Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

Hi. I was recently chatting with another benzo buddy who brought to my attention that there seemed to be quite a few folks on forum who became benzo free in the last 3-6 months (or more), some perhaps just a few weeks or days ago .  In my experience, the thought was never that I would be fully healed overnight, but that it would be a process of recovery that might take a while.  My friend suggested starting a thread where support could be given to eachother, those who recently became free or have been free of benzos for some time frame (some longer than others), yet who still have some symptoms or experience they might wish to share.  

 

The purpose here is not to moan and groan about one's symptoms and promote worry about  "what if" this or that might happen in the future, but rather to share some experiences that might be helpful in some way to others both free and for those whose benzo freedom might be imminent.  Some may have contemplated tapering an A/D after benzo freedom or perhaps thought of adding an A/D for one reason or another.  This could be an interesting topic.  Others may be wondering about some aspect of nutrition or other remedy that may have helped with insomnia or anxiety after benzo freedom.  Some of this information might be worth sharing. I know when I was tapering last Fall, I would sometimes read "success stories" or want to see the road from a future perspective.  This is not to say that one person's symptoms means they will become symptoms of the next person.  We all have a different history, type of benzo(s) used, different timeline, different personalities and life experience... but we do share a common desire to help one another as we progress in the healing journey.  

 

Even though I took my last benzo three months ago, I still have some things to work out.  Also, this thread is not limited to folks who have become benzo free.  If some wish to ask a question to those who are now benzo free or may just wish to contribute something else, I'm sure it would be welcome.  To be clear, this is not for giving advice to those who need tapering advice, that task is of course reserved for another section of this forum.  It is my belief (and some may have a different opinion) that to be benzo free does not necessarily mean "cured".  It is an ongoing process as we're all human, sometimes take a step forward and then two steps back. Ultimately we'll all reach our destination, whatever it may be.  Some who achieved their benzo freedom may not keep up with their own blog as much as they used to, but may find it useful to post some progress updates now and again over here.

 

So to kick things off, I'll post a few of my experiences off benzos, though some may know some of them from my blog which is ongoing for now.  Recently after abstaining from coffee for the last few months, I had a cup of Joe that revved up my system pretty good. I never realized how coffee had impacted me in the past and I am starting to understand that I used to drink coffee on automatic pilot, not really liking the taste all that much anyway. I am reevaluating whether I "need" coffee in my life right now. Being more present to how various foods, beverages, stimulants... impact my mood has been helpful.   At 3 months off, my sleep is starting to come back with dreams and even a few borderline nightmares.  I welcome this development since I wake up feeling more rested than just a month ago.   Those are two developments for me post benzo in the last week.  I hope to post more positive developments in the coming months, perhaps an occasional set back but let the healing begin!  Hope others will find this helpful and may contribute some of their experiences off benzos too.

 

Cheers (or no cheers as the case may be  )

 

Vertigo (no more)

I think this is an excellent idea.  There are symptoms from withdrawal, and there are the issues of life that impact us all.  I'm talking about "external" issues happening in present time and the "internal" issues we carry from imperfect pasts and a worrisome futures (even worry about the next few moments of the future).  I think many of us could benefit from sharing ways and ideas about how we live our lives, whether we are being impacted by benzo withdrawal or not.  I plan to be off valium in 2 to 3 weeks, and I think I would enjoy and learn from this discussion.  Thanks V.

 

Rumi

I think it is a good idea to have a thread for those who have tapered off and now trying to go forward without the benzos. We all will be there at some point- and many still struggle with issues on a daily basis. I for one would stop by and read posts! I have 2-3 weeks left tapering myself, and know the ride won't be over when I stop doing my pill. Looking forward, Sama

I believe that this is a super idea indeed. I think that this is highly relevant because all of us who are going through wd have to face these issues whether physical, emotional and even spiritual. Great idea Vertigo!

Great Verti !! I elect U President !!   

