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Im starting to think that I am not going to make it. The sleep deprivation is wreaking havoc on me. I thought I was getting better and I even tell myself that I am but I am so sleep deprived that I cannot thrink straight. Its taking me forvever just to type this out. I think severe insomnia is second only to akathisia and might be tyed for the worst symptom you could possibly have. After 10 months of very little sleep its just hard to fight anymore. I have gone many times with no sleep for 4 or 5 days and have hallucinated many times because of this. I am not sure what I should do. I am dizzy and throwing up today because I have not slept well for the past few days. I honestly dont know how anybody gets through this. i should not have cold turkeyed off this med but I didnt know at the time. I probably should have reinstated but I got scared it would make it worse. Now I am way to far out at 10 months but it might be my last hope. I am thinking of going to the ER and begging  for them to sedate me. Maybe it will work maybe not but I know I cannot take this much longer. I am sorry to complain here but I dont know anywhere else that would understand. its amazing how a 2 month mistake last year has completely ruined my life. i went from a happy family man to a piece of garbage overnight. My kids dont deserve this. I dont really have a purpose for this post except to just vent. If i do decide to reinstate I hope it works. My God who I have loved most of my adult life has let me down though I still pray for healing for everybody suffering here. Ive just come to the conclusion that some people like me just dont heal. Thanks for reading this.
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Oh my Xray, I know how terrible the insomnia can be and I am so sorry.  I know you feel desperate but I can't imagine that if you go to the ER they would sedate you - that doesn't sound like good medicine.  A sympathetic doc might offer you a few benzos or sleep meds like Ambien but I would hate to see you go that route.  Have you seen a sleep specialist or had a sleep study?  If not, that might be a good place to start.
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Yes I have seen all kinds of specialist and had a sleep study. All they can tell me is that I am not sleeping and offer benzo's. I ahve tried numerous sleeping meds and they might work for a day or 2 but then quit working. When I said sedate I meant just give me a big IV dose of valium or something. Although I wouldnt turn down something even stronger at this point. I can say now that I understand why micheal jackson took the propofol. If I had his money I would probably do it to. Because right now I am desperate.
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Your pain is heartbreaking, you don't deserve this Xray.  I don't have any answers for you, and I know you don't expect any but I wish I could take your pain away, I'm so sorry.
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Your pain is heartbreaking, you don't deserve this Xray.  I don't have any answers for you, and I know you don't expect any but I wish I could take your pain away, I'm so sorry.

 

Ditto from me Xray.

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Xray, what helps me sleep is taking a baby aspirin at bedtime.

 

I've read this before and I've also that plain Tylenol at bedtime helps with sleep - my sister swears by it.

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If you go to the ER, it’s a crap shoot if they will give you meds. If they do, it will probably be a low dose of Ativan. Do you engage in any physical activity during the day? Even if you just walk at a normal pace for an hour, that’s better than nothing. I know what it’s like not sleeping. I did that for years and it had nothing to do with benzos, so I feel you.

 

Does your psychiatrist know? What do they think? I wish I were with you. I don’t miss running to the ER in a panic, hoping someone would have the answers for me. We know you can do it. You are stronger than you think.

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X-ray- I’ve been where you are and empathize with you. Sleep deprivation is so scary. I was up 8 straight days in rehab and thought I was going to die. I remember nights around 10-12 months just rocking in my bed wanting so bad to just cry but my brain could not produce any outward emotion,  just energy and panic flowing through my body with nowhere to go. I honestly don’t know HOW I got through it, but I did and you will too. At one point I gave up on sleeping and just started trying to enjoy the sun coming up after a restless night. I couldn’t watch movies, couldn’t read, so I listened to music from the 90’s (when I was young and healthy) and colored in adult coloring books. I colored several pages a night, detailed and heavy with art pencils. Those silly coloring books probably saved my life and I will treasure them forever. I drug them around with me everywhere I went. I ordered a huge set of PrismaColors and a carrying case and a stack of coloring books. I also journaled about my fears. I can tell you I was living from moment to moment in those days, breath to breath and one heartbeat after another, now I’m not anymore. You can get through this - you’ve just got find an outlet.  :smitten::thumbsup:
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Thanks for all the kind words. I just needed to vent so I could get it out. I really hope this breaks soon. It really is starting to make me go insane. I didnt end up going to the emergency room but it is comforting to know that I can if necessary. Sometimes I wonder if a benzo will even work on me anymore. I tried to reinstate 5 months ago with valium and it was like I took absolutly nothing. I also tried alcohol 3 months ago. Took 4 shots of vodka in about 15 minutes and felt nothing. It was very strange. That right there told me how messed up my brain really is.
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Hi xray…I am so so so sorry you’re going through this. I remember not sleeping more than 2 consecutive days for over a month and I was losing my mind, I did end up going to the hospital and was put in a psych unit for 2 weeks. They put me on remeron(mirtazapine) 15mg, it does help me sleep now. How old are you?? I hope this gets better for you soon!
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Hi Cats,

