Strong fear I’ll never get better without Abilify

My obsessive hopeless thoughts paralyze me every morning. I am so exhausted and just want to go back to sleep, but the obsessive dark thoughts keep looping. The thoughts lately revolve around never ever getting better, especially without taking Abilify. I took 1-2mg of Abilify on and off throughout 2021-2022 and it significantly helped my mental symptoms - however; I had way too many side effects and I wasn’t comfortable taking an antipsychotic long term.

 

I am absolutely petrified and losing sleep (literally) over the obsessive thoughts that only Abilify will help me. Is this the case? Can I still heal without it? Will I still heal without it?

I cant answer your question but I too have serious depressive thoughts every morning that send me down into a black hole. Mine also revolve around never getting better. I also do not sleep well and that makes everything worse. I am scared of taking other meds because of what xabax did to me. I do take a medium dose of serowuel every night to try and help with sleep. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. It scares me to take it but without I dont sleep at all. It doesnt help with my mood at all though. I am tired of waking up depressed.

All i can say about the morning stuff is for me i get really depressed because i want to sleep longer, apart of me wants to sleep through all this withdraw. But if i force myself up and into a light workout i end up having much betters days. So i try to suffer through the first bit to allow me to have a better day rather than drag and mope and ruin a whole day. It sucks its really hard. Another thing that helps mostly because i don’t have alot of responsibilities right now is that im better off just accepting waking up at 2 am and making that my new morning and just get my day started then. Just keep rotating with your sleep. Laying in bed always makes it worst. I feel for you though i take seroquel and its kinda stopped working as well but i dont want to go up. Side effects blow. I used to get a really nice bliss from it now its like blanket stuffy nose agitated to pass out

I feel for you and am sorry you are going through this. I also think you are very lucky if you are no longer having physical symptoms. That tells me your body has healed significantly, and healing will continue if you give it time. So yes, you are healing. Without a doubt. You haven't hit a year yet. A year seems like a significant healing timeline for people coming off of benzos and alcohol.

 

Abilify was suggested to me, but I am not willing to take any other psych meds because I know that anything I am experiencing now results from benzo withdrawal and will shift in time. If you decide to take it, you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself.  Anything you introduce, eventually, you will have to withdraw from. Even if it is 20 years from now. That is what I always think about. As someone who has not had substance abuse issues, I can only handle one detox in this lifetime. And even that is stretching it at this point...

 

Not to be presumptuous, and please do not take this the wrong way, but friends of mine who have had alcohol and benzo issues have had luck in AA and NA. Perhaps that is a place for additional support if you have not tried it yet? People seem to have heard it all there, and there are meetings 24/7 on Zoom.

I feel for you and am sorry you are going through this. I also think you are very lucky if you are no longer having physical symptoms. That tells me your body has healed significantly, and healing will continue if you give it time. So yes, you are healing. Without a doubt. You haven't hit a year yet. A year seems like a significant healing timeline for people coming off of benzos and alcohol.

 

Abilify was suggested to me, but I am not willing to take any other psych meds because I know that anything I am experiencing now results from benzo withdrawal and will shift in time. If you decide to take it, you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself.  Anything you introduce, eventually, you will have to withdraw from. Even if it is 20 years from now. That is what I always think about. As someone who has not had substance abuse issues, I can only handle one detox in this lifetime. And even that is stretching it at this point...

 

Not to be presumptuous, and please do not take this the wrong way, but friends of mine who have had alcohol and benzo issues have had luck in AA and NA. Perhaps that is a place for additional support if you have not tried it yet? People seem to have heard it all there, and there are meetings 24/7 on Zoom.

 

Hi, thank you for the reply. I have no problems abstaining from alcohol/benzos and addiction wasn't the problem. I was just young and stupid with booze and just feel jealous my friends can go out and have a couple drinks or a few glasses of wine with dinner with no repercussions, but that will never be me. Every single morning after drinking I feel like I'm going crazy - anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, racing heart etc. I'm fine living without benzos but just feel a little left out and not normal that I can't join my friends and the rest of the world with indulging in a few drinks. I never had a problem, just hate feeling left out and outcasted I guess. But I have to keep reminding myself that alcohol is literal poison anyway (like, legit, should not be ingested by the body as it is so damaging). I haven't had a drink in a very long time and feel better without it. Just something I'm salty about, I guess.

 

I was suicidal without the meds/therapy. I only started taking them *just for now*, because the alternative would actually be death. They are helping significantly with my mental symptoms and once I'm out of the weeds, I fully intend on withdrawing and know the potential consequences. I guess that alternative was just the lesser of the two evils.

 

I hope you are hanging in there and healing one day at a time. <3

Glad to hear you have found some relief.

 

After the benzo withdrawal process, I have been put in situations of having to choose "the lesser of the two evils."

 

So I hear you on that one loud and clear.