Hello,
It's been a very long time since I quit benzos. In December, it will be 7 years. I wanted to pop in and give an update and some encouragement.
First of all, YOU CAN DO THIS. It's so hard, but you can do it. It took me almost 8 years to taper from 4 mg Klonopin. But here I am. Benzo free with nearly all the effects far in the past.
I was given Xanax in 1994 for anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. I was managing them fine at the time, but was in nursing school and thought maybe there was a better way to manage. There wasn't. It was a devastating mistake on my part. The first time I took a Xanax, I got in a head on collision with another car after I ran a stop light I just didn't see. I stayed on long enough that I had crippling anxiety when I tried to go off.
Long story short, my life fell apart entirely. I became totally housebound agoraphobic for years and years. There were actually times I counted how long it had been since I was out of my house in the number of years. I started tapering in early 2003. I finally finished 8 years later. I made a lot of mistakes, but even without those it would have taken at least a good few years to get off. In the end, I was water titrating. It was SO hard. I never gave up, even though I went back up and then down again. I'm SO happy to be off them.
Today, I work full time, write and am a published author and photographer, travel regularly, and cannot remember the last time I spent even one entire day at home. I still have anxiety and even agoraphobia, and probably always will. But I manage those conditions through diet (gluten free & vegan) and exercise (lots and lots). I take no medication at all and feel better today than ever in most regards.
I worry about cognitive damage, and get online to take IQ and memory tests every so often. I don't seem to have any significant last effects, although I do think I'm slightly less quick and my short term memory isn't quite as good. But it's not significant.
I started benzos just before my 30th birthday. I finally got off them at 47. i wasted my youth on this poison. It's the biggest regret of my entire life. I hope this never happens to anyone else.
Now, at 54. I'm healthy, happy, super busy, and looking forward to lots of good things in my life. My sister died suddenly a couple years ago, and it was devastating, but I survived and then recovered ... totally without drugs. Good vegan food, plenty of water, and lots of yoga/cardio/strength training are my drugs.
There IS life after benzos and it's awesome. Whoever you are, I wish you all the best.
Much love and healing ... YOU can do it.
S
