Author Topic: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years  (Read 9915 times)

[Buddie]

feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« on: December 06, 2019, 09:51:11 pm »
I once felt so desperate, excited, afraid, pessimistic, and so many other emotions about writing a success story. Iím so sorry to all of you who are currently suffering for not writing a story sooner. I know how much they helped me through this hell. So here is a short story of how I got here and how I got out.

Iím currently 25 years old but first stumbled upon this website at 20 years old. Confused, unwell, and not knowing what was going on I searched the entirety of the internet. Days and weeks I lost my ability to function and still didnít know why I felt the way I did. You have a symptom? I probably had it. I was hit with it all but worst was the head pressure and the anxiety with such intensity id spend most nights calming myself down from falling the ambulance trying to breathe and calm myself.

I was on xanax for general anxiety for a little over a year. I felt sick, I was not myself, it was time to quit. So one day I said no more, with no knowledge of what could come of my life. I found benzobuddies during a desperate attempt to find an answer to my problems. From then I spent months, days and years checking the forums, reading every new post, and trying to figure out ways to help heal faster and the question i asked the most.. when will this go away? Will I ever get normal? Am I stuck like this forever? I read so many different things... 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, a couple months. What was right? What could I do to make it better?

No answer Iíve read on this forum helped me as much as reading the success stories. It gave me hope that one day I would heal. I was bed ridden for months, I was unable to function, I could not go out in public, I couldnít sleep, food sensitivities, head pressure, pain, vertigo, extreme paranoia, fear, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity. I cried often, thought about ending it so many times. It was the darkest place I had ever been. One year went by, I told myself maybe at 1.5 years itíll be better.. 2 years went by I still counted each day I truly didnít want to be on this earth. 3 years pass I donít know how I made it. I went to my doctor and asked to be put on antidepressants it was my last ditch effort. I was put on lexapro 15mg. I know people suffer from those too but I needed to survive.

5 years later itís 2019, Iím still currently on 10mg lexapro but from the moment I started, about 4 weeks later my life took a complete U turn. I didnít wake up one day being magically cured but day by day I was growing. I was driving again, started going out with friends again, I traveled for the first time to nyc by myself, I started going back to school, and currently I am with my boyfriend of 7 years who stuck by me through the darkest parts of my life. I donít know if iíd be here today without him. I got a job, am switching careers and am currently a software engineer.

I had nothing to offer life, I was an empty shell of a human being and slowly iíve found myself. I believe I am 99% symptom free but some symptoms I previously had such as anxiety/depression are a bit worse than previous.

If you are feeling rock bottom, push through. Do anything to make it to the next day. Some days I just had to lay in bed and watch tv all day. Some days tv or phone was too stimulating for my brain so Iíd just lay in bed and cry. Just focus on the other side because it will come. Some take longer than others but I truly believe it will come. If you have any questions I will reply to this thread. Happy holidays and once again I am sorry I didnít post this sooner.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2019, 10:38:23 pm »
I love your story, I can feel your joy at success shining through, after going through such a horrible ordeal, and understanding of what this can do, the devastation, is clear. itís wonderful to read. You write from your heart, and even though Iím still fighting longer out, you have given me hope, this mess is like how long is a piece of string? But you got there, you got to the end of your string!! Some just have a longer piece. Iím so pleased you are doing what a young woman should be doing, and not suffering any more. Thank you for writing.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2019, 11:17:45 pm »
Thank you natsuka. 🥰 Iím so glad youíre better.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2019, 12:05:04 am »
thank you. i needed to read this. its 7pm and i barely managed to cut my nails today
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2019, 12:16:12 am »
What an amazing and inspiring message, thanks for coming here and giving back to those still in the throes of withdrawal. i wish you the best in your benzo free life!

[...]  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2019, 12:16:30 am »
Inspiring post, natsuka. Thank you for taking the time to write this for those who follow you.
 :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2019, 02:41:04 am »
You made my day!!! Iím currently 19 months off and canít go into public, canít be downstairs where the lights and sounds are. Head pressure, fatigue, Brian fog, vertigo/dizziness when I move my head. This all went away for you when you took lexapro? Did you have the heavy head pressure and light and sound sensitivity until you took lexapro?? God help me!!! I was a nurse, [...], wife. Now I lay in a bed miserable
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2019, 04:16:57 am »
Can u explain what it was like around sounds and lights and in public?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2019, 04:53:58 am »
Natsuka,
Thank you so much for coming back to tell your success story of healing. It is so incredibly uplifting and encouraging to read - to see you describe symptoms and difficulties I identify with right now and know you have healed is so  validating.  As you know, for those of us still on the path and suffering, every success story is like a light shining in darkness.
It was so generous of you to return and share your experience - thank you again.
Wishing you wonderful days ahead,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: feels crazy to be writing a success story 3+ years
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2019, 05:26:01 am »
Great success story! Thank you so happy for you!!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.