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I have healed.


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I have healed.

 

I started to write a success story about two months ago (at 2 months off), but was so afraid that I would have another wave and have to retract the success. That didn’t happen. I am fine. It is time to write this story of hope for others.

 

I started tolerance withdrawal in February 2011 and I was off the drugs on June 22, 2012. It is now November, 2012 and it is done. It was a long haul. I didn’t believe it would ever go away. It was so hard doing the taper, even though I knew that cold turkey would be worse, because when I started out, I was cut by about ½ my dosage all at once by my doctor and it was horrible. It is so hard to know that there is no way out except tapering. However, having said that, once I had a plan, I could stick to it and that helped. Eventually it ended. In the last month of June, I had a bad month, getting only 3 hours sleep each night. I jumped sooner than I had originally planned, by about 2 months, because I just didn’t think I would stabilize at all. It was a good thing to do; stopping the drug when I did as I did stabilize very quickly after it was out of my system.

 

Withdrawal was awful. I had the whole range of symptoms, went to the doctor a few times for dizziness, thyroid and blood pressure problems. Over that year and a half, I got so many of the symptoms; you can read back on some of my posts to see. I only mention this because every time I read a success story, I wondered, “Did that person really have the problems that I do and no longer has them?” I expect now, that he or she did have them and healed, the way I have.

 

The good news; it has all gone away. All of it except a couple of things. I will mention these just so I am totally honest. I have tinnitus still, but only when I am really tired, maybe only a couple of hours every few days. It is gone most of the time. I do have minimal insomnia. The insomnia does not come with anxiety – so I can be up at night for a couple of hours and it really doesn’t bother me. When I think back about how groggy I was every morning when I was on benzos, this is much better. I sleep less but it is a wonderful, restful sleep and it is all the sleep I need. My memory is better. My mood is happier. I am focused on each day as I am living it.

 

Benzo withdrawal is about coming off a drug.  It is not about an ill brain. It is so hard to believe that when you have the problems and all the symptoms, but it is really true. The symptoms really go away.  I can’t say that enough for you who will read this. It all goes away. It is a drug that changes the brain in horrible ways, but with time and care, the effects go away and the brain heals. I wish hope and healthy healing for all of you.

 

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:clap: :clap: :hug:  This was the one Success Story I have been waiting for, I knew it was coming.  Oh dear Hanna, I'm so happy for you.  Actually a few tears welled in my eyes when I saw it.  What wonderful, wonderful news.  I pray and pray for each and every bbs on this site, and when it actually occurs, and it always will, my heart swells and my eyes tears.  You are a very strong woman Hanna, a wonderful sense of humor (the Chicken Stories with you and PJ. :laugh: :laugh:), a great walker/hiker  :thumbsup:, a wonderful photographer!!!

 

Well dear Hanna, you won the benzo battle, the war, and you HAVE YOUR LIFE BACK!  Congratulations!  A big hug to you!  I know your dear Brodie is so very proud of you!  Lots of love, Pattylu

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Hi Pattylu,

I am so glad you are the first reader of my success story!  Some of my easiest moments here were following the novel in the West on the ranch with all the characters that you had PJ made. I so enjoyed that. Those people were so alive for me.

There were so many of us who have been on this journey together. I want to read all the success stories as soon as possible.

I don't have the right words to say thank you for all the support through this, as it is an overwhelming thought that so many were with us as we moved through.

I wasn't kidding that the symptoms are gone.

Take care, dear friend!

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hanna,

 

I am so thrilled to read your success story!!  You deserve all the good things that life can bring you, a life free from benzos, a new found freedom.

 

I remember the funny jokes that were bantered around last summer, a little humor in an otherwise painful and difficult period.

 

There are some amazing people here on this forum, you are one of them.

 

Hugs,

 

pianogirl  :smitten: :smitten:

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Hi Pianogirl,

And you are another of the amazing people in this group. I remember you giving me hope that my post-benzo voice could be like my pre-benzo voice.  My chronic sore throat is totally gone, but to be honest, I think I am best singing to myself in the shower or along the beach (with huge, loud waves crashing in the background). Whatever the voice; I am glad I feel like singing again!

I have so enjoyed your talk about your students and how they are doing. I bet you are just the best music teacher they could have! It is so brave to keep going through this and giving of yourself while you are doing it. You have had a hard road with some very sad times in the last year. I am so hoping there are better things for you coming up.

