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Bedridden 3 years...no more!


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Congratulations!!!

 

Do you wish you would have went slower on your taper, even though you were in such tolerance?  Anything you wished you would have done differently in your taper?  I haven't looked back at your posts.  I just know I am in hell - had to cross over from Valium from Klonopin and am looking at a longer taper than I would like.  My story is complicated - severe tolerance withdrawal after holding a lower dose too long.  Not sure how fast to go now - I have 7 children to try and care for.  How long was it once you were off until you started healing?

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Grovejuice,

 

You hung tough and are getting better. I am sure it will continue. May God Bless you everyday. Keep coming back to keep all of us posted on your miracle comeback.

 

J Stone

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Hi all.

Its been awhile since i came on but i always do looking to see who needs help...spirit.

 

I wont write a book explaining my horror but I was severe WD and bedridden 17hrs a day for over 3 years. That includes the 1.4 years or so of tapering,

I was so sick and major major major depression. Unable to take care of myself. I didn't shave or shower sometimes for over a month...i couldn't do it. and didn't care. I never left the house unless it was for my TMS therapy or later in WD my friggin ECT therapy!!! Yes..i was so desperate i signed up for ECT to try to get relief from the extreme severe depression.

 

I never thought i would get better, have a life, look out on a nice day and want to go enjoy the sunshine and warm breeze.

 

Then....unexpectedly...the depression lifted. I was still sick, i was suffering symptoms of a damaged CNS and brain, but the impossible had happened and i knew if i just kept living I would continue to heal!!! I was right...the other success story writers were right.

 

I still have a major fatigue problem that makes normal activity difficult at times, but I am living and proof we can recover from this nightmare that seems to be a permanent state. BENZO LIES BENZO LIES BENZO LIES. Hang tough...be strong...have hope...pray to your God....love yourself.

 

AWESOME STORY!!!!!  love to hear stuff like this from the worst of the worst! Your story should give EVERYONE hope!!

 

You hit it on the head....the withdrawl lies to you! Its all Benzo lies! All the doom and gloom is total bullshit! Its a VERY scary ride...but Time is the ultimate healer and it DOES go away!

 

! So happy for you and your GREAT life ahead of you!!!

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Congratulations!!!

 

Do you wish you would have went slower on your taper, even though you were in such tolerance?  Anything you wished you would have done differently in your taper?  I haven't looked back at your posts.  I just know I am in hell - had to cross over from Valium from Klonopin and am looking at a longer taper than I would like.  My story is complicated - severe tolerance withdrawal after holding a lower dose too long.  Not sure how fast to go now - I have 7 children to try and care for.  How long was it once you were off until you started healing?

 

No my taper was by the book, it is what it is..if i felt the need to hold longer than 2 weeks...i held. Those of us with kids to care for...sigh...makes it more difficult for sure. If your able to function now...then make those cuts as small as needed, hold as long as needed...to be able to continue functioning. I believe we start healing as soon as we jump and no longer ingest the poisons. U cant feel or measure the healing...but now i know its always happening very gradual and undetectable. At maybe 1.5 years after jumping...i realized i was feeling better. After the K..i had to taper of the G...and it was just as bad. Good luck everyone. One day at a time.

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  • 5 months later...
I want to keep this thread active. I think its an important read to remember even the most extreme cases will improve. I am still getting PMs and that's what i want. To help..pay it forward. I was up at 5 30am today..pretty normal for me. I never feel sick anymore..i never wake with severe anxiety. I never wake with depression. I am refinishing all the wood cabinets and drawers in my kitchen. I am working on my 1970 SS Chevelle i have owner since i was 18...it is my best friend...my pride and joy. I left it unattended for the 3 years i was bedridden along with everything I own. Yard, other vehicles, house etc. In comparison, a day when i was in WD would be, wake up...struggle to just get out of the bed...drag myself shuffling my feet the whole way to the bathroom cuz i cant even lift my legs. Go back to bed for 3 hrs...repeat all day nothing to eat until sometime in the evening the prob just some fruit. I would be in bed 17 hrs or more everyday. I am not perfect. I still have a damaged, weakened CNS but vastly improved. My memory is terrible. Really really bad. Benzos yes but for me the ETC i opted to go through in my last final attempt to rid myself of the severe depression is the culprit here. Gettin the pic of how bad i was? That's just the tip of the iceberg. Drooling on myself unable to get up from a chair and other events that are better off not talked about. You can do it. You will make it. Its hands down the hardest thing u may every go through but there is hope. Please hang on. May your God bless you. I lost mine for awhile but he proved me wrong.
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Thank You!

 

I got up this morning needing encouragement and went to BB just to see if I could find something and there was your post. I'm going on *(I've edited this  to remove timeframe) and feeling desperate and scared that this might not ever end. But you've given me hope that it will!

 

My husband is a big car guy - '67 Mustang Fastback in the garage (when we met he had a '70 SS Camaro) He loved your post as well!

