Friend insisting I updose

My good friend just called to insist I go back on meds.  We both independently got introduced to benzos by the same local doc at different times.  Mine was for stress related insomnia (didn't know what lorazepam was or that it was a benzo).  Was very ignorant and just trusted the doctor.  I jumped off quick and seemed to be fine (though looking back I can see how it altered me slightly with mood and stress response / irritability).  I thought that was it and no problems until I ended up going back to the doc for more stress related insomnia.  This guy never once explained what I was getting into or discussed the FDA warning.

 

My friend's intro to benzos was during Covid.  He ended up on a high dose of Xanax fairly consistently.  He's gone up and down but hasn't stabilized for long.  He went CT about 8 months ago from at least 2mg X and seemed to do ok but was going back to the doc multiple times a month (paying him cash every time) for all these mysterious ailments.  Doc has played mad scientist with him putting him on various different SSRIs, Remeron, and more.  He finally broke down and went back on Xanax about the same time I took my recent doses in Feb this year.  I told him he needed to taper and come to BB but he refuses.  He 'trusts the professionals'. 

 

I am not disparaging him because he is a great guy from a great background and genuinely cares about me.  He is just a good friend.  He sees that I've been dysfunctional since my CT and is concerned for me.  Conversely I can see he is relying on this doc and all the meds to try to find a sense of stability.  He spent 30 minutes today insisting I go on K or V to taper back down.  Meanwhile he tells me the doc switched him to 2.5 mg K.  He then said he would switch to 5mg Valium to start a taper.  I tried to get him to see that was a huge reduction but alas he will 'go with the professionals'. 

 

I told him I expect to be dysfunctional for some time but don't want to go back on meds.  I've already suffered for 3 months and going back on just puts me back at square one.  I'll have to come off them again at some point or spend the rest of my life stuck on them terrified my doc will retire or the laws will change, let alone the falls and car accidents and other goodies that come along with long term use. 

 

He told me doc offered to switch him to Oxazepam.  This doc is just throwing everything at him.  I told him I read stories on BB about Oxazepam and that its no different than any other bezno, and that he's just compounding his future problems by mixing and switching all the time.  He said he will go with the professionals rather than the 'kids on the internet'. 

 

In theory his position is the acceptable one, but in practice it is the erroneous attitude that led many of us here.  It was hard for me to stick to my guns, knowing that he has some relief and is functioning better now.  But I can't see this ending well and that makes me worried for him. 

 

What an awful predicament for all of us to be in.  Our system needs a massive overhaul. 

 

J

Perhaps you could suggest your friend Drs Witt-Doerring? Yhey are professionals but do understand. But I get you on the not knowing it was a benzo thing. I ended up here the same. I had refused halcion and zolpidem, I went to the doctor and then therapists to ask WHY I was so off and not sleeping well but hyper and then they recommended rivotril when I said nothing addictive/habit forming. Should have stuck with the nothing at all. My patient rights have been violated so immensely it is insane.

It is insane.  We are the informed ones and treated like mental patients.  It is endemic to western culture IMO.  Blind unquestioning faith in 'professionals' that paid handsomely for their degree and the status that comes along with it. 

 

They get to be ignorant and arrogant and just expect everyone to defer to them.  When you push back you get categorized and treated accordingly.  Of course not all doctors, but the fact they have been poisoning unsuspecting patients for 50 years with zero accountability shows just how broken our culture has become.  They are influenced by the manufacturers who paid big money to skew clinical trial results in order hide the realities from the prescribers and patients. 

 

Current events in the west show the outcome of this celebrity / professional culture.  It doesn't look promising. 

 

Rant over.

 

 

It is insane.  We are the informed ones and treated like mental patients.  It is endemic to western culture IMO.  Blind unquestioning faith in 'professionals' that paid handsomely for their degree and the status that comes along with it. 

 

They get to be ignorant and arrogant and just expect everyone to defer to them.  When you push back you get categorized and treated accordingly.  Of course not all doctors, but the fact they have been poisoning unsuspecting patients for 50 years with zero accountability shows just how broken our culture has become.  They are influenced by the manufacturers who paid big money to skew clinical trial results in order hide the realities from the prescribers and patients. 

