Month 10

In month 10 benzo free and i'm currently coming out of a wave. It's been a long journey.

Dec 2018 I fell into a deep cycle of ongoing panic. I didn't know what it was so I went to the ER, they then put me in the psych ward. Put me on a SSRI and gave me a antipsychotic and benzo to calm me down. They gave me a long script for benzos of to last 1 month. I slowly...slowly started to get better, but then I started to immediately experience waves of increase in symptoms. Little did I know the instructions given to me to take the benzos as needed, was the worst thing they could have said to me. My GP continued to script me benzos, and continued the narrative that as long as you don't take them every day you'll be fine. Not true. I was kindling myself over and over again. I wouldn't take benzos for a couple days, then I would, and that process just repeated itself for months, and then years. I was in the dark, didn't know what I was doing to myself, I was convinced I suddenly had this major panic disorder and that I would now have to take SSRI's and benzos for the rest of my life. I started seeing more and more literature saying how terrible benzos are, so in Nov 2020 I decided to come off. I did cold turkey, which was 2 weeks of acute symptoms.  I thought ok, that was bad but i'm now off great.  I started to feel better and better each month off, and in May of 2021 I decided to also come off my SSRI, cold turkey.  I started to loose weight and I was feeling better, back to how I felt in my early 20's. Then BAM July 2021. I hit another level of panic. My body just shut down, my immediate reaction was to go back on SSRI's, and I knew benzo's would help with the enduring panic I felt. So.. Feeling like I had no other option I went back on them. Thinking, ok, I got off of them within 2 weeks previously, i'll just do that again.  Well... as we know, rekindling ourselves it just gets harder and harder to get off. I still was unaware of the kindling part, and was going with the mantra that as long as I took as little benzos that day, that would be a success. So i would go from 2mg of K to .5mg to 0 to 2.5mg and so on. Wow, I sent myself for a ride. Complete devastation. I knew I had done something terrible to myself. I started researching more and more on benzos. Realized what was happening, and that i needed to come off Right Away.  I read going cold turkey was bad. But I was so desperate to get this evil drug out of my body. So I tried cold turkey. Put myself into a deep state of acute, starting to get seizure like symptoms my GP said to go back on benzos and to taper within 4 weeks. ya... nope. Tried that, another hell. Finally found a benzo wise addiction doctor who helped me slowly taper over a year. What a Huge blessing. She saved me. I slowly started to get into a more manageable pattern of symptoms - waves and windows. I started feeling hope. In July 19 2022 I took my last benzo.  I've had waves since, but every time a wave comes it's shorter and the window is longer. What a huge indication that the brain is healing.

i'm slowly coming out of this wave, but i'm so hopeful. Life is so worth it in the windows. Keep going. one day that window will last.

WTG! I’m so very happy this finally worked for you!!

How long were you off before you reinstated this last time and did the slow taper? What amount did you start with? Was it Clonazepam?

Did you also reinstate the SSRI during the taper?

Thank you so much!

WTG! I’m so very happy this finally worked for you!!

How long were you off before you reinstated this last time and did the slow taper? What amount did you start with? Was it Clonazepam?

I went cold turkey for 2 weeks, and it was Not good. I DO NOT recommend this for a whole log of reasons. Mainly because you will increase your change of becoming protracted (symptoms that last a Long time). 

I reinstated after 2 weeks to .5mg of Clonazepam.  And honestly, if I did it again I would have reinstated at 1mg. This is because I was taking 1-2.5mg a day prior to. I thought if I reinstated at .5mg then it wouldn't take as long. Again (that increases your chances of protracted, if you don't let your body settle).  It took me over a year to get off .5mg

Did you also reinstate the SSRI during the taper?

Thank you so much!

I went back on the SSRI immediately. I have pre-existing panic disorder, and I shouldn't have gone off of it in the first place.  If you don't need to be on a SSRI (prior to benzos) then If it were me then I wouldn't go on a SSRI, as those are hard to come off of as well.  That said, if you have a pre-existing anxiety/depression disorder (prior to the benzos) then this may be appropriate.