I once felt so desperate, excited, afraid, pessimistic, and so many other emotions about writing a success story. I’m so sorry to all of you who are currently suffering for not writing a story sooner. I know how much they helped me through this hell. So here is a short story of how I got here and how I got out.
I’m currently 25 years old but first stumbled upon this website at 20 years old. Confused, unwell, and not knowing what was going on I searched the entirety of the internet. Days and weeks I lost my ability to function and still didn’t know why I felt the way I did. You have a symptom? I probably had it. I was hit with it all but worst was the head pressure and the anxiety with such intensity id spend most nights calming myself down from falling the ambulance trying to breathe and calm myself.
I was on xanax for general anxiety for a little over a year. I felt sick, I was not myself, it was time to quit. So one day I said no more, with no knowledge of what could come of my life. I found benzobuddies during a desperate attempt to find an answer to my problems. From then I spent months, days and years checking the forums, reading every new post, and trying to figure out ways to help heal faster and the question i asked the most.. when will this go away? Will I ever get normal? Am I stuck like this forever? I read so many different things... 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, a couple months. What was right? What could I do to make it better?
No answer I’ve read on this forum helped me as much as reading the success stories. It gave me hope that one day I would heal. I was bed ridden for months, I was unable to function, I could not go out in public, I couldn’t sleep, food sensitivities, head pressure, pain, vertigo, extreme paranoia, fear, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity. I cried often, thought about ending it so many times. It was the darkest place I had ever been. One year went by, I told myself maybe at 1.5 years it’ll be better.. 2 years went by I still counted each day I truly didn’t want to be on this earth. 3 years pass I don’t know how I made it. I went to my doctor and asked to be put on antidepressants it was my last ditch effort. I was put on lexapro 15mg. I know people suffer from those too but I needed to survive.
5 years later it’s 2019, I’m still currently on 10mg lexapro but from the moment I started, about 4 weeks later my life took a complete U turn. I didn’t wake up one day being magically cured but day by day I was growing. I was driving again, started going out with friends again, I traveled for the first time to nyc by myself, I started going back to school, and currently I am with my boyfriend of 7 years who stuck by me through the darkest parts of my life. I don’t know if i’d be here today without him. I got a job, am switching careers and am currently a software engineer.
I had nothing to offer life, I was an empty shell of a human being and slowly i’ve found myself. I believe I am 99% symptom free but some symptoms I previously had such as anxiety/depression are a bit worse than previous.
If you are feeling rock bottom, push through. Do anything to make it to the next day. Some days I just had to lay in bed and watch tv all day. Some days tv or phone was too stimulating for my brain so I’d just lay in bed and cry. Just focus on the other side because it will come. Some take longer than others but I truly believe it will come. If you have any questions I will reply to this thread. Happy holidays and once again I am sorry I didn’t post this sooner.
