what to do..

I just feel awful. I have these odd sensations in my body still and they just are so uncomfortable. My stomach and chest have been hurting more and I am just frustrated. On top of all this I feel like it is hard to even want to be here. I am not suicidal or anything but I do feel as if it would be better at times if I was not here anymore. Idek who to talk to about that. I am so uncomfortable in my body I can't even explain some of these sensations I feel. I want back on the med so bad, I think about it everyday. The detox place put me on mirtazapine to stop the craving but honestly the worse I feel the more I want to go back. I am in straight medical debt, struggling with functioning daily, still trying to stay in college, and I am about to turn 23.

Never ever in my life did I think I would feel like this. I used to be stupid and do other drugs for a few months when I first went to college, and that is always in the back of my head that because I was stupid that that is what is causing all of this, mind you a lot of my issues started after benzos I feel like the few months of mistakes destroyed my life, and the benzos made it worse. I told the ER doc ab the other drugs I did, and they don't think this is because of that but it's just so hard. It is hard for me to believe the prescribed drug is what is causing more of the issues, even with an echocardiogram, a 7 day halter monitor, and all the other heart tests I have had done I still feel as if something is wrong with my heart, and that it is my fault. On top of all this I don't see my family often because of how sick I feel, and my girlfriend and I might break up because of how stuck she is at work, and she feels guilty because we never see each other. Idk what to make of anything anymore, but I am miserable....

We understand the struggles and are sad that you're in this position. I really wanted to chime in on the heart part. For months I was having signs of heart problems, such as chest pain, and still do on occasion. I work in a hospital and I actually have ran a few 12-lead ECGs and talked to a few cardiologists about it. End of the day, there's not a concern for me. The chest pain doesn't increase with activity, I have no pre-existing heart problems, I do have shortness of breath but that's well known in benzo withdrawals and is starting to recede post-jump. You're almost 23 -- the likelihood of cardiac issues are incredibly slim, especially given that you've had an echo and cardiac work up.

I was always expecting to die of a heart problem that nobody could find but from a medical standpoint and seeing the trend as it relates to my withdrawal journey, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. If you've done the cardiac workup and cardiology says you're good to go, put faith in that. The rest is most likely in your head -- as it is mine.

Wishing you the best.

I just feel awful. I have these odd sensations in my body still and they just are so uncomfortable. My stomach and chest have been hurting more and I am just frustrated. On top of all this I feel like it is hard to even want to be here. I am not suicidal or anything but I do feel as if it would be better at times if I was not here anymore. Idek who to talk to about that. I am so uncomfortable in my body I can't even explain some of these sensations I feel. I want back on the med so bad, I think about it everyday. The detox place put me on mirtazapine to stop the craving but honestly the worse I feel the more I want to go back. I am in straight medical debt, struggling with functioning daily, still trying to stay in college, and I am about to turn 23.

 

Never ever in my life did I think I would feel like this. I used to be stupid and do other drugs for a few months when I first went to college, and that is always in the back of my head that because I was stupid that that is what is causing all of this, mind you a lot of my issues started after benzos I feel like the few months of mistakes destroyed my life, and the benzos made it worse. I told the ER doc ab the other drugs I did, and they don't think this is because of that but it's just so hard. It is hard for me to believe the prescribed drug is what is causing more of the issues, even with an echocardiogram, a 7 day halter monitor, and all the other heart tests I have had done I still feel as if something is wrong with my heart, and that it is my fault. On top of all this I don't see my family often because of how sick I feel, and my girlfriend and I might break up because of how stuck she is at work, and she feels guilty because we never see each other. Idk what to make of anything anymore, but I am miserable....

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such pain. I know it in my own way.

None of this is your fault. You trusted medical professionals to care for you, which we are taught in society to do.

I also want to say this: Everything is going to be OK. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will heal and this will all be behind you one day.

Your body has been through a lot in a short period of time, and it has not been long since you went through all of this. (Although I know how days can feel like years when you are in this state.) What you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing is part of the process of withdrawal from psychiatric medications. Although you are having your own individual experience. We all do.

