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An experience like no other


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PJ, I will never forget you, I was in a very dark place and you reached out to me. You gave me that HOPE i needed to hold on. Love and Hugs to you. Cindy
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Thanks so much for this pj, you are always a beacon of hope for those still in the throes of withdrawal. I wish you a peaceful holiday season as well, please stay safe!

 

PG  :smitten:

Thank you pianogirl. A safe and healthy holiday season to you. 2020 has been a year that we cannot forget fast enough. 2021 is bound to be much more peaceful and less stressful.  You, me and millions of other folks certainly hope so.

 

pj  :)

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Hi there PJ

 

Thank you for always returning with wonderful positive posts, reassuring members.  As  PG said, a beacon of light you are!    You were always a very caring, supportive person  even on tough days, so generous with your time.  Its always nice to see you here, wishing a  Merry Christmas to you and your family

 

 

Margo http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/christmas/plugging-in-xmas-tree-smiley-emoticon.gif

Thank you dear,sweet Margo. Merry Christmas to you and yours.  You are so deserving of all the good things that life has to offer. You are very special to lots of people.  Bless you.

 

pj  :)

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PJ, you are lucky it only took you 15 months to heal.  After 5 years it wears you down, and you lose hope.  :'(

I agree with you iwsth.  I do indeed feel very lucky to have healed in a relatively short time when you and other folks are taking much, much longer to recover from those painful,unforgiving benzo withdrawals. You must be a very resolute, strong-willed person to keep on fighting the way that you are.  Keep on hoping and praying that 2021 is the year when you will be able to put all this behind you.  Good things can happen to us when we least expect it. 

 

I wish you the very best this holiday season and throughout the new year.

 

pj :)

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Thanku pj for coming back long after u have healed to keep us up. Merry Xmas to you and yours x

Merry Christmas to you also Shayna. I wish you the very best in the new year.

 

pj :)

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PJ, I will never forget you, I was in a very dark place and you reached out to me. You gave me that HOPE i needed to hold on. Love and Hugs to you. Cindy

Hi Cindy

 

Thank you for your very kind words.  I remember you well.  We had some very good,from the heart talks. I am so happy that you moved from that dark place, out into the bright,comforting sunlight.  With all my heart,I truly wish you the very,very best in your life.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj :)

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PJ

 

I was on BB back in 2010 for a benzo taper and relatively easy withdrawal.  I came back on over a year ago to do it all again.  This time was def much harder, and the very last time. 

 

Thanks for your healing success story.  I completed a taper about 6 weeks ago, and I feel really good.  Not perfect, but truly really good.

 

Your writing is inspiring and hopeful. 

 

Have a blessed season.

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Good morning :)

 

Glad you are feeling better and I wish you a blessed season too.  Thank you for your kind words.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj

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Here is a Native American Prayer I wish to share with you folks, especially during this Christmas season, when we are seeking some calm and peace from a year filled with so much confusion and uncertainty. 

 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

 

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

 

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

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  • 2 months later...
So happy for you. Imagine all the people taking this drug ,ignorant to the fact that it’s destroying them and they will eventually have to go through this pain. Sad
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I had around thirty different symptoms, everyhing from electrical shocks, to burning mouth, to twitching eyelids, to insanly burning, and itching skin. I won't elaborate on the numerous other symptoms, since all of you now have, or have had them at one time. 

 

After a year of dealing with all this crap, I began to wonder if I  would ever fully heal.  But, after fifteen long months, I have completely healed, and am happier, and more content than I have ever been before.

 

 

I can relate with this so much. It’s reassuring to know someone else has walked this path and they made it through and are fully healed... it feels like we all chase the one year mark, then start wondering if full healing will happen when we aren’t fully healed after a year. Posts like this give strength to keep going so thank you.

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I have read your story and so appreciate it, also the kind words about the people on this forum. For 2 yrs now when l am really struggling l turn to these success stories which have definitely helped me to keep going. I have read comments and your comments back and they help me. I have been so afraid of everything and everyone that l haven’t been able to be part of this but am trying now because l need everyone that is going through this . I have most everyone’s symptoms and am doing a very slow taper from k. Thankyou for your kind words in your story and to others. Please don’t leave.
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  • 1 month later...

