Inability to Handle Excitement - "Good" or "Bad"

Hi All,

 

Has anyone encountered problems with experiencing 'excitement'...whether brought on by 'good' events or 'not-so-good' events?

 

I am having a terrible time handling any stimuli of any kind.  Especially, if it involves emotions.  But, not limited to emotions.  My NS cannot tolerate the stimulation to the degree where I end up in full blown waves.  And, it takes hours, if not an entire day or more, in order to feel any easing of the symptoms.

 

This is making just participating in 'life' next to impossible for me.  And, my participation in life is incredibly limited to begin with. The anxious state is intolerable physically/emotionally/mentally depending on the stimuli.

 

Warmly,

F

 

 

Hi Faith, I’m having similar problems. It seems any stimulus is just too much and I end up in a meltdown that can last several days.

I’m not sure what to do except to live extremely quietly and hope I improve.

Hoping others have some ideas. I’m trying cannabis oil (not CBD) but it’s not helping so far.

Hardy x

Hi Hardy,

 

Exactly.  And, a meltdown is a great way of putting it.  And, I just can't get my body to calm down.  And, it will carry into the next day...disturb the sleep I do get.

 

I have been leading a very quiet life...can't get much more quiet....to the point of feeling insane at times.

 

I can't take any cannabis products.  I'm sorry they are not helping you.

 

Have you been experiencing this for a long time?

 

Warmly,

F

I have it Faith. If anyone even says anything that makes me laugh a little, it's triggering. You're not alone. I feel nothing but despair today.

 

Take good care Faith, my friend x x

Oh, Diana.

 

I've been thinking about you.  I know you are have such a difficult time.  Been praying for you, my friend.

 

And, you're laughing?  Now, that makes me happy...even if there's an after trigger.  Just to know you are finding humour in things is really good.

 

You are despair...I am anxiety/fear.  That makes a complete set.

 

Much Love,

 

F

I've cried buckets this week Faith so at least it's not robbed me of my emotions.  I think of you every day. I look at your name and know I must leave you be to rest. Yes my daughter says things sometimes and Ill say please don't make me laugh it makes me feel horrid. It makes my anxiety nausea and this rocking boat feel so much worse. So does crying.  Was up all night last night.  I managed 60 minutes sleep at 7am then another 60 minutes this evening. I woke up with a really dark depressive feeling hanging over me and nothing but despair. 😢😕

 

I hope you start to get some relief really soon.

 

Take care my friend x x x x

My emotions are highly excited, especially in the morning. I look forward to one day waking and not being alarmed with the cortisol high then and the dread that follows all day long. I'm absolutely exhausted, and know I must progress. I've been following all your posts and really appreciate the knowledge that this is common in benzo withdrawal, and not at all unique to me. Grateful for this place.

My emotions are highly excited, especially in the morning. I look forward to one day waking and not being alarmed with the cortisol high then and the dread that follows all day long. I'm absolutely exhausted, and know I must progress. I've been following all your posts and really appreciate the knowledge that this is common in benzo withdrawal, and not at all unique to me. Grateful for this place.

 

Hi WPF,

 

Mornings used to be my most troublesome time.  But, it has spread into the whole day now.  The cortisol is what awakens me...the gross, creepy feelings...the fear that runs through me.  Like I've said in the past, as soon as I open my eyes and feel that, I am out of my bed.  I do not want to associate my bed with these things as it is my place of 'rest'.  So, I try my best to separate it immediately from those associations.  And, I begin my day...as horrid as it feels.  I get myself out of there, and move forward regardless of the time.  I will turn on all my lights, and if it's the middle of the night, I make it so it does not feel like it...to the best of my ability.  Of course, feeling alone during those hours is not nice.  But, to break away from allowing my body/mind to go into those places of dread immediately upon awakening is my goal.

 

During the day is more challenging because there is no where to 'move to' to separate myself from the 'dreeps'...the depression/dread/creepy stuff.

 

I am exhausted, too,  You are not alone in this at all.  And, we do have to keep moving forward and continue to progress.  And, it takes every ounce of ourselves.

 

This is, unfortunately, one of the most common things in BW.  I keep referring to it as a club no one wants to be in, but it is full of beautiful people.

