Spiritual Thoughts that Help You Cope with Benzos

Although the limited direct referencing to spiritual or religious texts is permitted here within the context of how our spirituality helps us cope with benzos… I am personally REQUESTING that on THIS PARTICULAR THREAD… no such direct references of any kind be used when sharing your own individual thoughts that are spiritual that help you cope with benzos.  I am requesting this for the following reasons:

1.  I believe it will help others and myself learn to communicate things better spiritually… without making others or myself feel excluded or offended in any way.

2.  I believe it will help me to better understand and to be helped on a deeper level spiritually with my own spiritual thoughts by forcing me to rely only on those thoughts that have been “stored in my heart” about how I think spiritually that helps me cope.

3.  It will help others and myself feel more comfortable and encouraged and focused on each thought as opposed to feeling excluded or distracted by the emphasis only on the specific brand of spirituality rather than the actual helpful spiritual thoughts themselves.

4.  I believe it will challenge others and myself to be more open minded towards each other’s spiritual thoughts (not faith or religious label)  so that I can hold on to thoughts that are good and that I, in my own good conscience, choose to embrace… that are helpful for me in coping with benzos.

5.  I hope and am optimistic that posting on this thread in this particular manner will provoke some of you to comment more and discuss each other’s thoughts more in a way that will be more beneficial to everyone who participates.

Here is my first spiritual thought.

My suffering inexplicably over the past 12 years from benzos has not been in vain.  These specific sufferings that I endure… can be used to help n comfort others who are going through the same things that I have (or am) going through in the same manner in which I have been comforted spiritually and mentally.

Kindly,

j

Thanks Jozsef, I've never considered myself spiritual but after reading your post I looked up the definition and found several and to my surprise I find I am.  My benzo experience has taught me compassion, empathy, humility and gratitude.  I wish I could say I felt all of these things while I was suffering through my cold turkey but the gratitude came after I recovered, although I was grateful for the support of my fellow BenzoBuddies.

I very much appreciate you for bringing this thread to life, you helped me realize that one doesn't have to be religious to be spiritual, that spirituality doesn't necessarily have to be a belief system, it can just be a part of who I've become. 

Going through this experience and coming back to the forum after 8 years away helps keep me away from complacency about these drugs, I never want to forget the pain it caused me and sadly, all of you are helping me stay strong, and for that I'm sorry but thankful.

I've seen your suffering and watched as you've comforted many members while enduring this pain, you've put it to good use but I hope it eases for you soon, you've endured enough.

J, I really like what you said.  It is NOT about any specific religion or quoting religious texts.  It's about our thoughts, actions, and deeds. 

I keep telling myself all day long, "Everything is gonna be alright."

Thanks for this thread Jozsef; I'll share.  Toward my taper I began to realize that I was a much stronger person than I had given myself credit for in a very long time.  Over the years benzos had weakened my spirit and my character.  It washed over me recently that those were returning and I was feeling so much better about myself and in turn, the people and world around me. 

Jozsef.  Thank you for posting this.  I would love to share.

This experience is part of my spiritual learning and growth.  As a spirit living a human life my purpose is learning and growth in many areas.  My purpose here in this life, one of many, is to learn and practice empathy and unconditional love.  Most of my life I have lived with people experiencing mental issues, anxiety and depression.  I saw it from the outside and had no real empathy or compassion.  I learned during these experiences what it is like to see and experience it from an outside point of view. 

This new experience has helped me learn from the other point of view - living it.  In these last 9 months I have learned first hand what deep depression and severe anxiety truly are.  I have now lived and experienced the worst symptoms.  It has helped me understand that everyone may be going through something difficult.  It has taught me to be aware, to listen, to be patient, to be kind, to be understanding, to be helpful, to be empathic and to love unconditionally, without judgement.

I am a different person now.  I have grown so much and while I have a lot more growing to do I am thankful for this experience even though it was the hardest thing that I have ever done!

Thanks Jozsef, I've never considered myself spiritual but after reading your post I looked up the definition and found several and to my surprise I find I am.  My benzo experience has taught me compassion, empathy, humility and gratitude.  I wish I could say I felt all of these things while I was suffering through my cold turkey but the gratitude came after I recovered, although I was grateful for the support of my fellow BenzoBuddies.

