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8 months post jump


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It's been wavy. Lots of ups and downs. One BIG wave at month 6 (brought on by a procedure where I had to take fentynal, there was also alot of emotional and physical stress surrounding the situation). BUT after that big wave, I felt even better then before the big wave started. 3 weeks later I fell into another wave, but it was smaller. Coming down from the wave was similar to the experience of your ears popping. There is a distinct moment of - oh wow, things are So clear!  I still have some physical symptoms that are waving through my days. BUT. the psychological are gone, for now. And if they come back I know it'll pass. But have hope, that even when waves come, clarity and relief is right behind. It might take time, days, weeks, months, but it will be worth it.  I was looking in the mirror yesterday saying to myself, i'm so glad i'm alive, i Love life. This was Not my thoughts for so many years. Lots of suicidal ideation, convincing myself life is terrible with Way too much suffering.  But I promise it's not all terrible. The beautiful, still, and peaceful moments are what makes everything worth it. 
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Congrats on feeling better! I’m at month 8 from going CT so I can def relate with u on the waves and knowing/hoping that after each wave we will be even better than before. When you are in wave next time just remember how u felt looking in the mirror saying you loved life!! ❤️
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Just wondering if you have to be a British Columbia resident to work with that doctor? Thanks.

 

As long as you can go in person for your appointments, I believe they do private coverage which is like 100 bucks a month. The clinic has been set up for people who are not able to afford care which is why it's relatively cheap, the doctor there is pretty amazing. There is also a compounding pharmacy in the clinic where they dose out exactly what you need for the next two weeks. That way we aren't obsessing over cutting our pills or diluting them in water etc. the measuring process that a lot of us have to do doesn't help the healing process. My heart goes to those who are having to have a chemistry set up in their kitchen and attend to it every day to get through this mess. 

 

 

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Congratulations!! Are you able to share you taper plan?

 

yes, how do I attach a document??????

 

NOTE - everyone's plan differs. At certain points in my taper I only held for 2 weeks, but others I held for a months time. Use the hard rule of you can hold but don't increase. I only went down by 1/8th of a .5mg pill at a time. I suggest not decreasing any faster. This will give your brain more time to heal, receptors to grow back. If you cold turkey or go down by a lot per decrease - this is equivalent to waxing your receptors off, instead of doing a slow pluck. We can't shock our brain by not giving it the benzo's it's become reliant on. 

 

if you have questions feel free to PM

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Congratulations!! Are you able to share you taper plan?

 

yes, how do I attach a document??????

 

NOTE - everyone's plan differs. At certain points in my taper I only held for 2 weeks, but others I held for a months time. Use the hard rule of you can hold but don't increase. I only went down by 1/8th of a .5mg pill at a time. I suggest not decreasing any faster. This will give your brain more time to heal, receptors to grow back. If you cold turkey or go down by a lot per decrease - this is equivalent to waxing your receptors off, instead of doing a slow pluck. We can't shock our brain by not giving it the benzo's it's become reliant on. 

 

if you have questions feel free to PM

 

i can personally email it to you if you want? I can't figure out how to attach :/

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I don’t feel comfortable sharing my email. Can you tell us how much you were on, for how long and how long the taper took?

 

Were you comfortable through it or very anxious? I am so anxious and in tears all the time.

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I started decreasing by 1/8 of a .5mg pill and then started decreasing by 1/8 of a .25mg pill.  At some dosages I held for 2 weeks, others I held at 4 weeks  - all depending on the severity of my symptoms. *Don't expect symptoms to go away in order for you to be ready to drop, the symptoms just might decrease to a tolerable level. But also, as your body finds homeostasis with each new dosage you're symptoms might not only decrease but (might) go away! which is amazing, but don't expect it. That all said, don't wait for symptoms to go Away in order for you to be ready to enter another drop in dosage. You will know when it's a tolerable decrease and that you feel steady enough to drop again. Just don't go up, hold longer if you need to. It took me over a year to come off. I jumped at 1/8th of a .25mg pill  which is .03125mg of Klonopin.
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I can’t stop crying and shaking since I started my decrease. I think it is maybe ptsd from my horrific cold Turkey but am not certain. I have no idea how to figure out when I feel good enough to drop again.
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what dose are you at now, and how long have you been holding at that dose?  and how much have you gone down since reinstating at 1mg.

 

also - I would split the .5mg into two, and take the (4) .25mg throughout the day (staggered evenly). This will help with interdose withdrawals, which is especially felt at the beginning of a taper.

 

 

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Can you get interdose withdrawal on Clonazapam? I thought the half life was 12 hours. I reinstated to 1 mg - .5 in morning and .5 at night. My first wean was 10% in the morning. I am also using a compound from pharmacy. I started my first 10% wean 8 days ago. But I haven’t really been stable since the ct in November. Did you start to feel any better at all during the wean? Were you able to work and feel any form of happy while withdrawing?
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Can you get interdose withdrawal on Clonazapam? I thought the half life was 12 hours. I reinstated to 1 mg - .5 in morning and .5 at night. My first wean was 10% in the morning. I am also using a compound from pharmacy. I started my first 10% wean 8 days ago. But I haven’t really been stable since the ct in November. Did you start to feel any better at all during the wean? Were you able to work and feel any form of happy while withdrawing?

 

Yes you can interdose withdrawal with Clonazapam. Even though it's techinically in your body for 12 hours, as time goes on the blood concentration decreases, so less K in your blood stream hitting your blood brain barrier. If there is less, then this means more withdrawal symptoms. If you can keep a more steady concentration throughout the day it Will help decrease the withdrawal feelings between doses.

 

Cold Turkey really does a number on the brain. It takes time for it to recover. Reinstating was the best thing you could have done (in my opinion) - as it will decrease the Shock to your brain of having to repair itself with no help. Since you're back on K, your're brain now has help to find homeostasis, then as you slowly decrease your dosage your brain has a better chance at readjusting to a new homeostasis with each dose.  I'm so sorry you're not doing well. But you are not alone, this is something we all go through on BB. It Will pass. It took me about 3 months to feel somewhat ok after I went cold turkey then reinstated.

 

I did start to feel better as i tapered. That said (as Ashton notes) my symptoms Waxed and Waned. Windows and waves were experienced. Some weeks I felt Ok, good enough to work but i still thought about what I was going through every second. Other weeks it was complete terror, and I just cried all day and shook in a corner.  I am a CFO for a company in the oil and gas industry. so I really didn't have a choice to not work. I either had to take a leave or just continue working. I'm really not sure how i did it. but i continued working through it all. I took a lot of sick and vacation days. Some days I would close my door and just lay on the floor and cry. Some days it was just going through letting myself cry, letting myself have a melt down. and then trying hard to distract myself.  And THEN some days I would get relief! Mostly at night time. And I would savor those moments of peace, and recharge for the next day, knowing that a Wave was probably around the corner. 

 

feel free to ask me questions you can inbox me if you'd like on here as well

 

 

also -when you say 10%, did you mean 10% of 1mg of K ? which is roughly 1/8th of a 1mg pill?  If so that's a good cut. Just stay longer on this dose, until you feel symptoms are decreasing. They won't go away, but you'll notice its not As bad. and you'll know ok i'm ready for another decrease etc.

 

 

 

 

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Thank you. I will direct message you. I’d love to have someone to connect with that a little ahead of the process. I’m terrified I messed up my nervous system permanently. I am on leave from work as I have a pretty high pressure role in the software industry. I’d prefer not to have to stay off much longer as I love my job.
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