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Healed after 12 years!


[Mr...]

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How you are doing now Julz. I am almost 6 years off since first, original wd but I don't think it counts anymore, cause in betwen a lot of happened, I went back not by my will, smoked weed and drank, then pollydrugged again for a year or so so, ct too many times, then got off everything again. I don't believe anymore in anything. Lost everything and obviously didn't have anything in first place.

 

Too hard to believe in anything.

 

You just need to believe in yourself.  Believe that you took the first step towards a better tomorrow.  It all looks very gloomy where you are at,  but you’ll get snippets of feeling semi-okay when the worst bit is over.  Just keep going!

Well I used to be very confident before, way before, while I was healthy. As a kid especially, till 13 maybe. Look how it turned out to be. I had a window or don't what it was I think before 2, 3 months and was confident.

Thank you for your encouragament and nice words.

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...
Giving this another bump for us long-haulers. Still trudging along to the ticking clock, waiting for that day to come. At almost 9 years off I still have steam left to keep the little engine going. I know I've improved a bit but not getting excited about it. Still no windows yet to speak of. The change in season has brought on a wave that seems to happen every year right around this time. Though closer but still far away, I can see healing on the horizon. I will see victory someday. 8)
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  • 4 weeks later...
I keep hoping. I'm five years off after a two-and-a-half-year taper. Slow progress, then I  had a stroke a month ago. Now  I feel like I'm in acute again, plus limited physical ability due to stroke. I am 74. Helpless, husband care for me. My poor brain. Will it ever heal? Stroke meds rev me up, so maybe another is on the way. Staff at hospital don't understand benzo recovery at all. In hell.
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  • 3 months later...
I’m 8 years in withdrawal and I feel like I will never heal I have lots of windows and all the sudden I get hit again with horrible symtoms and I feel like I permanently damaged  :( did that happen you you?
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Mr B.

So great to hear you won!

I am rejoicing for you!!! Your a warrior! Congratulations!

You will inspire so many!

Never give up! You will heal!

 

Mike

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WTF? If it take a person that long just keep taking the shit to feel better before we die?

 

YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE OTHER ISSUES GOING ON?

 

 

Hopephul,

 

At this forum we show our members the respect too many in the medical community and those in our real lives have denied us and we believe them when they tell us what has happened to them just as we believe and respect you.  Please extend to us the same courtesy.

 

Pamster

 

Be polite towards, and respectful of, your fellow Buddies. We do not tolerate abuse of fellow members.

 

Community  Rules

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Amazing post and amazing story -- thank you for sharing!! Your strength, courage and resolve, and that of your family's, is incredible.
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  • 1 month later...

:-X  I think you got the attention of a lot of folks here.  I am just starting a 20mg taper - now at 15-16mg +/- (using a  pill splitter and 5mg size pills).  If there was a BUGGED OUT eye emoji it would have been used a few times.

 

When I first starting taking valium it was due to a major panic attack I had in the late 1990's.  Over worked, stressed to the max, trying to support a wife and 1 little boy on pathetic income. (overtime and 2 jobs).  One morning i woke up, made my coffee, and that wave of sheer panic to go out the door hit me, with shaking/tremors,etc. 

 

I never was informed of the FULL extent of the damage these drugs cause when prescribed. 

 

I have been taking valium for 20+ years. 

 

After reading your post i can only wonder what my future will be at nearing the age of 70.

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Your story is remarkable, Mr B.  And thank you for sharing it with us.  It is very positive even though you have taken so long to recover.  I hope you will be able to enjoy your life to the full now after losing so many years to benzo withdrawal.  Your wife is amazing and so are you. 

 

I wish you every happiness, both of you.

 

Fiona  :smitten:

ciao mister b che sintomi avevi?
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Congrats, it's always good to see protracted people recover. I'm 4 years off and waiting for the day I am healed.

 

What were your main symptoms? Mine are mostly muscle issues, insomnia, cns overstimulation, and dysphagia

 

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  • 1 month later...

Bumping this for those of us who need it, especially myself. At over 9.5 years off and in an unprovoked and horrific setback/wave for the past few months that feels like cold turkey acute, this story is a life saver and I'm sure it is for many of us here. 

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  • 2 months later...
On 13/4/2017 at 19:51, [[M...] said:

Mi sto avvicinando ai 12 anni senza benzo. Il 5 maggio 2005 sono stato colpito dal freddo in ospedale. È stato l’evento più orribile e imprevisto della mia vita e mi ha cambiato per sempre come essere umano. Lentamente, molto lentamente nel corso di 1-5 anni senza benzo i miei sintomi aumentavano e diminuivano fino a quando a 5 anni senza benzo la mia vita era circa l'80% di quella che ero prima dell'assunzione di benzo. La vita fu bella ma non eccezionale per alcuni mesi. L'orrore implacabile, l'angoscia mentale e il dispiacere generale per la vita si erano attenuati, ma i sintomi fisici erano ancora vivi e vegeti... solo più lievi e mi aspettavo che si attenuassero tutti con il passare del tempo.

  A quasi 6 anni dall'assenza di benzo, le porte dell'inondazione si sono riaperte di nuovo e sono stato ributtato in quella che definirei astinenza acuta da benzo! È stato brutto come l'inizio, se non peggio... anzi, molto peggio! Tutti i progressi che avevo fatto se ne sono andati improvvisamente e sono rimasto un uomo di 40 anni con moglie e due figli, una bella casa che piangeva sul pavimento senza speranza per un futuro. Mi ha quasi distrutto come essere umano ed ero pronto ad arrendermi.

