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Bad morning thoughts


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Well, I just searched the forum for the phrase "feel like life is over".  I do not know why but I wake up with the worst bad thoughts about my future.  I'll get over it throughout the day but I other than the cortisol, etc, does anyone else have this overall sense of doom hanging over them?  Life will never be happy.  Is it the benzo w/d or is it my thought patterns, is it my hormones, not that I want to be miserable company but wondering if anyone else is going through this or has gone through it and can say it was the benzo? 
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StingRae,

I’m definitely going through it and it doesn’t even get better throughout the day most often… last night at about 8 I caught a small window.  I do think it’s mostly benzo related… at least that’s what others that have healed tell us.  It’s intense and I’m sorry you’re suffering so much too.  You’re not alone… I get it. Apparently it’s something we have to go through to break free of this brain damaging medication.

❤️Fire

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That horrible feeling of doom. profound dread and darkest despair are common in withdrawal.  It was absolutely one of the hardest symptoms for me when I was in the thick of withdrawal. It literally brought me to my knees.  I thought I would live the rest of my life with the sense of hopelessness and impending catastrophe every moment of the day.  I though it would never lift  - but it did.  As so many Success Stories attest to, as the brain and body heal and recover, equilibrium is restored and the sun will shine again.  It takes time but healing is real.
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Yes, yes yes! This is my WORST symptom at 8 months off. The depression lingers throughout the day and completely lifts by nighttime. I constantly wonder if this is just my brain now, or withdrawal. You are not alone. Feel free to message me anytime.
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I have been on them off and on (mostly OFF) for 20 years.  It started with a postpartum anxiety issue.  Years went by and I didn't use them.  I would have a return of panic and Dr would prescribe.  I didn't take them every day.  When I suspected they were causing depression and didn't take any I went to the Dr. who told me I was in withdrawal.  I was shocked. 
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  • 3 weeks later...

That horrible feeling of doom. profound dread and darkest despair are common in withdrawal.  It was absolutely one of the hardest symptoms for me when I was in the thick of withdrawal. It literally brought me to my knees.  I thought I would live the rest of my life with the sense of hopelessness and impending catastrophe every moment of the day.  I though it would never lift  - but it did.  As so many Success Stories attest to, as the brain and body heal and recover, equilibrium is restored and the sun will shine again.  It takes time but healing is real.

 

I love this ^^^

 

StingRae, Lots of love to you, buddy! You are still so early in this process, AND for anyone, three-plus months is a long time to not feel well. I am ahead of you in month four, so I get it. I am not out of the woods, but the baseline has lifted a tiny bit. And yes, I have the fears and negative thoughts. They do not feel as strong for some reason now, but I do still have them. I think any human being in our situation would -- it is natural and human. I am trying to stay in the day and not think too far ahead. I have realized it is all I can do because I have no control over "benzo timelineland." We will heal we just do not know when. But WE WILL HEAL. WE ARE HEALING.

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Rebecca,

 

I found the last couple of weeks, I have had a day here, a day there I felt pretty decent to good.  Then I'd get slammed back to darkness.  So I've been trying to learn to not worry about the "why" of it and let it be.  Did you notice a pattern/non pattern like this?  Maybe I'm more stable in my "instability" lol.  The brain wants to make sense of what isn't very logical.  Non linear.  So it is counter intuitive to NOT try to figure it out....    I'd be thrilled with a balance in favor of the decent days so this crappiness can fade into the background of my life.    Thank you for commenting! 

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Rebecca,

 

I found the last couple of weeks, I have had a day here, a day there I felt pretty decent to good.  Then I'd get slammed back to darkness.  So I've been trying to learn to not worry about the "why" of it and let it be.  Did you notice a pattern/non pattern like this?  Maybe I'm more stable in my "instability" lol.  The brain wants to make sense of what isn't very logical.  Non linear.  So it is counter intuitive to NOT try to figure it out....    I'd be thrilled with a balance in favor of the decent days so this crappiness can fade into the background of my life.    Thank you for commenting!

 

You are very, very lucky to have days where you feel "pretty decent to good." I have not had that luxury yet, and I am 4.5 months off the benzo. So the fact that you are already having these experiences at over three months still tapering seems promising. My process has been a gradual slow improvement over time. I have had around 50 symptoms. 50. It Seems unbelievable to even write this, let alone live through it. I wish I had a window like you. If that gives you some perspective, what you are concerned about is someone else's goal. It would give me hope to have a day where I felt "pretty decent to good." But I understand how you might think of it negatively since you want to be well every day. Maybe you can think of it differently, and it will help you. Think of it as a good sign of more to come.

 

 

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You are so right.  I do know what it felt like when I stopped taking these without realizing a taper was necessary.  That was the one of the most frightening experiences of my life.  Even as I'm trying to not think too much ahead I do worry about the "jump" day and what that will bring.  I need to go put another message in my gratitude jar for every day that is good.  Thank you so much for the perspective I really appreciate it so much. 
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You are so right.  I do know what it felt like when I stopped taking these without realizing a taper was necessary.  That was the one of the most frightening experiences of my life.  Even as I'm trying to not think too much ahead I do worry about the "jump" day and what that will bring.  I need to go put another message in my gratitude jar for every day that is good.  Thank you so much for the perspective I really appreciate it so much.

 

If there is anything this experience can teach us, it's gratitude and to be in the moment. You are not jumping today, so do not think about it. Stay in each day. Easier said than done, I know. If only we all knew the anxiety this medication would GIVE us!! It was supposed to take it away but NOPE.

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  • 2 months later...
WOw! you described my feelings exactly!  Im just at 77 days off klonopin and wake up with this impending sense of doom.  I have these unreasonable fears and thoughts of something awful going to happen! Top that with waves of anxiety and im a regular old mess! 
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Yes it's horrendous!! I dread needing to snooze in the day because it's the same I wake with impending doom thoughts that leave me terrified.
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