Jump to content

Five years free after a long taper and protracted withdrawal off of ativan.


[no...]

Recommended Posts

Hi all,

 

I just thought I would come in and give some hope.  I was a member of another forum but it is long gone now.  I did an 8 month taper straight off of Ativan using water titration and had a protracted hard hard withdrawal that lasted a little over 18 months once I was off but today, five years down the road I am here to tell you that I have absolutely NO symptoms and life is good.

 

Whatever comes to you.......hang in there.....you will be whole again.

 

NCJD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ahhhh I just did your introduction to benzobuddies. I am happy to see that you did share your story on our success board. I am so happy for you  :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi NCJD,

kind of you to come here, would even be kinder if you could spare

some time and tell us details about your recovery process,

thank you so much , you are giving lots of people hope. :)

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never thought that I would come back to a forum and post my whole story.  So far away from what I went through I have not been sure that I wanted to bring it up again but after speaking with a couple of people that I went through the whole thing with I decided this morning that my story may just help some of you.  So here is the whole story from beginning to end.

 

In the summer of  2002 I went through a divorce and became a single mom and the stress was horrible.  (I had two teenagers and a 7 year old who had to adjust to a whole new lifestyle)    I went to work for a large university and was managing fine until the winter when I was diagnosed with pneumonia.  It just didn't seem like I could heal and after two months of not feeling better I went to my doctor and he diagnosed me with depression and so began my journey into the land of many pills.  I had horrible side effects from every antidepressant that he gave me and within a 6 week period he put me on and off of 8 different meds and at that point I had huge anxiety issues but since I had never been depressed in my life and didn't know about anxiety I listened to the doctor and began taking 6mgs of Ativan (lorazepam) a day.  (divided in 6 doses through the day)  to "kill the anxiety" ...... I also learned through a blood test that I had not had pneumonia, I had mono from the Epstein Barr virus. (So I was not depressed but sick with mono)  I stayed on this until mother's day of 2007 when I woke up and was in horrible withdrawal because my memory was so bad from the Ativan that I had forgotten to take it the day before.  It was this day when my son who was 11 at the time brought me one of my "happy pills" and I took it and felt better and realized that these pills were killing me and I was addicted.    I did an online search and found a forum that discussed water titration and within a week I had ordered a cylinder, a high powered mixer and stockpiled my Ativan. (I was only taking 1 mg because I had forgotten to take the pills and made up my mind to only take as much as needed to keep the pain from the anxiety away) 

 

I started water titration in May of 2007 and was done on December 23rd 2008.  During my taper I had every symptom imaginable.....I had insomnia, increase anxiety, horrible DP/DR, perception issues (I fell down stairs, fell into elevators and walked like I had a disability)  I felt like my skin was crawling, had dark dark depression which made me have horrible death thoughts,  the worst thing though was that I had agoraphobia.  Through all of this I continued to work thanks to my daughter that came over (my oldest was now grown and living on her own) every morning to make me get up and walked me to my car.  (My safe spots were my home, my office and my car)  when I would get to work I would get out of my car and go as fast as I could to my office, shaking the entire way.  This continued in well after I was off the Ativan.  Little by little some of this started to level off and for about two years I was left with horrible anxiety, body pains and DP/DR.  My thought process was off and I had trouble recalling words at times.

 

Around the three year mark I realized that most of my symptoms were gone and these days I don't think about any of it unless I talk to someone that I met through this shared experience.  I no longer have anxiety, depression or any of the symptoms I lived with. 

 

If I had not lived through what I did I would never believe that this could happen.  I am much stronger than I ever imagined possible.

 

Feel free to PM me with questions......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

NCJD,

Thank you for sharing your story. I think I understand how you felt, hesitating to talk about it at this point. Im just over two years now, and have started to feel the same way. It is painful to re-live this stuff. It took me a long time to write my own Success Story, but when I finally did, I felt good finishing it. And I do like helping others through the process, even if talking about my own struggles isn't easy now.

 

I was amazed to read that you worked through all this! Good grief, that must have been hard to do. But - you did it!

Good for you. I wish you all the best in your new life.

east

:thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:smitten: Thank you for posting your success story.  :smitten:

 

I'm a mom of two young boys and working full time as a teacher. I'm 9 months out and never imagined my brain would still be in such a state. But it's a merry go round of confusion, depression, anxiety, dr, and the list goes on. Knowing that it can take so long, helps me to keep going.

