Scared I broke my body

Hello Buddies,

I'm new to this community, mainly because I had no idea how dependent I had become on the Ativan.

I had been on 1mg of Ativan “as needed” for anxiety and the “as needed” snuck up on me as I was taking it the calm down and sleep. It turned into a 4-5 day a week habit and now that I have educated myself more I see I was having inter dose withdrawal which motivates me to take it everyday.

So I was on Ativan 1mg once a day for let’s call it 6 months (probably a little less) - so last week I decided to stop taking it and my body FREAKED OUT. Terrible nausea, pouring sweat, NO sleep for days, my anxiety is terrible, and I had some negative depressed and intrusive thoughts, oh and rapid weight loss (I'm the same weight i was in 7th grade and it’s not a good thing, plus I'm sure more - I feel awful.

I see now that is probably should have tapered it down, but now I'm 7 days into this experience and I don’t want to put another one of those evil pills in my body again if I can avoid it.

I'm scared this will be forever. I took a few days off work, but I'm supposed to go back tomorrow. I have 3 young kids which has been a double edged sword. It’s hard to be the dad I want to be, but they have kept me up and going and going out to their activities which I think has helped keep me going at least.

I guess I'm searching for answers: will this feeling be like this forever? I'm scared I messed up so bad that I'm just broken. I didn’t even think I was abusing the medication I was prescribed. Intake responsibility for putting myself in a position to feel this way, but what do I do now? I have to function. I'm scared, feeling sick, and so tired. PLEASE help me.

Thank you,

Mike

I know you don't want to give up the time you've already suffered but given your need to work and care for your young children, I suggest you go back on the drug and get stable then begin a slow taper.  You're not going to be able to function at work or home and while reinstating isn't ideal, it will hopefully get you to work until you can figure out a plan to get off of the Ativan.

You're not broken but the journey you've embarked on is long and painful and should be entered into with a clear mind and purpose.  Getting free from benzodiazepines is an incredibly painful and difficult process, it tests us physically, emotionally and mentally.  Its important you educate yourself and those around you about what to expect, its going to put a strain on your whole family so making a plan is important.

Finally, you didn't abuse the medication, and the warnings they put on the medication doesn't even begin to describe the horror we live while tapering and recovering from these drugs.