I Got My Life Back – Thank God!

[[Buddie]]

Congrats and happy for you!

[[Buddie]]

Thanks for writing a success story. We all heal so differently, some quickly, some (like me ugh) slower. some windows, some not. You obviously suffered, but recovered. We will all get there eventually, no matter how long it takes. Please God! It really is great to read someone came through 

[[Buddie]]

Thank you so much for sharing with us your success story. I live on success stories, read them several times a day for [...] and inspiration that in time, I will also heal and fully gain my normal life back.

I am so very, very happy happy for you ThEwAY. God bless you and enjoy your healthy life you deserve!

[...]

[[Buddie]]

LOVE your story and i am soo very glad for you.. XOXOX

I started taking Benzos back in May of 2016 for some sleep issues.  Started with Xanax 1mg and then quickly went up to 2 mg in about 4 weeks.  When those stopped working they put me on Temazepam and Klonopin at the same time!  Took that for another 4 weeks and finished with a few days of Valium.  I kept building tolerance so my sleep got worse and worse over time.  At first, the Xanax could put me out for 8 hours, then it went to 7, 6, 5, 4, you get the picture.  So, I had to up the dose to 2mg and that quickly faded as well.  I was taking 3mg of Klonopin and 30mg of Temazepam at the same time.  Found out later that the effect of taking 2 Benzos at the same time is magnified by 30%!  Some doctors are not very smart and apparently I wasn’t either as I continued to take whatever they told me to.  They even wanted me to try haldol, no thanks, check out the side effects from that.  Even the Pharmacist said it could cause permanent uncontrolled jerks/movements in my arms, legs, neck, etc.

I quit Xanax cold turkey when I switched to the Klonopin and Temazepam.  I quit both of those cold turkey as well as my doctor told me that I wasn’t on them long enough to have withdrawal or seizures.  I took Valium for 2 nights about a week after I CT’ed the benzos.  In all, I was on Benzos for just under 3 months.  Then I found Benzo Buddies.  I joined in August 2016 under the name ThEwAy but had my account deleted so I wouldn't be tempted to come on this site after being on it for almost 8 months.  You can go back and look at some of my early posts.  I rejoined under my current name. [...].

My sleep went from what I thought was decent to 2 hours or less a [...].  As soon as I quit cold turkey, I started with the zero-hour nights.  They were horrific as many of you know.  I would often go for 3 and sometimes 4 nights in a row with zero sleep.  This lasted almost 8 months.  Along with the brutal insomnia I had a plethora of other symptoms including claustrophobia to the point where I couldn’t even go into a large store and I had to spend my nights on the sofa with the front door open.  I also had Panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, muscle twitches, major constipation, noise sensitivity, clenched jaw, ringing ears, panic attacks, horrible anxiety and depression, loss of appetite, weight loss, etc. 

I literally thought I was going to die.  I seriously considered quitting my job that I usually like and have been doing for 27 years.  It got so bad that my mother-in-law was talking to my brothers and other family members and was trying to get me committed to a psych ward. The doctors thought I was crazy so did my wife and kids.  They didn't think it was a withdrawal problem, they thought it was mental illness. I was in 4 different Emergency rooms over a one-month period and all they wanted to do was put me on more drugs.  I tried a bunch of other non-benzo drugs that really didn’t work.  Then I found Benzo Buddies and took the advice of some veteran Buddies that said my best bet was to get off of everything.  So, I quite taking the Remeron and Seroquel and whatever else they had me on and it was a lot of different things.  I usually only took them for a day or two and when they didn't work, I flushed them.  The best thing I ever did was stop taking everything and let my brain learn how to sleep on its own again.  Today, I don't even take "natural" supplements for sleep.  I don't think they are bad, but I just wanted to be completely free of everything.  For those considering CBT for sleep or Sleep Restriction or any other method, I don't think they work well for withdrawal insomnia.  They didn't for me.  The other thing to keep in mind is that you don't need 8 hours of sleep a [...].  That is a myth.  You can function normally on much less.  And you DON'T have fatal insomnia.  I think most people (myself included) think they have that at one point or another, but you don't.  It is ALL withdrawal.

I thought I would never get better and considered suicide, but was too chicken to ever follow through or even attempt it.  I think the thought of having a “way out” made it more tolerable.  I would call the 800 prevention lines from time-to-time just to talk to someone.  So, for those of you contemplating suicide my advice would be think about it but never act on anything.  Don’t keep anything around that you could use, such as a weapon, etc. 

I live in the Midwest and flew out to Virginia to the Coleman Institute and paid a lot of money in desperation for his Flumazenil treatment.  Unfortunately, it did not work and I think only prolonged my recovery?  That was in September of 2016.  Right after that I started seeing a Counselor at a Christian Counseling center and then ended up seeing their Psychiatrist.  The counselor and the Psychiatrist were very familiar with Benzo withdrawal as both had worked in some large rehab clinics out east.  Coincidentally the Psychiatrist’s name was also Dr. Coleman.  He told me that I would recover in 1 – 4 months.  I thought he was crazy.  His definition of recovered was sleeping 4-6 hours 95% of the time and having my symptoms reduced 80% or more of where they were currently at.  I was skeptical, but they really helped me through this recovery process.  The only drawback was that it was an hour drive one way to Madison, WI.