 

Sending you Much Love,

 

Warmly,

F

My mornings were always the worst, but like you Faith, it's now the whole day/evening, and bed. I dread the night, bed. There isn't any given time where I feel at ease within myself. I've slept for 3 hours in two increments. Someone woke me at 9am smashing on the door. I think it was travellers looking for scrap metal. It sent me straight in to fight or flight being suddenly shocked out of my sleep.

 

Fear is my biggest problem Faith. During my last withdrawal there was no fear as I wasn't prescribed benzos for Panic or anxiety, it was for a bout of spinning vertigo. Damn those doctors. But this time around, they were, prescribed for Panic and anxiety so I'm also fearing how I'm going to cope with nothing to help me, as well as the fear of the way I'm feeling every day. The fear of never getting better etc and it's overwhelming. 😔😕 I also get waves of doom, dread, and it scares the hell out of me and gives me feelings of utter despair. .

 

WPF & Hardy

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, too.

 

 

Lots of Love

 

Diana

Hello lovely, Diana.

 

Just so you know, all that you are feeling is part of the WD...not who you are becoming.  I've had one window of about 3 hours almost two months ago now...and, you know what?  All of the fear, terror, despair lifted because my brain was able to figure out how to come back on line for a little bit.

 

This isn't the new "us"...it is the interruption of us, sweetie.  So, don't fear that you will now be like this as a new 'diagnosis' after your move through your WD.  Nope!  You are just on a really shitty holiday as am I.  And, it blows!  Big time!

 

The panic and anxiety that you were placed on Benzo's for will be child's play after you have gone through this waking nightmare.  You will manage it far differently after, and it may hardly phase you.  But, life is always going to have anxiety and bouts of fear creep in, 'cause it's life.  But, you will move through it with much more acceptance and ease.

 

And, you are not alone in how you are feeling and responding to abrupt interruptions, etc.  I'm right here with you.

 

Much Love,

 

F

I hope you're right, Faith, I so hope you're  right😢 my day started out really bad and it's still really bad. I don't know what to do with myself right now, damn it!!  The head pressure with the fuzzy buzzing sensation is so intense, as is the tension in my neck that's making this rocking boat sensation even worse. I feel like I'm on a boat going over the waves, or a buoy rocking and bobbing around. My lower legs and feet are burning. I feel nauseous. Starving even though I've eaten. My anxiety is rising and falling rising and falling like in waves. And the internal vibrating! It's really hard isn't it to stop focusing on the feelings you're experiencing! And focusing on them obviously makes them worse ugh!!

 

Hope you feel better soon my dear Friend.

 

Lots of Love x x x x x

Hi, Faith, Diana and F and Hardy.

 

thank you for the suggestion F of getting right up out of bed and not lingering or going back to bed bc i feel so cruddy. Today I went back to bed twice and had to wake up from slight slumber twice. Oh, my. I always hopped out of bed before and was off to adventure but there is nothing to look forward to bc I am not myself and don't have the agency I need to operate in the real world too welll until I am better but that seems a very far way off and getting up and out is one of the first steps to a good day. At least I'm beyond the 3 am awakening for the moment. I did decide to drop to .160 (a little below one klonopin a day) as I have been holding at 171 for 11 days. I really want to get off this stuff but realize I have a lot of coping skills to learn while i do this process. I also looked back at a diary and noticed I was kindling in 2021, this was before I found the Ashton Manual or BB.

 

I wonder at your ability to write and organize your thoughts so well, F.

 

 

Hi, Faith, Diana and F and Hardy.

 

thank you for the suggestion F of getting right up out of bed and not lingering or going back to bed bc i feel so cruddy. Today I went back to bed twice and had to wake up from slight slumber twice. Oh, my. I always hopped out of bed before and was off to adventure but there is nothing to look forward to bc I am not myself and don't have the agency I need to operate in the real world too welll until I am better but that seems a very far way off and getting up and out is one of the first steps to a good day. At least I'm beyond the 3 am awakening for the moment. I did decide to drop to .160 (a little below one klonopin a day) as I have been holding at 171 for 11 days. I really want to get off this stuff but realize I have a lot of coping skills to learn while i do this process. I also looked back at a diary and noticed I was kindling in 2021, this was before I found the Ashton Manual or BB.

