Building confidence?

Withdrawal basically made feeling confident impossible for obvious reasons. Now that things have gotten a lot better I feel this area can finally be actively worked on.. I know one way to gain confidence is by getting really good at something no matter what it is. Anyone know other tried and true ways to build confidence? Perhaps mental wisdom? Please do share! 

WantToSurf ...

 

For me, withdrawal and recovery did initially dissolve any sense I had that I understood what was going on. For a time, confidence seemed to have disappeared.

 

For me, "building confidence" has meant, and continues to mean, having a feeling of "agency" in my relationship with my recovery.

 

I use "agency" to describe a feeling that I can be actively and meaningfully involved with my recovery rather than a feeling of only being "acted upon". I have come to accept that recovery can be a two-way street, my experience of recovery and my response to this experience.

 

Insights I have gained for myself along the way include -

 

I can choose my response to my experience of recovery,

 

Recovery is a chronic illness of indeterminate duration,

 

The language I use to communicate my experience of recovery has an effect on my experience,

 

My experience of recovery has meaning both cultural and personal.

 

For me, building confidence along the way has meant building a framework that gives me both an acceptable understanding of what is happening and the opportunity where I can choose how I wish to participate in what is going on during my recovery.

 

 

WantToSurf ...

 

For me, withdrawal and recovery did initially dissolve any sense I had that I understood what was going on. For a time, confidence seemed to have disappeared.

 

For me, "building confidence" has meant, and continues to mean, having a feeling of "agency" in my relationship with my recovery.

 

I use "agency" to describe a feeling that I can be actively and meaningfully involved with my recovery rather than a feeling of only being "acted upon". I have come to accept that recovery can be a two-way street, my experience of recovery and my response to this experience.

 

Insights I have gained for myself along the way include -

 

I can choose my response to my experience of recovery,

 

Recovery is a chronic illness of indeterminate duration,

 

The language I use to communicate my experience of recovery has an effect on my experience,

 

My experience of recovery has meaning both cultural and personal.

 

For me, building confidence along the way has meant building a framework that gives me both an acceptable understanding of what is happening and the opportunity where I can choose how I wish to participate in what is going on during my recovery.

 

Hello NS,

 

I appreciate your insight on the subject matter as a whole and really like how you applied your experience with recovery philosophically.

 

Your approach just reminded me of behavioral therapies (like CBT) which would have stayed  forgotten if it weren’t for you. I read material on these before being prescribed benzo and never thought too much of it until now.

 

It seems many things come back around positively and here it strikes again.Thank you!

WantToSurf ... you are welcome.

 

Yes. That was my experience. There are useful tools in my recovery toolbox. Somehow during my taper my toolbox got misplaced. In fact, I had forgotten that I even had a toolbox.

 

One evening during my experience of acute phenomena, I was feeling utterly lost and overwhelmed. I could muster no thread of meaning for all that was happening. Nothing was making the least bit of sense. The question of "why" kept swirling round and round as I was again pacing through our apartment trying to generate some relief.

 

Something from somewhere clicked. I became aware that perhaps the question may not be "why". Rather, the question might be "how".

 

For me, the shift in perspective from "why" this experience was happening and the manner of my response in its presence to a perspective of "how" this experience was happening and the manner of my response in its presence generated a fundamental change in orientation.

 

Sometime during the evening my toolbox re-appeared. I started a process of creating a framework of meaning for this practice of recovery I was living.

 

For me, this change of orientation enabled a shift from a confrontational approach that mostly focused on the elimination of symptoms to one of learning what I needed to learn to live with my recovery process as it was being expressed day to day.

 

For me, recovery gradually ceased being something "foreign".

I needed a sense of satisfaction to feed my shattered confidence so each day I tried to give myself that.  On my worst days, just being able to put a couch cushion back on that I’d laundered was something to celebrate and I did.

 

I’d make lists of mundane chores like emptying the kitty litter box, something I do daily but the simple act of crossing it off my list gave me satisfaction which shored up my confidence. 

 

My needs were great but my solutions were simple and helped me feel better about myself.

WantToSurf ... you are welcome.

 

Yes. That was my experience. There are useful tools in my recovery toolbox. Somehow during my taper my toolbox got misplaced. In fact, I had forgotten that I even had a toolbox.

 

One evening during my experience of acute phenomena, I was feeling utterly lost and overwhelmed. I could muster no thread of meaning for all that was happening. Nothing was making the least bit of sense. The question of "why" kept swirling round and round as I was again pacing through our apartment trying to generate some relief.

 

Something from somewhere clicked. I became aware that perhaps the question may not be "why". Rather, the question might be "how".

 

For me, the shift in perspective from "why" this experience was happening and the manner of my response in its presence to a perspective of "how" this experience was happening and the manner of my response in its presence generated a fundamental change in orientation.

 

Sometime during the evening my toolbox re-appeared. I started a process of creating a framework of meaning for this practice of recovery I was living.

 

For me, this change of orientation enabled a shift from a confrontational approach that mostly focused on the elimination of symptoms to one of learning what I needed to learn to live with my recovery process as it was being expressed day to day.

 

For me, recovery gradually ceased being something "foreign".

 

That is quite the Eureka moment, meaning only exists if you apply it to something and that is exactly what you did in the best possible way.

 

I needed a sense of satisfaction to feed my shattered confidence so each day I tried to give myself that.  On my worst days, just being able to put a couch cushion back on that I’d laundered was something to celebrate and I did.

 

I’d make lists of mundane chores like emptying the kitty litter box, something I do daily but the simple act of crossing it off my list gave me satisfaction which shored up my confidence. 

 

My needs were great but my solutions were simple and helped me feel better about myself.

 

I did the exact same thing early in my recovery! I used an app on my phone to remind me as well just in case and those tasks basically served as stepping stones onto greater progress. It's crazy to think how impossible those tasks felt at the time and makes me grateful it's not as bad now.

I began studying grammar, spelling and vocab online and am now proficient in grammar.  It makes me feel better that I've gotten good at something.  I'm at a C2 grammar level.  It's the only thing I'm good at now.

I began studying grammar, spelling and vocab online and am now proficient in grammar.  It makes me feel better that I've gotten good at something.  I'm at a C2 grammar level.  It's the only thing I'm good at now.

 

It's true.  She taught me how to write better when I do my studies.  Becks has been a good friend to me.

 

j

Thanks J.  I have nothing better to do when I'm housebound, but study my grammar, spelling and vocab. online every night.

Thanks J.  I have nothing better to do when I'm housebound, but study my grammar, spelling and vocab. online every night.

 

Sounds like a healthy and productive way to distract n build confidence.

Thanks J.  I have nothing better to do when I'm housebound, but study my grammar, spelling and vocab. online every night.

 

Becks... while we're at it here now... just one quick grammar question if you are up to it.  What is the best way to determine if it's time to end one paragraph and start a new one ?  I was taught to do so when the subject matter changes.  That only seems hit n miss to me.  I still end up with paragraphs that are much too long.

 

I believe when paragraphs are too long, it makes it harder on the eyes to read n understand what's been written...

 

See how I split into a new paragraph even while referring to the same subject ?

 

j

Grammar is the only thing I'm becoming proficient at.  Nothing else.