 

It will be 5 months on the 31st for me.  I am better than I was for sure !!  Still get overwhelmed easier than I used to...BUT..not as bad as when I was tapering !  My dizziness is the biggest kicker for me....off and on..never know when it will hit.  I do feel that time is what is healing me.  I know all my friends just think I am off the meds and I should just hit life like before..full throttle...Well...The throttle is not full...maybe 1/2 now. Thinking is clearer..I dont get that anxious feeling as bad as I used to.  I shop and drive and go places that were so hard for me before...Hard to imagine that I had such a hard time with lifes simple tasks !!  Working out now and walk/running.  Some days it really helps..then other days it kind of gets me..like I run out of energy easier.  I suppose it is still up and down with way more ups these days !!      I am not working yet...that is a tough one for me to take on yet...but hopefully soon !!

 

I am 3 1/2 months post Clon, and muscle/nerve pain and burning is my biggest w/d symptom. Has anyone here been thru this kind of pain, and when did it start to subside for him/her? I await ur replies. Thnx

 

Kev

Great idea Vertigo.  I'm off four months now and have just had a little wave of returned symptoms - just when I thought I might be one of the luckier ones.  Still onwards and upwards - been through it all before.  At least now I'm not adding any more of the poison into my body, just waiting for my body to eliminate the remaining poison.

 

Light-headedness, eye sensitivity and nervousness still hanging around.  Sleep patterns okay now (not perfect) after the brief return of the middle of the night panic attacks.  Just need to remind myself constantly that time and self belief are what will get me through this final stage.

This post seems to be the one for me.  I took my last .5 mg. of diazepam from 80 mg. diazepam (crossed over from 4 mg. klonopin)  I can't believe I am done.  It has taken over a year to get off of this stuff and my life has pretty well stopped.  I am a bit scared about what will happen now and in the future.  Will I be well soon?  Will I be able to drive congested roads again?  Will I be able to work soon??  The list goes on and on.  I feel the pressure on already and it has not even been 24 hours yet.  Everyone seems to sink I will be the "old me" immediately...... they did not think that a pill could do this to me, but neither did I.  The support would be great.  Thanks so much !  Ginia

Thanks Vertigo!

I think this is the perfect venue to gather information on how everyone is doing post benzo's and what is working or not.

I have been off 3 months as of 2/22 and quit coffee a month ago too:)

I dont know if my patience was worn out from waiting to just "feel" better or just normal part of post benzo recovery..but I was getting SO depressed and very down a week or so ago and decided to get on Celexa 20mg and can already feel the heavy dark feelings lifting.

I was so afraid to introduce an antidepressant to my fragile nerves but the feelings I had were getting really overwhelming for me and I knew in my heart that once I am stable in the future and healed from Benzo's then tapering the a/d will be a breeze. Done it many times in the past with NO problems whatsoever.

I am learning not to worry about people's reaction to me so much in public and seeing that no one really knows how much your suffering..its invisible to all and even my own kids and husband dont have a clue that I am not fully myself or feeling so aweful.

I feel guilty for not being the way I used to be but know I have to be good to myself and be happy for getting off the benzo's!

I try to de-stress my environment so that I can handle my symptoms much better.

I dont post on my blog anymore..was overwhelmed and not  able to do it. Maybe later:)

I do keep up my progress blog. Its good to still keep a record of what is going on still so that you can see progress.

I still have all the same w/d's but less intense. Some days more intense but way better than what it was during tapering or the first few weeks after jumping.

Would love to know what supplements have really helped others..and what to stay away from!

Thanks for making this thread:)

XXXX

Shelley

Hello All,

 

I fit right into this group, as I am just over 3 months off of klonopin.  I had NO CLUE how hard this was going to be, and it is this forum that has kept me going.  You guys supply so much hope.

 

I am still having withdrawal symptoms...Kev, my biggest problems are muscle/nerve pain and burning.  I had to take 3 hot baths today in epsom salts!  Some days I take more, some days less.  I almost feel "allergic" to myself.  It is such strange and awful pain.