By January of 2017 I started to get a little sleep maybe 2-3 hours at a time for 2 or 3 nights in a row.  Some of my symptoms started to fade.  It was very up and down for a long time.  I went on a cycle where I would get some sleep for one day and then none the next day.  Gradually it got better and better and I started getting sleep for 2, 3 then 4 days in a row.  But those Zero days were still there and those were the worst, I kept a sleep log and had 65 zero nights over 8 months.  Some good Benzo Buddies, Aloha and Siggy were there for me through PMs and just on general posts.  They kept telling me I would get better, and they were right.  And there were also many other BB too numerous to mention that gave me [...] and encouragement by responding to my posts.  Thank you everyone and the BB community!

At about 8 months out I started sleeping almost every [...] for at least 4-5 hours.  The sleep was broken but, it really helped me heal.  Within a few weeks all of my symptoms rapidly faded.  About 6 weeks after I started sleeping all of my symptoms were gone.  It was amazing.  No more anxiety or depression and the dreaded claustrophobia was gone too.  I really started to appreciate and enjoy life again.  Little things made me happy that I used to take for granted pre-benzo.  I was hoping it just wasn’t a window as I read about the windows and waves that most go through. 

It has now been over 7 months of being symptom free and having fairly good sleep every [...].  The last time I had a zero [...] was April 11, 2017.  My sleep is not perfect.  Still broken with lots of dreams, but I usually get 6-7 hours per [...].  I usually wake up 2 -4 times per [...], but can usually fall back to sleep fairly quickly.  Other nights it takes an hour or so.  The biggest difference is that I stopped caring if I slept or not.  That was super hard to do, but got easier and easier over time.  Now, I know I can fall back to sleep when I wake up at 1:00 or 3:00 am and 90% of the time I do fall back asleep. For the first 8 months after my cold turkey, I wouldn’t get tired. I would feel tired, but my brain felt wired.  Now, there are some days that I get so tired I fall asleep on the couch watching TV.  As you notice I am writing a lot about sleep.  That was my biggest issue that I struggled with besides the Anxiety, depression and claustrophobia.   

The other thing that helped me, besides not worrying if I slept or not, was to take a break from Benzo Buddies.  Please don’t get me wrong, this site has been a great resource for me and has lots of people that experience the same things.  Many of you  helped me by responding to my posts and reassuring me.  So if you need to be here, please stay and let others going through the same thing help you get through withdrawal.  My issue was that I made everyone else’s recovery timeline, my timeline.  For example, if someone did not start sleeping well until 2 years out, I would say things such as “it might take 2 years or longer for me to start sleeping again.”  That is just how I process things.  So, I took a break from Benzo Buddies and I had a friend lay hands on me and pray for me.  He has the gift of healing.  Some of you will say poppycock, but I believe it as I experienced it.  That was about 2 weeks before I starting sleeping pretty well out of the blue.  I give God the glory and the praise. 

Now at 15 months off, I am claiming success.  I have my life back.  I live the way I used to before this whole benzo ordeal started.  My family and I even went on a 7-day cruise in June and it was awesome!  I want to point out, that when I or anyone else claims success or writes a success story, it really isn’t what we do, but what we went through to get to where we are now.  If there were some magic diet or supplement to take, we would know about it by now. Time and God are the only healers I know. 

At my worst, I thought about taking the Family Medical Leave Act and taking a bunch of time off, but I used sick days instead.  I think I ended up taking 20 days spread out over several months.  As I already mentioned, I thought I was going to have to quit my job but,  I also learned that I could function pretty well on little or no sleep.  I kept my job and my family…I needed too, I had bills to pay and my family needed me.  Not that I handled it the best...I didn't...to this day my wife still says I was out of control, but she still doesn't understand how much benzos make you temporarily mentally ill! I did what I could do to get through the mental torture and there wasn't much to hold onto. 

The other thing that I did that I think helped me recover was eating a clean diet.  I followed Dr. Gundry’s The Plant Paradox diet.  The book, The Plant Paradox:  The Hidden Dangers in “Healthy” Foods that Cause Disease is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc.  I also walked 2 – 4 miles every day even if I got little or no sleep.  It was hard, but it helped in the long run.
 
For those still struggling, it will get better.  I don’t know when, but it will.  It just takes time and more time.  The benzos lie to us all and make us believe we will have symptoms forever.  Not true.  A big fat lie.  You will recover, you will get your life back.  I did.  I would say I'm 100% healed from the physical and mental symptoms and 90% healed in the sleep department.  Enough to live a great life and enjoy it...and believe me I do.  I wake up everyday and thank God for the day and the chance to live it "normally."  Even going to work is "fun."  There isn't much I don't enjoy or appreciate now.  It's like I was given a 2nd chance at life.  I [...] this helps some of you have some [...]?  I pray for the day when you get your 2nd chance too.  If I had to do it all over again, I still think I would go cold turkey.  Yeah, the symptoms were brutal, but for me, I think I recovered faster by getting the poison out of my body as fast as possible.  God’s speed to everyone still going through withdrawal.

