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Oh boy here I go again


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Hello friends, I read many posts and decided to create my own profile to share my personal experience with tapering and quitting benzodiazepines

 

I quit heroin 8 years ago, and recently last year began using street xanax , very dangerous as I worry it could be contaminated with Fentanyl, thus I began to taper from 4 mg

I would procure dozens of bars at a time off the street and this has been my situation for 5 months . I have tapered to .25mg in the morning and .5 at night right before sleep. Surprisingly so far only minor sleep disturbances, wake up at 6 am sharp feels like glass breaking when I open my eyes … beyond that I’m running out of time as it appears my source has mysteriously vanished , extremely unfortunate as I was hoping to prolong this taper a few more weeks. Alas this is the beginning of my story I suppose

 

I have begun by calling some outpatient specialists and hope to begin an actual microtaper

 

I’m embarrassed but hope I am not the only illicit user here and if I am I hope my posts can help deter future abuse or help anyone who finds themselves in this situation

 

Thank you. And to anyone reading I wish you all the best

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Hello BustedBrain404, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

I’m sorry to hear your taper has hit a bump in the road but you’ve made very good progress with apparently mild symptoms, this is good to hear.  I hope you can find another supply that’s safe, I was reading the other day about fentanyl and how it’s in everything these days and how careful the dealers have to be so they don’t end up killing their customers, scary stuff.

 

We’re happy to have you here, and we don’t judge, we just do our best to help. I’ll leave you with some links but please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidance

 

Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper)

 

Ashton Manual symptom list

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

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Hi BB,

 

You are not the only one here that got on benzos the old fashioned way.  In a way it seems a little more of an honest process than having a Doctor prescribe them. You'll find good people here and lots of support. 

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Thanks friends, I’m here to report this morning I took .25 at 5? AM and slept a full 8 hours albeit broken up 3-4 times, I have MAYBE a weeks supply left, hopefully will get a psychiatrist or doctor to get some Klonopin before It’s gone and i’m left to rock n roll from ~.5mg Xanax

 

So far i’m just a tad bit grumpy, and sweaty as a hippo , took my kids to the park today with groceries somehow carried them both and laundry back home, trying to get ahead of cleaning and other chores before things get rough.

 

Glad to be chatting with others going through this process as well.

 

I’ve been smoking CBD hemp pre-rolls like a chimney , taking Vitadreams gummies, and kava kava to aid in this rapid taper. They seem to allow me to function reasonably well… so far

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I hope you can find a doctor to help you, but I can see you’re preparing for the worst which is smart. I quit cold turkey but I was given 5 phenobarbital in case of seizure, do you have a history of them?

 

Manny of our members will see a Nurse Practioner for their medication, I wonder if you might have better luck with one of them?  It seems to me if a person has a strong desire to come off of a medication, a doctor would be happy to help them do this. But, I’m a recovering alcoholic who has done my share of lying and unfortunately doctors are on the front line for this type of behavior so its tough to get them to drop their guard.

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7:30 pm took a .25 mg slice , also wanted to add i’m taking a red vein kratom probably 15 grams a day

This with the other supplements I listed in the above post have me feeling somewhat normal

 

Hopefully tonight I only will take another .125 mg right before bed

And if I wake up, I’m only gonna take kavakava for sleep, if I can’t sleep… so be it

 

My goal is to rapid taper to hopefully .125g only at night to stretch this limited supply out as far as possible 0_O wish me luck

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Keep us posted how it goes.  Do you understand that getting off of the drug is only the first step, that recovery can take awhile?  I just want to make sure you’re fully informed.
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Yes thank you, I have been psyching myself out reading probably too many horror stories

Woke up this morning from another night of broken sleep , not taking my morning dose so maybe I’ll go all day until nighttime and just take .125 maybe .25 mg tonight and see how that goes

 

I’m sure i’ll feel it soon

 

The kava kava really seems to help a lot

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Mid-day update , feel okay so far?? I want to add that i’m taking some probiotics called Neuralli , this in tandem with a buuuunch of CBD hemp , kavakava , red vein kratom, & Vitadreams sleep supplements seem to be allowing me to go down relatively quickly. Also Stamets Seven mushroom supplements

 

Waiting as long as possible for my dose and wish to further reduce the dose tonight.

Been calling various outpatient programs in my area in the hopes some match my insurance all of them seem to want to sell me on in-patient but ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

Really not looking forward to my first nights on no grain of sand size portions yet simultaneously glad to be starting this journey now rather than a few more months or years even down the road.