Thank you for all your care here on the forum, too. It is so important to us all.

Hugs to you, too.

Hanna

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Hi hanna, :)

 

You did it!  I am so proud of you, my gentle friend from Canada.  We had some good times, that's for sure.  Who would have thought that we would have gotten acquainted because of a discussion about chickens on the 'chicken thread'. 

 

I think the hardest part about being on this forum is when folks move on.  I am happy for them, but when people we have gotten to know, and have so many fond memories of, are ready to leave, it feels like a little piece of us goes with them.  I guess for all of us there comes the time when we gotta turn the page, and start a new chapter in our lives.

 

I wish you the best of everything, hanna.   

 

pj     

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Hi PJ,

 

We have had some good times. I think the chicken thread stands out, for sure. I just remember driving in to town after posting on that thread. I was so new and nervous about being on an on-line forum. I just really thought "What if he was serious? This poor guy, going through withdrawal, meandering onto a benzo website and wondering if someone there could help him with chickens. How awful is that and here I am thinking it is sort of funny and maybe it is not. And really, I know nothing about chickens, really." Fortunately, you are okay and probably could raise chickens if you really wanted to do so, but I guess you are getting on with your life.

 

Then you had us build a house and took us the gentle wild west. Then you had us thinking more than we thought we could, with all of your questions - questions of trivia, maybe, but so full of fun to take away the thoughts of withdrawal.

 

Thanks for all your support and all your interesting thinking that has made this journey easier than it would otherwise have been. I really, really appreciate it.

 

I am not planning on moving away too quickly, although I am not in need of the valuable support I have received here, just don't want to say goodbye to friends quite yet.

 

Take care,

Hanna

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Hi Spunky,

Thank you. I have been blessed. One of the invaluable things for me has been to be here on benzobuddies and giving and receiving support. I hope that you heal well as you move through this.

Hanna

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To the Benzobuddies Team,

You are the best. What can I say to show you the thanks I have for all you have done for me and everyone else on this forum? From the first kind, incredibly helpful greeting from Pamster almost two years ago, to reading all your kind thoughts to the people introducing themselves, I feel fortunate that you are all there. Each of us needs energy to heal and you have put some of that energy into helping others. That strength of spirit is absolutely amazing. Know that you are making big differences to people who are here.

Thank you.

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This is awesome to read this morning, Hanna! The gift of hope you have provided by taking the time to share the best part of this journey...when the symptoms stop. Amazing!

 

As you think over your recovery, would you mind posting what perhaps where the top say 3 crucial recovery techniques that helped you get here is relatively quick fashion?

 

Again, thank you for posting this and well done!

 

Sarah :smitten:

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Hi Sarah,

 

I am glad this helped make your morning awesome!!

 

You have asked a very, very important question......top 3 crucial recovery techniques.  For me, from where I sit right now;

 

First, for me, was having a plan for the taper. I was in so much turmoil trying to figure out how to cut and measure and when to cut. I finally got a plan with small dosages from a compounding pharmacist. I decided to hold for a minimum of a week, then took it from there. I tried to realize it was just going to be hard to cut and tried not to worry about the fact that I hadn't stabilized and just came moving through. Just accepting that I wasn't going to feel fine each taper helped me to accept it. I found that made a difference, because at the beginning I was just so wrapped up in when to taper and how much.

 

Second, being here. I really need support, but there are no benzo withdrawal groups in your local church hall. So being here and posting and reading and supporting was so important to me. I can't tell you how important to talk with others who were there walking through this with me. I fought it at first because being on line like this was scary. I have never used the internet like this before, but I am so fully in support of it. I wish the world was totally a good place, so we could really use our names, but although I totally trust people here, I know that it is best not to have my personal details out for the world to see.

 

Thirdly, I tried to deal with each symptom as it came along. Some things were really worth trying: I tried zzz-glasses at night and blue light in the morning to get my sleep cycle corrected. Not perfect at all, but better. I took long baths for the achy body. I tried to avoid stress. I did not take any drugs to deal with the symptoms, except advil for the headaches; although I did try benadryl a couple of times hoping for sleep and caffeine in the morning to get me going - those were really big mistakes. So trying to work on making the pain less was good, but doping up was bad. When the symptoms weren't bad, I tried to do what I could - exercise, get outside, read. Not always possible, but really important.

 

Take care, Sarah.

