I just did not know what I was doing.

 

Thanks again!

-Dove

 

Hey my benzo friend I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe we can help eachother out especially in waves. Please, PM me whenever.  :thumbsup:

 

We're you able to fully recover the first time around? Before you were put back on benzos? Because right now the food sensitivity whuch revs up all my symptoms, Visual disturbances, head pressure and sensations are my worst symptoms. The rest does visit me sure but they go away within a day. No, I did not recover fully, but I did recover significantly from the acute wd I experienced. I think some parts of our body/brain take much longer to heal, and we remain highly sensitive. For example, I was put on 3 days of ativan for something (i still did not know it was a benzo, or what could happen!) I ended up bedbound for 6 weeks. This time around, I will and am being hyper cautious about triggers. I will also accept that i am going to have sensitivities I may not even be aware of, and have bad spells. If I don't great, but I expect it to happen based on my previous experience and on other peoples stories.

 

Many of us develop mast cell activation, which is essentially an allergic reaction to pretty much anything. That is why eating is hard.  Here is the thread on MAS. Quinn asks anyone who wants to post to read through the blog first, as she answers many questions through it.http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=266239.0

 

As for you and your situation don't you worry, Lots of people unfortunately get out back on this toxic only recover a second and third time. Unfortunately many have no idea what they're dealing with the first time around so when a doctor puts them back on a benzo they simply have no idea it was the benzo to begin with.

 

Thanks for the encouragement! I got put back on this shit 7 years ago for bad reactions to bad medications, and the xanax has always felt bad. it does not give me the lovely releif I got the first time around. I am at a very high dose, so too dangerous to CT. However, the doses are getting worse, and I am having to cut to a dose that doesn't do much to escape paradox doses. This could be because I cut my seroquel from 500mg a night to 300 mg, more on that later.

 

In pretty bad shape.

 

I had no idea I would end up like this. I thought I would  take it to get through the med injury , and quit. Uh-Oh, then I started to study, eventually found Ashton, the benzodiazepine coalition, and this group. Now I will never take pharma again, I have been floxed, doxed, and boxed with 3x fluoroquinolones, 3 attempts at SSRIS which made me insane, and finally seroquel. I am tapering the seroquel now, and am going through agony with that, something I did not forsee, mostly mental anguish, and my xanax is not really helping. Seroquel is a horrible drug, and i could no longer tolerate being a zombie who ached all the time.

 

My mom was on these twice. Sorry she went on twice, but it is common. Back then, and even now, people have no idea that it is the first round of benzos that made them sick, there is nothing wrong with them that cant be dealt with through quality counseling and therapy And time. Time is the best  healer.. She was given Valium in the 70's when no groups, no information or anything of informative wisdom was around, she thought she went crazy and sadly her family locked her up... Back then, if you were a woman showing distressed mental shifts your family could have you locked up on a psych ward. Unfortunately they abused her which I won't get into all that right now. Anyways her uncle signed her out, she got off all medications and it took her 4 years of feeling crazy and overly stimulated daily with hundreds of symptoms before she was free. In 1992 she had a nervous break down, at this time she didn't know that she was dealing with benzo withdrawal in 1970,she accepted the Xanax and the same thing happened after being on Xanax for 4 years. She had the same symptoms plus..

She finally realized it was the benzos and she recovered  so trust me recovery does come back around

 

I am so sorry for your mom. My Mother, now 80 also was put on Valium. She quit taking it, felt like it was making her crazy, and had a grand Mal seizure in front of the whole family. Our parents, and sometimes grandparents had no idea what was going on, why they were loosing their minds, and why they were sick. They got gaslit, badly. My mom stopped cold turkey after that. She did not not want to fall into the mental health prison, as she saw that was the general direction for "nervous women who complain," ," She is recovered, I am glad your mom is as well. I am very  sorry she got blamed for what the medical community did to her, and had to go through being committed. Women were so terribly gas lit back then.

 

be well

-Dove