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Relationships... Good or Bad?


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It seems very common for people going through withdrawl to lose their job. Im part of that club.

 

I was wondering if anyone has lost relationships? Or has a relationship been helpful to you?

 

My ability to maintain a romantic relationship is rough. I pretty well burned the last bridge with someone i cared alot about recently. The ups and downs just make me into a different person.

 

 

Curious what your experiences are

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Right there with you. I've lost jobs and relationships (friendships and romantic ones). I couldn't maintain a single relationship in my life -- even one with family -- although a select few of really, really close and long lasting friends did tolerate me. I do believe a relationship would have been beneficial, but my interpersonal communication was so poor that no one could be around me.

 

Slowly, like molasses, it's turning around. I expect about another six months before I really start to date. Although I'm only recently jumped off and have to be a realist that things can change for me. It's frustrating. We all deserve someone in those capacities.

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I lost most of my friends. I only started taking this and immediately withdrawing in October. The relationships with my family is awful. This not only ruined my life and future but also that of my long distance boyfriend who is devastated.
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I lost most of my friends. I only started taking this and immediately withdrawing in October. The relationships with my family is awful. This not only ruined my life and future but also that of my long distance boyfriend who is devastated.

 

And Cocodot -- after only 12 days of use. Wow. Did you post somewhere how the corticosteroid withdrawal affected everything for you?

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I lost my job and relationship. Was just not able to communicate and angry. Can't blame her, but it doesn't help thinking about her and imagining a life on my own. Back with my parents at the moment
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Yes, many times cause it is part of my looping thoughts but since you asked, I will post again and hope not to offend anyone :)

 

So I got cortisone for clogged ears. I had minimal ear pressure difference. I was abroad and it was an old private doctor, so called the best in the area. My GP confirmed the cortisone but she is also old and clearly crazy. She made me take it longer at higher dose because of the flight back. So to say to not get any hearing loss or tinnitus so I thought this is important. I did not realize it was a strong hormone. I never handled hormones so I shouldn't have accepted it and inquired more. I didn't want to be difficult. I was on a different continent on my own. There was a language barrier. Etc.

 