One thought comes to mind when you say you do not know who to talk to about this. There are benzo and prescription drug withdrawal coaches out there (some are therapists too). They work on sliding scales as far as I know, and some donate time to cases. Might this be something you are interested in? Might this help you?

How can we, as a community, best support you during this time? What do you need the most from us right now?

We understand the struggles and are sad that you're in this position. I really wanted to chime in on the heart part. For months I was having signs of heart problems, such as chest pain, and still do on occasion. I work in a hospital and I actually have ran a few 12-lead ECGs and talked to a few cardiologists about it. End of the day, there's not a concern for me. The chest pain doesn't increase with activity, I have no pre-existing heart problems, I do have shortness of breath but that's well known in benzo withdrawals and is starting to recede post-jump. You're almost 23 -- the likelihood of cardiac issues are incredibly slim, especially given that you've had an echo and cardiac work up.

 

I was always expecting to die of a heart problem that nobody could find but from a medical standpoint and seeing the trend as it relates to my withdrawal journey, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. If you've done the cardiac workup and cardiology says you're good to go, put faith in that. The rest is most likely in your head -- as it is mine.

 

Wishing you the best.

Thank you, it definitely means a lot and helps reassure me some. Ya ive had ct angiogram with contrast, over 8 ecgs, halter monitor, echo, troponin test and labs, as well as numerous chest Xrays, just the anxiety of everything that has happened is so bad. I can barely function day to day and it stresses me out, especially bc I developed POTS from all of this so now my heart rate is high even with metoprolol.

I just feel awful. I have these odd sensations in my body still and they just are so uncomfortable. My stomach and chest have been hurting more and I am just frustrated. On top of all this I feel like it is hard to even want to be here. I am not suicidal or anything but I do feel as if it would be better at times if I was not here anymore. Idek who to talk to about that. I am so uncomfortable in my body I can't even explain some of these sensations I feel. I want back on the med so bad, I think about it everyday. The detox place put me on mirtazapine to stop the craving but honestly the worse I feel the more I want to go back. I am in straight medical debt, struggling with functioning daily, still trying to stay in college, and I am about to turn 23.

 

Never ever in my life did I think I would feel like this. I used to be stupid and do other drugs for a few months when I first went to college, and that is always in the back of my head that because I was stupid that that is what is causing all of this, mind you a lot of my issues started after benzos I feel like the few months of mistakes destroyed my life, and the benzos made it worse. I told the ER doc ab the other drugs I did, and they don't think this is because of that but it's just so hard. It is hard for me to believe the prescribed drug is what is causing more of the issues, even with an echocardiogram, a 7 day halter monitor, and all the other heart tests I have had done I still feel as if something is wrong with my heart, and that it is my fault. On top of all this I don't see my family often because of how sick I feel, and my girlfriend and I might break up because of how stuck she is at work, and she feels guilty because we never see each other. Idk what to make of anything anymore, but I am miserable....

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such pain. I know it in my own way.

 

None of this is your fault. You trusted medical professionals to care for you, which we are taught in society to do.

 

I also want to say this: Everything is going to be OK. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will heal and this will all be behind you one day.

 

Your body has been through a lot in a short period of time, and it has not been long since you went through all of this. (Although I know how days can feel like years when you are in this state.) What you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing is part of the process of withdrawal from psychiatric medications. Although you are having your own individual experience. We all do.

 

One thought comes to mind when you say you do not know who to talk to about this. There are benzo and prescription drug withdrawal coaches out there (some are therapists too). They work on sliding scales as far as I know, and some donate time to cases. Might this be something you are interested in? Might this help you?

 

How can we, as a community, best support you during this time? What do you need the most from us right now?

