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feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years


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I once felt so desperate, excited, afraid, pessimistic, and so many other emotions about writing a success story. I’m so sorry to all of you who are currently suffering for not writing a story sooner. I know how much they helped me through this hell. So here is a short story of how I got here and how I got out.

 

I’m currently 25 years old but first stumbled upon this website at 20 years old. Confused, unwell, and not knowing what was going on I searched the entirety of the internet. Days and weeks I lost my ability to function and still didn’t know why I felt the way I did. You have a symptom? I probably had it. I was hit with it all but worst was the head pressure and the anxiety with such intensity id spend most nights calming myself down from falling the ambulance trying to breathe and calm myself.

 

I was on xanax for general anxiety for a little over a year. I felt sick, I was not myself, it was time to quit. So one day I said no more, with no knowledge of what could come of my life. I found benzobuddies during a desperate attempt to find an answer to my problems. From then I spent months, days and years checking the forums, reading every new post, and trying to figure out ways to help heal faster and the question i asked the most.. when will this go away? Will I ever get normal? Am I stuck like this forever? I read so many different things... 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, a couple months. What was right? What could I do to make it better?

 

No answer I’ve read on this forum helped me as much as reading the success stories. It gave me hope that one day I would heal. I was bed ridden for months, I was unable to function, I could not go out in public, I couldn’t sleep, food sensitivities, head pressure, pain, vertigo, extreme paranoia, fear, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity. I cried often, thought about ending it so many times. It was the darkest place I had ever been. One year went by, I told myself maybe at 1.5 years it’ll be better.. 2 years went by I still counted each day I truly didn’t want to be on this earth. 3 years pass I don’t know how I made it. I went to my doctor and asked to be put on antidepressants it was my last ditch effort. I was put on lexapro 15mg. I know people suffer from those too but I needed to survive.

 

5 years later it’s 2019, I’m still currently on 10mg lexapro but from the moment I started, about 4 weeks later my life took a complete U turn. I didn’t wake up one day being magically cured but day by day I was growing. I was driving again, started going out with friends again, I traveled for the first time to nyc by myself, I started going back to school, and currently I am with my boyfriend of 7 years who stuck by me through the darkest parts of my life. I don’t know if i’d be here today without him. I got a job, am switching careers and am currently a software engineer.

 

I had nothing to offer life, I was an empty shell of a human being and slowly i’ve found myself. I believe I am 99% symptom free but some symptoms I previously had such as anxiety/depression are a bit worse than previous.

 

If you are feeling rock bottom, push through. Do anything to make it to the next day. Some days I just had to lay in bed and watch tv all day. Some days tv or phone was too stimulating for my brain so I’d just lay in bed and cry. Just focus on the other side because it will come. Some take longer than others but I truly believe it will come. If you have any questions I will reply to this thread. Happy holidays and once again I am sorry I didn’t post this sooner.

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I love your story, I can feel your joy at success shining through, after going through such a horrible ordeal, and understanding of what this can do, the devastation, is clear. it’s wonderful to read. You write from your heart, and even though I’m still fighting longer out, you have given me hope, this mess is like how long is a piece of string? But you got there, you got to the end of your string!! Some just have a longer piece. I’m so pleased you are doing what a young woman should be doing, and not suffering any more. Thank you for writing.
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What an amazing and inspiring message, thanks for coming here and giving back to those still in the throes of withdrawal. i wish you the best in your benzo free life!

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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You made my day!!! I’m currently 19 months off and can’t go into public, can’t be downstairs where the lights and sounds are. Head pressure, fatigue, Brian fog, vertigo/dizziness when I move my head. This all went away for you when you took lexapro? Did you have the heavy head pressure and light and sound sensitivity until you took lexapro?? God help me!!! I was a nurse, mom, wife. Now I lay in a bed miserable
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Natsuka,

Thank you so much for coming back to tell your success story of healing. It is so incredibly uplifting and encouraging to read - to see you describe symptoms and difficulties I identify with right now and know you have healed is so  validating.  As you know, for those of us still on the path and suffering, every success story is like a light shining in darkness.