I hope it gets better soon too. I am 47 years old. Never thought in a million years that this is how I would be spending my middle 40's. All because of a stupid 2 month mistake. I should have just drank some alcohol like everybody else to handle the stress at the time. But nope, stupid me had to tell the doc and she prescribed me the magical xanax pill. I tried mirtazipine and it worked well for about a week then just stopped working. Now I take nothing except magnesium and sometimes melatonin.

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I'm sorry for your pain.

 

Three things.

 

Your god didn't let you down, everybody has free will, you are just extremely unlucky.

 

You will heal. Cold turkey is a massive shock that takes a long time.

 

And finally a solution, but really a last resort. A low dose Seroquel. No more than 25 mg, at night. It will knock you out. It has its own withdrawals, and its own side effects, but maybe it will get you through without going on benzo's again.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

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I'm sorry you're having a bad time.. I know the pain of not being able to sleep..mine only lasted for a few months, but even that was pretty intense and made the withdrawal a whole lot worse. I went days with 0 sleep and more with 1 or 2 hours for months.

 

Something that gave me a few nights of rest was flexeril/cyclobenzaprine. I was put on it for a neck injury. It's a muscle relaxer and used as an alternative sleep aid, so maybe bring that up with your doctors to try instead of benzos if you really need something.

 

I didn't have a bad reaction to it and it seems like people handle it fairly well on here..so maybe it would be worth your time to look into. It isn't a long term solution though.

 

If you can. run until you're super tired a few times a day. Exercise helps a ton with sleep running especially, but I know it's super hard for a lot of folks on here..just an extra tip.

 

I really hope you get some rest soon..the added on stress from it is brutal. ;(

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Awww hey there X-ray

I’m so sorry. I too, know what you are dealing with. The insomnia is such a brutal thing. Especially the no sleep for days in a row, then maybe an hour or two….then repeat. I thought I would never make it either. At one point I had a sleep doctor who wanted to try the “date rape drug” on me!!! I didn’t do it, and glad I did not. I also went to the ER a million times, spent time on the neuro floor for days in a high rated hospital being tested for a million things.

I BEGGED them to just knock me out, put me in a medical coma, hit me over the head. For real asked them to do these things. And they just don’t do that. Anesthesia is actually more dangerous when prolonged. And also, I had already been given all the heavy duty sedating drugs and not one of them put me to sleep. Not even seroquil. Not haldohl. It was awful.

Around 4-5 months off I tried reinstating and that didn’t work either.

My point is not to make you more sad…..it is to say that I was ALSO a person who went through the insomnia and had to ride it out! It is nothing short of torture

But I made it to the other side!!!!!

I was finally sleeping about 4-5 hours by 12 months off. And then it just gradually got better. But it started with awful 1 hour a night patterns. But yeah, between 18-24 months I was pretty much sleeping 8-9 hours

And still am at 3 years off now. I always wake up once or twice during that 8 hours but always fall right back to sleep.

Never ever ever ever thought I would survive it.

Please keep going!!!!

It’s worth it on the other side :)

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Hey Belle,

Thank you for the encouraging words.