 

I very much appreciate you for bringing this thread to life, you helped me realize that one doesn't have to be religious to be spiritual, that spirituality doesn't necessarily have to be a belief system, it can just be a part of who I've become. 

 

Going through this experience and coming back to the forum after 8 years away helps keep me away from complacency about these drugs, I never want to forget the pain it caused me and sadly, all of you are helping me stay strong, and for that I'm sorry but thankful.

 

I've seen your suffering and watched as you've comforted many members while enduring this pain, you've put it to good use but I hope it eases for you soon, you've endured enough.

Thanks for this thread Jozsef; I'll share.  Toward my taper I began to realize that I was a much stronger person than I had given myself credit for in a very long time.  Over the years benzos had weakened my spirit and my character.  It washed over me recently that those were returning and I was feeling so much better about myself and in turn, the people and world around me. 

 

J, I really like what you said.  It is NOT about any specific religion or quoting religious texts.  It's about our thoughts, actions, and deeds. 

 

I keep telling myself all day long, "Everything is gonna be alright."

Jozsef.  Thank you for posting this.  I would love to share.

 

This experience is part of my spiritual learning and growth.  As a spirit living a human life my purpose is learning and growth in many areas.  My purpose here in this life, one of many, is to learn and practice empathy and unconditional love.  Most of my life I have lived with people experiencing mental issues, anxiety and depression.  I saw it from the outside and had no real empathy or compassion.  I learned during these experiences what it is like to see and experience it from an outside point of view. 

 

This new experience has helped me learn from the other point of view - living it.  In these last 9 months I have learned first hand what deep depression and severe anxiety truly are.  I have now lived and experienced the worst symptoms.  It has helped me understand that everyone may be going through something difficult.  It has taught me to be aware listen, to be patient, to be kind, to be understanding, to be helpful, to be empathic and to love unconditionally, without judgement.

 

I am a different person now.  I have grown so much and while I have a lot more growing to do I am thankful for this experience even though it was the hardest thing that I have ever done!

Amen, y'all!  I feel inspired, and thank you. 

JJ, I like the idea of this thread.  It doesn't exclude anyone.  Thanks for starting it.  I just noticed it, and I like it.  I'll be contributing too.

Thanks Jozsef, I've never considered myself spiritual but after reading your post I looked up the definition and found several and to my surprise I find I am.  My benzo experience has taught me compassion, empathy, humility and gratitude.  I wish I could say I felt all of these things while I was suffering through my cold turkey but the gratitude came after I recovered, although I was grateful for the support of my fellow BenzoBuddies.

 

I very much appreciate you for bringing this thread to life, you helped me realize that one doesn't have to be religious to be spiritual, that spirituality doesn't necessarily have to be a belief system, it can just be a part of who I've become. 

 

Going through this experience and coming back to the forum after 8 years away helps keep me away from complacency about these drugs, I never want to forget the pain it caused me and sadly, all of you are helping me stay strong, and for that I'm sorry but thankful.

 

I've seen your suffering and watched as you've comforted many members while enduring this pain, you've put it to good use but I hope it eases for you soon, you've endured enough.

Pamster

Thank you Pamster... for sharing those touching thoughts.  I also think you are compassionate, empathic, humble, and grateful.  I like the point you made about not having to be a part of a belief "system" in order to be spiritual... but just part of who we are.  You provoked me to look up the word spiritual as well, lol... and my favorite one that I read was "related or joined in spirit."  That was the best definition I saw so far anyway.

It's wonderful that there are still those here who are helping you stay strong.... how amazing !!  This journey is teaching me the value of friendships and sticking with people and not giving up on trying to help or encourage them... and also at the same time appreciating those who don't give up on or forsake me... the ones that I value and have helped me the most for the longest.  I believe life's greatest rewards come from such loving commitments... to others as friends or family.  In other words... in doing so... I feel I learn the most and become stronger and more useful in this process.  That's what I see in you, Pamster.  Thank you for treating me with your kindness that I find quite refreshing.  All those wonderful attributes that you acquired through your painful benzo experience... are the ones that I suppose make me feel somewhat "related or joined in Spirit" with you.  (the definition of spiritual ).  Thank you for sharing them with us here on this forum.

