How Meditation Has Helped Me Cope with Benzo Withdrawals

I was a meditator before I got back on benzos, and I still am. As a child I was prescribed Klonopin consistently for more than ten years to treat anxiety and OCD. Later, after having sworn to myself I would never take these drugs again, I caved under the pressure of exacerbated mental health symptoms caused by long COVID and took a Valium prescription from a doctor.

 

I want to talk about meditation, what it means to me, and how it has helped me to forgive myself and the world for the way things are. When you're in the grip of terror, or extreme restlessness, or rage, it can be hard to meditate. Actually, it can be nearly impossible, even for some of the most skilled practitioners. But the way we practice with our experience in times of greater clarity can greatly assist in the future, when inevitably a wave occurs once again.

 

Forgiveness seems like something that we have to do, or get better at, as if we are either forgiving things or we aren't. We are either accepting things or we aren't, we are either mindful of our experience or we aren't. But all of this is just more extremism, more grasping at the dualities created by our own minds.

True forgiveness can only arise when we see for ourselves that in this moment, things can be no other way. Not only can they be no other way, we are not in the center of these things, we are not the victim of them. They are simply natural phenomena appearing perfectly lawfully. The big bang happened. Any wrongness ascribed to them is simply a fabrication of our minds.

 

So how do we do this? How do we see this? How can we practice in a way that alleviates the suffering in our hearts and minds, especially when afflicted by something as heartbreakingly difficult as benzodiazepine withdrawal can be.

 

To me, the most compassionate move, the wisest move, is to simply sit (or in my case lately, walk very quickly around my neighborhood), and realize in that instant that you are not separate from what is occurring. See clearly that you are not some little thing that all of these symptoms are happening to. If anything, you are these symptoms, but not only that, you are also that beautiful tree in front of you, or the dear friend talking to you on the phone, or that plate of food you're about to (possibly force yourself) to eat. You are already the hope that leads us towards a future of healing, and that future itself. All of this is arising as loving awareness, and this is what we all actually are.

 

Feeling into the truth of this again and again while honoring the suffering of this situation with a deep and human honesty- knowing that we are not alone- gazing out at the sky and seeing that its already free in and of itself. Being happy for others, connecting with the sincere wish that they never experience something this difficult. These things have helped me, and I hope these words can help someone else.

ZerroPoint42. ... thank you for this post ...

 

I believe we each find a path through our recovery process ... whatever that path may be ... and ... I have come to accept that my physical and mental experiences over these many years are indeed “natural phenomena” arising arising from the changes that occur when I use the drug, when I taper off the drug, and, as I stay off the drug ...

 

For me, an insight and a practice have helped me along my path ...

 

The insight is my acceptance that the language I use to communicate my experience of my recovery process to myself and to others has an effect on my recovery process ... how I frame my experience, how I describe my experience is an elemental part of my recovery process ...

 

For example, I choose the word “disturbance” rather than “damage” ... and I do not use the word “permanent”, I accept nothing is permanent, change is always occurring ...

 

The practice is a response, an intervention, to what I may be experiencing in the moment ... with regard to “intervention” I have landed in the minimalist's camp ... here, we each choose whatever path we discern may be helpful ...

 

The practice took a while to “root” in my awareness and to “bloom” ... today I mostly need only to bring “Going Slow” into my awareness and I find myself returning to an even keel while what ever I am experiencing in the moment runs its always temporary course ... some experiences may be more dynamic than others and I find I need the full practice ...

 

The link describes more fully this practice of “Going Slow” ...

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=160042.msg2138462;topicseen#msg2138462

 

Hoping this helps a bit ... Be Well ...

Thank you so much for sharing this practice. Wishing you peace. 🙏

This all sounds beautiful, but I don’t know how we can say it works if we have to go back to benzos. 🤔 Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved the idea of meditation, but sitting here thinking about it I realized thinking about it really isn’t meditation is it ha ha?! I think about meditating a lot, even suggest it to others, but I never do it. I had to try the other night when I forgot to pick up my prescription and realized that I was going to have to skip my night and morning dose. I’ve forgotten to take my morning dose before, and I could tell I was a little off, but I went all day until my night dose and I was fine..  but KNOWING I didn’t have it was a different story. I tried the deep breathing, and I tried to meditate , and I tried the positive thoughts, and I tried everything that I have ever read about and absolutely nothing worked. I ended up in the ER with heart arrhythmias and they gave me my night dose and my morning dose for the next day to last me until I could get my script refilled. Again it showed me how powerful the brain is. There used to be a commercial on TV that said “the mind is a terrible thing to waste” and I remember I always would think to myself the brain is a terrible thing period... because of my ADD, OCD, anxiety and depression throughout my childhood, and here I am again thinking the same thing. Being an hour late taking my dose didn’t cause me to have to go to theRR, my silly brain did! Now, just the thought of tapering has me in a tailspin to the point where I’m having arrhythmias all day and I can’t even get started.. and it’s just my mind. I haven’t even started tapering yet. It’s just the anticipation in my mind of what’s going to happen that has my heart in a place where I can’t even start! The mind can be a terrible thing. I’m gonna have to look into this meditation and actually practice it now, perhaps that’s the key?! 🤔

I used to meditate for 40 mins a day. I wish I could meditate again. I miss it so much. I have tinnitus and Akathisia so any practice is out the window. If you can meditate during withdrawal, you are a lucky person in my book.