 

Current events in the west show the outcome of this celebrity / professional culture.  It doesn't look promising. 

 

Rant over.

 

To be honest I didn't even have faith in them and already closed the door to western medicine but my dad got scared and still trusted that doctor and was very naive about these things and I took them for him/because of him. It's a family tragedy.

It is insane.  We are the informed ones and treated like mental patients.  It is endemic to western culture IMO.  Blind unquestioning faith in 'professionals' that paid handsomely for their degree and the status that comes along with it. 

 

They get to be ignorant and arrogant and just expect everyone to defer to them.  When you push back you get categorized and treated accordingly.  Of course not all doctors, but the fact they have been poisoning unsuspecting patients for 50 years with zero accountability shows just how broken our culture has become.  They are influenced by the manufacturers who paid big money to skew clinical trial results in order hide the realities from the prescribers and patients. 

 

Current events in the west show the outcome of this celebrity / professional culture.  It doesn't look promising. 

 

Rant over.

 

…… in a nutshell.

 

Accurate, controlled rant.

It is insane.  We are the informed ones and treated like mental patients.  It is endemic to western culture IMO.  Blind unquestioning faith in 'professionals' that paid handsomely for their degree and the status that comes along with it. 

 

They get to be ignorant and arrogant and just expect everyone to defer to them.  When you push back you get categorized and treated accordingly.  Of course not all doctors, but the fact they have been poisoning unsuspecting patients for 50 years with zero accountability shows just how broken our culture has become.  They are influenced by the manufacturers who paid big money to skew clinical trial results in order hide the realities from the prescribers and patients. 

 

Current events in the west show the outcome of this celebrity / professional culture.  It doesn't look promising. 

 

Rant over.

 

To be honest I didn't even have faith in them and already closed the door to western medicine but my dad got scared and still trusted that doctor and was very naive about these things and I took them for him/because of him. It's a family tragedy.

 

That's got to be tough on you. Your instincts were correct and you were pushed into it by the one person who could.  I'm sure your dad has a lot of grief about what happened.  That doesn't help you though. 

 

I had a 'nervous breakdown' when I was your age and my family dropped me off in a hospital that dehumanized me and pumped me full of drugs.  All I needed was space to calm down and process the very real trauma I was going through.  But instead I got tackled and injected with drugs and treated like an inmate for weeks. 

 

Upon discharge I tossed all the meds in a trashcan on the way out.  I opted to quit drinking and start jogging.  All the 'professionals' told me I was going to end up back there if I didn't take their meds.  That was 26 years ago.  Since then I prospered and had a great life with no meds and no doctor visits. 

 

Never had another issue until I went to my local GP for assistance sleeping due to stress induced insomnia.  I specifically avoided psychiatry due to my first experience.  I had never encountered benzos before.  I knew to avoid Xanax but didn't think to look up what lorazepam was when he prescribed it.  That was my failing but I was naive to think docs weren't shrinks and thought they couldn't / wouldn't prescribe pych meds.

 

My friend called me again last night and insisted I go back to a doctor for a 2nd opinion.  His faith in the 'system' was starting to annoy me.  I told him about the 1000's of stories in here and the many doctors on youtube that all say the same thing.  How would some random doctor I found on google have anymore insight or wisdom than the docs I watch on youtube who specialize in benzo recovery and the people in here who are living it? 

 

He is struggling with updosing and switching benzos.  In the last week he has gone from 2-3mgs of X to flying across the world to his home country and there switching to liquid klonopin and valium.  He says he wants me to go to a doctor because I have been dysfunctional.  Yet I think its all his doctor visits that has him strung out on different benzos and SSRIs.  I told him to get to a stable dose and start a gradual taper. He says he's going to find another doctor for his 'expert' opinion. 

 

Experts will be the death of us all unless we wise up.  They are humans like the rest of us except they tend toward arrogance more often. 

 

You will recover and go on to lead a wonderful life.  I know you have been knocked down and feel a huge loss but life is like that though.  When I was in the hospital at your age I thought my life was over.  It was just beginning. 