Kindly,

j

J, I really like what you said.  It is NOT about any specific religion or quoting religious texts.  It's about our thoughts, actions, and deeds. 

 

I keep telling myself all day long, "Everything is gonna be alright."

Hi Becks the wecks... I like that spiritual thought a lot.  ("Everything is gonna be alright.")

Thanks for this thread Jozsef; I'll share.  Toward my taper I began to realize that I was a much stronger person than I had given myself credit for in a very long time.  Over the years benzos had weakened my spirit and my character.  It washed over me recently that those were returning and I was feeling so much better about myself and in turn, the people and world around me. 

 

Kate08

Thank you for sharing.  That comment really hit home with me.  It took me so many years to see how strong I had become in some ways through this experience... and I'm still on benzos.  Benzos really do weaken our spirit and character as far as what we are able to think, say, and do... but I believe that even in that "weakness" that strong part is being developed and manifested internally.  In english:  I believe the attributes you said you gained by this experience were fully developed even during the pain and "weakness" of spirit and character... I believe they were in there alive and well... just trapped and waiting to get out... but no doubt this experience is what created them in you... and brought them about.  I'm not disagreeing with you.  I'm simply saying that I think they were formed in you before you were totally off the benzos.  Forgive me.. maybe that is actually what you were saying... but just couldn't feel it or sense it until the cloud lifted and the healing began.  Thanks again for sharing that... because I think what you said will encourage anyone on benzos who reads it because it will help them realize that how we feel and see ourselves is not who we are ON or OFF benzos.  In my opinion...this is an aspect of benzowithdrawals spiritually that is perhaps the MOST important spiritual aspect there is for those going through this.  (at least that's what I truly believe).  How we see ourselves during this journey can make or break us in my opinion.  Seems to me... that's why it's so important that people like you keep sharing this thought.  To me... in the "benzowithdrawal weaponry room" it's the atomic bomb !!  I'm so glad you made it through and are able to share with others that wonderful feeling of being released from that state you were in on benzos. 

Kindly,

j

Jozsef.  Thank you for posting this.  I would love to share.

 

This experience is part of my spiritual learning and growth.  As a spirit living a human life my purpose is learning and growth in many areas.  My purpose here in this life, one of many, is to learn and practice empathy and unconditional love.  Most of my life I have lived with people experiencing mental issues, anxiety and depression.  I saw it from the outside and had no real empathy or compassion.  I learned during these experiences what it is like to see and experience it from an outside point of view. 

 

This new experience has helped me learn from the other point of view - living it.  In these last 9 months I have learned first hand what deep depression and severe anxiety truly are.  I have now lived and experienced the worst symptoms.  It has helped me understand that everyone may be going through something difficult.  It has taught me to be aware listen, to be patient, to be kind, to be understanding, to be helpful, to be empathic and to love unconditionally, without judgement.

 

I am a different person now.  I have grown so much and while I have a lot more growing to do I am thankful for this experience even though it was the hardest thing that I have ever done!

JBen021

Hi JBen021... after reading this beautiful post... I couldn't think of one thing to say... just made my eyes tear up and caused me to be speechless.  So I just sat here for a while and re read what you wrote a few more times. 

Then this thought came to me:

For the past 12 years... I've always been repeatedly asking myself... "Why doesn't anyone understand this ?....why isn't there anyone out there in the real world who gets this ?"  Then after I re read this reply of yours... I thought to myself just now...."There ARE people who get it..... WE DO !!"  So your comment, "My purpose here in this life, one of many, is to learn and practice empathy and unconditional love" is a beautiful affirmation to me... and I hope others... that we here who have, are, and will go through this kind of suffering... have a purpose... which I believe is TO BE the ones who "get it."