 

I will share something that I did that I now really regret (in case any of you might be in this same position).  On Sunday night, I just didn't think I could stand the pain any more and I decided I would take some neurontin so that I could maybe have a night where I could sleep. (I had been prescribed neurontin several years ago for chronic pain...which I now think was caused by tolerance withdrawal from the klonopin )  I knew that neurontin is somewhat controversial in terms of does it or does it not affect the same GABA receptors as klonopin.  However, desperation kicked in and I took 400 mg.  I slept.  My nerves did not burn. My muscles still hurt but not as bad.  The next night, I decided I would take less (300 mg).  The night wasn't as good as the one before, but still better than w/o the neurontin.

 

HOWEVER...something told me (I guess it was all the voices I had heard on this forum, discussing this particular drug) that I should not keep taking the neurontin.  And I didn't.  Yesterday and today have been absolutely awful...especially the nerve burning.  It seems to be worse than how it was before I took the neurontin.  I think I messed up my recovery by taking the drug and now I am in deep regret, hoping that I did not set myself too far back. 

 

I continually am seeing the truth that it is going to take time...and time alone...to heal.  I do keep trying different supplements, with magnesium being the main one.  I can't say if it is helping or not.

 

You guys are such a wonderful support.  Thank you that you are always here to help.  I am hoping that soon I will be able to report some consistent windows.

 

Love,

Leena

Wow. I can already tell this thread is going to be amazing!

You all can tell by my profile info I am off the clonapoisen 13 weeks

today. LOTS of symptoms still. More on all that later and what is and isn't working.

Just had to post again because this is going to be SUCH an exciting

addition to BB for those of us off but not yet 'out'.

I refer to my fast dry-cut taper as being 'dumb but done'. And I now think of

myself as healing on the way out, rather than on the way down (as with a taper).

s & 

 

V,

 

This was truely an excellent idea for a thread.

 

I am not benzo free yet, but I think being able to talk to you guys that have made it to the other side....is going to be helpful for those still in the fight..and those who have tapered off....this thread is going to be really helpful for everyone...

 

 

TC

Hi Everyone. Wow.  Nice response the first day.  Just to clarify, the thread was another member's idea.  We just chatted about it and I decided to implement it a couple days later. She can let y'all know who she is if she wants.   So I'll be happy to be VP Meljo.   Good for you to get out and still be productive even if not feeling 100% or I suspect not even close but hey, before benzos, I think I was never more than 85% either  

 

I like the term "off but not yet out" Gutsy, it's so true. Felt that way many times.  Hey Leena, don't beat yourself up about the neurontin.  Sometimes we really need our sleep or some relief from pain and feel like we gotta do something that we might regret later.  Can always get right back on the horse, live and learn!  Thanks for sharing that.  Shelly, I have had a lot of blues the last few weeks too and although I have not tried an A/D (yet ), I have thought about it.  You're right, one can taper it off when you feel better.  Does it impact your sleep at all one way or the other?  I recently started taking B complex vitamin to try and help with "stress", too early to tell if its helping or not. I also added a fish vitamin last week so we'll see.  (quick update, B vitamins revved me up, had to put them on hold for now).

 

I think I know what you mean Ginia and Shelly about not feeling like "the same as before" immediately.  I think the spouses or friends and family just figure all is better a couple weeks off the poison.  I wonder if they sometimes think you're a hypochondriac if you keep complaining about symptoms.  I'm not sure it's very believable to them after three months!  LB, I have all those symptoms to some degree at three months out, lightheadedness, anxiety and eye sensitivity (as a matter of fact, I started a thread last week on problems visually tracking the Olympic games).   I don't have much muscle pain any more AfterU, though I do still have some nerve pain from the Shingles I got last month (another story for another time).  