Thank you for the kind words and looking out. I don’t really know what I need, I’ve never dealt with anything like this so it’s just frustrating. I wish I had my girlfriend around me more and my family, but it kind of has felt like recently they just want me to suck it up to an extent. My family and everyone is very supportive, but they don’t understand the extent of what I feel which makes me feel alone, and everything relationship wise hasn’t helped. Idk what to do also because the cost of therapy, I have blue cross-blue shield and tricare but idk and psychiatrist or psychologist that except them.

We understand the struggles and are sad that you're in this position. I really wanted to chime in on the heart part. For months I was having signs of heart problems, such as chest pain, and still do on occasion. I work in a hospital and I actually have ran a few 12-lead ECGs and talked to a few cardiologists about it. End of the day, there's not a concern for me. The chest pain doesn't increase with activity, I have no pre-existing heart problems, I do have shortness of breath but that's well known in benzo withdrawals and is starting to recede post-jump. You're almost 23 -- the likelihood of cardiac issues are incredibly slim, especially given that you've had an echo and cardiac work up.

 

I was always expecting to die of a heart problem that nobody could find but from a medical standpoint and seeing the trend as it relates to my withdrawal journey, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. If you've done the cardiac workup and cardiology says you're good to go, put faith in that. The rest is most likely in your head -- as it is mine.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Thank you, it definitely means a lot and helps reassure me some. Ya ive had ct angiogram with contrast, over 8 ecgs, halter monitor, echo, troponin test and labs, as well as numerous chest Xrays, just the anxiety of everything that has happened is so bad. I can barely function day to day and it stresses me out, especially bc I developed POTS from all of this so now my heart rate is high even with metoprolol.

Basically the only thing you haven't had is a cardiac stress test. But with so many negatives, it's almost a mute point.

We understand the struggles and are sad that you're in this position. I really wanted to chime in on the heart part. For months I was having signs of heart problems, such as chest pain, and still do on occasion. I work in a hospital and I actually have ran a few 12-lead ECGs and talked to a few cardiologists about it. End of the day, there's not a concern for me. The chest pain doesn't increase with activity, I have no pre-existing heart problems, I do have shortness of breath but that's well known in benzo withdrawals and is starting to recede post-jump. You're almost 23 -- the likelihood of cardiac issues are incredibly slim, especially given that you've had an echo and cardiac work up.

 

I was always expecting to die of a heart problem that nobody could find but from a medical standpoint and seeing the trend as it relates to my withdrawal journey, I get it. It sucks, but I get it. If you've done the cardiac workup and cardiology says you're good to go, put faith in that. The rest is most likely in your head -- as it is mine.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Thank you, it definitely means a lot and helps reassure me some. Ya ive had ct angiogram with contrast, over 8 ecgs, halter monitor, echo, troponin test and labs, as well as numerous chest Xrays, just the anxiety of everything that has happened is so bad. I can barely function day to day and it stresses me out, especially bc I developed POTS from all of this so now my heart rate is high even with metoprolol.

 

Basically the only thing you haven't had is a cardiac stress test. But with so many negatives, it's almost a mute point.

Is it even worth doing it at this point? I mean I do get out of breath standing up and doing anything but I think that is mostly from the POTS. I am also lightheaded a lot and get weird discomforts in chest. idek anymore like what to do because my primary doesn't necessarily think this is all from the benzos but she does not know what it could be. The only thing she really thinks is from benzos is the POTS, but i don't understand how she can say that is from it, but none of the other crazy symptoms that are all over the place.

Is it even worth doing it at this point? I mean I do get out of breath standing up and doing anything but I think that is mostly from the POTS. I am also lightheaded a lot and get weird discomforts in chest. idek anymore like what to do because my primary doesn't necessarily think this is all from the benzos but she does not know what it could be. The only thing she really thinks is from benzos is the POTS, but i don't understand how she can say that is from it, but none of the other crazy symptoms that are all over the place.

If you've had those studies and cardiology hasn't issued a concern, I'd let it go. It's frustrating, I know. I went through the same with the chest pain and shortness of breath. Thank goodness the stability is coming for me and those are starting to resolve. Yours will come in time, too.