The only other thing I would add to that is that I strongly believe that those who "get it" have a special purpose in this life... in helping others and loving them unconditionally regardless if they heal or not.  Regardless if they make it off benzos and stay off, or not... because... they have the only qualification needed to love unconditionally and without judgement.  They "get it."  So no matter who we are or where we are at in this journey... we can take heart knowing that whether we are on benzos or not... we have a special gift that we all attained through inexplicable suffering... that we can use for the rest of our lives to love others just like us... and everyone in between... Thank you so much for sharing.  Your comments have truly helped me this evening.

Kindly,

j

Spiritual thought for 6-1-21

Having faith “to myself” before God is extremely powerful, liberating, and helps me with my lack of confidence towards God…and with my low self worth caused by benzos.  It frees me to think and believe things by choice in my own free will… which, in turn, enables me to see things more clearly spiritually… as I trust in God alone… and rely on my own experiences and knowledge of God rather than relying on the experience and knowledge of God of another. 

I have discovered that the weaknesses and frailties and insecurities…that I have as a result of benzos have made trusting anything or anyone nearly impossible.  Even trusting God.  However, during those times I am able to trust God… one little touch or grain of anything from God helps me endure further along the path than if I were accompanied without anything from God yet traveling the path with a huge strong army of people.

It is these golden grains of sand and little “touches” that have kept me going even while at times… I was on the very brink of death.

Kindly,

j

Spiritual thought for 6-1-21

 

 

Having faith “to myself” before God is extremely powerful, liberating, and helps me with my lack of confidence towards God…and with my low self worth caused by benzos.  It frees me to think and believe things by choice in my own free will… which, in turn, enables me to see things more clearly spiritually… as I trust in God alone… and rely on my own experiences and knowledge of God rather than relying on the experience and knowledge of God of another. 

 

I have discovered that the weaknesses and frailties and insecurities…that I have as a result of benzos have made trusting anything or anyone nearly impossible.  Even trusting God.  However, during those times I am able to trust God… one little touch or grain of anything from God helps me endure further along the path than if I were accompanied without anything from God yet traveling the path with a huge strong army of people.

 

It is these golden grains of sand and little “touches” that have kept me going even while at times… I was on the very brink of death.

 

 

Kindly,

j

This is awesome, Jozsef.  Thanks for sharing it.  I can relate.

Spiritual thought for 6-1-21

 

 

Having faith “to myself” before God is extremely powerful, liberating, and helps me with my lack of confidence towards God…and with my low self worth caused by benzos.  It frees me to think and believe things by choice in my own free will… which, in turn, enables me to see things more clearly spiritually… as I trust in God alone… and rely on my own experiences and knowledge of God rather than relying on the experience and knowledge of God of another. 

 

I have discovered that the weaknesses and frailties and insecurities…that I have as a result of benzos have made trusting anything or anyone nearly impossible.  Even trusting God.  However, during those times I am able to trust God… one little touch or grain of anything from God helps me endure further along the path than if I were accompanied without anything from God yet traveling the path with a huge strong army of people.

 

It is these golden grains of sand and little “touches” that have kept me going even while at times… I was on the very brink of death.

 

 

Kindly,

j

Jozsef, you've made great progress with your taper, you have a lot more behind you than ahead of you now.  I hope your experience will be the same as mine since my self-worth and confidence have grown so much since I tapered off.  I didn't realize how bad benzos had made me feel about myself.  What a blessing!!

Kate   

 

Jozsef, you've made great progress with your taper, you have a lot more behind you than ahead of you now.  I hope your experience will be the same as mine since my self-worth and confidence have grown so much since I tapered off.  I didn't realize how bad benzos had made me feel about myself.  What a blessing!!

 

Kate   

This is amazing to hear, Kate.  It will be interesting to see how life will be different after benzos. 

Thanks for sharing this.  I'm happy you've been so blessed.

Hi, Jozsef, my comment is going in a different direction than Kate's, though I really love her comment and experience.  I didn't realize you don't feel good about yourself. Sorry! It's a feeling I know well.

I just listened to an audiobook on humility, and now I'm re-listening to it.  I'm so inspired by it.  Humility is a good place to be, and it's something I want, and I'm praying for it.  Maybe you're not a fan of audiobooks, but I'll leave the link in case you're interested.  Sending you a hug! 