 

Hanna

 

 

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To the Benzobuddies Team,

You are the best. What can I say to show you the thanks I have for all you have done for me and everyone else on this forum? From the first kind, incredibly helpful greeting from Pamster almost two years ago, to reading all your kind thoughts to the people introducing themselves, I feel fortunate that you are all there. Each of us needs energy to heal and you have put some of that energy into helping others. That strength of spirit is absolutely amazing. Know that you are making big differences to people who are here.

Thank you.

 

hanna,

 

Thank you so much for this. I think I speak for the entire team when I say this is a labor of love.  All of us on the team have received so much care, kindness and encouragement from those that have come before us that it is indeed a pleasure for us to give back.  This forum has been a lifeline for me and I really want this lifeline to continue for others. 

 

Yes, I have had a few challenges as of late, but there are many who have so many more issues and difficulties that make mine seem minor and insignificant.  I think the real test of healing is going through the tough periods of life and feeling normal emotions and pains rather than the pains and emotions of withdrawal.  So far I'm passing the test, this week and next week will be tough but I feel pretty strong and hopeful.

 

I remember trivia as well, I learned a  lot!  :D

 

pianogirl

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Good luck to you Hannah!  Every person's success story feels like a victory for all of us still healing as well.  Thanks for taking the time to post this.  It is very reassuring and validating.

 

Take care,

TG

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Hi Turtlegirl,

You have words of wisdom. It is a success for all of us. I could not ever, ever have done this without the group here supporting me and helping me and explaining things (especially tapering and symptoms and waves and windows) to me. I think it is time for a virtual party! I am glad it is reassuring and validating for you. I know when I was in the thick of withdrawal it was so good to read success stories. I so wanted to contribute me story to that group. It is so hard when we are in it, isn't it. Take care, my friend.

Hanna

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Congratulations on your successful healing and journey through this.

It is an inspiration to read when someone makes it through to the other side.

Thank you for sharing your story here.

All the best for a long, happy and healthy life!!

XOX

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Hey hanna,

 

A huge congratulations to you! It is an absolute triumph that you were able to heal from a relatively high dose of klonopin in less than 5 months since finishing your taper. You are such a strong person and so many people here will draw inspiration from your success.  :)

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Hope56 and aDickTed,

Thank you both. Yes, it was a relatively high dosage for a long period of time. I was pretty worried when I realized what it meant - the amount and the time, but it all worked out.

I hope you both do well as you move through this.

Hanna

 

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Congratulations Hanna, to read of a long term user healing brings much comfort, i have been on 22 years and still tapering but getting there and doing well.

 

Well done on getting free and healing, not an easy journey by any means but you did it, that is huge and i hope life gets better and better for you as you move forward.

 

Thank you for sharing your positive news, many need to hear these stories as you know, so much appreciated and most happy for you.

 

Oscar

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Hi Oscar,

I know the feeling about needing to read the success stories. I poured over them and looked for people "like me" who had been on them for a very long time, because I was so afraid the symptoms would never end. I know you are dealing with a long haul - 22 years. It is hard, isn't it, but I can truly say that it does go away. How are you doing right now?

Hanna

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Dear Hanna,

 

Yours is the success story I read before I sign off to sleep tonight.  I'm so happy for you.  How wonderful you must be feeling.  I can't wait til the day I'm able to write word inspiring to others as you have done.  Please keep us posted on your recovery, I love when people keep coming back and posting updates.

 

Go out and enjoy your new life,

 

Healing to you and to all of us,

Sally  :angel:

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Hi Hanna and congratulations.  Succes stories are so important to the rest of us.  I was wondering how your sleep has evolved over the last few months.  I jumped off xanax 2 weeks ago after 7 years of use.  My symptoms are minimal as anxiety is not an issue (except for sleep), head fog has cleared and feel better as far as that goes.  However, my sleeop remains an issue.  It ghas improved since the worst of my taper when I was consistently getting 2-3 hrs.  Now I get about 4 sometimes 5.  I always seem to wakeup after 4 ghours and have difficulty getting back to sleep.  It sounds like you are doing well.  Very happy for you.  Good luck to everyone and Happy Holidays.
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Hi Stillbelieving,

Thank you. I know I read success stories through this, too. I hope you continue to heal. I can tell you that having gone through this and having come past it, I can't believe the difference after coming off the drug.

Hanna

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