I was on 40 mg!!! 40!!! for 3 weeks and then the doctor tapered me in 1 week time when I already had symptoms: vomiting and sleepiness. I did not know about tapering, I never knew you could be sick from a med after you stopped taking it. The timing of everything was so so off to realize in time it was the meds because the family I stayed at got a little flue, someone had a fever, so although I had never ever vomited like that before in my life I thought I had food poisoning (being on different cuisine the whole time) or the flue as one of the people had a fever. But then I got a bit hyper and suddenly craved sugary candies (I never eat candied, never liked it, not even as a kid) and I even bought something through fb ads (never ever ever would do that in my life) so got a bit more impulsive. But then I was better for a few days. Not realizing the whole windows and waves thing. The transatlantic flight back home was tough, I didn't sleep at all and during my layover I puked again for 4 hours and had diarrea. I thought it was the airplane food or something. After I was okay, just exhausted. I arrived home and cleared my ears well on the flights so we were all relieved. That night in bed I got EXTREMELY loud tinnitus. So the timing was horrible again. Because I thought it was from the ear pressure difference. I got clogged ear feeling still even though I was on these meds to clear it so to say. I got tight neck and jaws and fluttering eardrums. I got intrusive thoughts a little bit thinking "this will never go away" and stuff like that. This was all before tapering the meds. Then I innocently tapered in one week time. I felt weird. I had panic attacks for the first time in my life. I was extremely impulsive stuck in fight/flight. I was not sleeping well but I was hyper and able to continuously work and socialize so I didn't understand. Normally after a bad night I am dead. I am useless. Now I was doing everything and my thoughts went fast. I looked up everything and studied tinnitus. I hid in the dressing as it was the quietest room in the house and I downloaded this app to measure decibells and I did like 30 online hearing tests a day. That is so not me. I know realize it was a bit withdrawal OCD. The hearing tests at the ENT's were within normal bounds, I had better hearing than an 8 yo old. But I also had light hyperacusis. No pain but certain sounds were annoying. And sometimes I cried. I was higher in anxiety than I ever have been. The impulsiveness and suggestibility is what destroyed me and led me to benzos. I wasn't pleased with the doctor telling me my hearing was fine cause I had felt a crack and knew my hearing was less in my leaf side than before. Yes, I am that sensitive that I felt it. I went to my GP who knew me my entire life multiple times crying that I felt something was off and that I was not feeling okay. She didn't want to give a burnout diagnosis or explain the withdrawal or anything. She gave me pills for panic and vomiting (sulpiride and papaverine, dafalgan codeine and alcohol) for the vomiting and told me hop tomorrow back to work. I worked 12 hours a day in academia. I didn't take them as I had asked for a psychologist recommendation but she said I didn't need that. I expressed I thought I did. Anyway. The weird sense of judgement/suggestibility was the scariest. I tried to find random psychotherapists online. I contacted a center with a psychiatrist who did hypnosis and psychotherapy and focusing as they could also give you sick leave, only she did not have space. I wanted to discuss what happened with a 'professional' and work on acceptance and gratitude and being better at setting boundaries. I got a phone call from someone else at her center that had space for a new patient so I met him. He said weird things like not believing in highly sensitive people being neurologically wired differently and he focused the entire time on my childhood, which I was not there for, but I did not realize he was that bad cause I was in a good mood. Later turns out he wasn't even a psychologist. Anyway, my intentions were clear there. The second session he pushed for sleeping meds as I said I was a bit weird being so hyper and not sleeping that well but totally functional. I said I was uncomfortable with that. He kept pushing stating he normally isn't for meds either but because I was not sleeping for some weeks he really found it important and that just resting/napping is not getting proper REM sleep lol. I left it. In a weird wave I went crying to my GP again stating "I don't understand, I just want to understand what's going on with me, something is wrong. I don't know what to do. Now this therapist is telling me to take sleeping meds." and she prescribed me halcion with the vague words 'not to get stuck on it'. Afterwards I felt a bit weird she did that. The pharmacist stopped it saying it was addictive and hadn't been prescribed in 20 years and definitely not to young people and at this crazy doses (she prescribed double the dosage because otherwise it didn't last enough). So obviously I did not trust the doctor anymore and didn't want to take it. I searched further and went to another therapy center where they offered relaxation exercises and CBT. There was a questionnaire. I had said I was sleeping not so well but I was okay with it (I also thought it was just tinnitus, jetlag, heatwave combo) and that I didn't want to take anything addictive for it like halcion, I didn't trust it. The audiologist who was very young and unknowledgeable recommended on a piece of paper to ask for rivotril 5-20 drops as their participants are good with that. Not being honest about what it was and also not being honest that they recommend this particular product because of tinnitus, not sleeping. I left it cause I was fine imo. I did a QEEG because I wanted to understand and felt something was wrong with my brain. That neuroscientist said I had anxiety, depression and asked if I had ADD which I had never had before. However, I realized I had been impulsive so I specifically asked can this be because of the cortisone? But he said no cause they care about cortisol not cortizone BUT cortisone impacts your cortisol levels!!! So I left there confused. But also relieved. My dad asked what to do and I said I don't know (yet). I was thinking about it and basically realized it was the cortizone but could,'t fully grasp and express it yet. My sleep had gotten better that week. I had two 8 hour nights so I lied in bed and said I've got this and I don't want to see these doctors and so called experts again. I also had acupuncture working for me and started craniosacral therapy and he would have helped with sleep. What I did not notice was that those visits that gave me insight and calmed me down had riled my dad up and he lost it entirely and panicked. He got so upset that he rushed me back to that same GP I didn't want to see anymore and asked what to do. I was angry and stressed because of her and because they started drilling in the office so I got nervous because of the hyperacusis. I got in a (small) wave and got an anxiety attack in the office and said things like "I cannot walk around like this for years, I'm off" and "I don't understand what's going on" and "this therapist now cannot help me". She said I needed to give that person the chance to help me but I meant that he was not a good therapist, I just couldn't express properly. She said I had just tinnitus and had to make it small and it never made sense I made it a whole body thing, but it was never just tinnitus, I had tinnitus because of withdrawal. I made her annoyed at her by blurting out that I was angry she just prescribed me halcion and that that was not cool. My dad did not read the room right because I was waiting for her reaction but he took over and asked about this other therapy center that recommended rivotril and what it was and whether it was safe. She prescribed it while I was saying I didn't want anything habit forming or anything attacking my CNS. My dad drove me as I don't have a license and he stopped at another pharmacy where they didn't say anything. I still was confused and overwhelmed because I didn't think I needed something for sleep, I knew I didn't have ADD and I did not feel depressed but I took it that evening to calm my dad down. And then I became a zombie and realized too late. After 12 days my dad was at the doctor for something else and she suddenly said I had to reduce and cut me from 0.5 to 0.4 and a couple days later to 0.3 mg. I have been in hell ever since. I found this forum and the Ashton manual. The first pharmacist gave us the Ashton manual also. I know realize for sure the withdrawal that was mild that I had before and the OCD for instance having dropped of or I would have obsessively searched the rivotril and saved myself from this. The expensive therapy week (€2000) made me wayyyy more sick than I was before and ruined my health and CNS completely over nothing. They tricked me/us. My dad's impatience of my tinnitus not beig gone after 6-7 weeks and me crying every three-four days once and his obsessiveness with his own sleep rushed us into this disaster, cause he wanted to get me fixed asap because I never had anxiety and never needed a break from work or school ever. I don't believe in psychotherapy anymore. They, more so than the doctors, ruined my life and health over nothing. The bad judgement of situations/people and the suggestability, beinng more easily influenced by other people and their words is what ruined me.