It was so generous of you to return and share your experience - thank you again.

Wishing you wonderful days ahead,

BD

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Can u explain what it was like around sounds and lights and in public?

 

about 6 months off light sensitivity and sound sensitivity got increasingly worse for the next year or so. it was pure hell. i couldn’t be in a car at night. i’ve had to put sunglasses on and tuck my head in between my knees until i got home because i couldn’t handle the lights. i remember when it first hit me, me and my friends were playing mario kart on rainbow road and each lap felt like 20 minutes because i was trying to hold in the anxiety internally. i was so dizzy and felt like i was going to convulse. there would be nights ~2 years off that i would try to watch a few minutes of tv and then go into a full blown panic attack and have to calm myself because i couldn’t handle the sounds or lights. it did get better even before the lexapro. over time I was able to handle more lights more sounds more smells but it definitely was not 100%. i was in the thick of it around 1.5 years off xanax but over months it got better, and slowly i was able to go back out and do things though i was not 99% until i started the lexapro

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thank you to everyone who is posting such kind things. it truly feels like ptsd coming back and reliving the nightmare that was benzo withdrawl but knowing i could help even one person makes it worth it.
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Congratulations on your recovery!!  Live your life to the fullest!!  Enjoy!!!

 

You give me great hope that I will someday recover too and be normal again.  May I ask how long it took for you to regain your sleep and what helped?  Anxiety and insomnia are my lingering issues.

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Congratulations on your recovery!!  Live your life to the fullest!!  Enjoy!!!

 

You give me great hope that I will someday recover too and be normal again.  May I ask how long it took for you to regain your sleep and what helped?  Anxiety and insomnia are my lingering issues.

 

i’m not sure if you’ve heard of cbd but i started taking cbd gummy bears meant for night time to aid with sleep, and they knocked me out when nothing else would lol and to this day i do still take 1 per night to help with my sleep. if you’d like to know the product just message me and i can link you. other than that i really would just try my best to wear myself out by walking around the house when i could and at night i’d just lay in bed until i finally fell asleep. some nights i would only sleep for an hour or two but over time it got better. wishing you the best  :smitten:

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I loved your success story! Congratulations and wishing all good health and lots of laughs and happiness.

Can I ask you about food sensitivities and headpain?

I’m 3.5 years out benzo and almost 2 years out remeron. Still very very sick with head scalp pain and basically still spending most of my time on couch crying with pain and anxiety

Can’t eat any high histamine or high glutamates food.

How was this for you.?

When is your head symptoms get better? Did u able to take Tylenol or Advil or any supplements?

Vica

 

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Happy for you lexapro worked wonder!

 

I would say this is a treatment success rather than healing success story. Not everyone can have the same results from using another meds for bwd unfitunately. But as long it works, it is great!

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Happy for you lexapro worked wonder!

 

I would say this is a treatment success rather than healing success story. Not everyone can have the same results from using another meds for bwd unfitunately. But as long it works, it is great!

 

i’m sorry that you felt the need to comment on my success story the way you did. i suppose we can agree to disagree on what the term healing means to each of us. I spent 3 years with no medication slowly getting better and becoming somewhat functional. the time i’ve been on lexapro i’ve still had to work through many side effects to get to the point i am at today. so this is my success story, not what you want to define it to be. it took a lot of struggle to get here and i’m someone who made it with help or not.

 

not everyone may have the same results, were all different human beings but this is my story and how i healed.  :thumbsup:

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Few last questions..what did the head pressure feel ljke and when did it go away? With lexapro?

 

the head pressure was the first and last symptom to go away. one of the most intense ones as well. I could barely walk sometimes because of the intense pressure. it was always in different areas of my brain ranging from headband pressure to intense pressure on the lower back parts of my brain. i used to get terrifying brain zaps as well.

 

I do not and will not suggest anybody to go on antidepressants or whatever medication. do in depth research and choose what is right for you. the head pressure was mostly gone before lexapro but still lingered around that time of month or on days where i felt unwell

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I loved your success story! Congratulations and wishing all good health and lots of laughs and happiness.