Hi, Jozsef, my comment is going in a different direction than Kate's, though I really love her comment and experience.  I didn't realize you don't feel good about yourself. Sorry! It's a feeling I know well.

 

I just listened to an audiobook on humility, and now I'm re-listening to it.  I'm so inspired by it.  Humility is a good place to be, and it's something I want, and I'm praying for it.  Maybe you're not a fan of audiobooks, but I'll leave the link in case you're interested.  Sending you a hug!

Thanks, Glittering1

I spose I was mostly referring to the feelings I get from my own mind and benzos constantly making me feel like I have no worth to God.  That is what I meant by "low self worth."  The lies I believe our own minds tell us which are even worse and more constant from the benzos.  I do believe God sees us as special... but my whole point is that I almost never feel that way... and those things God does to speak to me that touch my heart remind me of God's love for me which in and of itself makes me feel special.  I guess I was referring to my worth in God is rarely felt for what it truly is because of my condition.

I believe that when a man thinks he is something when he is nothing... it is because he does not bear the burdens of others as well as bearing his own burden.  I believe it's ok to think I am "something" as long as I am bearing my own burdens along with the burdens of others.  It is when I am not doing such things... that I am actually "nothing."  How do I know if I am really something or really nothing ?  I prove my own work before God... between me and God alone.  My real life experience that I shared about the number 17 and waxing my Dad's car... helped the way I feel about my worth in God tremendously... because God gave me the "atta boy."  When this happened... I rejoiced in myself alone...just as God wants me to... and boasted in my weakness by sharing my weakness in that number 17 story...and in doing so... I am "glorying in my infirmities" or weaknesses.  I am rejoicing in myself alone also... about how God touched my heart and gave me confidence and self worth and assurance that I am on the right path.

Without God speaking to me the way God did.... I would have remained in despair that day... thinking and wondering if God even still loved me.... and would have become so sick and weak... I would not have even been able to bear the burden of finishing the wax job on my Dad's car.  I cherish and am thankful for every time God has done this to me.  I believe I can be joyous and confident in God and still have humility at the same time... in fact... oftentimes... I think it takes a great amount of humility to display and proclaim that confidence that I find in God because in doing so... I am forced to confess my weaknesses... so that it may be evident that my deed was wrought in God and not of my own accord.

What benzos have done to me is steal my ability to feel anything good from God that is normal and regular and daily.  I don't get to feel God like healthy people do... so I spose that is why the tiniest little things God does with me are HUGE... because I need reminders every day of God's assurance that others don't because they already feel it on a regular basis.  I don't feel God very often... and when I do... it is very stifled by my condition so even when I do feel God... it is not the same as when a healthy person feels him.  This causes me to feel of "low self worth" because all I am feeling is my self and my condition... instead of God.

The humility aspect of it... I believe... is good.  Thanks for the hug.  I like hugs. 

Kindly,

j

 

Thanks, Glittering1

 

 

I spose I was mostly referring to the feelings I get from my own mind and benzos constantly making me feel like I have no worth to God.  That is what I meant by "low self worth."  The lies I believe our own minds tell us which are even worse and more constant from the benzos.  I do believe God sees us as special... but my whole point is that I almost never feel that way... and those things God does to speak to me that touch my heart remind me of God's love for me which in and of itself makes me feel special.  I guess I was referring to my worth in God is rarely felt for what it truly is because of my condition.

 

I believe that when a man thinks he is something when he is nothing... it is because he does not bear the burdens of others as well as bearing his own burden.  I believe it's ok to think I am "something" as long as I am bearing my own burdens along with the burdens of others.  It is when I am not doing such things... that I am actually "nothing."  How do I know if I am really something or really nothing ?  I prove my own work before God... between me and God alone.  My real life experience that I shared about the number 17 and waxing my Dad's car... helped the way I feel about my worth in God tremendously... because God gave me the "atta boy."  When this happened... I rejoiced in myself alone...just as God wants me to... and boasted in my weakness by sharing my weakness in that number 17 story...and in doing so... I am "glorying in my infirmities" or weaknesses.  I am rejoicing in myself alone also... about how God touched my heart and gave me confidence and self worth and assurance that I am on the right path.