 

I never got drunk in my life cause I have a sensitive brain. I am not surprised benzos hurt me this much after short term use. I never ever ever wanted to take a xanax or weed or anything else in my life. I just didn't know rivotril was the same and I was already a bit weird and overwhelmed and things around me went too fast.

 

As they are cross tolerant it obviously didn't help to already be in a withdrawal. My dad took rivotril but less dose for two nights and didn't even get knocked out or like a zombie so he thinks I'm a whacko but I'm genuinely that sensitive. He made my tinnitus issue about himself, he didn't manage to give me the time and space I needed because he was toooooo close to me and look how that turned out :/ Now alternative therapies don't work anymore, my brain feels black, the electricity went out on day 5, and I have a very very bad baseline with many many symptoms and wayyyy worse sleep than before.

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Thank you  :) Also, I have offered my dad to join the forum if he feels the need to defend himself from my perspective but he calls us all lunatics and doesn't want to. He doesn't want information, he wants solutions asap. Lol. And he also has admitted that he was the weak one that did things wrong and he panicked and he blames the doctor which is partly true but I blame us as a family more because that doctor had not been honest and taken me seriously for two months so I wouldn't have and we shouldn't have gone back there. I was at that point just overwhelmed and genuinemy okay about myself so more worried about him than about me and I was planning on asking about the cortisone but I failed because of the wave I got in which I didn't realize could have been a possibility.
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Just replying to nursing buddy, don't want to hijack this thread.

 

So sorry for how that has played out for you. I never knew clonazepem was given for tinnitus. And won't hijack this thread -- wish you didn't have that story to share.

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Thank you  :) Also, I have offered my dad to join the forum if he feels the need to defend himself from my perspective but he calls us all lunatics and doesn't want to. He doesn't want information, he wants solutions asap. Lol. And he also has admitted that he was the weak one that did things wrong and he panicked and he blames the doctor which is partly true but I blame us as a family more because that doctor had not been honest and taken me seriously for two months so I wouldn't have and we shouldn't have gone back there. I was at that point just overwhelmed and genuinemy okay about myself so more worried about him than about me and I was planning on asking about the cortisone but I failed because of the wave I got in which I didn't realize could have been a possibility.

 

Do you feel as though there's any way to salvage that relationship? I wish that family therapy would be an option for all of us. But... we'd be asking for family therapy from a therapist who likely doesn't believe in benzo withdrawals. Seems like that rules it out as an option from the start.

 

Does anyone have experience with a withdrawal coach and how they can impact relationships, maybe from, at a minimum, an educational perspective?

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Thank you  :) Also, I have offered my dad to join the forum if he feels the need to defend himself from my perspective but he calls us all lunatics and doesn't want to. He doesn't want information, he wants solutions asap. Lol. And he also has admitted that he was the weak one that did things wrong and he panicked and he blames the doctor which is partly true but I blame us as a family more because that doctor had not been honest and taken me seriously for two months so I wouldn't have and we shouldn't have gone back there. I was at that point just overwhelmed and genuinemy okay about myself so more worried about him than about me and I was planning on asking about the cortisone but I failed because of the wave I got in which I didn't realize could have been a possibility.

 

Do you feel as though there's any way to salvage that relationship? I wish that family therapy would be an option for all of us. But... we'd be asking for family therapy from a therapist who likely doesn't believe in benzo withdrawals. Seems like that rules it out as an option from the start.

 

Does anyone have experience with a withdrawal coach and how they can impact relationships, maybe from, at a minimum, an educational perspective?

 

I went to therapy before. My dad's therapist without speaking to me first also found a lot of this his issues and fear from hearing my dad's side of the story so that helped validate things for me. But I don't love nor have interest or respect in most people anymore.

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I went through something similar, I felt so unstable that I ghosted everyone for both our sake. There were a lot of bad people around me in those days so I felt I had no choice since things weren't so clear. The problem was that I also ghosted all the good people in my life, including a childhood sweetheart. Now that I'm much better, I now realize building relationships in general is a crucial part in recovery to get your life back together.

 

It really is important. I find myself doing the same as you mentioned. It is certainly a huge energy drain to deal with someone in withdrawls and for i think there is a sinister thought process that happens with the withdrawls that makes you want to burn all the relationships to the ground.

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Yes that's true but also they don't understand. It's exhausting to hear the snap out of it or you need to want it comments.
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It really is important. I find myself doing the same as you mentioned. It is certainly a huge energy drain to deal with someone in withdrawls and for i think there is a sinister thought process that happens with the withdrawls that makes you want to burn all the relationships to the ground.

 

I've read the term "disaster tourist" here to reflect the people that come into our lives. Such an apt term. It's hard for those around us, yet they can't understand what it's like for us. Good thoughts out to everyone involved.

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Haha that was one of my words  :laugh: I like how they catch on. It's because I have some people more involved in my life than before but kinda just because I am so ill now. Benzolottie also uses my "medical mismanagement" now apparently, funny.

 

 

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