Worse before it gets better!

This is a team effort with no one left behind!  We buddies have a strength that we probably never knew we had!  I am proud of myself for surviving this horror story and am thankful to have made so many wonderful friends.....not buddies, but friends🙏😍

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

 

We definitely are in this together, sometimes I wish there was a safe healing sanctuaries for med damaged people to go to and very caring and wise personnel to guide us though this instead of having to isolate and do this all by ourselves. Although I know that the fear of people is real in this one as well and seeing other people struggle can be triggering.

 

Do you guys experience a kind of urgency during these intense waves that you need to do something to make the situation better? Like your problem solving goes into overdrive trying to figure out what caused it and how to heal it.

 

I also wonder what is up with the planets or universe atm for so many of us getting slammed hard. Jeez. 

Wildling,  Sense of urgency, YES!  I even started a topic about that a while back.  I think it's the mental "akathisia".  Don't you hate that we now know all these terms?  We are so benzo-literate.

 

Something MUST be up with the universe!  I even have a friend who is very sensitive to energy, and she has been feeling the same thing.  An itchy dread.  There is something going on.  How common is it for everyone to be going through the exact same thing at the exact same time, even when we are all at different stages of recovery? 

 

Hang in there, we have to.  We just have to.  We've got to do this for each other. 

I think early on I had a very strong sense of urgency to fix myself, to make myself all better, but as the months have dragged on, I actually feel more relaxed about the whole recovery process.....why, because I know that there is no magic bullet that will fix me or make me better!  I am so aware now of the non-linear recovery pattern, that I am reassured that my recovery is happening with no help from me, except for eating well and staying away from alcohol .

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

I think early on I had a very strong sense of urgency to fix myself, to make myself all better, but as the months have dragged on, I actually feel more relaxed about the whole recovery process.....why, because I know that there is no magic bullet that will fix me or make me better!  I am so aware now of the non-linear recovery pattern, that I am reassured that my recovery is happening with no help from me, except for eating well and staying away from alcohol .

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

:smitten:

Hello Dear Kanoba!  How are you doing lately, any improvements with the head pain?  My headaches have lessened and I am thankful for that?

 

Thanks for the kisses, which I send back to you a million fold😘😘😘😘😘

 

Hugs,

 

GG

Wildling,  Sense of urgency, YES!  I even started a topic about that a while back.  I think it's the mental "akathisia".  Don't you hate that we now know all these terms?  We are so benzo-literate.

 

Something MUST be up with the universe!  I even have a friend who is very sensitive to energy, and she has been feeling the same thing.  An itchy dread.  There is something going on.  How common is it for everyone to be going through the exact same thing at the exact same time, even when we are all at different stages of recovery? 

 

Hang in there, we have to.  We just have to.  We've got to do this for each other.

 

Ah yes, we get to know all the wonderful terminology and half of the things we speak sounds so foreign to others  But it must be part of the akathisia. It is a sense of urgency like never before. Even in my life before benzos panic attacks the urgency was never quite on that level. It has made me think of going to hospitals multiple times a day. But the logic says there isn’t anything there for me. In windows I am able to reason a lot better even with intense symptoms that this is a healing process and that it will pass.

 

Maybe there’s some big energies around stirring up stuff to the surface to heal and make us lighter. I sure hope so. I am very much looking forward to the improved baseline after such an intense wave. Keep going, we are never alone and this too shall pass ❤️

 

 

I think early on I had a very strong sense of urgency to fix myself, to make myself all better, but as the months have dragged on, I actually feel more relaxed about the whole recovery process.....why, because I know that there is no magic bullet that will fix me or make me better!  I am so aware now of the non-linear recovery pattern, that I am reassured that my recovery is happening with no help from me, except for eating well and staying away from alcohol .

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

Thank you for sharing! I have had that feeling in my more manageable days where I feel like it is easier to reason with myself even if the symptoms are intense that this too shall pass and it is part of the too process. But when it gets this intense, I feel like the urgency comes back and there just isn’t any way to reason with it. I thing guardian was right that it is part of the mental akathisia and is a symptom in itself.

 

Hugs, hope and healing to you! ❤️

Wildling, That is EXACTLY how I feel!  I just texted a friend saying - "you know that feeling when you are having a panic attack and you have that urgent feeling like you have to get to the ER - I have that ALL THE TIME."  At least "normal" panic attacks subside.  This doesn't.  Also I can usually talk to myself too and keep this manageable, EXCEPT when I am in this state.  It's like I cannot access the better parts of my mind.  It completely overtakes me.  That's when we have to tell ourselves that it is all chemical.  Isn't it unlike anything you have ever felt before???