 

Without God speaking to me the way God did.... I would have remained in despair that day... thinking and wondering if God even still loved me.... and would have become so sick and weak... I would not have even been able to bear the burden of finishing the wax job on my Dad's car.  I cherish and am thankful for every time God has done this to me.  I believe I can be joyous and confident in God and still have humility at the same time... in fact... oftentimes... I think it takes a great amount of humility to display and proclaim that confidence that I find in God because in doing so... I am forced to confess my weaknesses... so that it may be evident that my deed was wrought in God and not of my own accord.

 

What benzos have done to me is steal my ability to feel anything good from God that is normal and regular and daily.  I don't get to feel God like healthy people do... so I spose that is why the tiniest little things God does with me are HUGE... because I need reminders every day of God's assurance that others don't because they already feel it on a regular basis.  I don't feel God very often... and when I do... it is very stifled by my condition so even when I do feel God... it is not the same as when a healthy person feels him.  This causes me to feel of "low self worth" because all I am feeling is my self and my condition... instead of God.

 

The humility aspect of it... I believe... is good.  Thanks for the hug.  I like hugs. 

 

 

Kindly,

j

JJ, I'm so glad you had that experience from God with the number 17, and that it helped you so much and brought you out and kept you out of despair.  I pray the Lord helps you in that way often.  It's okay if you/we can't bear the burdens of others and/or our own burdens.  You can't do what you can't do.  I hope you can feel okay about it when it's not doable for you.  It's not often doable not for me.  I suppose you know you're hard on yourself.  🙃😉

We have blunted numbed emotions.  I can't feel what other Christians feel either.  I don't often feel God's love, but there are moments when I get an amazing glimpse.  But normally I feel so numb to everything, except the wrong things. 😂

Take it easy on yourself!  You deserve lots and lots of hugs, JJ!  

 

Thanks, Glittering1

 

 

I spose I was mostly referring to the feelings I get from my own mind and benzos constantly making me feel like I have no worth to God.  That is what I meant by "low self worth."  The lies I believe our own minds tell us which are even worse and more constant from the benzos.  I do believe God sees us as special... but my whole point is that I almost never feel that way... and those things God does to speak to me that touch my heart remind me of God's love for me which in and of itself makes me feel special.  I guess I was referring to my worth in God is rarely felt for what it truly is because of my condition.

 

I believe that when a man thinks he is something when he is nothing... it is because he does not bear the burdens of others as well as bearing his own burden.  I believe it's ok to think I am "something" as long as I am bearing my own burdens along with the burdens of others.  It is when I am not doing such things... that I am actually "nothing."  How do I know if I am really something or really nothing ?  I prove my own work before God... between me and God alone.  My real life experience that I shared about the number 17 and waxing my Dad's car... helped the way I feel about my worth in God tremendously... because God gave me the "atta boy."  When this happened... I rejoiced in myself alone...just as God wants me to... and boasted in my weakness by sharing my weakness in that number 17 story...and in doing so... I am "glorying in my infirmities" or weaknesses.  I am rejoicing in myself alone also... about how God touched my heart and gave me confidence and self worth and assurance that I am on the right path.

 

Without God speaking to me the way God did.... I would have remained in despair that day... thinking and wondering if God even still loved me.... and would have become so sick and weak... I would not have even been able to bear the burden of finishing the wax job on my Dad's car.  I cherish and am thankful for every time God has done this to me.  I believe I can be joyous and confident in God and still have humility at the same time... in fact... oftentimes... I think it takes a great amount of humility to display and proclaim that confidence that I find in God because in doing so... I am forced to confess my weaknesses... so that it may be evident that my deed was wrought in God and not of my own accord.

 

What benzos have done to me is steal my ability to feel anything good from God that is normal and regular and daily.  I don't get to feel God like healthy people do... so I spose that is why the tiniest little things God does with me are HUGE... because I need reminders every day of God's assurance that others don't because they already feel it on a regular basis.  I don't feel God very often... and when I do... it is very stifled by my condition so even when I do feel God... it is not the same as when a healthy person feels him.  This causes me to feel of "low self worth" because all I am feeling is my self and my condition... instead of God.