 

So very happy for you! May God richly bless you in the months and years ahead!

 

*I want to note that I have made significant improvements but I'm not there yet -

 

 

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Thank you for keeping this thread active and bumping it to the top of the list.  I also had a horrible morning with SX so I popped onto BB to see if I could find an encouraging success story.  By the grace of God here was your story right at the top, and it truly gave me hope.

 

I am afraid to say I am only at 9 months so I think I still have quite a ways to go, but I was uplifted by your ability to fight through the SI, anxiety, depression, and fatigue and still persevere!

 

Cheers,

        RR

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omg u guys make me cry. I feel so much of your pain. I wish i can fix ya all. Dash2 your welcome also its exactly why i come on. Love the fast back but really love the SS camaro. I will change my pic now lol. U guys all take care and im here for you.

 

Patrick

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Groovejuice - How many years were you on the gabapentin before you tapered it?  I am nearly done with a Valium taper and next up is Gabapentin.
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  • 2 weeks later...

groove, I am so happy to see your success story here. You reached out to me very early in my WD, concerning taking gabapentin. I remember how you struggled, and, yet, thru your pain and suffering you responded to my inquiry, and was so kind and supportive towards me. Thank you.

I am just so happy for you. Onward in your life and be happy!

 

Always, cindy

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  • 2 weeks later...
I was prescribed benzos for over 15 years.  I was taking 4 mg Ativan a day. I crossed over to valium and tapered for two years.  I have been benzo free for 22 months.  I am still pretty sick and bed ridden most of the time.  One symptom that has subsided is body twitching.  Most days I can cook dinner and eat with my husband.  I can make a grocery list and plan meals and do some light housekeeping.  Once in a while I can even go out, for a special occasion or for a play or movie.  I hope that after 36 months benzo free I can resume my life, this is my hope and prayer. 
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I am 22 months off benzos and still pretty sick.  I can cook dinner most days and go out once in a while, but am still mainly bed or couch ridden.  I hope and pray that one day I feel better and am able to resume my old life.  I am trying to stay positive and have faith in the future.
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I am currently 7 months C/T Klonopin I only used for 4 months. Your story has helped me think that I will recover one day even tho I feel like I have brain damage. I am glad to hear you recovered. May I ask if you had tinnitus and if it ever went away? Congratz on your success!
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  • 1 month later...

Groovejuice - How many years were you on the gabapentin before you tapered it?  I am nearly done with a Valium taper and next up is Gabapentin.

 

Goforit..i was on Gabapentin for 5-6 years before i started my taper. I tapered the Klonopin first. Good luck u can do it!

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I am currently 7 months C/T Klonopin I only used for 4 months. Your story has helped me think that I will recover one day even tho I feel like I have brain damage. I am glad to hear you recovered. May I ask if you had tinnitus and if it ever went away? Congratz on your success!

You will recover, i have no doubt. Most of of have tinnitus. Mine is still present in my left ear and it is LOUD. So lud that when i lay on my good ear, i cant hear anything. I have learned to ignore it and even now as i listen to it screaming in my ear..i dont care. I almost died, i lost everything....tinnitus is the least of the problems imo and believe me i know how frustrating, depressing it is but in the big picture...it low on the list now adays. I also have other things that probably caused this extreme condition. I was a machinist for years before moving into management. I have played live music since i was fourteen..smashing drums and cymbals with screaming guitars blasting thru Marshalls stacks right next to me. Im sure it had something to do with it lol.

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Thank you for keeping this thread active and bumping it to the top of the list.  I also had a horrible morning with SX so I popped onto BB to see if I could find an encouraging success story.  By the grace of God here was your story right at the top, and it truly gave me hope.

 

I am afraid to say I am only at 9 months so I think I still have quite a ways to go, but I was uplifted by your ability to fight through the SI, anxiety, depression, and fatigue and still persevere!

 

Cheers,

        RR

 

Stand strong...your still early in the process but on track to regain yourself and your life. TY for kind words

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Groovejuice, other than tinnitus what other physical symptoms did u have? In ur SS u mention mostly bedridden due to depression but was there other factors causing u to be bedridden?
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Groove you used gabapentin to get off?  I really would like to know.  I can't get off with nothing and realize most here do use something to get off.

Hope it is ok if I pm you... my concentration is bad.

Congrats to you...

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  • 5 weeks later...

The ECT and TMS did nothing but damage my long term memory at first, now its my short term that is the problem. If i cud do it again i wud NOT go thru the ECT. TMS is much less intrusive. The ECT, well...it indescribable.

 

 

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  • 1 year later...

I missed the beginning of this convo but I did try TMS and didn't see any results - not good and not bad. Possibly something happened I am not aware of? But I wouldn't worry too much about TMS. You can try one session and see how you feel at a low 'dose'. Low power.

In NYC, I went to an excellent place - really professional and knowledgeable, so if you want info for this location, you can PM me. However, like I said - it did nothing for me. I'm doing research about ECT now.

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  • 4 months later...
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