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Thank you for that Thesunalsorises. I am already a member of my church. Thank you for praying for me. It just feels like at this point that God is not hearing my cries. 13 months is way to long to suffer like this. I do believe that this is going to be my final chapter. I dont think my mind and body can handle this for much longer. All of the other symptoms went away a couple of months ago. Why wont these last couple just go already. I am tired of living like this. I only took the pills for 2 months and my life has been pretty much over since then. I can deal with the other symptoms but I need my sleep to come back.
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I also feel like I crossed the Rubicon when I started on these pills, and life as I knew it is back on the other side unreachable. I still have a long way to go on my taper, and IDK how I'm ever going to make it. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time is what I'm told, and I'm trying. Hoping we both make it Xray, keep going.
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Thanks 63,

Your gonna make it. At least you were smart enough to taper so you should recover fairly rapidly. My brain is trying to recover from a cold turkey and it is being slow about it. I fear that I will never heal. I am about to have to resign from my job because I can no longer function. Its strange that I am getting better. I can look back and see that a lot of my symptoms are gone. But this long term insomnia has really put me down. I think I will have to have months of good sleep to ever recover from this amount of sleep deprivation. I am praying for your quick recovery.

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Thanks Xray. I wish I could make myself believe it, but I wasn't right even before I went on the benzos. I used to be the calmest guy in the world, but I had ear surgery summer of 21 and it left me with a lingering inner ear disorder. I let that gnaw away at me until I had what for lack of a better term a "nervous breakdown" this past March complete with panic attacks, anxiety and insomnia. I panicked, if I would have waited it out I'd probably be turning the corner by now at least back to where I was, functional with an annoying ear problem. Instead I went to a shrink, shes a APRN, I didn't realize it's her whole schtick to give you pills so I was on Xanax that day. I was taking 1mg a day and was not functional but not panicking anymore at least. That was my first mistake, the second was letting her start me on Lexipro. Within a few days of starting that I was up to 3mg X a day plus Ambien XR 12.5mg at night, and still waking up every hour drenched in sweat, plus my eyes started blurring out. In August she switched the X to K (abruptly), went thru a few weeks getting the X out of my system but at least was able to sleep and was able to ditch the Ambien. She prescribed 3mg a day of K, I was "only" taking 2 because in the back of my mind as I started calming down a bit I realized the hideous mistake I had made. That was driven home when I had to cancel a Johns Hopkins appt. with a Neurotologist because they require you to be off all anti anxiety meds for 2 days before I could even be tested. LOL at going CT for 2 days, I had to cancel and immediately started tapering. Down to about .66mg of K now, and it's been a rough ride and getting rougher, all the usual symptoms plus ramping up my preexisting ear problems, and I'm on the verge of not sleeping again. I used to build cars and motorcycles in my spare time, now all I can do is puzzles with my wife (she's been very supportive, don't know how she does it), and haven't had a moments peace of mind even on the drugs. So IDK even if I do manage to get off these things if I'll ever be functional again, I'm hoping at least my vision will return a bit. Trying to have hope but like you finding that very difficult, and keeping those thoughts out of your mind is a constant struggle as you know. I've rambled enough tho, I'm hoping if I just endure one day things will turn a corner, praying it goes that way for you too bro.
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OMG 63, That is a very heart wrenching story and eerily similar to mine. I was going thru a liitle bit of stress. All 4 of my teenagers live with me full time and its only me taking care of them, work was getting stressfull, and my mom was slowly dying of terminal cancer. So I was working full time, raising 4 kids, and taking care of my mom. I had never seen any mental health professionals before so I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist. I actually thought you talked it out with a psychiatrist but I later found out that you actually talk to psychologists. Anyway the psychiatrist prescribed xanax 1.5mg/day  for 2 months. When the script ran out sge said to just quit. It was horrible and called her to tell her what was going on and she gave me hydroxyzine and said the withdrawal would only last a couple of weeks. Well here I am 13 months still in insomnia hell and I am starting to think that I will be one of the unfortunate few that go protracted. You have a much better prognosis than me because at least your tapering. I bet your healed long before I am. .
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So you are going to make it after all seems like, how much sleep you getting?

 

Yes, I am still alive but I am not living. I just exist. Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep. This morning my symptoms are sky high. I feel really nauseous, my brain is burning, vision is blurry, and my whole body is trembling. If only my sleep would come back I believe I could handle the rest of them.