To anyone else reading, I’m sending you all the good vibes I got , slowly but surely getting better

 

Edit : Also, just saw the post about Nurse practitioners, thank you for the advice I will try that out right away

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I’m glad you know not to do inpatient, they don’t work for benzo’s.  You have quite the medicine cabinet to draw from, I’ve never heard of a couple of them, I hope they help you get through this.

 

 

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I work at a CBD and kratom apothecary store , so Im able to get tons of herbs for way cheap. It’s been a life saver, i’m sitting exhausted at work rn , um where to start today

After another night of broken sleep.

 

I took literally crumbs last night, don’t have my micro scale at my apartment it’s somewhere in my moms house and she’s in Peru rn… sheesh but it actually worked with a ton of kratom and I got 2000mg CBD tincture and took couple dropperfuls of that

 

But the kavakava is really what has been saving me I feel.

Right before work this morning I took a tiny crumb, I’m chillin at work sippin on a 3x extract pouch of karuna kava apple-vanuatu & besides being tired I’m joking with my buddy/ coworker about “ don’t get on benzos dawg” i’m not looking forward to these next few weeks but it is what it is.

 

I wonder if my condition will improve or worsen as the days drag on , still holding out hope this won’t be a protracted struggle .

 

Still chomping down several grams of red vein Kratom every day, I get it for free from work so that helps a ton.

Gonna push myself again today and get to tonight with just crumbs again and hopefully streeeetch these last 5 bars out faaar

 

Here goes nothin’ y’all

 

Gonna probably take this introduction out to the first week of not having any meds left then take this whole thing and copy pasta in the Journal group .

 

 

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Benzo’s are a hard lesson to learn, I’m glad you’re warning your co-worker about them, I talk to anyone who will listen. 

 

I hope your supplements help you get through this, maybe when you get past this you can post them on Alternative Therapies & Supplements board so others can benefit from your experience.

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Thanks for responding to my comments, I’m doing my nighttime routine, took .125mg so like 1/8 of a bar so I can hopefully sleep & drank the last of my kavakava pouch, took 2 MIT45 kratom extract shots , another dropperful of 2000mg CBD tincture (2000mg per bottle, not per dropper) & my  Vitadreams gummies , and my neuralli probiotic , when I got home I just found out we got a new cat LOL , a funny thing to come home to randomly , fortunately my kids and lady and our Sphynx seem to love her. So it’s a welcome addition to our family.

 

I got through work but I don’t really do much except pour kratom and herbs for people and that is a life saver, I can’t imagine having some actually difficult job during this time.

Realized I hadn’t eaten lunch or brunch or any of my extra hobbit meals, I was able to eat some chicken and rice , a lot actually so I feel much better.

 

The MIT45 extract is REALLY strong, will put my headphones on and feels like i’m HOPEFULLY gonna sleep okay? I can wake up rested and take the lil’ ones to school on time. Although my sleep is broken up, i’m able to nap when they are with their teachers.

 

Tomorrow will be another crumb day, so I imagine with the concentration depleting slowly from my body it’s gonna begin to feel rough . Wish me luck amigos, I’m praying for you all and your safe journey ahead

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Congratulations on your new family member, it sounds like you have a happy household.

 

I’m hoping the best for you, it will probably be rough but in the end its wonderful to be free of the drug.  I’ve experienced addiction and it’s exhausting to constantly worry about keeping it fed, I’m done with that and so happy to be free.

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Uuuugh, brutal morning ! Couldn’t sleep til 4am when I decided enough was enough around 330 am and began taking super tiny crumbs every 15 minutes and guzzling sleepy tea , last I remember I was laying down with my cat at glanced at my phone around 3:5x and then was woken by excited kids at 7 am .

 

Very odd sensations, felt as though my brain was swelling like a balloon & had a tight headband on but sleep escaped me until I began taking the tiniest sand grain sized crumbs, I could absolutely see this giving way to a brutal headache had I not re-dosed

 

And I can imagine how feeling like that or god forbid even worst for months at a time would be excruciating!

 

Anyways…

Took them to school and got back home and took another sand grain sized crumb from the pill cutter and slept til noon and have eaten vitamins and a banana, I’m also in the midst of beating a nasal infection? Tested negative for Covid fortunately, but can’t separate the illness symptoms from the withdrawal symptoms lol.