 

I wonder at your ability to write and organize your thoughts so well, F.

 

Hi WPF,

 

Do not let my ability to write and organize my thoughts fool you, WPF.  It is the only faculty that has not been very affected during this nightmare.  There are times that I can't come to the computer to write, but they are times that I may not expect.  I have AKA, and there have been times during bad episodes that I have been able to use the computer and write...while up and down mind you...but, I've been able to do it.  There are times that I just cannot manage to write anything.

 

I have agoraphobia, so I am at home all the time.  I am not operating in the real world myself.  And, I am still waking up at 3:00 a.m. almost every morning which is when I start my day.  I do try to push out to go for a walk each day, but I miss days.  I have my groceries delivered.  I can head out for short errands sometimes, but few and far between.  And, my anxiety is off the charts.  Intrusive thoughts are really debilitating...but, I am still doing this.  And, I truly don't know why I can still write.  It is something I once enjoyed a lot.  But, still...there are many things people very much enjoy and have not been able to do during the WD process...so, I just don't know why it is.

 

I am in the midst of a hold...but, it will be a long hold.  It has been only 3 weeks so far.  I would like to be more stable.  I have not been stable since I began this taper a year ago, and I have had to update once...which was devastating to me.  I, too, have been kindled.  You can see I was on this med for a long period of time many years ago.

 

I do thank you for the comment, though.

 

You are doing great on your taper.  I truly wish I could be down to where you are.  So, congratulations on your progress.  It is a really big deal.

 

Warmly,

F

 

 

Just to say.......

 

I'm thinking of you my dear friend Faith. I hope you are feeling some kind of relief.

 

All my Love x x x x♥️♥️♥️

I am thinking about you, too, Diana.  All the time...

 

How are you holding up?  I know you are really struggling in all of this.  I can see you are getting help from WS. 

 

Sending you much Love,

 

Warmly,

F

<3

I'm doing the best I can Faith. My legs are really worrying me though and causing me a lot of distress! I have the rocking bobbing swaying vertigo sensation so I haven't been able to move from the chair for around 2 or 3 weeks, and now, even just trying to stand up my legs feel like rubber and I feel like they are out of coordination!! I can't even walk! I hope it's going to get better!! It scares me to death wondering what if I can never walk again!!!

 

How are you holding up?? Are you getting any relief from your symptoms?? I do hope so!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

I have heard many talk about 'jelly legs'...it is so common, and very scary I am sure.  But, so very common.  Some have tried to utilize canes and even walkers for this.  And, it passes.  Another horrific symptom that passes. And, your body is in such shock right now.

 

I'm trying to find humour in this, so bear with me.  You can't walk...and, all I do is walk...in circles, round and round my place.  So, which is worse?  I dunno?  To be able to just sit for hours and be okay with it would be so welcomed by me right now.  And, for you...you just want to be able to be mobile?  It truly shows just how crazy this is and how each person experiences symptoms differently.

 

And the 'boaty' feeling...I've not experienced that before, either.  I experience major dizziness, but not the 'boaty' feeling.

 

You will most certainly be able to walk again.  This I know!  So, do not let that thought get the best of you because it is a benzo lie.  And, I am flooded with benzo lies right now.  And, they are vile.

 

And, I can't stop saying 'do, do, do, do, do, do, do' over and over again out loud...I can't control it.  It happens during intense episodes.  My brain is just not 'clicking'...and, my God, my jaw gets so tired of talking for hours non-stop.  It's insanity.  So, that is what I have going on over here...in amongst the fear and anxiety, and the feeling like if I can't get the hell out of this space, I'm gonna lose my mind!

 

While what we are exeperiencing is very different on many levels, they are both terribly, terribly scary and debilitating.  And, we will get through this...I simply know you are.  While I cannot see things clearly for myself, I can see things much clearer when it comes to others.  And, while I know you are incredibly scared and worried, just know there is someone across the pond who is feeling the exact same way you are.  And, who is thinking about you often...very often.  Both you and Cocodot.