What kind of insomnia did you have? Did you have the kind like me where no matter how tired you are your brain just wont sleep or did you have yhe kind where you could fall asleep but woke up quickly. Mine has gotten more maddening in the last month or so. Now I get sleepy again but cannot go to sleep. Afternoons are the worst because I get so so sleepy but can't even nod off. Oh, what I would give for a good nap. It feels like my brain is at war with itself. I am able to fall asleep most nights with melatonin around 10 or 1030 but the wake up wide awake around 2 and no matter what I do I cant fall back asleep. I feel like a mental case. I have a cabinet full of pills. Valium, xanax, temezepam, lunesta, ambien plus all of the sedating AD's and I am afraid to even try them. If I could get ahold of the date rape drug I would certainly try that. I have even thought about having a colonoscopy just so I could go under for a little bit. I am also worried that my gaba might be healed but the anxiety this has caused will stay with me forever and I will never sleep. There are people like that naturally. I am so happy for you that are able to sleep again. I fear I never will. Unfortunately most on the insomnia board dont seem to get their sleep back. especially the ones with onset insomnia. Maintenance insomnia usually does resolve itself.

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Hi Cats,

I hope it gets better soon too. I am 47 years old. Never thought in a million years that this is how I would be spending my middle 40's. All because of a stupid 2 month mistake. I should have just drank some alcohol like everybody else to handle the stress at the time. But nope, stupid me had to tell the doc and she prescribed me the magical xanax pill. I tried mirtazipine and it worked well for about a week then just stopped working. Now I take nothing except magnesium and sometimes melatonin.

 

Hey bro I have read a few of your posts and love your mind set. I am c/t off 2mg Klonopin last dose was Monday 9/17/2022. I do not think I will go back to them & do have them just in case. Today was my 1st day I have not had any siezures and was able to sleep 2 hrs. Feel so empowered to do this on my own like my buddy said. Though you may feel like a pussy, they can take a beating. So hang in there no matter what!!

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Hi Cats,

I hope it gets better soon too. I am 47 years old. Never thought in a million years that this is how I would be spending my middle 40's. All because of a stupid 2 month mistake. I should have just drank some alcohol like everybody else to handle the stress at the time. But nope, stupid me had to tell the doc and she prescribed me the magical xanax pill. I tried mirtazipine and it worked well for about a week then just stopped working. Now I take nothing except magnesium and sometimes melatonin.

 

As much as I would hate to drink I would prefer a drink over a benzo. There are only 2 detoxes you can die from, Alcohol and benzo withdraws. In fact many call alcohol the liquid bezo and banzo the pill form of alcahol. They work on the same part of the brain and why people going through rough patches often drink vs taking another benzo. Or people going through alcahol withdraw often take benzos vs more alcahol. Personally id rather drink a couple drinks vs more benzos. 

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Hi Cats,

I hope it gets better soon too. I am 47 years old. Never thought in a million years that this is how I would be spending my middle 40's. All because of a stupid 2 month mistake. I should have just drank some alcohol like everybody else to handle the stress at the time. But nope, stupid me had to tell the doc and she prescribed me the magical xanax pill. I tried mirtazipine and it worked well for about a week then just stopped working. Now I take nothing except magnesium and sometimes melatonin.

 

As much as I would hate to drink I would prefer a drink over a benzo. There are only 2 detoxes you can die from, Alcohol and benzo withdraws. In fact many call alcohol the liquid bezo and banzo the pill form of alcahol. They work on the same part of the brain and why people going through rough patches often drink vs taking another benzo. Or people going through alcahol withdraw often take benzos vs more alcahol. Personally id rather drink a couple drinks vs more benzos.

 

Its true that they both act on the same part of the brain but benzo's are way more powerful. You can use benzo's to detox off of alcohol but you really cant use alcohol to detox off of benzo's. I tried to ease these symptoms a couple of months back with alcohol and it did nothing. I took 4 shots of vodka back to back and hardly even felt a buzz. It was really weird. My brain just feels like it is on an IV drip of energy drinks. All of this from only 2 months of use. Well on we can do is keep moving forward and hope for the best.