 

Not much else to report , tonight’s rest will likely be another brutish event, though I know now to begin taking crumbs every 15 minutes at midnight to ensure I’m able to sleep at least for these next few weeks as my brain adjusts to this new normal

 

I havent even opened the last pill bag so I’m hopeful that I can stretch this out to allow my receptors to grow back slowly as I crunch towards day 0_o

 

Watching documentaries and reading news on the earthquake in Syria and the war in South Sudan and giving thanks for my first world problems, but also being kind to myself and understanding their suffering doesn’t lessen my own or anyones here. Just trying to live in gratitude!

 

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Your methods are unlike most I’ve seen here but if it gets you benzo free its a good thing.  I know you know this but I feel I need to caution you about the supplements you’re taking, some of them have the potential for abuse and have been known to cause organ damage.

 

I’m glad you’re working at being grateful, things can always be worse.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wow long delay. My phone bricked and I couldn’t log in , had no time and was basically up shit creek without a paddle

 

So Good news, My buddy got out of jail and I instantly procured enough to do a proper months long taper and i’m down to .50 mg or 1/4 bar at night

 

I’ve added Agmatine to my supplements & i’m going to try it tonight

Besides that not much to report , got a new phone

Still taking my huge supplement stack & no longer rapidly tapering so I get much better sleep now , 6-8 hours last night I woke up at 4:30 am and noped out cuz I had slept only 5 hours every night this last week or whatever since I’ve continued reducing but even at the tolerable pace my sleeps been wrecked, I took a sliver of a crumb & crunched a whole pouch of kava kava and kratom powder & slept a whole 3 more hours til I was awaken by my kids. Today is rough , lady is off visiting her brother in another state so i’m on my own.

 

Hoping the Agmatine is able to help with the taper as is reduces glutamate activity in the brain which is what causes the alertness , since there is the downregulation of GABA

 

I’ll report back now properly with this nice device , sorry for the gap in time y’all

 

Edit : As for the supplements yeah i’m well aware but always grateful for the reminders  , I used kratom to get off heroin years ago and kava kava is to my understanding only hepatotoxic when improperly processed, the stem of the plant contains Kavaene which is the toxic part , and the roots should only contain Kavalactones which bond to the Gaba site A , it allows me to cool my brain down and have some semblance of normality in the days where I drop down.

The LAST thing i’m remembering I wanted to mention Holy MOLY to those without a prescription, be careful, my buddy got arrested through some duuuumb situation I won’t even get into but he said the guards were making fun of him as he was about to seize on the ground(he is far deeper in the woods than I am, on multiple benzo’s) and if another prisoner hadn’t raised hell he likely would’ve died in jail!

 

Horrible, after the other prisoner helped him out by yelling about negligence lawsuits or something the guards took notice and ALL of a sudden a medic appeared and started dosing him with an anti seizure med that was not a benzo , he got bailed out and we met up, later that night I was so grateful he got out okay, but then my phone bricked out the morning of and I wanted to mention this because BE CAREFUL , get off these things if you’re considering it ASAP it can be SUPER dangerous if you’re on the RIGHT side of the law but downright HELL if you get caught up like my homie did.

 

His story scared me straight I put these and I had the thought “oh maybe just once more i’ll take 2 bars (4mg) and relax after that” and then I realized how insidious that sounds and laughed and just did my regular supplements grateful that I am strong willed NOT in jail & continued my taper!!!

 

Horrific!

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Happy to hear you procured enough to do a slower taper and grateful your friends near death experience helped cement your resolve.  Addiction is insidious, hey, everything is going great, lets mess it up!  Been there, done that.  :idiot:
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Woke up again at 4 am after 6? Hours of sleep, not too shabby

 

Im stuck now at a 1/4, only once at night. taking the Agmatine seems to help prolong sleep at least for a bit

Tried to see if white grapefruit juice at night will help, since it prevents the breakdown of many compounds and hopefully allow me to sleep better. Can’t tell which is helping more , don’t rly care

A different friend of mine came over and we smoked a super stinky joint which was delightful but not cbd I was concerned the high THC content would give me anxiety but no such thing happened

 

Hope everyone has a good day, hoping to jump off at .125 mg

Will see though, maybe I can get my microgram scale from its spot on the shelf at my ma’s house and then crumble tiny powder size amounts less than .125 in a few months, stocking up on neutraceuticals, herbs and nootropics now so hopefully the step off will be much easier

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Ok, so I seem to be stabilizing at .50 mg finally

The Agmatine sulfate really helps , it blocks glutamate from binding to the NMDA receptors!