 

Much Love,

F

 

 

I'm terrified ill never walk again!! I've also been hearing a tune in my left ear!!!  I've already had tinnitus in both ears for around 6 years which I swear was caused by an OToxic ear spray the doctor gave me. Otomize ear spray that contains neomycin? An antibiotic for the ears. I didn't have! An ear infection! My tinnitus is the usual high pitch noise, but like I said, I now have a looping tune in my left ear!!  I'm a gamer, Faith. That's what I mainly use as distraction. This looping tune in my left ear is from a video game! It's driving me round the bend! When I told my daughter who had the fainting attacks she couldn't help but laugh!! I'm actually laughing now hahaha

 

I was in tears telling her but I was laughing at the same time!  I feel so bad for you Faith, for myself, and for others going through this torture. I'm so sorry for the distressing symptoms you have.  Praying for you and each and everyone of us. ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏

I'm just happy to hear you are laughing...that is a good sign.  That you can laugh during this is a good sign to me.  You still have your cognitive functioning to that degree.

 

And, I have not experienced tinnitus.  My symptoms are primarily the AKA and mental symptoms...emotional symptoms.  I know the AKA is a physical thing, but there are many more physical symptoms that I could experience.  You saw that long list...but, the ones I have are bad enough.  And, I hear many speak about music and songs they hear.  Thank God you have gaming to keep you busy!  What a great distraction for you.

 

I pray for us all every night...each and every night. 

Hi All, sending healing hugs your way! Hope today has started well.

Just had an appt with my Psych. She wants me to start taking Pregabalin.

Any experiences to share….good or bad? Thanks.

Hardy x

Like you know, Faith, I have terrible mental symptoms too. The crushing fear, the horrible waves of doom and dread. The anxiety, the panic.. truly is horrendous. I wasn't in a good place before this happened with my daughter. My mother was bed ridden with heart failure, and I were speaking with her on the house phone when I got a call from my sister on my mobile screaming down the phone. Her son, my dear nephew who was like my brother had been found passed away with a heart attack. I immediately hung up the phone  so my mother couldn't hear the commotion as I knew the effect it would have. I was right, my little mama passed 3 months later. I ve felt like I've been slowly dying inside ever since. I was in a really bad place, so bad I couldn't even attend the funerals. It killed me. I think that's why I've been affected so badly mentally during this process, my mind was so fragile.

 

I can only imagine how distressing Aka is, in fact, I don't even want to imagine it, it sounds horrid and I'm so so sorry, Faith. So sorry ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hi All, sending healing hugs your way! Hope today has started well.

Just had an appt with my Psych. She wants me to start taking Pregabalin.

Any experiences to share….good or bad? Thanks.

Hardy x

 

Hi Hardy, right back at you.

 

I don't have any experience with Pregabalin though so can't offer any advice.

 

Good luck and take care

 

Love Diana

Yes, i cant watch any TV show that in any way shape or form is scary, ect.  My sister threw me a bday party in Jan and i had to excuse myself to the bathroom 3 times to cry because the house was packed and it was just too much for me. One time i went to a party with a few friends, just a bunko party not that big of a deal and the excitement kept me up literally all night. I couldnt sleep a minute my nerves were about to explode. Everything seems like its X10 and is too much for me, even going to grocery store can send me into waves of panic.  Its terrible. Thats why were all trying to get off this crap.

Hi All and Faith,

I echo all the sentiments here. And, I also want to say that I appreciate your way with words Faith bc even with all this awfulness you can still express yourself. When I used the word "wonder" I meant it as admiration. I am about your age (57) and think our symptoms are so similar. I often look for your posts because they validate me. Thank you. I too have incredible agoraphobia. Afraid of my own shadow. I struggle to stay in the world without it tearing my mind apart, and it is reassuring that so many of my symptoms are almost exactly yours. I've never heard of anyone speaking aloud to themselves, until my detox and thank God, until I came here. I would think I was going crazy but know it is the klonopin talking, after sifting through the many experiences here. Not to dismiss any other medication, but is there something especially evil about Klonopin?  Much admiration and love to you all .

Hi All, sending healing hugs your way! Hope today has started well.

Just had an appt with my Psych. She wants me to start taking Pregabalin.

Any experiences to share….good or bad? Thanks.

Hardy x

 

Hi Hardy,

 

If I may ask, what would you be taking the Pregabalin for?  I see it is an anti-convulsant, but I have no experience with it.  Is it being used off-label?

 

Warmly,

F