  Fortunatamente ho avuto un enorme sostegno da parte della persona con cui sono stato per tutta la vita... La mia amorevole moglie. Mi conosceva dai tempi del liceo e sapeva che quello non era l'uomo che avrebbe sposato. Per fortuna lei ha creduto in me perché io no e a 6 anni non pensavo che il recupero fosse possibile. Pensavo di avere un danno cerebrale permanente a causa dell'Ativan e non mi sarei mai ripreso.

  Mia moglie si è impegnata e ha contattato molte persone per mio conto. Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss) e persino la stessa professoressa Ashton! Loro "TUTTI" dissero con mio grande stupore "SI RICEVERÀ" e "A VOLTE QUESTO ACCADE". Ha anche creato un account qui per parlare con le persone per mio conto (allora non stavo troppo bene per postare). A proposito, sono il signor B!

  I sintomi erano molto duri fino a 11 anni senza benzo e adesso, a quasi 12 anni senza benzo, la mia vita è brillante!!! Posso vedere di nuovo la luce e provare amore, gioia e felicità. Ho 47 anni e ho una nuova prospettiva di vita e la farai anche tu. Per favore, le persone credono nella ripresa... CREDERE!!!

  Succede per "TUTTI" dato il tempo e stando lontani dai benzodiazepine e da "TUTTI" le schifezze chimiche!

  Il signor B

 

Hi, what symptoms did you have?

 

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 14/04/2017 at 03:51, [[M...] said:

I'm coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well... just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

  At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse... as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

  Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life...My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn't and at 6 years I didn't think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

  My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They 'ALL' said to my amazement 'HE WILL RECOVER' and 'THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS'. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I'm Mr. B by the way!

  The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I'm 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery...BELIEVE!!!

  It happens for 'EVERYBODY' given time and staying off  benzos and 'ALL' chemical crap!

  Mr. B

You are an absolute hero 

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  • 1 month later...

Bumping this for us protracted folks. It appears that my journey is unfolding much like Mr. B's. I just passed the ten year mark and still in hell, but it's been since last March when the flood gates opened and cast me back into what's been an acute-like wave that has me begging God for mercy. It's true that it's very possible for it to happen unprovoked, because I did absolutely NOTHING to cause this enormous wave. I'm seeing slight improvements, of course all the symptoms cycle in and out, up and down like the roller coaster ride they're known to be. I'm so glad this success story is here and that Mr. B came back to tell us his tale and answer questions. Someone like me really needs it when I feel hopeless in this journey. I'm not sure if you'll read this, but thanks again Mr. B. 

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On 01/01/2024 at 12:17, [[r...] said:

Bumping this for us protracted folks. It appears that my journey is unfolding much like Mr. B's. I just passed the ten year mark and still in hell, but it's been since last March when the flood gates opened and cast me back into what's been an acute-like wave that has me begging God for mercy. It's true that it's very possible for it to happen unprovoked, because I did absolutely NOTHING to cause this enormous wave. I'm seeing slight improvements, of course all the symptoms cycle in and out, up and down like the roller coaster ride they're known to be. I'm so glad this success story is here and that Mr. B came back to tell us his tale and answer questions. Someone like me really needs it when I feel hopeless in this journey. I'm not sure if you'll read this, but thanks again Mr. B. 

I'm 7.5 years off and same. I was cast into an especially terrible wave at 5.5 years off. It's still rough. I've never had real windows, but some times are better than others.

I know Mr. B's story scares some people, but it's not really for them. I'm so grateful for it.

Hopefully this is our year.

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On 13/04/2017 at 10:51, [[M...] said:

I'm coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well... just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

  At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse... as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

  Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life...My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn't and at 6 years I didn't think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

  My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They 'ALL' said to my amazement 'HE WILL RECOVER' and 'THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS'. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I'm Mr. B by the way!

  The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I'm 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery...BELIEVE!!!

  It happens for 'EVERYBODY' given time and staying off  benzos and 'ALL' chemical crap!

  Mr. B

This was an amazing story and for me it really was encouraging.  I really believe no matter how long it takes, even if I have sxs for the rest of my life, I am going to survive this.  It's about faith for me, and such dedication both of you had for eachother, highschool sweethearts.  It makes me want to go back to my roots, the people that knew me before, and remember what I was like. 

I can't thank you enough for sharing, I am not giving up, ever! oregonlady :hug::balloon:

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It will be 20 years this February that I cold turkeyed off .5 milligrams of Xanax that I was on for 2.5 years. It has been hell ever since. I was reading Mr. B’s story of healing after 12 years. I’ve really lost all hope of ever healing. This is why I rarely visit this forum. I REALLY don’t want to discourage others. I’m not the norm and have never heard of anyone taking this long. I’ve read many stories of healing over the years, and it’s kept me hanging on. It’s not that I haven’t seen any improvements, because I have. You know what they say, you have to look back to see how far you’ve come. I had Covid 2 years in a row the previous 2 Christmas’s. Thankfully this year it didn’t happen. It made everything worse than what it was prior. They say everybody heals, but I’m afraid that’s not the case with me. I’ve never even had one single day in 20 years of feeling normal. Only days when it was better, but still not good. I would have never dreamed this would be me 20 years later. And I’m thankful I didn’t know it would last this long, or I wouldn’t have made it early on. Just not sure what to think anymore 😥

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This is amazing news 😀 I'm so sorry it took you 12 years ❤️❤️❤️

 

May I ask, did you ever doubt that this was benzo related? 

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On 06/01/2024 at 22:49, [[H...] said:

We might all have some other issues going on?

Yep mine is hormonal…finally dealing with it after 10 years post w/d.  Never felt slight change till now.

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I've been checked out a whole bunch of times and get regular labs. For me it isn't anything else and it's the same for a lot of others. I know it's comforting to think that everyone who is really protracted has other problems or is drinking or something else, but some of us are doing all the right things without other health issues and just aren't healed yet. 

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