CBD oil has helped immensely, kava kava as well , Vitadreams gummies , and chamomile tea all together are really enabling me to get proper sleep, I highly recommend trying this nutrition stack to anyone trying to hop off

 

Lastly on night where I’m dropping down to whatever amount, I’ll even take Benadryl the allergy medicine to sleep & that works wonders but I try not to take it every night so it remains effective

 

Editing to add that , since its day 4 of adding the agmatine sulfate i’ve been able to act normal even , rather than be sullen , still a bit tired but nothing like last week, so glad I found out about that

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Your withdrawal routine is unique but whatever works, right?  I’m sure your family is happy you’ve found something to help with sour moods.  ;).

 

I sure hope this is the last time you have to go through this, I’m exhausted just reading what you’re having to do to survive.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Back again, not much to update , my taper is going well! Today was rough took the kids to a museum and survived hah.

 

I’m down to 1/8th of a bar every night , I likely could hop off but am going to finish the rest of this bar and try to be done in April off .125mg

 

To anyone reading I’ve been very successful with Agmatine Sulfate

Neuralli probiotics, Kava kava, Kratom, an insane amount of CBD likely 50-100mg’s a night

Sleepytime tea (liters of it) & benadryl when insomnia hits me too hard

Edit: also ! Valerian and Vitadreams gummies

 

Will add my tale to the supplements board and hope to add to the success story board when I can :)

Good luck everyone keep it up

 

I’m so glad I was able to procure these extra bars because reading back through my posts those days when I had that mega-cold were dark and shitty, now that i’m better from the virus it’s a much more acceptable path. I should add today is my third day on 1/8 bar so ~.25 mg

 

Beyond this it’s difficult to chop them accurately, so likely will get to ~.125mg as stated above.

 

Tomorrow I’m gonna get a big bag of kava kava from work and another MIT45 kratom extract and I really hope to get some good sleep man, although I’m just kind of giving up on that idea lol

 

Um, symptoms have been really tolerable since I got the Agmatine, I haven’t had the horrible head-wobbles or anxiety , I hope someone can benefit from these findings. I also believe my “short-term” usage (6months now?) and abuse is what is likely keeping me from suffering so horribly compared to the stories I read on here, I imagine the length of time one is on these has a tremendous impact on the severity, some anomalies of course of folks who have protracted w/d’s from only being on them a few weeks! I wonder if it’s a genetic mutation that gives rise to “benzo-hypersensitivity” ? I would love to read any studies but it seems there aren’t very many currently. To those of you who are hurting I just hope my story can be of some benefit.

 

I will reiterate, if you’re considering getting off these things do it sooner rather than later!

 

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Hey amigos, sad news a beloved uncle of mine passed away a few days ago… the urge to take more was great but INSTEAD of going back up I remained stoic and while I didn’t drop to 1/16 I stayed at the 1/8 I was at. Today i’m going to his funeral with my kids & currently we’re all dressed waiting for the time to go arrives & they’re watching shows on tv so I figured i’d write this down. Proud of myself for just staying the course.

 

Right after this funeral we are going straight to a birthday party & i’m not going to lie, i’m very tired. I feel tonight I may stay at 1/8 again and drop the 1/16 in the next few days.

 

As always sending love to y’all who are reading this

Stay the course, things have improved for me a lot over these past few weeks, the slow taper was infinitely better than the crazy fast taper I was forced into.

Not much else to add hope everyone is enjoying their days as best they can

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I'm sorry to hear about your uncle but I think holding is the right decision, adjusting for life should be part of your taper.  You did good by the way, not taking that pill is huge, we've been programmed all our lives to take a pill for whatever ails us.  You not taking it was about more than resisting instant gratification, you went against your programming and that's a big step.
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I am proud to announce I made the drop to 1/16th yesterday and I’m maintaining here , kinda chilling at work

 

My supplements have been a life saver but I’m starting to feel the drop already as its such a small quantity it dissipates quickly and sleep has been troubling.

 

Oh well it is what it is, soon i’ll make the drop to zerooo & hopefully my supplements will continue to help at that point, I’m fairly sure if I continue this rate it should be quite alright to just hop off in a few weeks

 

 

 

 

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