 

So true Yoda that once the physical symptoms lessen, that we still have other emotional kinks to work out as pre benzo emotions that are no longer masked by a poison pill re-emerge sometimes with a vengeance!  I've been reading the book Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennet Goleman, pretty good.  Good luck with your imminent freedom Sama and Rumi, and congrats on half way there TC, keep us posted.

 

Look forward to more feedback from all you benzo free buddies!

 

Vertigo (no more)

Hey Verti and Everyone....

 

Verti, you could have taken the credit for the thread I wouldn't have minded one bit....you took the plunge and started it after all

 

I too finished my valium taper on 27th November last year, and really thought I was home free 6 weeks out and then I was hit by a wave of nasty symptoms that are still with me to this day, somedays better than others, an occassional window day but I am pretty wrung out with this process already.....

 

Think I was stupid enough to think that nothing would be as bad as the long taper, but I now have symptoms that I never had during taper, what is all that about hey??

 

It is great to see so many people encouraged by posting here....I really hope that we can all come here regularly to talk about what we are dealing with post taper and help each other through the rough days....

 

I sure need some encouragement right now....

 

Speak soon.

 

Mxxxxxxxx

Hi MAA,

 

It would help me, and maybe others, if you would put your history in your "signature box", i.e., what you were on, for how long, what you tapered off of, how long it took, the size and frequency of cuts, that sort of thing.

 

Thanks for posting, and I hope this thread will be a helpful place for you (me too).

 

Rumi

I have been off Valium for 6 months and off Ambien for 4 months so this is when I consider the beginning of my healing.  I had a window after I stopped the Ambien for about a month and thought I had dodged a bullet, then the "post acute withdrawal" set in.  Things have improved sloooooowly over the past three months but I am still dealing with about a dozen symptoms - sporadic insomnia (and multiple wakings almost every night), occasional body twitches (my left foot has never stopped twitching), minor perceptual distortions like fogginess, sporadic fatigue and body aches, mild tinnitus, heart palpitations, breathlessness, itching, and stomach problems.  I seem to be running in cycles of about a week where I feel relatively good for a week then pretty crappy for about a week.  I have had days in which each symptom has been gone completely, but never a day in which all symptoms have been gone simultaneously.  

 

Things that have helped me - Inderal for heart palpitations (taken only occasionally), lots of exercise, lots of volunteer work (serving suffering people makes me forget about my own suffering), lots of water, lots of healthy food, melatonin for sleep, and moderate indulgences like coffee and dessert to make me feel human again.  

 

Things that have had no recognizable effect - 5-HTP, L-Theanine, Taurine, flax seed oil (for omega 3/6/9), gabapentin, buspar, acupuncture.  

 

Things that made things worse - alcohol (dammit!), seroquel (horrible, evil drug), doxepin (worked for sleep for a while but ended up giving me nasty side effects), phenobarbital (made me feel better completely but definitely delayed my recovery), artificial sweeteners (except Splenda), OTC decongestants, high doses of caffeine, glutamine, GABA supplements.

Hi Ryan....what was your experience with the alcohol???

 

Just curious cos I tried a 100ml glass of white wine when I was 6 weeks free and have not been great since?  I miss my wine...miss my life....

 

Mxxxx

Hi Ryan....what was your experience with the alcohol???

 

Just curious cos I tried a 100ml glass of white wine when I was 6 weeks free and have not been great since?  I miss my wine...miss my life....

 

Mxxxx

 

For starters, it didn't have the same effect it used to - it didn't taste great and instead of feeling relaxed it made me feel foggy and tired.  Then, the next couple of days seemed to be a little fuzzier and a little more anxious.  My mind and the symptoms I am feeling are all over the place anyway so it's difficult to tell if the uptick in symptoms was caused by the wine or the natural fluctuation.  I know it can't help me right now and it might hurt so I have decided to abstain until I am 9 or 10 months off, then I'll try it again.  I doubt that you would feel any real long-term effects from drinking a glass of wine but who knows.

