A message of Hope

Hello Brave Warriors!

I did not spend much time on this forum as I only used it for research because it was so triggering for me at the time, but I know that many of you look for new success stories and read them to give you hope, and I want to give you that. There is always hope! Today is one year Diazepam free for me. I remember wanting to be off the drug so badly but also being scared to jump off as I had no idea how my body would react. I would imagine what I might feel like one year down the road. Would I ever have energy again? Would I ever feel happiness? Would I ever feel anything except fear and anxiety? Yes, although recovery takes time, things come online more and more. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back but eventually most days feel normal and the ones that don’t? Well, those are so mild, I can almost ignore it. I am filled with gratitude each and every day. The trauma fades more over time and each week is better and better.

I will not go into my story too much because I know how hard it is to read those. My situation was created by a doctor who over medicated me on hormones and created issues that were misdiagnosed by a second doctor who then prescribed the Diazepam. It took about a month for me to get the correct diagnosis from my naturopath and find out what had really happened. At that time, I immediately started tapering the medications the second doctor put me on. It took me 26 months to taper off of 10.5 mg of Diazepam. I spent 200 days tapering off the last milligram and it was quite difficult, but not impossible. I am so thankful for this forum that taught me what I needed to know when no one else could help me.

What encouragement can I give you? If you keep moving forward, no matter how slow, you will get there. Some kind soul posted a topic on the forum regarding the lies benzos tell us. That list was very helpful for me. The biggest lie, that my body and brain are too damaged to heal felt very true, but it is a lie. It really is incredible how the brain and body are designed to recover. Yes, trauma changes the brain, but so does healing! You will get through this if you don’t give up. Today I not only work 40+ hours a week, am in yet another graduate program, am working on my administrative internship, and help care for two elderly parents. If you had told me I would be doing this a year ago, I would have laughed you out of the room (had I been capable of laughing, which I probably wasn’t.) I was in bad shape and really wondered if I would be the one who would never recover, but nope, not the case.

I learned from this forum that things that worked for me, do not necessarily work for others so I don’t want to recommend specific therapies to anyone but I used supplements to support the tapering process (yes, I did have to taper off supplements at the end but that was nothing compared to the drug withdrawals and I was able to work during this whole process because of the regimen I was on, my supportive administrator, and my virtual job.) During the last 8 months of tapering I found a therapist and did Narrative Exposure Therapy to get the Medical PTSD calmed down. Another strategy I used was to keep a designated photo album on my phone where I put Bible verses and encouraging sayings that helped ground me when the panic threatened to get overwhelming. This made it portable and easy to scroll through no matter where I was. Two of my favorite quotes that will stay in that album - “Don’t trust any belief in your life that doesn’t have Hope attached to it” and “Nothing is permanent. Don’t stress yourself too much because no matter how bad the situation is… it will change.” I will also say I relied on the Jesus every step of the way. Deep faith and a wonderful network of caring family members helped a lot. There were days my 84 year old mother was zooming laps around me with her walker as she encouraged me to keep going and not give up. I also have a wonderful naturopath who researched like crazy and a well informed endocrinologist who worked as a team to be my cheerleaders.

I think of all of you on this forum still going through the tapering process. I pray blessings and strength over each one of you. I don’t know you personally but we know something about each other that no one else can understand unless they have been there. Keep going towards your goal. You are not crazy. You are worth it. This will end and one day you will look back and realize that you were not weak and broken. You truly have the strength of a warrior to survive this, and that, my dear one, is something that will remain when the rest of this has all faded away.

Hello Never Alone

Many thanks for taking the time to post your success story, these stories are much needed, I am sure it will bring hope and encouragement to our members.  I am so glad the supplements helped you, I could not tolerate them, made my symptoms worse.  What works for one person can cause an uptick in symptoms in another.  Your Mom sounds wonderful, It must have helped so much, to have her support.

Congratulations on your healing, and I hope life keeps getting better for you.

Magrita

Thank you for this! Have a great healthy life with making lovely memories. Well done!