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Hi Cats,

I hope it gets better soon too. I am 47 years old. Never thought in a million years that this is how I would be spending my middle 40's. All because of a stupid 2 month mistake. I should have just drank some alcohol like everybody else to handle the stress at the time. But nope, stupid me had to tell the doc and she prescribed me the magical xanax pill. I tried mirtazipine and it worked well for about a week then just stopped working. Now I take nothing except magnesium and sometimes melatonin.

 

As much as I would hate to drink I would prefer a drink over a benzo. There are only 2 detoxes you can die from, Alcohol and benzo withdraws. In fact many call alcohol the liquid bezo and banzo the pill form of alcahol. They work on the same part of the brain and why people going through rough patches often drink vs taking another benzo. Or people going through alcahol withdraw often take benzos vs more alcahol. Personally id rather drink a couple drinks vs more benzos.

 

Its true that they both act on the same part of the brain but benzo's are way more powerful. You can use benzo's to detox off of alcohol but you really cant use alcohol to detox off of benzo's. I tried to ease these symptoms a couple of months back with alcohol and it did nothing. I took 4 shots of vodka back to back and hardly even felt a buzz. It was really weird. My brain just feels like it is on an IV drip of energy drinks. All of this from only 2 months of use. Well on we can do is keep moving forward and hope for the best.

 

  Yes I full agree it's like an energy drink X 1000 & on steroids. I was actually thinking about drinking to ease this withdraw a bit. I never drink and worry I wouldn't be able to keep it down. The thought of alcahol comming back up is scary. I am glad to read your response and passed your messages. Sounds like we may have things in common  I also take Mirtazapine 15mg at night and honestly I don't think it works anymore. It's nice to find like minded people here. Hope all is well with you Xray.

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HNG,

 

I’m feeling pretty miserable but happy to see you stuck around here with us.

 

Please stay in touch and keep me posted on how your doing whether good or bad bc I’m right behind you.

 

Mostly everything you go through I’m going to go through if not currently going through. I don’t know how to use BB website either but little by

 

Little you’ll get it.  Drinking alcohol is a bad idea since it affects the same GABA receptors as the benzos, it would set you back.

 

I thought the same thing when I first started to taper, I went to the liquor store and bought the best vodka and I don’t drink hard liquor , only to

 

find out How bad it is during taper, c/t and  post taper.  I would send you some interesting links but I don’t know how to do that yet 😂 

 

Jacky

 

 

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HNG,

 

I’m feeling pretty miserable but happy to see you stuck around here with us.

 

Please stay in touch and keep me posted on how your doing whether good or bad bc I’m right behind you.

 

Mostly everything you go through I’m going to go through if not currently going through. I don’t know how to use BB website either but little by

 

Little you’ll get it.  Drinking alcohol is a bad idea since it affects the same GABA receptors as the benzos, it would set you back.

 

I thought the same thing when I first started to taper, I went to the liquor store and bought the best vodka and I don’t drink hard liquor , only to

 

find out How bad it is during taper, c/t and  post taper.  I would send you some interesting links but I don’t know how to do that yet 😂 

 

Jacky

 

  No worries I couldn't do that either, (share a link) I plan in sticking around a while as this is my only outlet.

 

  I am hoping to be one of the few that is able to c/t on the dose I came off. A big reason is out of necessity, need to pay my bills. Sick as I am I can't work, drive etc before I c/t I saved a couple months in bills. So I could deal with this & so glad I found this forum. Oh and nice to meet you or virtually anyway. 😆 

 

Thanks

Tod. D.

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Thanks HNG,

It's hard no doubt. I like your attitude though. I hope I can keep that attitude up as this keeps going on. I also saved up a bunch of money in case the worst happens. Luckily I was able to take the first 6 months off on paid disability. I have been back to work since the beginning of July and honestly I dont know how I am managing. I keep expecting any day to get fired. But if that happens I have enough for several months. I hope your one of the lucky ones that recovers quickly. I fear that I am in it for the long haul. Stay in touch.

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I used to be a binge drinker and would get drunk all the time.  I had no problems when I quit drinking at all and no w/d or damage from it, but after getting off the benzo's, I've had nothing but problems.  Benzo's act very differently on the brain than alcohol does.  Benzo's are far more dangerous than booze, IMO.
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