 

The humility aspect of it... I believe... is good.  Thanks for the hug.  I like hugs. 

 

 

Kindly,

j

 

JJ, I'm so glad you had that experience from God with the number 17, and that it helped you so much and brought you out and kept you out of despair.  I pray the Lord helps you in that way often.  It's okay if you/we can't bear the burdens of others and/or our own burdens.  You can't do what you can't do.  I hope you can feel okay about it when it's not doable for you.  It's not often doable not for me.  I suppose you know you're hard on yourself.  🙃😉

 

We have blunted numbed emotions.  I can't feel what other Christians feel either.  I don't often feel God's love, but there are moments when I get an amazing glimpse.  But normally I feel so numb to everything, except the wrong things. 😂

Take it easy on yourself!  You deserve lots and lots of hugs, JJ! 

Thanks Glittering1

I believe there have been times when it WAS my fault that I missed out on God’s peace being in my heart due to either pride or unwillingness to receive it because I was not aware of how to do that… unaware of how to let the peace of God rule in my heart…. or unwilling to let the peace of God rule in my heart due to how it would make me appear to others…. however , I believe benzos also has a lot to do with that as well.

(sorry I didn’t take your advice to “take it easy on myself.”  Maybe you’re right.  Maybe I’m too hard on myself ?)

Kindly,

j

Thanks Glittering1

 

 

I believe there have been times when it WAS my fault that I missed out on God’s peace being in my heart due to either pride or unwillingness to receive it because I was not aware of how to do that… unaware of how to let the peace of God rule in my heart…. or unwilling to let the peace of God rule in my heart due to how it would make me appear to others…. however , I believe benzos also has a lot to do with that as well.

 

(sorry I didn’t take your advice to “take it easy on myself.”  Maybe you’re right.  Maybe I’m too hard on myself ?)

 

 

 

Kindly,

j

You're most definitely not alone in this, jj.  You have a whole world of believers who do the same thing.  You said it exactly right.  It's our fault when we don't have God's peace in our heart.  I'm learning that it's our lack of humility that keeps us from being blessed by God with his presence, peace, answered prayers, love, etc.  I totally lack humility.  You don't have to believe any of this, of course.🙃😉  And there's also the contribution of benzos blunting our emotions.

And please don't take this as an opportunity to be hard on yourself. 

Benzo's do blunt our emotions but when we withdraw from them the blunting is turned into a tidal wave of negativity with most of it directed inward.  Jozsef, I can see that while I had it rough, blaming myself for all of my past transgressions and failings, you've had it even worse because you blame yourself for not being able to receive peace in your heart. 

I agree with Glitter, please don't be so hard on yourself when there is an organic reason for this, the drug is blocking this peace.  Please forgive yourself and know you're doing everything you can to find your way back to that open channel where everything will flow through.

Benzo's do blunt our emotions but when we withdraw from them the blunting is turned into a tidal wave of negativity with most of it directed inward.  Jozsef, I can see that while I had it rough, blaming myself for all of my past transgressions and failings, you've had it even worse because you blame yourself for not being able to receive peace in your heart. 

 

I agree with Glitter, please don't be so hard on yourself when there is an organic reason for this, the drug is blocking this peace.  Please forgive yourself and know you're doing everything you can to find your way back to that open channel where everything will flow through.

Thanks, Pamster…

I guess I kinda evened it out a bit because a bit further down on this thread I put the entire blame on benzos n my condition… for why I feel bad about myself a lot n beat myself up.

Truly… it does help to hear positive things about ourselves from others… especially after so many years of people misunderstanding us n causing us to feel bad.

I guess sometimes I think I “push myself hard” because I’m so much looking for that blessing that will follow to give me that extra boost I need to keep going n not give up.  Seems counter productive but it has been my experience that God makes it worth it all.