It is insane.  We are the informed ones and treated like mental patients.  It is endemic to western culture IMO.  Blind unquestioning faith in 'professionals' that paid handsomely for their degree and the status that comes along with it. 

 

They get to be ignorant and arrogant and just expect everyone to defer to them.  When you push back you get categorized and treated accordingly.  Of course not all doctors, but the fact they have been poisoning unsuspecting patients for 50 years with zero accountability shows just how broken our culture has become.  They are influenced by the manufacturers who paid big money to skew clinical trial results in order hide the realities from the prescribers and patients. 

 

Current events in the west show the outcome of this celebrity / professional culture.  It doesn't look promising. 

 

Rant over.

 

To be honest I didn't even have faith in them and already closed the door to western medicine but my dad got scared and still trusted that doctor and was very naive about these things and I took them for him/because of him. It's a family tragedy.

 

That's got to be tough on you. Your instincts were correct and you were pushed into it by the one person who could.  I'm sure your dad has a lot of grief about what happened.  That doesn't help you though. 

 

I had a 'nervous breakdown' when I was your age and my family dropped me off in a hospital that dehumanized me and pumped me full of drugs.  All I needed was space to calm down and process the very real trauma I was going through.  But instead I got tackled and injected with drugs and treated like an inmate for weeks. 

 

Upon discharge I tossed all the meds in a trashcan on the way out.  I opted to quit drinking and start jogging.  All the 'professionals' told me I was going to end up back there if I didn't take their meds.  That was 26 years ago.  Since then I prospered and had a great life with no meds and no doctor visits. 

 

Never had another issue until I went to my local GP for assistance sleeping due to stress induced insomnia.  I specifically avoided psychiatry due to my first experience.  I had never encountered benzos before.  I knew to avoid Xanax but didn't think to look up what lorazepam was when he prescribed it.  That was my failing but I was naive to think docs weren't shrinks and thought they couldn't / wouldn't prescribe pych meds.

 

My friend called me again last night and insisted I go back to a doctor for a 2nd opinion.  His faith in the 'system' was starting to annoy me.  I told him about the 1000's of stories in here and the many doctors on youtube that all say the same thing.  How would some random doctor I found on google have anymore insight or wisdom than the docs I watch on youtube who specialize in benzo recovery and the people in here who are living it? 

 

He is struggling with updosing and switching benzos.  In the last week he has gone from 2-3mgs of X to flying across the world to his home country and there switching to liquid klonopin and valium.  He says he wants me to go to a doctor because I have been dysfunctional.  Yet I think its all his doctor visits that has him strung out on different benzos and SSRIs.  I told him to get to a stable dose and start a gradual taper. He says he's going to find another doctor for his 'expert' opinion. 

 

Experts will be the death of us all unless we wise up.  They are humans like the rest of us except they tend toward arrogance more often. 

 

You will recover and go on to lead a wonderful life.  I know you have been knocked down and feel a huge loss but life is like that though.  When I was in the hospital at your age I thought my life was over.  It was just beginning.

 

Thank you, jonyob. It just sucks. My intuition has never been wrong before but in 2022 I just failed to follow it multiple times in a row. I was managing very well and very positive about the cortisone withdrawal. I would have been an easy case. However, this sidetracked me completely and jt feels like before I was fighting for myself and my life and now it feels like it is over for real with my black brain. All over clogged ears and someone else's impatience. And he only learned the word neurologist two months ago omg. It feels to me like cortisone was my lesson to learn and I was looking for ways to learn about boundaries and self improvement. I was done with career and ready to take a burnout year/gap year, it took two months to find support in that. Then I finally got it and not even a week in ended up on this crap so instead of healing I've been damaged more. I had figured everything out the best plan of action and what was happening to me in 6 weeks time. I was impressive. And this still happened because it overwhelmed me and I went too far. I could have been such a beautiful year, instead I'm fighting a fight that feels due to my parents' bad characteristics and me not having moved out yet than anything else.

 

Good luck to you too!