You are right GA, it's all chemical. I've been dealing with the same symptoms as you. We need to keep hard at it. What else can we do? We can't give up!

Did any of you CT? I guess I should read the signatures

Wildling, That is EXACTLY how I feel!  I just texted a friend saying - "you know that feeling when you are having a panic attack and you have that urgent feeling like you have to get to the ER - I have that ALL THE TIME."  At least "normal" panic attacks subside.  This doesn't.  Also I can usually talk to myself too and keep this manageable, EXCEPT when I am in this state.  It's like I cannot access the better parts of my mind.  It completely overtakes me.  That's when we have to tell ourselves that it is all chemical.  Isn't it unlike anything you have ever felt before???

 

I have this every single day for 90 percent of it, and night.

I did, CT.  Crap, is that why?

I did, CT.  Crap, is that why?

I ct too, just wondered, it's been really hard

GP forced me to CT against my will, said  as was low dose was just placebo effect. Just shows how bl***y clueless they are!!!!

Geeg!

 

At 26 months, working full time I place my healing into half weeks. The first half of the week I had to hide during my free time to rest my head, the second half of the  week I felt it lift a bit so cheers to that!

 

Thanks for asking my dear buddy.

 

kanoba

I want to thank you all for your thoughtful replies and I agree with everyone. I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply individually, I've been having a terrible day and it's been difficult to even look at my phone. Sending healing thoughts and love to everyone!

 

LiveLife

GP forced me to CT against my will, said  as was low dose was just placebo effect. Just shows how bl***y clueless they are!!!!

 

Mine said 0.5 ati was not enough to withdrawl off of

A number of us have been having really intense symptoms lately. Makes me wonder if this has gotten worse for us because we are getting to our final healing. I know for me I stopped having Windows after 9 months. So the last 10 and a half months I think I had barely a window. But the last month or so has been way more intense. I'm hoping all of us are getting near the final healing. Any thoughts?

 

LiveLife

 

I had an incredibly nasty wave recently, and was thinking the same thing. Interestingly enough I had a 6-7 hr window (the first in 3 yrs) not too long after. I kept thinking, "is this some sign that I'm close to healing?" The only previous windows I had (2) were in 2018, about 6 or 8 months out from jumping. I'm hoping for final healing for you and the rest of us, LiveLife!

Unladen soul,

 

Yes I certainly hope this would be the case for all of us. It would be such a wonderful blessing! I am really feeling worn out from the struggle. Good healing to you!

 

LiveLife

Do others experience cycling of intense symptoms in their current wave?? Like for example: every other day is bad with a capital B and then every other day is manageable but you still know you are in a wave. And during those bad days, you go from deep despair and depression (1-6 hours) to intense burning pain (1-6 hours) and then agitation and doom and gloom for 6-8 hours. And all of these are extremely intense.

Wildling,

 

Yes. I have been cycling. I'm in a wave and the wave gets even worse. And my symptoms seem to be cycling. Everything is just horrible right now! Hugs

Do others experience cycling of intense symptoms in their current wave?? Like for example: every other day is bad with a capital B and then every other day is manageable but you still know you are in a wave. And during those bad days, you go from deep despair and depression (1-6 hours) to intense burning pain (1-6 hours) and then agitation and doom and gloom for 6-8 hours. And all of these are extremely intense.

 

Yes exactly this, the agitation makes me warm and then I feel very irritated, at everything. I am always cycling.

Hello all, It's nice to see other people around the 12 to 24 months time frame since jumping. I jumped 17 months ago and I'm still experiencing withdrawal symptoms. My sxs have morphed from more physical to almost completely mental now. I'm experiencing intrusive looping thoughts. I have days that are better and days that are worse but really none that are symptom free. I pray that I'm close to total healing. Thanks everyone for the positivity and encouragement! It helps so much!!!

Thanks for your comment Fox.

 

Andy,

 

I had terrible chemical anxiety until about month 13 and then it went away. I had physical symptoms come and go but recently the physical symptoms have become much worse. I do have chemical fear and depression too. Hoping for Relief soon. We all need to turn the corner. Until then we just have to hang on., we will get through this!

 

LiveLife