At the same time… I will point out that oftentimes I get confused about what is actually going on… but I have realized that even during those times… God helps me… in some unexpected way… to see and know that God understands and accepts me according to my willing mind n ability… and it is those specific reminders that I need so often that help me the most.

Thank you for the encouragement, Pamster.

Kindly,

j

Benzo's do blunt our emotions but when we withdraw from them the blunting is turned into a tidal wave of negativity with most of it directed inward.  Jozsef, I can see that while I had it rough, blaming myself for all of my past transgressions and failings, you've had it even worse because you blame yourself for not being able to receive peace in your heart. 

 

I agree with Glitter, please don't be so hard on yourself when there is an organic reason for this, the drug is blocking this peace.  Please forgive yourself and know you're doing everything you can to find your way back to that open channel where everything will flow through.

 

Thanks, Pamster…

 

 

I guess I kinda evened it out a bit because a bit further down on this thread I put the entire blame on benzos n my condition… for why I feel bad about myself a lot n beat myself up.

 

Truly… it does help to hear positive things about ourselves from others… especially after so many years of people misunderstanding us n causing us to feel bad.

 

I guess sometimes I think I “push myself hard” because I’m so much looking for that blessing that will follow to give me that extra boost I need to keep going n not give up.  Seems counter productive but it has been my experience that God makes it worth it all.

 

At the same time… I will point out that oftentimes I get confused about what is actually going on… but I have realized that even during those times… God helps me… in some unexpected way… to see and know that God understands and accepts me according to my willing mind n ability… and it is those specific reminders that I need so often that help me the most.

 

Thank you for the encouragement, Pamster.

 

 

Kindly,

j

Amen, jj.  Just know that we all do understand and experience similar things as you do emotionally and mentally.  Plus I often feel confused about what's going on too.  God helps me in unexpected ways as well.  I hope you're doing okay today.  It's nice that you've been around.

I'm here guys thanks to Jozsef.  Not sure if this is the right one. 

I have Pleurisy now, very sick, still holding.  I wish I did not updose to 3 mg.  It's just much worse.  But beyond my control when bp kept spiking several times a day at 200.  Beta Blockers could stop it.  Last night, it spiked again because the BB were so hard on me, I had to wean from them but still on 25 mg at this point which causes MORE anxiety.  I have no sleep, no rest, no break.  I keep losing weight and now diarrhea with the Pleurisy.  97 lbs.  I look like I'm dying.  Please keep praying.  IF I should be elsewhere in here, show me where I might create a new blog.

    Thank you all for caring.  I know you are all suffering too.  Bless you.

I'm here guys thanks to Jozsef.  Not sure if this is the right one. 

 

I have Pleurisy now, very sick, still holding.  I wish I did not updose to 3 mg.  It's just much worse.  But beyond my control when bp kept spiking several times a day at 200.  Beta Blockers could stop it.  Last night, it spiked again because the BB were so hard on me, I had to wean from them but still on 25 mg at this point which causes MORE anxiety.  I have no sleep, no rest, no break.  I keep losing weight and now diarrhea with the Pleurisy.  97 lbs.  I look like I'm dying.  Please keep praying.  IF I should be elsewhere in here, show me where I might create a new blog.

 

    Thank you all for caring.  I know you are all suffering too.  Bless you.

  Praying for you, Kimmie and sending a big hug. 🙏🙏🙏

Spiritual thought for today—

Benzos n what they have done to me… cannot stop me from getting out of things what I put into them.  As powerful as benzos are… and as great as the negative effects of them are… they cannot override seedtime and harvest.  If I don’t give up… I will get back what I put into life for as long as the earth remains and as long as the heavens can be measured.  While the earth remains… seedtime and harvest…and cold and heat…and summer and winter… and day and night shall not cease.  Whatsoever good God gives me the ability to do… I will receive back from him.  Whatsoever kind of spiritual seed I sow… that is the same kind that will grow and harvest.  No matter my condition or whether or not I am on benzos or not.  The harder it is for me to do things… the more value they are to God.  The “small things” God enables me to do while in this condition are big things to him… because I had to suffer the same as if it were a big thing.  I am weak but I can say I am strong because even though others don’t understand my condition… God does.

Kindly,

j