Hello Everyone,
I don't come here very often anymore but wanted to share my success story. I have now been Benzo free for a little over a year and I am finally healing.
My journey began in 2006 when I developed panic disorder, after several life tragedies, ending up in the ER after not sleeping for almost a week. The Dr. put me on Clonazepam and it all went downhill from there. Although the Clonazepam took away the panic attacks, I ended up taking it for 15 years and even though I had several Doctors through the years, not one of them told me about the side affects or tolerance that can develop from taking a Benzo that long. It was only after I ended up experiencing a very bad case of vertigo and ended up out of work for 6-weeks, that I finally found answers as to what was wrong with me. I went to the ER, and visited several specialists... nobody could expain why I had debilatating vertigo with nausea and vomiting that put me literally on my back for weeks. After healing and not getting answers from the medical community I decided to do a lot of research into possible reasons for the illness. I finally read that Benzo's can cause vertigo, so with that hunch I was determined to get off the drug asap.
I tried to taper unsuccessfully three times cutting pills, etc and the withdrawals were too much for me. That is when I found this forum. I read and read everything on this site, found micro-tapering and was immediately drawn to it. I thought to myself... if I can take liquid I can control the amount that I taper to a minimum and shouldn't experience withdrawals if I keep my tapering small. I watched every Youtube video I could find, I read every post I could find and with the help of several people here (Builder is my hero) I developed my own personal tapering plan, bought the supplies and started my taper at the end of 2017. The transition between taking the pill and drinking it as a liquid was probably the most difficult but once I got used to liquid it was easy. I took only 0.25 ml's of liquid out of my daily dose (100 ml’s) and would hold according to symptoms until last year in February when I jumped off my last 0.5 ml's (0.0125 mg) of Clonazepam.
I would never have been successful without this forum and the support that I recieved here in this place. I am so thankful and grateful to all those who encouraged me with their own struggles and success stories. I feel really good about successfully tapering and honestly believed that I would never be Benzo free. I am glad that I didn't give up!
In all honesty, I did take a small dose of Mirtazapine at the very end of my taper because I wasn't sleeping at all but I have weaned myself off that med using the same liquid method... it just didn't take as long. So now... no more drugs! Yeah!!
How do I feel? I am feeling better and it did take awhile for me to start feeling like myself but little by little, month by month life started to become less "numb". I felt like I was numb and sick for all those years and it felt weird to be off a drug that I beleive changed so many things inside of me. The taper was tedious and at times difficult but so very rewarding when I ended up at the finish line. I am so done with meds. The Benzo ruined my teeth, ruined my marriage and the Mirtazapine made me gain about 30-pounds. Those are things that remind me daily of the choices I made to take those drugs... but with those choices I did make the choice to get off of them and gained valuable strength in tapering! If I can taper so can you!
With that said, I am wishing you all the best as you continue on your journey. All I can say is... its not easy but one step turns into two and two steps into eight and before you know it you are at the end of the road. Keep going and don't give up.... its doable and so worth it!