ThEwAy & [...]

[[Buddie]]

Congrats on getting off! This is huge! 

[[Buddie]]

I also really love this story. It gives ke [...]. I am 7.5 months free of temazepam and sleep 2 hours ...broken hours... a noght. Sone..a lot of nigjts 0 hours... rare nights with 4 hours. I just want my precious sleep back. I already quit my job and my relationship and social life is troubled because of how i feel. Your story gives me [...]. I tried pheregan last [...] but did nothing. Trazadone helps for 2 hours. Seroquel also nothing. Now my doc wants me on amytriptiline
 But now i think...away with all that horrible stuff.

[[Buddie]]

I also really love this story. It gives ke [...]. I am 7.5 months free of temazepam and sleep 2 hours ...broken hours... a noght. Sone..a lot of nigjts 0 hours... rare nights with 4 hours. I just want my precious sleep back. I already quit my job and my relationship and social life is troubled because of how i feel. Your story gives me [...]. I tried pheregan last [...] but did nothing. Trazadone helps for 2 hours. Seroquel also nothing. Now my doc wants me on amytriptiline
 But now i think...away with all that horrible stuff.

How much Phenergan did you take? If it’s in tablet form, it starts acting after 2 hrs.

[[Buddie]]

I also really love this story. It gives ke [...]. I am 7.5 months free of temazepam and sleep 2 hours ...broken hours... a noght. Sone..a lot of nigjts 0 hours... rare nights with 4 hours. I just want my precious sleep back. I already quit my job and my relationship and social life is troubled because of how i feel. Your story gives me [...]. I tried pheregan last [...] but did nothing. Trazadone helps for 2 hours. Seroquel also nothing. Now my doc wants me on amytriptiline
 But now i think...away with all that horrible stuff.

How much Phenergan did you take? If it’s in tablet form, it starts acting after 2 hrs.

25 mg in tablet. It made my legs and arns heavy. But did not get any sleep last [...]. Also 0 sleep [...] before. [...] before that was 3 very broken hours... this is hard

[[Buddie]]

I also really love this story. It gives ke [...]. I am 7.5 months free of temazepam and sleep 2 hours ...broken hours... a noght. Sone..a lot of nigjts 0 hours... rare nights with 4 hours. I just want my precious sleep back. I already quit my job and my relationship and social life is troubled because of how i feel. Your story gives me [...]. I tried pheregan last [...] but did nothing. Trazadone helps for 2 hours. Seroquel also nothing. Now my doc wants me on amytriptiline
 But now i think...away with all that horrible stuff.

How much Phenergan did you take? If it’s in tablet form, it starts acting after 2 hrs.

25 mg in tablet. It made my legs and arns heavy. But did not get any sleep last [...]. Also 0 sleep [...] before. [...] before that was 3 very broken hours... this is hard

I’m sorry. It’s a very strong med. I noticed it prolongs sleep, contrary to Seroquel. Ashton recommends even 75-100 mg promethazine (Phenergan) 2 hrs before sleep (1st Chart). I take it in syrup, 12,5 ml. It knocks me out. Valium has more and more paradoxical effect on my sleep. I don’t know, you need a sleep specialist. Maybe also different receptors in the brain should be targeted. A benzo-wise pdoc. Didn’t mean to hijack a thread, but I feel so sorry for you. It’s been going on for so long... Take care

[[Buddie]]

I also really love this story. It gives ke [...]. I am 7.5 months free of temazepam and sleep 2 hours ...broken hours... a noght. Sone..a lot of nigjts 0 hours... rare nights with 4 hours. I just want my precious sleep back. I already quit my job and my relationship and social life is troubled because of how i feel. Your story gives me [...]. I tried pheregan last [...] but did nothing. Trazadone helps for 2 hours. Seroquel also nothing. Now my doc wants me on amytriptiline
 But now i think...away with all that horrible stuff.

How much Phenergan did you take? If it’s in tablet form, it starts acting after 2 hrs.

25 mg in tablet. It made my legs and arns heavy. But did not get any sleep last [...]. Also 0 sleep [...] before. [...] before that was 3 very broken hours... this is hard

I’m sorry. It’s a very strong med. I noticed it prolongs sleep, contrary to Seroquel. Ashton recommends even 75-100 mg promethazine (Phenergan) 2 hrs before sleep (1st Chart). I take it in syrup, 12,5 ml. It knocks me out. Valium has more and more paradoxical effect on my sleep. I don’t know, you need a sleep specialist. Maybe also different receptors in the brain should be targeted. A benzo-wise pdoc. Didn’t mean to hijack a thread, but I feel so sorry for you. It’s been going on for so long... Take care

Thanks. Appriciate this a lot. Np benoi wise docs here in the netherlands. Had a sleepstudy and they just want to give me meds. Maybe a higher dose of phenergan? But still. Nothing seems ro work...