Hello everyone, I return periodically to share my success story in hopes that it encourages and helps many. I know what it feels like to suffer and have doubts of ever healing from the horrible side affects of these phyche meds. For me it all started in 2005 when I lost both of my parents and my ex lost his parents in a short time-frame of just 9-months. At that time, I was also going through marital problems and my kids were very young. I was prescribed Clonazepam at an ER when I checked in for panic attacks that were lasting all night for a week straight. That night led to 15-years of taking Benzodiazapines. I also took anti-depressants on and off for years and Adderal occasionally because I was so tired in the daytime from the meds I took to sleep. The downhill spiral began about three years after starting the Benzo. My life feel apart, I lost my marriage, hurt my kids and lost everything. Those drugs made me a walking Zombie and ruined everything for me and after years I started having bizarre side affects like Vertigo, rashes, nightmares, phobias and stomach issues. The meds ruined my teeth. Everything got worse and worse the longer I took the drugs.
It was in 2017 when I started to get severely depressed and suicidal and very ill. I joined this group and started reading everything I could read. I wanted off the Benzo so bad. I also read the Ashton Manual and planned out how I was going to get off Clonazepam. It took me over two years using a liquid taper to wean myself off the Benzo. I was a regular here and truly believe if it wasn't for this forum I wouldn't be here. Every day I took less and less of the Clonazepam until finally in February of 2020 I took that last drink and I was done. What an accomplishment. I still have a hard time believing that I was able to get off my meds by myself with just this support group.
I was taking a small dose of Mirtazapine at the end of my taper to help me sleep. Six months after I took my last drink of Clonazapam I started to taper off the Mirtazapine and it took 10-months using the same liquid taper method. It was very hard as I wasn't healed from the Benzo taper but I was determined to be Med free by 2021. In May of 2021 I was off all meds. I had quit taking the Adderal during the Benzo taper. Not really sure how I succeeded but I have to say that I did it with the help of this group, a few groups on Facebook and a lot of prayer. Was it easy... no... no way. Is it possible? Yes! I believe ALL things are possible! One very important piece of advice is to embrace the journey and try to accept the discomfort... when you fight the process it makes it harder.. try to just accept that you aren't going to feel very good and its ok. Embrace, embrace... its a process.
I share this with you and encourage you to not give up... don't listen to the lies that go through your head.. the lies that say you aren't strong enough, that you don't have willpower... blah, blah, those are all lies. You are stronger then you think. I am here med free to tell you that I feel SO MUCH BETTER. It is really hard to believe how sick those meds made me... the very meds that the doctors pushed on me to supposedly help me. No they didn't help me... they made me worse. I feel so blessed, so accomplished, so thankful for this group and so much better now and I feel better every month and every year that I am med free. It is amazing, a miracle and life is good.
I wish you all well... keep going... one step turns to two, to three and then to 300. Before you know it... the nightmare is over and you are free. Believe in your journey, in your strength. Have a great week! Much love!
Edit: Replaced all caps.