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Xray your situation sounds horrendous and I am so sorry you are having this experience.  For me it is the fear of not being able to sleep that increases my anxiety and makes it impossible.  I am currently finding it helpful to read a book at bedtime.  I am on Day 7 of no Diazepam so my experience is not a long term one, however I do read and listen to the Radio.  Also I put on 'under the water' meditation music (youtube) and watch the screen as it shows a scene of sea life.  This has been invaluable for when the anxiety/agitation has been at its worst.  I simply lay down, listen and watch the screen.

 

Daily fresh air, lots of water, multi vitamins, nutrition etc.  Anything you can do, no matter how small can make a difference.

 

I hope you managed some sleep last night.

 

Jo

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Thanks Joanne

I know what you mean about the anxiety. I have sleep anxiety in spades. I also have PTSD from this experience. I think my insomnia is probably 80% benzo brain damage and 20% psychological. Over the last 13 months I have had 5 occasions that I went without sleep for so long that I started hallucinating and it scared me really bad. I am frightened that something like that will happen again. Its also scary when your brain isnt working right. I get so absolutely tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open but still my brain refuses to sleep. Other than muscle tremors/spasms and some mild tinnitus  this is really the only symptom I have left and it will just not leave. In my opinion long term insomnia the worst symptom you can possibly have. It feels like it is going to drive me insane (maybe it will).  I hope I can hang on to my sanity long enough to see myself healed.

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This is my 2nd New years being in benzo withdrawal/recovery. I look back and right about now I would be having my first drink getting excited for the party I would be attending. For the 2nd year in a row I am to sick from lack of sleep to be able to do anything. Its been 14 months and I havent had a single window of no symptoms. I am starting to think that the insomnia is going to be permanent. All of my remaining symptoms except for tinnitus can be traced back to insomnia. This is literally killing me slowly over time. Blood pressure is up, heart rate is elevated, muscles are always tight and tense and vibrating. How much longer can this go on. How long does the insomnia last? 14 months of little to no sleep. Am I doing this to myself or is this a benzo withdrawal symptom. The addiction literature says that the brain is mostly healed after one year. So am I now doing this to myself. Is the insomnia self perpetuating? Does this mean that it will never go away? After 14 months I am tired of fighting every single day. I just want to feel well enough to enjoy time with my family again. Sobriety is supposed to be way better than active drug using so why is my life worse? Anyway I am sad and just wanted to put my thoughts out there. I know all of us are depressed that we cannot enjoy this day like we used to. Happy New Year benzobuddies
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This is my 2nd New years being in benzo withdrawal/recovery. I look back and right about now I would be having my first drink getting excited for the party I would be attending. For the 2nd year in a row I am to sick from lack of sleep to be able to do anything. Its been 14 months and I havent had a single window of no symptoms. I am starting to think that the insomnia is going to be permanent. All of my remaining symptoms except for tinnitus can be traced back to insomnia. This is literally killing me slowly over time. Blood pressure is up, heart rate is elevated, muscles are always tight and tense and vibrating. How much longer can this go on. How long does the insomnia last? 14 months of little to no sleep. Am I doing this to myself or is this a benzo withdrawal symptom. The addiction literature says that the brain is mostly healed after one year. So am I now doing this to myself. Is the insomnia self perpetuating? Does this mean that it will never go away? After 14 months I am tired of fighting every single day. I just want to feel well enough to enjoy time with my family again. Sobriety is supposed to be way better than active drug using so why is my life worse? Anyway I am sad and just wanted to put my thoughts out there. I know all of us are depressed that we cannot enjoy this day like we used to. Happy New Year benzobuddies

 

Insomnia is very bad for the body in general. I wish I had known how bad it could get. I never had an insomnia issue before benzos. Now I get no healing sleep at all. It is pure torture decaying from damaged receptors that don't allow you to sleep any longer. I think it will improve for you and I'd only start to really worry if you could no longer work. Perhaps a sleep study? I don't know. No solutions really. Best wishes.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I tried CBD oil for anxiety and to help me sleep, and it worked OK. Unfortunately, I do not remember the brand as it was years ago. 

 

All of my withdrawal symptoms are now gone, and I don't need CBD or anything else to help with sleep.  Where it is legal to obtain, the type of Cannabis called Indica may be useful for sleep, without the unwanted side effects that Sativa, or a hybrid mix, might have.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife is taking two forms of CBD, one after breakfast to help temper her nausea (it is a cannabadoil oil she got from the dispensary, I can get you the details of this one if interested). 

 

She also takes this CBD Sleep gummy every night 30 minutes after she takes her Clonazepam. she takes 2 of them.  She's been sleeping 6 hours most nights. I also began taking them because this whole experience in helping my wife taper off of benzos has been a rough one.  Charlotte's web is Hemp based CBD which is good for those trying to stay away from THC because Hemp has a very low THC Concentration.  I think the estimated concentration of THC in Charlotte's web products is 0.1%, but if you are worried about that just do your own research.

