Who am I? Am I still someone?

Im not sure if I am a who. If I could feel emotions maybe I would be somebody. If I could connect to the world or have a conversation maybe I would be somebody. If I could feel from staring at a sunset or holding someone's hand maybe I would be somebody. If I understood the people around me or the people in movies, maybe I would be somebody. If I had wants maybe I would be somebody.

 

My only want, my only interest, my only wish, is to feel like somebody again. To feel like anybody.

stitch, I completely understand how you're feeling.  I'm sure you'll be yourself eventually once you are able to taper off the drugs you're on.  IMO, the drugs you're still taking are causing your depersonalization symptoms. 

Im not sure if I am a who. If I could feel emotions maybe I would be somebody. If I could connect to the world or have a conversation maybe I would be somebody. If I could feel from staring at a sunset or holding someone's hand maybe I would be somebody. If I understood the people around me or the people in movies, maybe I would be somebody. If I had wants maybe I would be somebody.

 

My only want, my only interest, my only wish, is to feel like somebody again. To feel like anybody.

 

Yep, thats how being polydrugged feels like.

have a look into my signature.

I can tell you that today my heart is FULL of emotions. I can cry, I can laugh, I can love, physically, emotionally - I feel connected to everything and everyone. I am more emotional and "hysterical" and "empathic" than ever before, because I am my true self. And I started to love myself when I felt like a zombie in withdrawal. That was the best decision ever because today, medication free and strong, I have a solid base in my soul which cannot be destroyed by anyone or anything anymore. No more depression, since I know it is a sign of my soul and my body and both need "nutrition" (literally..) and no more fears or panic attacks.

You are still somebody you are YOU.

And the fact you are able to write such a poetic topic while still taking these meds does actually show, who you are. This could be a song text, lyrics.

 

So let me add the last passage:

 

You cannot feel it, but I see it - you are you. And thats good.

Through everything your soul is shining, and you will see it sparkle again, too.

stitch, I completely understand how you're feeling.  I'm sure you'll be yourself eventually once you are able to taper off the drugs you're on.  IMO, the drugs you're still taking are causing your depersonalization symptoms.

Thank you, Becks. It is nice to have someone understand. I got it from reinstating I think. It's a very sticky symptom.

Im not sure if I am a who. If I could feel emotions maybe I would be somebody. If I could connect to the world or have a conversation maybe I would be somebody. If I could feel from staring at a sunset or holding someone's hand maybe I would be somebody. If I understood the people around me or the people in movies, maybe I would be somebody. If I had wants maybe I would be somebody.

 

My only want, my only interest, my only wish, is to feel like somebody again. To feel like anybody.

 

Yep, thats how being polydrugged feels like.

have a look into my signature.

I can tell you that today my heart is FULL of emotions. I can cry, I can laugh, I can love, physically, emotionally - I feel connected to everything and everyone. I am more emotional and "hysterical" and "empathic" than ever before, because I am my true self. And I started to love myself when I felt like a zombie in withdrawal. That was the best decision ever because today, medication free and strong, I have a solid base in my soul which cannot be destroyed by anyone or anything anymore. No more depression, since I know it is a sign of my soul and my body and both need "nutrition" (literally..) and no more fears or panic attacks.

You are still somebody you are YOU.

And the fact you are able to write such a poetic topic while still taking these meds does actually show, who you are. This could be a song text, lyrics.

 

So let me add the last passage:

 

You cannot feel it, but I see it - you are you. And thats good.

Through everything your soul is shining, and you will see it sparkle again, too.

Yes your signature is how I feel. I got it from reinstating a med, I was waiting for it to lighten and its been 4 months. I want to start tapering but I'm in no state to do so.

Thank you for seeing me.

stitch, I think that the sooner you start tapering, the better you will start feeling. 

stitch, I completely understand how you're feeling.  I'm sure you'll be yourself eventually once you are able to taper off the drugs you're on.  IMO, the drugs you're still taking are causing your depersonalization symptoms.

 

You are still you. And YOU are someone who is in a fight right now. You just have to try to accept that is reality and start fighting… No matter how weak or powerless you feel (see? Even when you feel like you feel “nothing” you can feel weak or empty and that is still a “feeling”) Concentrate on that feeling and reach down deep and become determined not to let it make you feel like you are anything less than a valid, important, special human being with the same integrity and steadfastness as any other one of us who are suffering 

Im not sure if I am a who. If I could feel emotions maybe I would be somebody. If I could connect to the world or have a conversation maybe I would be somebody. If I could feel from staring at a sunset or holding someone's hand maybe I would be somebody. If I understood the people around me or the people in movies, maybe I would be somebody. If I had wants maybe I would be somebody.

 

My only want, my only interest, my only wish, is to feel like somebody again. To feel like anybody.

 

Yep, thats how being polydrugged feels like.

have a look into my signature.

I can tell you that today my heart is FULL of emotions. I can cry, I can laugh, I can love, physically, emotionally - I feel connected to everything and everyone. I am more emotional and "hysterical" and "empathic" than ever before, because I am my true self. And I started to love myself when I felt like a zombie in withdrawal. That was the best decision ever because today, medication free and strong, I have a solid base in my soul which cannot be destroyed by anyone or anything anymore. No more depression, since I know it is a sign of my soul and my body and both need "nutrition" (literally..) and no more fears or panic attacks.

You are still somebody you are YOU.

And the fact you are able to write such a poetic topic while still taking these meds does actually show, who you are. This could be a song text, lyrics.

 

So let me add the last passage:

 

You cannot feel it, but I see it - you are you. And thats good.

Through everything your soul is shining, and you will see it sparkle again, too.

 

Wow, so beautiful!!  :smitten: Thank you for sharing this and so happy about your new found self. It has reminded me of doing the work of self love.

Im not sure if I am a who. If I could feel emotions maybe I would be somebody. If I could connect to the world or have a conversation maybe I would be somebody. If I could feel from staring at a sunset or holding someone's hand maybe I would be somebody. If I understood the people around me or the people in movies, maybe I would be somebody. If I had wants maybe I would be somebody.

 

My only want, my only interest, my only wish, is to feel like somebody again. To feel like anybody.

 

I keep telling myself "I'm in here somewhere". My only wish is for my brain to finally calm down. Hang in there and believe you will be somebody because you are!

Thank you mowgli.