 

This is a tough one for me.  I am not a heavy drinker but I really miss it.  Every missed night out with my friends or vacation where I am sipping bottled water on the beach while everyone else is drinking beer is a reminder that my life is not the same as it used to be.  

Ryan, I here you completely, exactly as I feel and I am sure others too...I have always loved my wine and a nice G&T, but no more for me for at least a year if not more....

 

It is just another reminder of what has happened to us, very difficult, miss my chinese food too, daren't try it right now for fear of the msg making symptoms any worse....

 

Mxxx

I am with you guys on the alcohol. A glass of wine at the end of many days

was a wonderful flavor sensation. And occasional social drinking made a

dinner out special. A great bottle of cab. A glass of champagne.

And wine (like post-benzo Ginger on the forum) was an aspect of my life I

shared with my husband.

I cut the alcohol out completely when I began my taper. The first sip I had

of a lovely wine was 2 weeks ago. (Approx. 11 weeks post benzo.)

One sip. And I could feel myself receding from the table. Disappearing. Moved the

glass over to Hubbie and that has been that.

Don't know how long I will wait now before trying it again. A LONG time I

am guessing.

Anyone at all been able to reintroduce it? And how about in cooking? Where most

of the alcohol supposedly evaporates? Would LOVE to use wine in cooking!

 

&  

 

 

Hi Gutsy, I can relate so well to your words, nice wine in the evening when my 2 kids were tucked up in their beds was a ritual for me, and going out to dinner now and having water just isn't the same really is it?

 

I smiled when you wrote about the alcohol in cooking as since my flare up I have been paranoid about that too...used to put a large glass of red wine in my bolognese sauce, but the last few times I have made it I have been too scared to so the sauce is alcohol free...

 

I am sure that in cooking it is fine though in reality as it burns the alcohol content off....I even find myself constantly looking at food labels to see if there is anything that could make me feel bad....

 

Think my husband and family think I am completely nuts....

 

Mxxxx

 

 

Good thread, love reading.  I am about a month or so off of a long taper and feeling okay - lots of depression, ears started ringing, anxiety - you folks know the sx. 

 

I distract from the wd sx and that is about the only thing that helps.

 

I am sleeping great BTW.  Strange but true.

 

Take care,

Mike

No more wine, coffee or caffeinated soda for me for a while either, just wasn't worth it last December.  Have a wedding to go to in a couple months, might abstain on that day, a bit frustrating but better safe than sorry.  Speaking of cooking, a friend of mine had a bbq recently and cooked up some brats (he's from the midwest) and I believe he soaks or cooks them in beer!  I ate them and had no problems that I am aware of  .  Glad you're sleeping well Mike.

 

Best,

 

V (no more)

It is so wild how I feel every thing written by every one else is me writing it !! The whole wine thing...I miss my wine too !! I had 2 sips a few weeks ago..walked straight to the bedroom and laid down all foggy and weird feeling !!    Dont get any burning...just tingling in my sides sometimes.  I have a dr appt in an hour and I get all nervous..for no good reason...my stomache just twirls....

 

Ok..funny story...I was in such a whirlwind yesterday...a little rushed and had just worked out at the gym..a bit of anxiety....Well I was shopping at Academy for baseball stuf for my son...ran to the bathroom....washing my hands...a man walked in..I said "Oops wrong bathroom ! "  He left..then opened the door again..and said "Nope...right bathroom as he pointed to the MEN sign on the door !!!!!!!!  :laugh:  I about died !!! I laughed all the way out..When he saw me in the store he whispered.." I promise I wont tell any one !! ""    So every one asked me....Didnt you see the urinals ??  LOL!! I think I did see something with red rubber mat looking at the bottom..just didnt slow down to realize it was a urinal !!!!!    OMG!!!!! :idiot:    I am so glad that no men were in there using the urinal when I came out of the stall ! And yuk...men use those stalls to go number 2!! Thankd God I huver !!!!!  ...or however u spell it !!!