Can I ask you about food sensitivities and headpain?

I’m 3.5 years out benzo and almost 2 years out remeron. Still very very sick with head scalp pain and basically still spending most of my time on couch crying with pain and anxiety

Can’t eat any high histamine or high glutamates food.

How was this for you.?

When is your head symptoms get better? Did u able to take Tylenol or Advil or any supplements?

Vica

 

I can’t describe a specific point the head symptoms went away, just over time i focused less on them and over time i realized most of it was gone. my food sensitivities kept my diet very strict. I couldn’t eat processed foods, they would make me extremely ill. no chocolate sugar or caffeine or id go into full blown panic attacks. at some point i was drinking strictly hand made smoothies and eating mostly whole foods and uncooked vegetables.

 

my food sensitivities got better over time. i couldn’t take a sip of coffee to being able to drink small coffee drinks and eating foods out etc. i do believe the lexapro eliminated the last of the sensitivity’s because for the most part i can eat whatever now. though i do still react to terrible foods such as kfc, mcdonald’s etc and too much caffeine (like 3 espresso drinks) sends my brain into over stimulation mode even to this day so i basically only drink 1 drink or none at all

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Happy for you lexapro worked wonder!

 

I would say this is a treatment success rather than healing success story. Not everyone can have the same results from using another meds for bwd unfitunately. But as long it works, it is great!

 

i’m sorry that you felt the need to comment on my success story the way you did. i suppose we can agree to disagree on what the term healing means to each of us. I spent 3 years with no medication slowly getting better and becoming somewhat functional. the time i’ve been on lexapro i’ve still had to work through many side effects to get to the point i am at today. so this is my success story, not what you want to define it to be. it took a lot of struggle to get here and i’m someone who made it with help or not.

 

not everyone may have the same results, were all different human beings but this is my story and how i healed.  :thumbsup:

 

Didnt mean to be offensive, apology if it sounded so.

 

Actually your success opened my mind considering other meds as this benzo hell is way too beyond whatever possible other difficulties in the whole universe.

 

Great to know you were healing even before lex. Sorry you had to deal with side effects of it too. Hope your body get along with it better over time.

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Happy for you lexapro worked wonder!

 

I would say this is a treatment success rather than healing success story. Not everyone can have the same results from using another meds for bwd unfitunately. But as long it works, it is great!

 

i’m sorry that you felt the need to comment on my success story the way you did. i suppose we can agree to disagree on what the term healing means to each of us. I spent 3 years with no medication slowly getting better and becoming somewhat functional. the time i’ve been on lexapro i’ve still had to work through many side effects to get to the point i am at today. so this is my success story, not what you want to define it to be. it took a lot of struggle to get here and i’m someone who made it with help or not.

 

not everyone may have the same results, were all different human beings but this is my story and how i healed.  :thumbsup:

 

Didnt mean to be offensive, apology if it sounded so.

 

Actually your success opened my mind considering other meds as this benzo hell is way too beyond whatever possible other difficulties in the whole universe.

 

Great to know you were healing even before lex. Sorry you had to deal with side effects of it too. Hope your body get along with it better over time.

 

thank you, I know that the suffering anybody may be currently going through is like no other. I wish you health in your future and hope that it comes in whatever way you decide to tackle it  :smitten: :smitten:

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Can you tell me what the overstimulation feeling felt like when you were out? Also what would happen/feel like if you were around people? Thanks! Did your head ever feel heavy? Drugged feeling? I sleep great yet every morning I wake up and it lasts all day like my head is heavy and drugged. I’m thinking that’s chemical related. My physical anxiety is greatly diminished such as heart racing, sweats etc but it’s the brain fuzz/dizziness/fog that is preventing me from gojng out, being around people etc. if I were to go into a store with bright lights I would instantly become detached, dizzy and feel awful like I’m dying, couldn’t concentrate and need to get out. It’s all head sympoms.
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