Hello Sunny Wright, Trying2BHopeful and Sioban123.

 

Thank you all for your very kind words.

 

I wrote the following post a long, long time ago, but I felt that it is as relevant today as it was when I wrote it.  I would like to share it with you folks.

 

Why do people come to BenzoBuddies every day?

They come seeking answers, because they do not understand why withdrawals have turned their life upside-down and inside out. They come seeking comfort. 

They come because they are scared and confused.

 

"How could it be possible that I am having withdrawals?" you may have asked yourself - over and over again, a hundred times or more, just like I did many years ago. "Withdrawals only happen to people who got their drugs from someone on the street, not someone like me who was prescribed Benzos by a doctor."      

 

I know those never-ending withdrawals that you are having, may seem like two lifetimes to you, but when you are healed, the days and the months that you suffered from those horrible withdrawals will soon be forgotten.

 

You have to try and not think about all the whys and the what ifs that brought you to the place where you are in your life right now.

As hard as it is for you to look forward to the future - traveling backwards to the time when you first took that Benzo, will just make you sadder and less [...] that you are going to heal.  

 

 

Believe me, I understand why you may be feeling the way you do. You are the type of person who was always cautious when taking any kind of drugs or medications.

You never used drugs recreationally, and now, through no fault of your own, you find yourself having to deal with withdrawals.

 

You had no way of knowing that Benzos could or would harm you in the many insidious ways that they have.

 

It may not be today or it may not be tomorrow, but you are going to heal from those unrelenting withdrawals.  How do I know this?  I know this because I, and thousands of other folks have healed.   Even on those days when you are hurting more than you did the day before, you are [...] healing - Silently and miraculously - you are [...] healing

     

When you have recovered, and YOU WILL recover, your dark skies will turn to blue again, and you will be blessed with an inner peace and tranquility that will follow you wherever you go - for the rest of your life.

 

To all you brave and courageous folks who are going through those terrible withdrawals and are trying so very hard, every minute of every day and night to get your life back - my heart goes out to you.  I wish you well.   I truly believe that the day will come when you will joyfully, and proudly write your success story.  

 

If those awful withdrawals have you feeling like you are caught in a vicious storm that has turned your body into a spinning, whirling, raging tornado of twisted thoughts, and emotions - making you feel as powerless as a child's rag doll pinned to a clothesline - you are not alone. 

Most folks going through withdrawals feel that way.

 

You are hurting in ways that you have never hurt before. Your body is racked with pain, and your mind is more confused than a mosquito in a mannequin factory.

You were always very cautious when taking any kind of medications or drugs, and now, through no fault of your own, you find yourself having to deal with withdrawals.

 

Because your doctor knew very little about benzos, you were never informed about the addiction or the withdrawal side effects of such a powerful, and dangerous drug.  You had no way of knowing that benzos, could or would harm you in the many ways that they have.

 

Try not to let it upset you that no one, including your doctor, truly understands what you are going through.   Benzo withdrawals are an anomaly much too strange and much too weird to be fully understood by anyone.      

 

You are in pain.  You are confused in ways that you have never been confused before.  You are feeling let down by your doctor, by your friends and by your family, because they don't understand just how devastating and painful withdrawals can be - and how they can change a person's perception of what seems real and what does not seem real.

 

Folks in your life cannot grasp the fact that some days you feel more like a Zombie than a Zombie feels like a Zombie.

 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. They will not last forever. The harm they do to you is temporary, (even though in your mind, because the benzos have told you so), you believe that those withdrawal symptoms are permanent, and they are never going to go away.    

 

If you have a cut or a bruise somewhere on your body, accepting that you are healing comes easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing. Not so, when it comes to healing from benzo withdrawals.  Even though you cannot always see or feel the healing that is happening to you on the outside, your body continues its silent, and miraculous healing on the inside.      