 

https://www.charlottesweb.com/cbd-melatonin-sleep-gummy

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  • 2 weeks later...

X-ray

I sure hope you feel better!  It’s hard going through all this hell. I feel fórmula as I read your post!  Hang in there and keep going!

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  • 4 weeks later...
Haven't forgotten you xray, hope you're turning the corner and seeing some improvement. Please give us an update. Did you try the Chinese herbal suppliment?
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Hey everybody,

I havent been posting because I just dont have anything to post about. I just started my 16th month and still havent seen much improvement. Insomnia is still ferocious along with many other symptoms such as muscle tremors, Gut issues, blurry vision, tinnitus, and several others. I appreciate everybody's concern and I hope you are feeling better.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey everybody,

I havent been posting because I just dont have anything to post about. I just started my 16th month and still havent seen much improvement. Insomnia is still ferocious along with many other symptoms such as muscle tremors, Gut issues, blurry vision, tinnitus, and several others. I appreciate everybody's concern and I hope you are feeling better.

 

Had not been suffering in terms of sleep for as long as you, but for long enough -- 9 months. I suddenly sleep normally as of four days ago due to taking Lion's Mane. Was awake for five nights - finally passed out, and have been sleeping since then.

 

Thought of your situation -- not sure if you tried Lion's Mane yet, but if you'd like, it's something to consider.

 

Wishing you to get well

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  • 3 weeks later...
I think my sleep has gotten the best it’s going to get. During the day I will be so tired that I start nodding off. As soon as that happens I start jerking and cannot enter sleep. At night I fall asleep pretty easily but 2 hours later I am back up. I can usually get back to sleep about an hour later but that will only be for about 2 hours as well. After the second wake up there is no going back to sleep. Usually the final wake up is at about 3am. The sleep quality is horrible consisting of nothing but dreams. I also have several other symptoms as well. I have crazy mental symptoms of deep deep depression and extreme anxiety. My whole body quivers all day long and if I exert myself it turns into violent shaking. My vision is really blurry, my stomach is all messed up. I have really loud tinnitus, and some really extreme brain fog that makes really hard to think. I also have really bad muscle tension throughout my entire body. I had a dream last night that this was as good as it gets and it was so real that it scared me. I am now 17 months off and nowhere close to being healed. I truly do think I permanently messed myself off by going cold turkey off this drug and I have been slowly going insane since then. I haven’t seen anybody go this long without their sleep recovering and then they go on to heal. Everybody who has the same sleep problems as me just disappear and never come back. That’s probably what will happen to me as well. I have tried every supplement and mineral that could possibly help and nothing has any positive effect. Today is Good Friday and I have prayed hard for healing on this holy day. If things ever improve I will post back to let everyone know but it’s not looking likely anymore. It’s still so hard for me to believe that just being on this medication for 2 months did this to me. Sorry if this post is rambling but my brain doesn’t operate quite right these days and my thoughts are all over the place. Thanks to everyone here who had gave me and still give me encouragement and support.
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Are you still on the Seroquel? Those sound like side effects of Seroquel. It can do the opposite of what it’s supposed to.
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Xray, I've read your journey and it breaks my heart. I'm having a very bad time too, with 3 years of hellish withdrawal with the rest of this year to taper off. I'm in no position to offer advice about much as I can't really help myself ( yes, it sounds pitiful) but take care of yourself in every way possible. The little things add up to a lot. Please only have supportive people in your life: the naysayers can take a hike! All the best!
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  • 3 weeks later...
I guess I have one of those brains that just won’t heal at all. 17 months and still not sleeping. I can feel my brain and body shutting down from sleep deprivation. My vision is getting blurry, my heart pounds and skips, my muscles are tight and quivering, my short term memory is crap, my right arm regularly goes numb and tingly, my brain usually feels like it is on fire. On a good night I will get 5 broken hours of sleep. Most nights it’s 1 to 3 hours. If I start nodding off in the afternoon from exhaustion my body starts jerking and jumping. What has happened to me. How and why did this happen from just 2 months of use. I can’t even go back on for relief. I tried several months ago and it was like I took nothing. It had no effect whatsoever. I’m at the end of my rope and I tied a knot and I am hanging on for dear life. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I just hope my hand doesn’t lose its grip on the rope. I don’t know what else to do. I know that no one here can help me but neither can any of the doctors and specialists I have seen. I hate making negative posts and I have always hoped to come back and make a positive post to help others. I hope they one day make these drugs very hard to prescribe so that future generations don’t have to go thru this as well.
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