Knowing That I Survived

This isn’t meant to be provacative, since there is so much suffering caused by benzos, but a relatively low dose (.25 mg twice daily) of Klonopin saved my life and career.  I don’t feel any regret about taking it, while knowing I would eventually have to go off and deal with the withdrawal.

Only a few years from my retirement, the company hired a CEO who created an environment of extreme fear and uncertainty.  I felt on the edge of a personal breakdown, worrying not just for myself but my excellent staff.  I needed to stay calm and control my emotions.  It required a longer-term use of K than recommended since the situation took time to resolve, and was combined with CBT, which provided someone to coach and guide me.  Karma took care of the situation to everyone’s satisfaction  and now that I am retired I would like to be off as the K is no longer needed and is suppressing some of my normal energy.

Today I am on half of my original dose.  Though feeling some withdrawal symptoms like anxiety when attempting a quarter of the original dose, I’m reinstating to the half dose and will try a slower taper.  When I had sxs yesterday, it was scary at first, but strangely calming because I knew it was the w/d and could look at it objectively.  It was nothing like the existential panic that consumed me when the situation started.

The road ahead still won’t be easy, but surviving the situation that led me to use K will hopefully provide the resolve to get through the taper too.

Now cue the Gloria Gaynor anthem!

You made an educated decision, there's nothing wrong with that and I'm glad the benzo helped you.  They have a place and this forum is not anti benzo, they can be beneficial for some as long as the patient is informed of the risk.

I'm glad you can view your taper and symptoms without fear, looking at this objectively is a good way to go. 

P.S. It's good to know that Karma took care of the situation, I have high hopes she'll take care of another situation involving someone who has used extreme fear and uncertainty.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and there are some moments in my life that Klonopin helped me get through. When it worked (early on), it worked. This is only my opinion but I don't think that we should hesitate to talk about the entire process, which includes those early days.

TG