 

Because you are most likely overly sensitive to the benzo class of drugs, like many people are, your Central Nervous System took quite a hit, and has been injured in a more extreme manner than you or your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be damaged.

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.  Time is indeed the healer!

 

My heart goes out to all you dear mothers who are suffering from  withdrawals while caring for your young children.  Please do not feel that you are neglecting your kids.  You may not be able to be the  'Perfect Mom' right now, but that's okay.  Kids don't want and they do not need to have a 'Perfect Mom'. They want a Mom that can make messes and mistakes just like they do.

 

Little kids, in all their unbridled innocence can be very forgiving, and understanding.

It doesn't take a boatload of stuff to make them happy.

A big hug, a little kiss on the cheek, and an "I love you" means more to them than any toy ever could.

 

With the passage of time and all that you have learned, and endured during the healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line and you are indeed healed - you will be a much wiser, and a much healthier person.  You will be both physically and mentally stronger.  

You realize that there are better ways to cope with all that life throws at you.  You now understand that taking drugs like benzos, only serve to numb you, and keep you isolated from the real world.

 

No matter what their station in life, the folks who come here all share the same fears and the same hopes, the same desires, and the same goals.  And that goal is to be free from benzos - free from withdrawals, and free from the almost prison-like environment that benzos have sentenced them to for such an absurdly long time.

 

Someday, when you are not expecting it to happen, you will be in for a wonderful surprise - those chains that bound you to withdrawals will have been broken by time, the magical healer.  And then you will be healed, free to live your life drug free, and withdrawal free.

Then you will know the true meaning of freedom.  Then you will know the true meaning of happiness.  Then you will know the true meaning of peace, and contentment.

 

Remind yourself daily that withdrawals are temporary.

 

Be kind to yourself.

 

Try to find a reason to smile.  Take a long walk in the bright, nurturing sunshine with Mother Nature by your side and send all your worries up to the clouds and watch them disappear forever far beyond the clear blue sky.  Dream of the day when all the words that are associated with benzos are no longer in your thoughts - having been replaced by words like freedom, happiness, peace, contentment, and joy.

 

When you have healed, memories of your horrible benzo withdrawal experience will soon disappear, like dust does in the wind.  Your mind will be as clear as a piece of crystal, and your future as bright as the midday sun.

 

When you have healed - all the best pieces of your life that were taken away from you and scattered like driftwood upon an angry Sea will come rushing back to you - making you whole again.

 

Dare to dream about what you will do with your life after you have recovered, because life and dreams are all about second chances.

 

Peace and goodwill to one and al

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  • 2 weeks later...
Hi PJ! Thanks for sharing your success story and for hanging out here to give inspiration to the newbies. Just curious if you had tinnitus. Suddenly developed this 10 weeks into wd. So troubling for me. Most of my anxiety and dep is gone (managable) but this is constant ringing in both ears 24/7.  Makes it so hard to sleep and stay asleep :(
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Hi JAV

 

I'm happy for you that most of your anxiety is almost gone.  I hope all your withdrawals will soon be gone.

I do not recall (it was a long time ago) in what months the tinnitus started or when it ended for me.  I do remember that it did not last very long, perhaps a little more than a month.  

 

My heart goes out to you. The tinnitus that you are experiencing is indeed hard to live with.  Hang in there.  Tinnitus, like your other symptoms, is not permanent and it will go away.  How and why we get so many strange and troubling symptoms from benzos will be discussed and debated for many years, I am sure. 

 

Night time is indeed when tinnitus is so very hard to deal with.  During the day we have many distractions to take our mind away from the ringing.  But come the night and the constant ringing is a real bummer.

 

I would have a fan running in my room at night and it seemed to make the ringing more tolerable.

 

My tinnitus came without warning and it disappeared the same way.  One day it was just gone.  I wish you well, and I pray that your tinnitus will soon be gone.

 

I wish you much peace and happiness in your life

 

pj

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  • 6 months later...
  • 2 months later...

