3 year check-in: still cns sensitivity, but living a full life

Hey buddies,

 

It’s been approximately three years since I completed a rapid taper from valium, so I’m checking-in to chart my progress. In some ways, I’m very functional and the healing process has made me more purposeful, emotionally healthy and connected to others than I’ve ever been. As I write, I’ve traveled to Los Angeles to join the writers’ strike and I’m staying with friends and family. I spend hours every day meeting new people and walking non-stop on the picket lines. None of this would have been possible earlier in recovery and I appreciate the significant progress I’ve made.

 

The remaining sx’s are mostly mental and (I think) they stem from being in low-grade fight-or-flight most of the time. Insomnia, difficulty with sitting still and concentration, sensitivity to stress (particularly with work), difficulty being alone for extended periods of time, low mood. When I’m visiting friends and family I can manage this, but when I’m back in Germany, where I’m more isolated, the panic spirals come more easily. So I’m trying to figure out how to take care of myself as my cns continues to heal.

 

I didn’t think I’d still be healing at three years and, if I’m honest, sometimes I’m frustrated by my own feelings of fragility. And, at the same time, from the beginning I committed to using this time to focus on my wellbeing and I appreciate the personal growth that’s come with that. Thanks for reading.

I wish you were fully recovered by now but it looks like you’re not letting that stop you from engaging in life.  I don’t blame you for being frustrated though, this has gone of for far too long.

Thank you for telling your story. I was not here on BB when you started your journey, but I am inspired by how far you have come.  I agree with Pamster; it has been too long. I know some members have reported significant healing in years three and four. I have read those success stories. I am hopeful that you will continue to improve as you are now in this stage of healing and reporting so much progress.

 

Traveling, staying with loved ones, being in the energy of a strike and being able to do that is serious recovery goals. You are connected with purpose and able to be in an environment with so much stimulus. I am glad that you are able to participate in life again.

 

I hope you are writing about all of this...please pitch an article if you have not already...use your craft to make changes to awareness so that other people are not harmed like we were.

Thank you Rebecca and Pamster for your encouragement. And at some point I do hope to write about this experience in a way that helps others avoid this pain. I suspect there’s an escalating silent epidemic of folks leaning on benzos and prescription sleep aids to cope with *gestures broadly at everything* and those of us who are recovering can make a meaningful difference in that.

 

And yeah, it’s odd to on the one hand be very functional, as in having the ability to walk, talk and even sing karaoke on a public street all day, and then to be reminded that I’m still recovering. The insomnia, the anhedonia, the akathisia. Though tbh I kinda think being on a strike line has helped with the constant need to move lol. But yeah, since I don’t know how long it will take my cns to get to a ground state I’m just trying to live a balance between being gentle with myself and pushing myself to life a full life. Y’alls encouragement really helps.