Will I?

Will I ever be able to sit and just watch tv again? one reason my abuse worsened was because I could not sit still in a chair anymore from the drugs causing anxiety, so alcohol and benzos were a way to do that. I was big into gaming and anime, but I ruined both. I get now that it was my body telling me I wasn't living a healthy lifestyle but dam I miss being able to just sit and not twitch my legs or move from anxiety. I know that it is benzo and alcohol related because I haven't gone more than a day in 4 years without one in some form. As I shed my addictions one by one, first being alcohol, then nicotine, and last but not least Ativan I can't help but wonder how much this anxiety has affected me and how good it will be again. I miss the calm that i naturally had growing up. i can't stand that anytime i sit in a chair i wind up upside down because i no longer can just sit still. I miss watching the tv and just drifting off. I feel i was robbed of the ability to just go with the flow. i feel that people who make it through benzo withdrawal will never be panicked again. because you will always be grateful that you're not where you were. almost like a high on life. Looking back on the years i remember being so thankful for little slots of time where i was just calm and didn't have a substance to blame it on. I know it will be glorious and i know that I'm hopefully within a year's time of being on top of the world again. 2020 was when i saw how addicted i was my doc pulled me from 6 mg to 1 mg and began the taper. looking back i tried to cold turkey and i wasn't benzo wise at the time so i thought that my Paxil taper was causing the issues but i know see that it was the drop in Ativan.

I see sadness in your post but hope as well and I’m glad there is still a glimmer.  I can tell you I’m still grateful I can sit on my couch and simply watch TV in peace, you’ll be able to again when you recover.

You can and you will. Pamster and so many others that have made it on the other side of this give me hope every time I read their posts. Although it breaks my heart to read what you're going through, you ware going THROUGH it... so you will get through it.

 

Warmest thoughts