PJ how long did you have insomnia? Not sure why you have me blocked on pm I've never talked to you befoee

 

Hi Gardengonewild, some members will set their account to block all PM's, try not to take it personally.  :)

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Pamster....whew! The message said he had blocked MY messages and I was like omg!!! What did I do? I don't know this person! I saw the insomnia thing and my dear friend in Australia is suffering so much with it and akathisia and is losing hope so I am trying to help her. I'm injured too just in different way than her.
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Top of the morning to you :)

 

So sorry that my not accepting personal messages made you upset.  Because I am seldom on this site, it would be a very long time before I would be able to respond to any personal messages. I occasionally check this site to see if anyone has posted a question for me on my success story thread.  

 

I happened to check this site today, and I noticed a post from you, asking for your friend in Australia, how long I had insomnia.  I had insomnia for, what I thought, was quite a long time.  Since it has been ten years since I wrote my success story, I cannot remember exactly how long I had insomnia, but I believe it ended around the fifth month or perhaps it was the sixth month.

 

Please tell your friend not to worry too much about her battle with insomnia. (Easier said than done, I know). Please tell her that insomnia, indeed one of the worst withdrawal symptoms, does end and sleep will return, not magically all at once, but in stages.

Until her sleep cycle straightens out, she can expect her sleep to be quite sporadic.  Some nights she may not sleep at all or she may sleep for just an hour or two.  Some nights she may sleep for three hours, possibly even four hours. That's how it was for me. 

 

Please tell your friend that the day will come,  just like it did for me, when she will be able to sleep through the night and wake totally refreshed, ready to greet the new day with a great big happy smile on her face.

 

As hard and tempting as it can be, your friend should try to avoid taking any drugs to combat insomnia.  All prescription and over the counter drugs will eventually make her insomnia much worse, and prolong how long it takes her to heal.  

Please tell your friend that lots of time, much patience and the belief that her insomnia will indeed end some joyous day is a prescription that she can trust in and believe in.

 

I wish you and your friend the very best.,

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pj!!!

 

You are always a beacon of hope for those who you speak to, thanks for stopping by.

 

I hope 2022 is finding you well and happy.

 

PG  :smitten:

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  • 1 month later...

.. I have completely healed, and am happier, and more content than I have ever been before.

 

All you wonderful, kind, and decent folks, will all completely heal one day, and like I now do, you will enjoy life with a new found appreciation for all the mysterious, and wondrous things life has to offer. 

 

Your sunrise will be so much brighter, the sunset so much more spectacular, the sound of a laughing little child, so much sweeter.  The little things that used to upset you won't anymore.

 

 

I have read hundreds of old postings from the past three and four years, and have often wondered what has become of the kind, understanding people who cried together, laughed together, and shared their deepest thoughts together. To read the back and forth banter between one member and another, is fascinating and inspiring. I have to marvel at the fact, that complete strangers, in the blink of an eye, became kindred spirits. What a befitting testimony to our capacity as humans, to love and appreciate one another.

 

We can become so enamored with certain members that when they leave, we are left with an emptiness and sadness that cannot be easily explained. 

 

While reading those postings from many years ago, I felt like I was treading on sacred territory, and could almost 'feel' the presence of the authors, who wrote all those heartfelt words to each other.

 

It was at that moment when I realized that they had all healed, and were back to living their varied lives again in the way that life was meant to be lived.  All of you will be doing the same one day, because this nightmare does end, and you will be happy, and productive again.

 

It would be awfully hard, maybe even impossible, to find a kinder, or nicer group of people than you do at BenzoBuddies, where People REALLY do want to help one another in the most thoughtful, and caring way, with a sincerity, and decency that is so very real.

 

When someone cries out for help.  There is no hesitation in wanting to help that person.  People respond with heartfelt emotions, and a genuine concern for an individual they have never met, and often become close friends with that person.  Friends unlike no one else in their lives, because they understand how that person is suffering day in, and day out, in a way that no one else can ever understand.

 

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ashley Smith:

 

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.  Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

 

PJ

 

edit typo

 

 

 

 

Bump because this was just so incredibly beautifully written. Thank you.

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Thanks for sharing - and our caregivers can be so aloof to the harm they are causing in their attempts to help us heal. The irony.
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