 

You have spread a little light in the darkness. I hope you have lovely, lovely days.

Thanks,

Peace2

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so glad to hear your story, that you are now well. Good for you! I am ending 2 years away from kalonapin and i am hoping that this next year  brings forth a speedier end to this healing process. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thx for posting a success story.  It really is a big help to all of us behind you.  At what point did you notice life become manageable?  Was it wave and windows or gradual improvement? 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Drew,

 

When I first came off I wasn't feeling too bad and then at the three month mark I had a huge spike in symptoms which stayed pretty constant until around the 18 month mark.  At that point I began to notice that I was having bright clear days where I didn't even think about benzos or withdrawal.  As time went on those days became more frequent until the bad days were completely gone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello ncjd-

 

Thank you for coming back & sharing your story.

 

It gives me hope that this horrible nightmare will all go away one day.

 

It get discouraging when so much time goes by & we still suffer.

 

Have a nice day,

 

Bella :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Drew,

 

When I first came off I wasn't feeling too bad and then at the three month mark I had a huge spike in symptoms which stayed pretty constant until around the 18 month mark.  At that point I began to notice that I was having bright clear days where I didn't even think about benzos or withdrawal.  As time went on those days became more frequent until the bad days were completely gone.

 

Hello again

 

Thank you again for your words of hope on my thread..

 

Just wondering you said the symptoms where pretty constant until month 18 and mentioned 2 years on your introduction post and then said by 3 years all the symptoms where gone ?

 

What was left for you symptom wise between year 2 & 3 ? Was the worst over by 2 years if things started getting better just after month 18 ?

 

So when you say your a 5 year success story you just mean your now off 5 years but it did take no longer than 3 to fully recover ??

 

As East said I'm also amazed you could work, my DP DR is so bad I get lost going to the shop, I've lost count the times I've got lost and confused in my own neighbourhood, most of the time I don't even know what year or country I'm in so going out makes me a liability as when I'm out I spend the whole time wondering where I am or who I am..

 

You said on my thread you had DP DR as bad as me as you could see yourself in my description and its all gone, can you tell us in more detail about your transition back to Earth and Reality ??

 

I still can't imagine ever been the same again after living so long in this distorted alien reality so please give full detail as detail gives more hope?????

 

Thank you ever so kindly...

 

Woofs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Woofs,

 

    I have been off 5 years (will be 6 years at Christmas).  I was fully recovered at 3 years.  The symptoms I listed were all constant until around the 18 month mark and from then until the 3 year mark I dealt with DP/DR and memory problems mostly and some depression/sadness.  These things were not constant but waxed and waned after the18 month point. .... but the DP/DR was the last thing to leave.  For the last two, almost 3 years I have had absolutely no issues with anything related to Benzos.   

 

Working was not a simple thing during withdrawal but I had no choice and if it were not for my oldest daughter I never would have been able to do it.    Looking back I honestly don't know how I did it except that I always thought about my kids when I wanted to give up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for coming here to post your success story. It means a lot to read about someone who has recovered from this madness.

 

Your story is very inspiring and I wish you the best :smitten:

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for telling your horrific/inspirational story. I don't have kids, but reading that you kept going for yours brings tears to my eyes. You're an incredibly brave person. Enjoy your freedom!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
Thanks for coming here and telling your story. Did you have any physical symptoms, especially sensitivities to sound, light, smell etc.?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for writing your success story. I am happy to know you are fully recovered. Your experience has brought some light to those of us still tapering and in early recovery...thank you. Best to you...enjoy your new life!

Carita

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...
This is such a hopeful story!! I find it particularly helpful because I took ativan and tapered with it as well - I'm 6 months out and still suffering withdrawal and praying it will truly end for me too!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing your story.  The doctors seemed appalling incompetent and your daughter sounds like a Godsend.  YOU are amazing and brave.  It means so much to everybody here for you to take the time to tell the details of something you'd probably rather forget! :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Hi. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I did 8months taper and  now I am

19months free. I had a window a couple times but basically I am still bedridden.

I am so exhausted. Your story encouraged me.

I am waiting for recovery.

Thank you and have a nice day!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing.

 

I'm having a wave after nearly 2 months off, and it helps me to have some hope for the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...