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Free from benzos!


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Hi All,

 

I walked off the last crumb of diazepam two weeks ago after a year-long taper. I tapered all the way down to about .05mg doing a dry daily micro taper. I'm dealing with the same couple of symptoms I've had for the last few months, but nothing increased or intensified, and all of it is manageable. After a pretty dire acute period from abrupt discontinuation last year, I reinstated, got relatively stable, and then began the long taper. Though my taper was hard, I stayed functional throughout and found microtapering to be the best strategy for me. It wasn't easy and I didn't feel well most of the time, but I was able to continue working (virtually), completing a grad program (also virtually), and hiking regularly, which has been important to my healing. I live alone, 3000 miles from family. I had to get through much of this on my own. In the end, the tenacity I needed to employ probably helped me to get to the other side of this. I've done a lot of challenging things in my life. This was, by far, the hardest. 

 

I still have about 2mg of mirtazapine to taper, so not completely done with the scale yet, but close!

 

I will share more after some time has passed. I wanted to share this now to support others who are in the middle of their tapering journey because one fear I had throughout tapering was that, when I finally walked off, there would still be hell waiting for me around the corner. That just wasn't the case - it was actually pretty uneventful. And I met a lot of other people on here who also had uneventful jumps. What I will say is that many of us tapered down way lower than what Ashton recommends as a jumping dose. I believe that really helps if you can do it!

 

I'm grateful to everyone who offered support through my taper, especially Pamster who has the patience of an angel and held my hand through those first hellish weeks when I was completely losing my mind and had no idea what was happening to me. I will never forget the care I was shown by Pamster and other buddies during those days. My doctors were lying to me telling me my symptoms could not be from the drug, and I don't know where I would have wound up if I hadn't found this site. (Thankfully, I did finally find a doctor who was benzo-wise, who validated my withdrawal experience; even though there wasn't much he could do apart from write my prescriptions and let me lead my own taper, the validation and general support were incredibly helpful.)

 

There is so little research on our predicament, but I was determined to do my due diligence anyway. I spent weeks reading as much as I could on this site, going way back into the archives, and I got most of my actual taper advice from folks who had long since finished successful tapers and moved on. That made the most sense to me - to follow the trail of those who'd been on the same drug as me and who had successfully gotten off it. They left a lot of detailed information behind and I followed it (with some improvisation!) and it worked. I hope I have done even a tenth of that for someone else.

 

I'll pop in with a report again some months out, and when I'm off the mirtazapine. Sending you all the strength you need on this grueling journey. No one will ever know what we've been through. And just remember - when you're going through hell, keep going!

 

Openroad

 

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I’m so very happy you’re benzo free, congratulations, and thank you for letting people know that walking off didn’t involve any new and frightening symptoms, it was just more of the same, this is incredibly helpful information.

 

I’m so impressed with how you’ve managed your taper and life, you’re to be congratulated for not only surviving this experience but managing to make so much progress in your personal life, you’re an inspiration.  :smitten:

 

 

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Thank you so much, Libertas and Jelly Baby! I've so appreciated having you on the team here, and always holding down the fort with kindness and sensibility.

 

Pamster, that means so much - you literally caught me when I was free falling and I'll never forget that.  :smitten:

 

Hardy - thank you - I know our tapers overlapped and I hope you're doing alright these days!

 

EinNM422 - that's the best thing I can hear. Your success will keep someone else going someday. I know it will!

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Congratulations Openroad!

 

I know from your posts, how diligent and mindful your taper was and you could then step off.

 

Wishing you well on the remaining taper off Mirt.

 

Final Healing

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Thank you Final Healing! I appreciate your support. Hope you are doing ok with everything you've been dealing with.

Will see you soon over on the mirt. board!

 

Openroad

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Thanks so much, Ask - I've appreciated all of your thoughts and shares and open-hearted support. I know your support is encouraging to a lot of people here!

Duneman, thanks so much - means a lot!

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi everyone -

Just reporting back that I have hit the one-month mark off benzos. I am still doing relatively well. Still dealing with two annoying physical symptoms, but in general I feel better the farther I get away from my last dose.

 

If you're out there fighting the fight, please know I had a challenging taper and I am doing SO much better, even just one month out. This doesn't have to be a life sentence of hell. You can beat this!

 

Sending a big hug (and boxing gloves!) to everyone out there fighting. You got this!

 

Openroad

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Wow Openroad, amazing, congratulations! Did you start tapering feeling fine on the benzo or did you feel off/in tolerance?
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hi cocodot,

 

I stopped taking a super low dose of diazepam in June of 2021 b/c I thought it was making me depressed. I got VERY sick from discontinuing but it was mostly GI, and every doctor said I had GI issues and said it could not be w/d because of the low dose. Then, to cope with some of the GI sxs (nausea was off the charts) I was told to started taking benzos again and was prescribed lorazepam(!). Still, I kept getting sicker and sicker, sxs increasing. Lost 15 pounds, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, verge of going to hospital. It was bad.

 

they said I had SIBO so I was looking at Reddit boards reading about SIBO. Someone on the board said it could be the benzos! Not knowing any better, I just stopped taking them. I'd been taking appx. .5-1mg lorazepam for about a month at that point. So I went into severe, severe acute. I had all of the things, including akathisia, tremors, vomiting, head squeezing, insomnia, heart racing, chemical anxiety off the charts, extreme sensitivity to sound and light. I was a disaster. I was then given terrible advice by my doctors who either dismissed my symptoms as "anxiety" or tried to put me on additional meds. Pamster and my local pharmacist encouraged me to go back on the diazepam and try to stabilize. I went up very slowly and then also added 7.5mg mirtazapine. This is all in my signature. THEN I stabilized (that doesn't mean I felt good, but I could think again!) and started to taper.

 

So, long story short, I never felt fine. I did a yearlong taper off 4mg of diazepam and it was very challenging. But I did feel better as I got lower and my brain started to heal. I feel more fine now than I ever did on the benzos. :)

 

It's a bit of a complicated story but I hope this helps. The moral of the story, of course, is that these drugs are just bad news. I'm so glad to be off and you will be, too.

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Thanks for the reply, openroad! I've noticed that indeed some pharmacists know more than doctors. One of the pharmacies I go to saved me from halcion and would have saved me from rivotril but I got that somewhere else unfortunately. They did share the Ashton manual and so on so they know something. The doctor did not and didn't want to learn.

 

Yes, they obviously are bad news in most cases. They are way too easily prescribed. I was so unlucky with the doctors I went to. I asked three different ones specifically for non habit forming sleeping aid advice and all three of them prescribed me benzos and encouraged me to take them longer. No one in our surrounding understands. Other doctors wouldn't have or would have given proper information.

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Woohoo!!!!!!!! I love coming back and seeing this! Well done open road. It might get bumpy at times but I swear it will be alright. I promise u x routine is everything ❤️ Just keep showing up and one day I won’t believe how much distance u have put between u and this mess x
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@[sh...]

I'm doing pretty well! Have just a little crumb of mirtazapine to conquer. Probably one month left. Everything is totally deal-able.

I keep telling my friends how good it is to have my brain back. But no one else gets it like we do! xo

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Oh I get you. Ur so right. I still have a crumb of unisom too that I’m clinging to but as soon as I feel ready I’ll flick that too. Just take ur time and do it when u feel ready coz there’s no rush. So proud of u ❤️ Doing cart wheels down under xxx
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