Need Hope

Just afraid. I've read so many things that make me think this will last forever. Life is very difficult with this at the moment. Exercise is messed up because of intolerance, HR and BP stuff. I tried to go to a restaurant last night (bad choice of one) but the 50+ TVs, loud music and talking did me in. I ate a few bites and had to sit in the car. My in-laws were there and they know of my situation but I still felt weak, embarrassed, crazy, etc. I just feel doomed. I have two little kids. I haven't been able to be a normal mom. I feel I'm running out of steam with waiting this out and it's ONLY been 13.5 weeks. I had a nightmare last night and woke up to my heart pounding/going faster. It does it anyway but picked up with the bad dream. Legs are burning nightly. Internal vibrating. Every though held captive by this experience. Feel weird even going for a walk because of the neuro symptoms.

 

Who can please lift me up? I used to be the lifter of everyone else in my life. Now I cannot give to anybody in a meaningful way.

Please take comfort. I feel you. I completely understand what you’re saying. 13.5 weeks in is a very tough time. Do your best for your kiddos. Eat healthy. Try to get 8 hours of sleep every night. Take hot baths or showers-even a few a day. Stay away from too much stimuli or stressful places. Take nature walks-even short ones. Drink tea. Stay away from coffee. Stay away from alcohol. Watch uplifting movies. Watch funny movies. Kids movies. Exercise a little. You can do this! Do it for your kids. Tell them when they are older what happened. Now you are armed to battle for them later in life.

 

I’m a dad of two. I work full time. I have to travel for work. I’m a filmmaker. I have dealt with soooo much in just trying to cope. I’m 14 months in to benzo free from 17 years from being told they were good for me. You can do this too. It may,be the hardest thing you do but you’ll come out shining on the other side.

Nervous

I’m where you are. I’m 14 mos and a week and it’s hard has hell. It gives me the feeling of it never ending. I know that the good times come but when I’m in it I can’t take it anymore. I just want to be me again. The better me!  We are all here together. It’s hard and we have to support and care for each  The support we have for each other is really the only understanding we have. When I was at 6 mos I never knew I could make it to 14. Now I want to get to 18. It’s not far off. Everything we read says we heal. Sure seems like we won’t. Keep at it and keep on truckin!

I'm not even mid taper yet but you were there on the withdrawal board when I started. You've got this! Although a bad dream might be horrible, at least you were dreaming 

Wow you guys...I just came to check for replies and feel so comforted by all three of you. You are coming from the same benzo land but different spots within it. Thank you...I seriously feel less alone right at this moment and comforted. All walks of life right here doing what we can to make it through. I am so proud of each of you.

 

I absolutely do have to do this for my kids and to protect them in the future as well. So, so true.

 

Coconut: You keep tapering and great job there! Hopefully I can lift you up if you need it at some point.

 

Ranchman66: Hold onto those good times. Remember they will come again and, as those have healed tell us, they come for longer and eventually will stay. I want you to be you agin as well. 14 months...incredible my friend.

 

Abomb: Thank you. Great, great advice and for these two little guys I push along. I try to hide this from them and for the most part I think I pull off quite the act but that's tiring as well of course. 14 months....amazing. You and Ranchman66. Keep up the amazing progress and I love that you're a dad and filmmaker.

 

Thank you guys...very helpful on a day like today. XOXO

Haha I love that my name gets autocorrected into coconut. It always makes me smile. Thanks for that.

My first dog was named Coconut and he was amazing so there's another smile to add, ha. 

 

Tomorrow my cat is coming. I convinced my parents to take one in as emotional support animal. (Needed a pet that wasn't that much work).

I love that! Enjoy....a pet is the best!!!