Life long Insomniacs

Well first forgive me, I'm not a big poster and life has been throwing me a curve ball lately. I'm 3 years off benzo's as of Feb 2, 2023, after 17 years of trying to overcome a severe sleep disorder. And just for the record, No Luck yet! This is more a message of understanding than hope.

My heart goes out to everyone who is struggling with withdrawal and even more so to those who came to these drugs in search of a cure for their insomnia. I know I don't have to tell you that if sleep issues got you here than they probably did not improve much during or after withdrawal. Of course my hope for you is that they did. The truth is that if Benzo's had helped me at all I would still be eating them like tic tacs. But the benefit was so short term and the problems they created were so long. Sleep thou art a heartless bitch. Tried everything, 22 different medications at last count, grew my own cannabis for a while, isolating strains, crossing strains, trying to find that magic bullet. Not a pot head, just the act of a desperate man trying to find some kind of normal life again. Helped for a while as things do, until it didn't. Forget the legalities, if someone had told me the cure for insomnia was robbing banks I'd be standing in front of the First National Bank in a ski mask right now. I am sometimes still awake for 72 hours at a time. Not psychological, 5 sleep studies show the brain just pulsing back to life every three minutes. Most of you that are experiencing insomnia due to withdrawal will get better with the benefit of time. Just keep your nose in the wind and keep moving forward one day at a time. Try to keep your stress levels in check and things will gradually fall back into place. I honestly believe they will. Many things have improved for me, and for that I am thankful. But sleep, that is a monster that I have accepted I may never tame. There are many cruel things in the world. Taking something as basic as sleep away from someone, something that affects every aspect of their waking life, I can think of few things crueler. Lifelong insomniacs, please be kind to yourself. Find solace in those few moments when the curtains close and the world drifts away. You know as I know that sometimes those few moments are all that we have for now. It's so difficult to explain to others what we don't fully understand ourselves. Only those who have spent so many sleepless nights alone get it. When you're lying in bed at night and sleep won't come, just know that I'm lying here to and I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you and I'm wishing the best for you because I know your pain and I feel your desperation. I know you feel alone in this, but you are not alone. I'm thinking of you, and I will always think of you until sleep, if ever comes. I hope someday we can share our joys and not the pain that only the sleepless know.

Peace

The only thing that has helped my insomnia is literally exhausting myself. I get up at 7am.. I jog 3 miles a day, workout, play pickleball, have a full time job and THEN i head after work and drive 40 minutes to downtown where i do blacksmithing and welding all night until about 9pm, i then drive 40 min home and am so exhausted from swinging that hammer and working out and my day job that after a few cups of tea i literally pass out within minutes of laying down and dont wake up til my alarm goes off. Take all that away, if i just sat there all day and watch TV...nope will be up all night. Not saying you are or what you do, but i have noticed it makes a difference to be physically active from morning til night.

what is your full time job?  Is that exhausting physical work, too? It doesn't sound like the  valium exhausts you at all during the day..you are very fortunate to be so high functioning with no apparent w/d symptoms.

But, then again, some say the amount of valium would be minimal that you are taking.  Good for you!

Oh this post was beautiful but very sad. I feel ur pain buddy. It truly is a cruel affliction. Praying the universe grants u reprieve. 🙏🏼❤️

I'd recommend PM'ing Ramcon1. He has been born with insomnia and has some ideas about good non-benzo medications (something that also helps narcoleptics)? You can search his posts on the forum or PM him about it 

what is your full time job?  Is that exhausting physical work, too? It doesn't sound like the  valium exhausts you at all during the day..you are very fortunate to be so high functioning with no apparent w/d symptoms.

But, then again, some say the amount of valium would be minimal that you are taking.  Good for you!

 

I work from home all day on a computer, so i work out at lunch (go jogging and lift weights) then have to head to the shop to do blacksmithing all night basically have an actual job til 10pm at night. Im currently on 7MG V and dropping to 6 in a week. When i first started valium i was so tired i could barely make it through a day on the computer.....but it wore off within 2 weeks. I just feel normal now. I ran a 5K race yesterday, i just have alot of energy i guess. Im 54 so im not that young, I dont know i wish i didnt have so much energy honestly then i wouldnt have problems sleeping if i dont completely knock myself out with exhaustion.